In Another World, Maybe
by McGladiator
Summary: To him, life was all about finding the story and sharing it with others. Stories are what tear some people apart and bring other people together. It was all about the story. But Kate... She a mystery he wasn't sure he'd ever solve. AU
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

It was only Alexis' second day out on the slopes and the lift still made her a little nervous. She looked up at her father for reassurance but he was currently engaged in an animated conversation with some random skier. Alexis huffed in annoyance, they couldn't even go to Colorado without at least one crazy lady who'd fall all over herself when she figured out her father was Richard Castle. Was it too much to ask for father-daughter time? It was spring break after all and her dad had no work related engagements seeing as he had just ended his famous Derrick Storm series, this was supposed to be _their _time.

The worker finally gestured for her and her father to move into place to catch the next ride, unfortunately, the obnoxious skier moved forward with them. As Alexis awkwardly inched forward, one foot strapped in place and one to move her along, she lost her balance and bumped into the woman next to her.

"Sorry!" She exclaimed, looking slightly abashed.

"It's okay, kid!" She said as she looked at the young girl, she couldn't be more than five or six..

"First time out?"

"Well, it's my second day but it's my first time not on the bunny hill... Is it hard? Do you think I can do it? Because my dad said I could but I'm not sure if.." She trailed off..

The woman smiled in sympathy, the kid was obviously nervous. "I'm sure your dad is right. You will do great! You should be proud, snowboarding is much harder to learn than skiing!"

Alexis beamed at this, feeling much better about the whole thing. She glanced down at the woman's board- it was decorated with lots of bright colors and Alexis could make out an orange sun in one corner and a rainbow that stretched from nearly end to end.

"Hey! I like your board!" She exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Oh,well..thanks! I like yours too!" She said, gesturing to Alexis' mint green board with white polka dots.

Alexis simply smiled in return and together the four positioned themselves for the next lift. Alexis hated this part, well, this part and getting off- she was always afraid she'd fall. As it came around the corner, Alexis took a deep breath and timed it just right. She grinned in satisfaction, maybe this wasn't as bad as she kept thinking it was. About halfway up, Alexis sat fidgeting in her seat, she couldn't help but feel like she wasn't quite secure, like she was sliding from the seat. She turned to her dad who was still talking to the dumb lady.

"Daddy, I think I'm slip-" before the word was even out of her mouth, she had slipped from the seat.

Rick had turned just in time to see her fall but wasn't quite quick enough to grab her.

"ALEXIS!" He bellowed as he lunged for her, a fraction of a second too late.

"Gotcha!"

Alexis cried out to her father, "Daddy, don't let go!"

She then looked up to see that it was actually the nice lady with the pretty board who'd caught her. The wind had picked up ever so slightly but enough to rock the lift, Alexis at this point could barely see past the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Hey, don't cry! I've got you," the woman crooned reassuringly to the little one, aware that if the little girl were to panic the situation could get much worse.

"P-please don't let me fall," Alexis whimpered.

"Crazy girl," she said as she shook her head, "I'm _not _going to let you fall. Now listen carefully, okay?"

Alexis merely nodded her head in response.

"I'm not strong enough to pull you up with one arm and I can't let go of the railing because then I would just end up falling too," she chuckled, clearly going for some comic relief in an effort to alleviate some of the tension.

"So," she continued, "here's what we are gonna do. Your dad here is going to grab the rail with his right hand and reach for you with his left. You're going to need to let go so he can grab your left hand and then we will pull you up together..okay, sweetheart?"

Again, Alexis simply nodded. Alexis watched as the woman then focused on her father, explaining in greater detail what she thought they should do.

Rick has never been one to freeze up in bad situations, normally it would be him in charge, him proposing solutions, but this was his little girl, his whole world. He just froze up. Thank God for the woman who had been sitting next to her, who had been quick enough to catch her, who hadn't _frozen_ up. He watched her with unblinking eyes, describe just how they would go about pulling the little girl up to safety. Rick got lost for a moment as he really looked at this woman- she was pretty, gorgeous even...tall but lean, he could tell even with the bulky snowsuit...

"Hey! Are you with me here, or not? My arm is getting tired.."

He shook his head quickly, trying to clear his mind. Now was most certainly not the time for this.

"Yeah, yeah I'm with you."

Rick secured his grip on the rail behind him and leaned forward, extending his left arm as far as it would go.

"Okay, Alexis, you need to grab my hand! Come on, pumpkin!"

Alexis glanced up at her father and then back to the woman, "I- I can't."

Rick looked at the lady, beside himself with the thought that Alexis wasn't going to go along with the plan. The woman looked unperturbed, however, she'd been ready for something like this.

"Alexis, you need to! I can't pull you up on my own! I promise I won't let go of your other hand. Be brave, the sooner you do this, the sooner this can all be over."

At this, Alexis' face set in determination. With one last look at the woman, who smiled in encouragement, she let go and reached for her father's hand. The moment he felt her tiny hand in his, he made eye contact with the woman and nodded.

"On the count of three.. One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" And together they pulled with all they could and finally, _finally_ Alexis was seated safely in between her father and the woman who saved her.

* * *

**A/N: we all know who the mystery woman is...**

**hello to whoever finds themselves reading this... This is my first fanfiction and I'm not quite sure what prompted me to post it. I have a couple more chapters written out, whether I post them or not depends upon if I even have an audience. Any feedback would be appreciated. I am extremely open to thoughts and ideas and even criticism, so long as it's constructive.**

_**Revised: Hey, YOU! if you're new to this story, please don't feel like you have to catch up to the very last chapter to review.. Review as you go, I love still getting reviews from the early part of this story and I love friendly readers. :) **_


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Rick had never really noticed the lift had stopped moving until it actually started again. With Alexis nestled under one arm, burrowing into his side, he looked over her hooded little head and made eye contact with the woman. The hero. His hero.

"Thank you."

He didn't think he had ever infused that much sincerity into those two words before- then again, his daughter had never had such a serious accident and been saved by a complete stranger..

She smiled softly as she watched the two. "Don't mention it."

It suddenly occurred to Rick that he didn't even know her name.

"I didn't- I-" The woman raised her eyebrows as she watched the poor guy stumble over his own words. "You saved my daughter's life and I don't even know your name.."

"It's Kate," she replied, grinning.

"Oh, I'm-"

He was cut off by the fan that had basically been stalking him since standing in line for the lift.

"Why, he's Richard Castle, best selling novelist! How did you not know?!" She squealed as she place a hand on his arm.

"I knew right away," she said in a superior tone, as if it meant something of consequence.

In actuality, Rick had completely forgotten she was there, she had been silent through the whole ordeal. In fact, it's as though she was acting like it had never even happened.

Kate smiled good-naturedly, "Oh, I knew."

She then looked up to see they were nearing the end of the lift and prepared to disembark- getting off was always much more chaotic than getting on, people tended to collide and fall all over each other.

Kate placed a hand on Alexis' back. "I'm glad you're okay, kid. And don't let this scare you enough to stop snowboarding. 'Cause it only gets better from here!"

Alexis peeked out from under her father's arms. "Thank you," she whispered.

It was finally time to get off and Kate didn't waste a second before clearing the immediate area. If she had turned around she would have seen Alexis get off the chair perfectly while her father, on the other hand, collided with the obnoxious woman, both falling in a heap. Rick landed on top of her, in a compromising position, which did nothing to dissuade the woman's delusion that Rick was totally into her.

As quickly as he could, Rick righted himself and clumsily made his way over to his daughter, all the while searching the sea of faces for Kate.

"I don't see her," Alexis murmured in disappointment.

Rick glanced down, apparently he wasn't the only one searching for Kate.

"So, honey.. You maybe wanna take a break, sit down, get some hot cocoa? We both had a scary ride up. It's okay if you don't want to go down right away."

Alexis didn't even look up as she continued to search for Kate. "Mm, no, daddy. I'm okay. Kate was right, I should try not to be scared. Besides, it was the lift I was scared of, not snowboarding," she remarked in a tone that implied he was silly for not being able to differentiate what exactly she should be afraid of.

Rick was floored. He could still feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins, his heart not quite finished trying to beat right out of his chest, and here was his little girl, 'Oh, no, I'm fine! I didn't almost just die, now let's go snowboard.'

"I-well, daddy needs a few minutes. Okay?"

She finally looked up at him, eyes shining, "Okay, but then can we go find Kate?"

He just shook his head, amused.

It would never fail to amaze him just how resilient little kids are.

Xx

Kate's mind was racing as she expertly flew down the mountain, weaving between other skiers and boarders.

_Holy._

_Shit._

_Did that just happen?_

_That totally just happened. What are the chances... I just saved a girl, she was hanging off a ski lift! The daughter of my Richard Castle, no less! Oh, this is so surreal... It can't have happened. Impossible. Maybe it didn't. Yeah, this is just my overly active imagination going through outrageous 'what ifs'.. _

Kate's thoughts gradually calmed down as she found her natural rhythm venturing down the slope until she thought no more of a little girl or her famous father. She continued to pick up speed, faster and faster and faster, grinning from ear to ear. Moments like these didn't come often, moments when she could fully lose herself in something, when her brain stopped running itself ragged thinking of the mess her life sometimes was. No, she didn't get days off often, and Kate voluntarily taking days off was even rarer.

When the slope began leveling out, Kate slowed a bit before stopping completely with a little flourish. She quickly glanced down at her watch- it was only twenty past one- it would be a little early to call it quits already, the lifts stop running at 4:30.. Then again, she felt completely wiped after the past few hours. Kate bent down, maneuvered out of her board and started making her way to the exit. As she made her way through the crowd, she kept hearing snippets of conversation.

"No, seriously! There was a girl literally _dangling _from the ski lift!"

"..some lady, maybe it was her mother- I don't know- grabbed her just in time.. I saw the whole thing!"

Kate never so much as paused to listen to hear the rest of the stories, it'd be so easy to claim that it was she who'd done it, she who had saved the girl's life. But, that was never Kate. She didn't do it to be a hero. She just reacted.

Xx

It was closing in on four o'clock when Rick finally convinced Alexis it was time to leave. Alexis had spent the rest of the day searching for Kate, every time her father tried to get her to leave she would just shake her head and tell him she just wanted to _hang out_ a little bit longer. Alexis may have stopped voicing it, but Rick knew she was just hoping to spot a certain someone.

On the drive back to the hotel, Alexis talked endlessly about going back tomorrow, bright and early. Rick worried a little, he didn't want her to get her hopes up. This ski resort was a popular destination and it _was_ spring break- the place had been packed. In fact, he remembered commenting on how many people there were when he purchased their tickets earlier in the day. If he remembered correctly, the guy had said they'd already sold over 3,000 tickets. He doubted they'd ever see that woman again.

"Honey, I don't want you to get your hopes up, okay? There were a lot of people there today and there might even be more tomorrow."

"We'll find her," she chirped, completely unfazed by her father's comment.

"We don't even know if she will be there tomor-" Alexis didn't even wait for him to finish that thought.

"She'll be there. I know it.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I most certainly do not own Castle**

"Dad! Dad! C'mon, wake up! It's morning time, it's morning time," Alexis shouted as she bounced, bounced, bounced on the bed, jostling her sleeping father.

Rick cracked an eye open, "Alexis," he groaned, pulling the pillow over his face. "It isn't even light out yet."

"No, but it will be soon and we still have to eat and get ready," she paused, "you definitely need a shower, Dad, because you're kinda smelly."

"Oh, gee, thanks," he grumbled as he looked at the clock on his nightstand.

_6:08.. The place didn't start selling tickets until 8:15, how was he supposed to keep his rambunctious child occupied?_

Rick sat up, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, "Okay, kiddo, I'm gonna hop in the shower since I smell so much, then we'll see what we can do about breakfast- I'm sure room service has some good stuff, what do you say?"

She grinned, "Oooh, I already know what I'm getting! Chocolate chip pancakes...and a side of bacon!"

"Sounds so good, I just might get the same," he said, smiling down at his daughter.

The time actually passed pretty quickly. Before Rick knew it, Alexis was dragging him out of their room ten minutes to eight. They pulled into the lot and Alexis snapped her belt off and was out of the car in a flash, waiting for her dad to get out all the gear.

When they had finally trekked up the small but steep incline to get to the ticket booth, both sets of eyes widened at the crowd. It wasn't even 8:15 yet and the lines were incredibly long. After about 20 minutes, they'd managed to obtain the tickets and were walking up to base when a voice called out to them.

"Hey, there you guys are! I've been looking all over since yesterday!"

Rick turned, smiling but his smile quickly faltered, "Oh, it's you."

He should have been able to pick out her annoying voice, he'd had to listen to it all day yesterday. Rick sighed heavily, _why couldn't it have been Kate?_

"Well, who else were you expecting? Hey, I'm real glad I found you, I wanted to introduce you to some friends, they're all big fans too!" She said as she waved them over.

_God help me_, Rick thought to himself as he plastered on that fake smile of his.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Alexis said as she tugged on her the back of her father's jacket in excitement.

"Just a second sweetie, daddy's talking" _Not for too much longer, _he hoped.

Alexis, thoroughly frustrated, gave up trying to get her father's attention. She had seen Kate, she was sure of it. Before she could think twice, Alexis had darted off, board in hand, determined to catch up. _There she is! She is in line for the lift! _

"KATE!" She yelled, but it was no use. Kate had just gotten on.

Without thinking, Alexis plopped down on her butt and strapped in her left foot. _I can do this, I can do this_, she repeated to herself as she got in the "singles" line. She took a shaky breath as the attendant waved her forward. _I can do this, I can do this. Be brave, be brave, be brave. _Alexis glanced back and sat down as the chair touched the back of her legs. She held onto the rail for dear life. The ride seemed to take forever, but as soon as her board touched ground, Alexis sighed aloud, _that wasn't too bad!_ She hobbled over to the side and quickly sat down and buckled her other foot in, all the while keeping an eye on an already moving Kate.

_Wow, she is going really fast!_ Alexis thought to herself as she set off to catch her. Alexis picked up some speed, then a little more, and a little more until she was going faster than she'd ever gone before. As her speed increased, so did her panic. As the panic took over, Alexis struggled to focus on what her instructor had taught her her very first day, but her mind just kept coming up blank. She continued to speed down the hill, completely out of control.

Xx

"Okay, pumpkin, now what was so important?" Rick asked as he turned, looking for his daughter.

"Alexis?!" He shouted, the panic evident in his voice.

Rick began pushing his way through the crowd, calling her name and looking for her striped, multicolor snowsuit. Then he caught a glimpse of her, getting on the lift. By herself. He tried pushing past the people in line, muttering apologies and excuses as he went, but by the time he reached the front of the line, his daughter was already on her way up.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he thought of what to do. _I could wait for her here or.. Go up and get her! Yeah, that's what I'll do! _ _Now, where'd I leave my skis? _ He hurried back to where he'd dropped them in his rush to find his daughter and snapped them in place and returned to the lift. Rick quickly explained the situation and was put on the next ride up. _What if she slips again? And if she does make it up, God, I hope she does but if she does, it's still only her third day, she doesn't even know how to do it very well. Oh, God, what if she hurts herself? _He worried, his stomach painfully twisting into knots. Rick exited the lift quick as he could and began weaving in and out of people, searching for his little girl.

Xx

Kate was thinking about what a lovely day it was turning into_.._. She'd had a quick breakfast, just a bowl of cereal and was out the door, she couldn't wait to get to the mountain. She had woken up feeling today was going to be a good day- a great day even, she didn't know why, but she wasn't going to question such a feeling. She was on her first run of the day and again, she wondered why it had been so long since she had gone boarding.

_Last time I came I was..seventeen, maybe? Almost eight years! Such a long time, then again, things just kept popping up- life never works out the way you plan. Well, at the very least, I am so glad I decided to take a week off, I really needed it that last case was brutal. _Kate was pulled from her thoughts by someone yelling.. Her name? Kate slowed until she had come to a complete stop and turned to look, she could have sworn she heard her name.

"KAAATE!"

There it was again!

Kate scanned the descending group of skiers and then she saw her, it was Alexis screaming her name. Kate's face screwed into a look of worry.

_She is going way too fast.._

It took Kate but a moment to realize Alexis had no control over where she was going and, of course, she was headed straight for Kate.

_Good lord, this child is hellbent on breaking her neck. I swear I've never met anyone this accident prone_, Kate thought as she braced herself for the incoming girl. The force of the impact knocked Kate right off her feet and flat on her back, Alexis cushioned on top.

"Well, hello there, Alexis.. Quite the greeting, but a simple hello would have sufficed," Kate smiled as she teased the girl.

Alexis just got a ridiculous grin on her face, "I knew I'd find you, Kate."

Alexis struggled off of Kate so as to allow her to stand, once she stood, Kate bent over to help Alexis up. A couple people had stopped to ask if they were both okay and Kate just waved them away, "We're good, yeah, thanks!"

"Now, where's that crazy dad of yours?" Kate asked as she looked up the hill.

Alexis' cheeks flushed, "Oh, well, uhh.."

Kate narrowed her eyes, "Does he even know where you are? He must be worried sick, looking all ov-" Kate broke off as she realized something. "Did you ride the lift all by yourself?"

The expression that overtook the little girl's face was one of triumph. "Yes, I did! I was more afraid if I had waited I wouldn't be able to find you than of riding the lift and if you haven't noticed... There are A LOT of people here, Kate."

Kate blinked in surprise, it hadn't even occur to her that either the girl or her father would be looking for her. She just grabbed the girl's hand and squeezed, "Brave girl. Whaddya say we head down together. _Slowly_. Then we can look for your dad."

Alexis looked up at Kate, nodding her head, "Okay!"


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I most certainly do not own Castle**

Rick continued racing down the hill, still no sign of Alexis. He sped up a bit, thinking he might catch up to her, she couldn't have gotten far. All of a sudden, another skier came out of nowhere and clipped his skis, sending the two of them tumbling a few feet. Rick looked up, prepared to spout off apologies before hurrying on his way.

"You have got to be kidding me, what are you stalking me now?" Rick snapped at- Melissa, was it?- he thought he'd seen the last of her after the introduction to her friends. She must have followed him up the lift. He didn't even wait for an answer, "This is ridiculous. I don't have time for this, I'm looking for my daughter," and off he went.

"Wait!" She shouted after him, " I can help! I'd love to help, your daughter is absolutely adorable."

Rick rolled his eyes, _Why me? I guess this is the price of being famous. _He didn't even bother to respond, just sped up. Rick grew increasingly concerned, he was coming down the last hill and still no Alexis, _where the hell is she? _And then he saw her. She was standing off to the side with a woman. Rick squinted his eyes, _no, it couldn't be! _

He raced down the last stretch, calling, "Alexis! Alexis!"

Both of them turned towards his voice as he slowed down, Rick came in still pretty fast though and stopped just a tad too sharply, almost face planting, Kate had the good sense to reach out and grab his arms to steady him. What Kate wasn't ready for was the other skier who came crashing into them.

Kate found herself, for the second time that morning, on her back. _Jesus Christ, these people are going to be the death of me._ Alexis was quick to help her to her up, "Kate, are you okay?" She asked, her voice full of concern.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she replied as she brushed off some of the snow that stuck to her backside.

Alexis was now attempting to pull her father to his feet, "Are you okay daddy?"

Once his feet were firmly placed on the ground, he looked at Alexis pointedly, "You, missy, are in big trouble." He then looked at Melissa, still lying on the ground.

"Listen, I'm not interested. Please, for the love of God, stop following me around."

He turned back to Kate and his daughter, both of whom had their eyebrows raised. Alright, so _maybe_ he could have handled that better. He sighed and turned, yet again, leaning over to help her up.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. I have a lot going on at the moment that I need to address, okay? But, maybe I'll see you around."

Not bothered in the slightest, Melissa just smiled, "Yeah, I'll definitely see you around."

Rick rubbed his eyes in exasperation, why did he get the feeling he hadn't seen the last of her? He turned to face Kate and Alexis. Kate had a smirk on her face, clearly she was very much entertained, "So, I, uh, found something that I think belongs to you."

"Hi, daddy," Alexis said sweetly.

"Uh, uh," he shook his head, "I'm not letting you off that easy. You can't just take off like that, Alexis. I was _so _scared, especially when I realized you'd gone on that lift by yourself, the same lift you _nearly_ fell off!."

"But, daddy, I saw Kate and I was _trying_ to get your attention but you were too busy. And, and, I just, there are a lot of people and I was just worried I wouldn't see her again and I wasn't really thinking, daddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you scared."

Alexis ran forward to hug her father. Rick never could stay upset with Alexis for long, she was a golden child. She rarely ever did anything worth reprimanding. He'd said what he needed to say, she listened, he knew she wouldn't do it again. Besides, he didn't really blame Alexis, he felt entirely at fault, he had been inattentive, just like the parents he despised.

He pulled his daughter back for a second, "I'm sorry, Alexis, this was my fault. I shouldn't have been so distracted, I promise it won't happen again."

Alexis hugged her father tighter, "It's okay, dad."

A wry grin came across her face.

"Besides, you can't control the crazies," she said, referring to his stalker-like fans.

He laughed as he squeezed his little girl to him before looking over at Kate, who was obviously uncomfortable- she was looking at anything but the intimate father-daughter scene in front of her.

"Well, I will just be on my way," Kate said, feeling slightly guilty about indirectly being the cause of the whole debacle.

Alexis's head shot up and she quickly disentangled herself from her father's arms. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I think I will just head back up, do another run," she replied as she picked up her board and tucked it under her arm.

"Cool, us too!" Alexis said brightly,

At this, Rick looked at his daughter, "I don't think so, pumpkin, it's not the easiest run, actually, now that I think about it," he paused, "I'm not even quite sure how you made it down in the first place, it's pretty steep.."

Alexis looked back up at her father sheepishly as Kate laughed aloud. Rick shifted his gaze from his daughter's embarrassed face to look at Kate's whose head was thrown back in laughter. _God, she has a great laugh, _he thought as he felt the corner of his mouth quirk up, _it's contagious too. _

"What? What's so funny?"

"I was going really fast and I kinda lost control and I felt like I was going too fast to stop and then Kate was there and... Well, I knocked her down," Alexis rambled on.

Kate placed a hand on the girl's head affectionately, "Maybe you should hold off on that run a little while longer, kiddo."

There was no way Alexis was going to just let Kate walk off. Uh-uh, nope.

She looked up at Kate, smiling, "You can teach me."

Kate looked startled at this statement and Rick jumped in, "Alexis, honey, you can't just volunteer someone to do something. You can ask, but it's rude to assume."

"I'm sorry, Kate. Please, _please_ will you teach me," she implored.

Kate looked at Alexis, back to Rick, back to Alexis and her big, blue eyes, all full of hope.

_Aw hell, _Kate thought.

"Oh, alright, how could I say no to a face like that?"

Rick got a goofy grin on his face,"I know, right?! Try being her parent!"


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

* * *

**Quick note: I received a couple reviews about an unrealistic beginning, which I might have agreed with except it actually happened a few days ago at the ski resort I was at, it's where I got the idea, actually...**

**The chair had been halfway up the mountain when the kid had slipped and his father managed to grab his arm. They stopped the lift by one of the support beams and a worker climbed the ladder and managed to get on the chair and help pull him up. To me, having Kate climb a super tall support beam to save the day seemed more unrealistic than how I wrote it, even though that's how they actually pulled the kid up in real life. **

**That being said, I hope you can still enjoy this story despite the fact it may seem unrealistic. **

* * *

The three started making their way to the lift and Kate was surprised after a few steps to find Alexis' small mittened hand reaching for her own. She didn't think anything of it as she looked down at the girl and smiled, swinging their hands as they walked.

The three rode the lift up in comfortable silence. Rick had one hand firmly on Alexis at all times and Kate had unconsciously kept inching closer to Alexis until the girl was securely sandwiched between her and Rick. The three exited the lift without a fiasco of any sort and immediately cleared to the side so that Kate and Alexis could buckle in completely. When Kate glanced down to see Alexis looking at her expectantly, her stomach rolled a bit.

She wouldn't normally ever find herself in a position that required much interaction with little kids. Truth be told, it almost made her anxious, Kate always felt out of her depth and at a loss of what to do or say. Rick standing a little off to the side made her even a little more nervous. Kate Beckett didn't get flustered, she didn't. So, why was it that she was getting all worked up? Was it because the girl's father was her favorite author? Her favorite author who also happened to be quite attractive? Or was it because the little girl who she has hardly known for long, already looked up at her with something like adoration? Kate closed her eyes and took a second to shove all those feelings inside small little boxes and tuck them away for further examination. Kate had a knack for compartmentalizing and she'd be damned if that changed anytime soon.

"Alrighty, you ready to rock and roll, kid?"

Without hesitation Alexis shot right back, "Kate, I was born ready."

After a while, Kate loosened up and began enjoying herself. Alexis was a quick learner and an astute student, anytime Kate explained or showed her something, Alexis was quick to mimic her movements.

At one point, Alexis turned to her father and told him animatedly, "Someday I will be as good as Kate and I will be able to go super duper fast and do all kinds of tricks and weave in and out of people so fast, they won't even see me coming, cause I'll just be a blur!"

Rick laughed at this. "Oh, really? So, just how good is Kate? Think daddy can beat her in a race?" He asked his daughter as he glanced up at Kate.

Kate just started shaking her head, she knew what was coming.

"Pfft, daddy, you can't beat Kate, she's too good for you."

Kate smirked, "Yeah, Rick. I'm too good for you."

"Mhmm," he hummed, "Care to put your money where your mouth is, Kate?"

"Oh, no, there's no way I'm letting you goad me into a race. We both know who'd win anyway!"

"You seem so sure of that, Kate, but is it possible you don't want to race because you're," he leaned in close, "_scared?"_

Kate's response was to lean in closer until their faces were mere inches apart. "Scared?" She scoffed, "Oh, please. You're so on, I just hope you're not a sore loser."

Rick chuckled, "You talk a dirty game, but we'll see who comes out on top."

A smile creeps on her face as she leans to whisper in his ear. "Rick, I _always_ come out on top."

Rick's jaw dropped, ever so slightly, continuing to watch Kate turn toward Alexis.

"How about you be the decider, Alexis?"

Alexis shook her head vigorously, "But where are you guys gonna start from, should I stand at the finish line?"

Kate turned to Rick, "What do you say we start at that last hill- the steep side- and Alexis, you can stand at the bottom, okay? See that little bend right there?" she asked, pointing to the right. "That way isn't as steep and it leads to the same place so you can take that way down and once you get down there, unstrap yourself but stand out to the side, that way no one else accidentally runs into you. Just put your arm up and raise it down when you're ready, sound good?"

"Yes, good luck, Kate!" She said as she started towards the bottom.

"Hey! What about your good ol' dad?! Are you gonna wish him luck?" He called after her.

They could just barely make out her response.

"You're gonna lose anyway!"

"Only a day and you've got my daughter teaming up against me," Rick whined.

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "Can't blame her for wanting to be on the winning team." Rick glared at her while she laughed.

The two grew silent as they tracked Alexis' movements down the bend. Once she started to unbuckle from her board, Kate and Rick got ready. Alexis stood up, raised an arm, and dropped it a few seconds later and Kate and Rick were off. The hill was pretty steep and a handful of other skiers and boards were descending as well, which made it all the more challenging. The two were fairly even most of the way down but Rick kept slowing himself just a bit, afraid to go too much faster whereas Kate just allowed her speed to increase, she refused to lose. There was a moment, right before the hill leveled out when Kate thought she might wipe out, but the moment passed as she quickly righted herself. Rick came in just a few seconds later, already blaming the loss on the skiers that were on his side and how it just wasn't fair!

Alexis started shaking her head, "Nope, dad, Kate won-fair and square "

Rick grumbled, "Traitor," as Kate proceeded to high five Alexis.

"Well, what next?" Kate wondered aloud.

"I'm hungry," came Alexis' immediate answer.

"I think I am too, pumpkin. Let's go grab something to eat at the lodge and then we can plan out the rest of the afternoon, how's that sound?"

"Sounds great, daddy!" Alexis said as she picked up her board and started walking towards the lodge, a bounce in her step.

Rick waited for Kate to pick up her board and they began walking together, trailing after Alexis.

"I let you win, ya know."

"Mm, right, keep telling yourself that, Rick, whatever helps you sleep at night." Kate replied, nudging her shoulder against him playfully.


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

After lunch, Kate, Rick and Alexis sat around the little table, sipping hot chocolate while planning out the rest of the afternoon. Rick didn't seem too keen on skiing but Alexis wanted to go down a few more runs so Kate volunteered to take her.

"Are you sure, Kate?" He asked her.

Kate gave him a look. "Of course I'm sure, I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to. Besides," she continued, "Alexis shouldn't miss out on some fun just because her _old_ man is too tired."

Rick gasped, feigning hurt, "I'm only 32! I am NOT old!"

"Mm, just callin' it like I see it," Kate teased.

Alexis giggled, "Well, you do always complain about your knee hurting or your back, or you're too tired.."

Rick's eyes widened, at a loss for words. "There is just no winning with Kate around, is there?"

"Sorry, daddy, just callin like I see it," Alexis said, parroting back Kate's words.

Rick wagged a finger at Kate.

"You are a bad influence," he said, his face serious but his tone light so she would know he was teasing.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm well aware, thank you very much!" She said as she stood up and looked at Alexis, "Kay, let's go, kiddo!"

Alexis and Kate started to walk away before Rick stopped them, "Alexis, aren't you forgetting something?" He asked, tapping his cheek.

She ran back and kissed his cheek, "Bye, daddy!"

Rick gave Kate a crooked smile as he tapped the other cheek, "How about evenin' it up for me, Kate?"

"I don't think so, old man, nice try though," she said as she gave him a wink.

"Can't blame a guy for tryin," he said, smiling. "Meet you guys at the bottom?"

"Yeah, see you in a bit," Kate replied as she reached down for Alexis' hand.

On the lift, Kate and Alexis were seated between an older looking lady on one side and young guy on the other. It didn't take long before the guy was chatting Kate up.

"Beautiful weather, isn't it?"

"Yeah, perfect for skiing or snowboarding," she responded, not necessarily wanting to engage but not wanting to be rude either.

"So, you come here every year?" He prompted, clearly wanting a conversation.

"No, first time in a while, kind of a far trip to make every year just for fun."

He smiled, finally something he could go on. "Oh, where ya from then?

Kate looked at him, attempting to gauge how vague she should be, "New York."

"No way, me too! Name's Josh by the way."

"Kate," she replied as she finally smiled.

Alexis nudged her shoulder, pointing to show her they were nearing the end of the lift. As they started preparing to get off, Josh gave her a charming smile and said, "Well, Kate, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope to see you around."

She just smiled and nodded and they parted ways once exiting the lift.

Kate and Alexis had a wonderful time fooling around now that Alexis was comfortable on her own. They stopped just before the last hill to take a breather. Alexis turned to Kate, face serious, "Thank you, Kate, for taking me up and teaching me to snowboard. It's been really nice."

Kate could feel the shift in Alexis' mood, she had grown quiet, almost wistful. Kate tutted, "Alexis, you don't have to thank me, the pleasure has been all mine. Now tell me, why so serious all of a sudden?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders up and down, "I dunno. Just thinking."

Kate didn't want to push the girl, so she dropped it. "I think I see your dad right over there," she said pointing down to the bottom. And just like that, the mood shifted again as a smile danced across Alexis' face.

"Race ya!" She yelled as she started down the last hill.

Kate was still trying to catch up to the whole mood flip in 2 seconds flat thing when she processed what she had said. "Hey, you cheater, " she called after the girl, "you can't start before, it's no fair!"

When Kate had reached the bottom of the hill, Alexis was already stood next to her father, some yards away with a smug little smirk on her flushed face.

As Kate started walking towards them, she was intercepted.

"Hey, Kate!"

Kate stopped, "Oh, hey...Josh, right?"

When Rick saw her stop to talk to a guy, he tensed for a split second, "Who's Kate talking to?" He wondered aloud.

"Oh, that's Josh, we met him on the lift! He's really nice," Alexis said.

"Yeah, I'll bet he's real nice, " Rick grumbled as he tugged on her hand and started walking towards the two. When he reached the two, he stood closer to Kate than probably necessary, which didn't go unnoticed.

"Hey, you," she greeted, smiling.

"I'm Rick," he said tersely as he extended his hand to the guy.

"Josh," came the reply as the two shook hands.

"So, you two are together?" He asked, his voice tinged with just a hint of what seemed to be disappointment.

"No."

"Not yet." Came the simultaneous responses, both stilling at the other's words.

Josh looked confused, and realizing the conversation was probably, for all intensive purposes, over, "Okay, well, I- it was nice meeting you," he told Rick before turning to Kate, "See you around?"

"Yeah, definitely!"

"Nice meeting you, John!" Rick called after him.

"What the hell was that?" Kate demanded as she lightly smacked Rick's chest.

"What was what?" He asked innocently.

"You know damn well what!"

Rick got a cheeky smile. "Surely, Kate, I have no idea what you're talking about."

She didn't even justify his comment with a response as she looked down at Alexis.

"Well, I don't know about you, little Miss, but I am wiped!"

Alexis let out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, I'm pretty tired too."

It became one of those awkward moments where no one is quite sure if they are parting ways just yet or if new plans are going to be proposed so everyone just kind of stands there, waiting. Alexis was the one to break the moment. "So, dinner?"

Rick did a double take at his daughter, "Is food all you think about? It's not even four yet, we just ate a few hours ago!"

Alexis giggled and rolled her eyes, "no, _later, _daddy!"

Rick sent a silent prayer up to the powers that be, Alexis wasn't gonna let Kate say no, such a foolproof plan! "Well, Kate," he waggled his eyebrows, "how about dinner later?"

Kate's face fell a bit, "Oh, I can't. Josh- well, that's what we were talking about- he asked me to dinner and I already told him yes." Kate waited until Rick was distracted before sending a wink Alexis' way- the girl grinned for a split second before acting bummed.

"You're kidding," Rick sounded a little annoyed.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd asked sooner," she trailed off, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Yeah, well- why are you smiling like-"

Kate started to laugh, "God, Rick, you're so _easy!"_

"You were lying!" He turned to Alexis, "She was lying!" Alexis started to laugh- Rick gasped, "and you were in on it, my own flesh and blood! I feel so betrayed," he said as he clutched at his chest.

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic," Kate rolled her eyes.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Can't help it, it's in my blood."

Kate shook her head, "Your dad is silly, Alexis."

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know," she replied, giggling.

They debated the restaurant for a few minutes as they walked to the parking lot together, settling on a small Mexican restaurant, popular among the locals. "Alrighty, well, see you guys at six," Kate said as she broke off to find her car.

Alexis and Rick were walking to their car, hand in hand.

"I like Kate, daddy,"

"Me too, sweetie, me too.."

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**A/N: I am completely aware ages are off in this story, no one needs to tell me! just a heads up, don't expect things to necessarily follow the same time line or chronology as in the show. I am just writing things as they pop up in my head! Hope you all are still finding this enjoyable!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

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**I'd just like to thank everyone for all the favorites, follows and reviews! Your support is overwhelming and very much appreciated and I really cannot thank you enough :)**

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Kate's eyes snapped open. _Shit! What time is it?! _She hadn't meant to fall asleep, she'd just wanted to lay down for a minute, she hoped she wasn't going to be horribly late for the dinner date. _Date as in like an informal, familial sense- not a date-date, _Kate reminded herself. She breathed a sigh of relief upon looking at the clock. _4:56- perfect, I have time for a quick shower before I have to leave. _Kate groggily got up from the couch and went to her bedroom to grab a change of clothes before padding into the bathroom. She cranked the shower on hot and stripped down as she waited for the water to warm.

_Dinner with Richard Castle and his daughter, _she thought as she softly shook her head, not even in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined something like this. She stepped into the shower even as her mind continued to obsessively go over the past two days, moments running through her head like a movie reel.

Thoughts of the past two days turned into thoughts of how she had found herself in Colorado in the first place. A week and a half ago, she had been sitting at her desk, ready to rip out all her hair, or someone's head, maybe. They had just wrapped a particularly difficult case, the details of which still made her queasy. _You'd think I'd be used to it by now, _she mused, _my life has been wrapped up in death for the past six years.. Well, I guess it'd be worse if I wasn't still bothered, if I didn't feel affected, that'd be real cause for concern. _

When her captain had first tentatively suggested taking some days, Kate had flat out said no, but later that night while laying in bed, she rolled around the thought of a mini vacation, where'd she go, what she'd do, and this was one of the first thoughts to pop in her head. The more Kate thought of it, the more she realized it was quickly morphing into one of those ideas that would refuse to be let go until she'd acted on it in one way or another. Resignedly, Kate flipped back the covers, turned on the lights and reached for her laptop. Over the following two days, Kate ironed out the details and squared things away before informing Montgomery she would be taking those days so long as they promised to keep her appraised of any cases she might be needed back for. And, well, here she was getting ready for dinner with Richard freaking Castle and his adorable little girl.

When she'd finished rinsing out the last of her conditioner, Kate turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, toweling off before pulling on a pair of skinny jeans and her favorite warm flannel. Not feeling too rushed, Kate took her time applying her makeup, minimal makeup, really, just a bit of liner and mascara and she called it good. After wearing her hair pulled back in a french braid all day, Kate opted to wear it down, so she blow dried it a bit, attempting to manage the waves so they looked more refined versus the natural unruly mess it usually became all on its own. Kate still had a little bit of time to kill, so she meandered around the house, straightening things up, picking up haphazardly discarded items, until it was time to go.

Even though she had left with plenty of time to spare, Kate had gotten a little turned around reading the directions on her phone. By the time she had parked and was walking through the doors, she was a little more than five minutes late, _fashionably late_, she mused as she scanned the fairly busy restaurant.

"Can I help you?" The hostess started to ask but was cut of by a shrill voice.

"Kate!" Alexis squealed in excitement as she made a mad dash towards Kate, wrapping her little arms around her legs.

Kate turned to the hostess, "I think I found 'em, thank you!"

Turning back down to Alexis, "Hey, you!" She greeted as she leaned over to hug the girl, "Where is your father?" She asked, just before spotting his waving hand from a nearby booth. Kate slid into the booth with Alexis following closely behind.

"Daddy, can you please pass me my drink and my colors?" She asked, pointing to her small cup and kids coloring menu.

"So, what, Kate gets here and all of a sudden I'm chopped liver?!"

"Yep," she said simply and when Rick made no move to fork over the goods, Alexis huffed, "Daddyyyy, please?"

Rick started looking around, "Did you hear something, Kate, because I thought may-"

"Jeez, Rick, just give the poor girl what she wants," she cut him off as she leaned across the table, grabbing the cup and colors and placing them in front of Alexis.

"Thank you, Kate," she said as she glared at her father in mock annoyance before resuming her coloring.

"Aaand Kate saves the day, again," he teased. "You clean up nice, by the way," he complimented as he looked her over for the first time without all the puffy clothes she was usually bundled up in.

Kate couldn't help it, her cheeks flushed as she thanked him. The waitress chose this moment to pop in, "Hi, my name is Meg and I will be your waitress for this evening, can I get you something to drink?" She asked Kate, seeing as Rick and Alexis had already ordered theirs before Kate had arrived.

"Water is fine, thank you!"

"Alrighty then, I'll be right back with that. In the meantime should I go ahead and put in your orders or should I give you a few more minutes?"

Kate looked at Rick who shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah, a few more minutes would be nice."

Kate closed her menu, finally deciding between the carne asada and green chili burro. Rick closed his as well, "So, what is it you decided on?" Before she could answer, Kate's phone trilled with an incoming call, she looked down to see the word _Precinct_ flashing on the screen.

She looked up apologetically at Rick,"Sorry, I gotta take this."

"Beckett."

Her tone was no nonsense, commanding and in charge.

Rick raised his eyebrows. _That was so hot._

Kate's face scrunched in concentration as she tried to focus in on the call, tuning out all the ruckus.

"Wait, Espo, slow down. What do you mean, what case?" She queried, cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder as she pulled Alexis across her lap and plopped her down on the other side so she was free to leave the booth for some privacy.

"I'll be right back," she mouthed to Rick and started to walk away before turning around and covering the mouthpiece to tell Rick if the waitress came by for orders to get her the carne asada.

Rick was left gaping in her wake.

The call took much longer than Kate thought it would, by the time she walked back to the table, the food had arrived.

"Oh, you guys didn't have to wait for me!" She said to Rick and Alexis after noticing their plates sat untouched. "I am so sorry to have been so rude, but it was work related!"

"Don't worry about it, Kate, it just arrived actually so, we didn't even wait very long." Rick told her, looking at her face intently. _Something is off, _he thought to himself, though he couldn't tell what, he figured it must have something to do with the phone call.

"So, you a lawyer then?" He asked as he cut into his food. Kate's eyes went wide for a moment before a hooded look came over them. Rick was observant and he had picked up on the flash of emotion in her eyes before they'd gone carefully blank, yes, he knew he'd just touched on something.

Kate finished chewing before picking up her water to take a sip. After she'd set it down, she met his gaze, "Lawyer? What would make you say that?"

"You mentioned a case while you were on the phone. Smart, pretty girl like you, must be a lawyer."

"Mm, no, actually, not a lawyer." She replied, intentionally disregarding the little _smart, pretty_ compliment.

Rick look slightly deflated at this, "Well, what do you do then?" He asked, his curiosity getting the best of him, Kate wasn't being exactly forthcoming.

"Detective," was all she said as she stuffed another bite into her mouth.

Rick nearly choked on his food. "Detective like, narcotics or robbery or-"

"Homicide."

Rick's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What else don't I know about you?" He asked in wonder.

"Oh, the things you don't know about me could fill a book," she said with a wry smile. "How do you like your food?" She asked, turning to Alexis.

_Oh, and she's a master deflector, getting to know her might actually be difficult. _Rick thought as he watched the interaction between this woman and his daughter. When his talkative daughter finally went silent, Rick decided he might finally be able to edge in a word or two.

"Do you live here in Colorado, Kate?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Rick regretted that they might be too forward or sound a little stalkerish.

Before Kate had even opened her mouth, Alexis had answered for her, remembering what Kate had told the guy on the lift.

"Kate lives in New York, daddy, just like us! Isn't that cool?! We can still see her when we go back home!" She grinned at her father as if this was indeed the coolest, greatest news in the world.

Rick smiled at his daughter's excitement, she didn't realize New York was such a big place, they may be in the same state but still be miles away.

"Well, I don't know, sweetheart, New York's a pretty big place, we might still live pretty far away." Rick hoped that his carefully worded response was subtle enough to prompt the more specific response he was looking for from Kate.

Kate shot a knowing glance his way.

_Damn, she saw right through me._

"I live in Manhattan_." _

Alexis clapped her hands in delight. "We do too!" She nearly yelled in her excitement. "We can go to the movies and the zoo and the aquarium and the museum and you can come over and play laser tag with us!" She rattled off animatedly.

Kate just grinned, she found the little girl's enthusiasm frightfully contagious. Alexis was just a bundle of positive energy who exuded such brilliant waves of happiness that Kate found herself content to simply bask in her company. There was something about a child's innocence and their delight in such small things that made Kate feel so much lighter and boundless.

"That sounds wonderful, Alexis," she said grinning back at the child. Kate looked over a Rick who, for a split second, exhibited a look of worry before the happy facade snapped back in place. Kate's stomach dropped at the thought she might have said something wrong, or perhaps overstepped.

"If you don't live here, then where are you staying, if you don't mind me asking?" Rick was genuinely curious to know, he doubted she was in the same hotel as them, but it was a fairly small town, so there weren't all that many places to stay.

"Oh, friend of a friend. I really lucked out, the place is amazing, really!" Kate began to tell them a little bit about the property, about the beautiful creek that ran through it, and the quaint cabin.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly, Kate continued to hear all about the fabulous lives of the Castles while she kept carefully guarded about her own. Rick found her to be insanely frustrating in that sense, he was struggling to read her, much of her remained tucked away and shrouded in mystery. Though this may be what frustrated him, it's also what drew Rick in even more, the idea that she may in fact be the mystery he was never going to solve, and boy, did Rick love a challenge.

By the time dessert was on the table, Alexis' list of things they would do with Kate in New York had grown exponentially, as did Rick's worry. Due to the fact that Kate was damn near impossible to read, Rick wasn't sure if her promises to accompany the girl all these places or do all that she said she would, were empty promises she made in the moment for the sake of Alexis or if they were ones she actually intended to keep. Alexis wasn't normally this outgoing around the women in his life, admittedly, those women didn't tend to have much substance, but still, this openness and ease she showed with Kate was pretty new.

Alexis was hunched over her drawing, coloring like mad. When Kate tried to sneak a peek, Alexis shrieked and quickly laid over the paper, protectively. "Kaaate," she whined, "it's a surprise! You're not supposed to look until its finished!"

Kate laughed, "Oh, pardon me, little Miss! I am so sorry!"

After feeling adequately admonished for sneaking a peek, Kate shifted her attention to Rick.

"Kate, can I talk to you over there for a second?" Rick asked as he nodded his head away from his daughter and towards the back of the small restaurant.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, smiling, getting out of the booth to follow Rick towards the hallway that led to the bathrooms. Rick didn't want to have this particular conversation within earshot of his daughter or the other patrons of the restaurant, and this little hallway would afford them some privacy as well as allow Rick to keep an eye on his daughter.

He took a deep breath before starting, he could feel his palms starting to sweat in a fit of nerves.

"Alexis really likes you."

Kate nodded, "I like her too, she 's a good kid, Rick, you should be proud."

Rick just started to chuckle, "Yeah, she is. So, here's the thing.. I think she's imprinted... On you."

Kate's eyebrows furrowed, she was feeling a little lost,"Imprinted?"

"Mhm, like a duck," he said, matter of fact with a smirk on his face. He leaned forward, "You're really cute when you furrow your brows like that, all confused."

Kate's eyes narrowed.

"Ooh, and so hot when you're irritated."

Kate rolled her eyes, "You can't be serious. Imprinted, really, Rick? You're that desperate, you use your daughter as a way to keep girls around?"

At this, Rick's face sobered instantly. "What? No, no. I'd never- how can you even insinuate that, you don't even know me!"

"Exactly, we've known each other for all of-what- five minutes? There's no way your daughter has 'imprinted'. Don't be absurd." She scoffed.

"2 days," he corrected as Kate raised an eyebrow. "Okay, day and a lift ride, whatever. Point is, I know Alexis. She isn't normally like this, she's never been so taken with someone. She doesn't have a strong female role model, well there's my mom, but, it isn't quite the same and," he trailed off, trying to reign in his thoughts.

"She doesn't easily form attachments like this. I blame that on her absent mother but that's a story for another time, maybe. I just worry that she is getting too attached and I really don't want it to blow up in her face."

Kate looked thoughtful. "Well, what exactly are you getting at here, you want me to be in her life, or not? Clarify for me, please, because I'm feeling a bit confused."

"Yes. No. I don't know. I guess what I am trying to say is, if you're going to be there, _be_ there, don't start making promises you don't intend to keep because I mean it, Kate, if you hurt her I won't be able to forgive you."

Kate was taken aback by Rick's honesty and stilled for a moment as she tried to gather her own thoughts.

"This," she said, waving her hand around, "_situation.._ Is entirely new to me. Kids are.." She trailed off, "I'm an only child, the only experience I've had with kids were the few times I babysat as a teenager, I don't.. Kids aren't my thing."

Rick looked away, disappointed. "Well, then.. I guess-"

"You didn't let me finish, " she chided gently, "But, I like Alexis. I really, genuinely do. Who wouldn't? She is funny and sharp and very, very sweet. Don't know where she got those traits from though, sure wasn't from you," she teased before getting serious again. "You don't know me, Rick, but if you did, you'd know that I don't make promises lightly and I'd never intentionally hurt someone, especially a child."

Rick released a shaky breath, a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding. He reached for her hand as he made eye contact. Kate's stomach did a little flip flop at the contact, she noted that the twinkle was back in his eyes and his mood had lightened again. "Thank you," was all he said before he turned, leading her back to the table, her hand still in his.

Not long after, Rick had paid the bill and the three were walking out to the parking lot, one of Alexis' hands tucked in Kate's while the other held onto the super secret surprise. When they reached Rick and Alexis' car, Kate had a brief moment of anxiety over the goodbye, handshake seemed a little formal, but a hug seemed too familiar? _Why am I so awkward sometimes?!, _Kate wondered to herself.

"So, we'll see you tomorrow at the slopes?" Rick asked with that ever hopeful note in his voice.

"About that," Kate began, looking down at Alexis and back up at Rick. "That call that I got during dinner was urgent. I had them just bump up my flight to tomorrow because they need me on a case as soon as possible. I don't know a lot of the details, but from what I understand, it is currently top priority."

Alexis' hand tightened around Kate's. "But-but you can't go." She said, her voice breaking. And in that moment, Kate felt like the world's most awful person.

Kate squeezed her hand, "You're still going to have a wonderful time here with your dad, Alexis. We can do all those fun things when you get back, okay?"

"You can't stay?" Alexis' bottom lip had started to quiver.

_Shit. And this is why I don't do kids, those waterworks will get ya, _Kate thought, as she knelt down so as tone level with the little girl.

Her voice was soft as she replied, "I really can't."

At this, Alexis threw her arms around Kate's neck, almost knocking her over. Kate stood up, hugging the girl, looking over at Rick with wide, desperate eyes that screamed, _HELP ME! _Rick cleared his throat, this was what he'd been a teensy bit worried about.

"Alexis," he murmured as he gently started to disentangle his daughter from around Kate. She refused to relinquish her hold around Kate's neck and had made it even more difficult by locking her ankles around her waist.

Kate whispered something in her ear and Alexis finally loosened her grip allowing Rick to take her and set her in the car. As Rick made the motion to start to buckle her in, Kate nudged him, silently conveying that she wanted to. Kate leaned in, buckling the girl up before kissing her forehead.

"Bye, sweet girl. See you soon, okay?" Alexis just nodded her head once and handed Kate the folded up picture she had been working on all night. Kate whispered her thanks before softly shutting the car door.

"You got a pen and some paper?" She asked, her voice still a little thick with emotion.

He patted his pockets before opening his jacket and pulling out a small moleskin and a pen. Kate look surprised and Rick chuckled, "I'm a writer, remember?"

Kate flipped to a blank page and hastily scribbled down her name and number before handing it back over to Rick. Rick leaned in close and Kate's breath hitched in anticipation.

"Thank you for everything." He murmured as he kissed her cheek.

Kate smiled at him one last time before turning to walk towards her own car. Only once she had started the car and blasted the heat on high did she look down at the folded piece of paper still in her hand. Kate gingerly unfolded it to find Alexis' masterpiece depicted the three of them, standing together with big grins on their faces, snowboards and skis next to them, the lift and mountain in the back.

Kate sighed as she closed her eyes and leaned back heavily in her seat.

_This case had better be damn good._


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate sat at her desk with her head in her hands.

_Why is this seemingly never ending? _She thought bitterly to herself.

"So, uh, boss, it's closing in on 10 o'clock, I think we are gonna call it a night."

Kate looked up to see Ryan and Esposito, coats in hand, standing in front of her desk and looking down at her expectantly. She let out a sigh to their unanswered question. They were wanting her to leave too. They'd never outright say it, and quite possibly deny it if it came up, but they worried about Kate- her eating habits, her poor sleeping schedule- she ate, breathed, and slept work.

Kate stood up from her desk and started shuffling the last bit of paperwork around, cleaning it up so she didn't come back in the morning to a cluttered desk. She really wasn't a big fan of clutter- she might get a little caught up in a moment but Kate Beckett did everything she could to avoid any excess, unnecessary messes in her life- a cluttered desk was definitely manageable. Ryan and Esposito were finally convinced that Kate was actually heading home instead of staying to finish up any loose ends of the last case they had just closed and began to walk towards the elevator.

"Good night!" They each called over their shoulder.

"Night, guys- see you in the morning!"

Once the case folders and miscellaneous papers had been stacked neatly and stowed away in a drawer, Kate could feel okay about heading home. She pulled on her coat, threw her bag over her shoulder and leaned over to shut off her desk lamp. Kate paused in the midst of switching off her lamp when shecaught a glimpse of Alexis' picture that had found its home on display, taped to her desk. She couldn't help but think of the two of them for a split second before shrugging it off.

_Click_. Kate hadn't realized just how much light the little lamp gave until she had switched it off. The precinct's lights were turned down for the night, there was only one person working the night shift, who that was, Kate didn't have a clue, nor did she really care- at this point she just wanted her bed, she was _exhausted_.

Kate caught a cab and was home relatively quickly. She shuffled through her door, toeing of her heels tiredly. _I should really shower. And eat. Eat then shower then bed..yes. _Kate never made it past her bed to the bathroom, she flopped down on her bed telling herself it was just for a second before promptly passing out. Kate woke up and laid in bed for a minute just wondering what time it was, it was still dark, it had to be pretty late- or really early- it depends how one looked at it. She rolled over to face the clock on nightstand. _1:47. Thank you, thank you. _

Kate didn't think there were many feelings that were better than waking up in the middle of the night to find you still had hours to sleep. She rolled back over on her back, stared into the darkness as she tried to remember the dream she'd been having. Kate didn't usually remember her dreams unless they were really bad, and this one was so vague, but she felt lighter and not as down as when she'd fallen asleep. _Ah, Alexis.. and Rick! That's right, I remember they were in it. _Kate smiled as little bits and pieces came back to her. Even in her dreams the child made her feel loads better. Kate could still remember the first day or two she had been home, how good she felt, how much happier she had returned than when she had left. People had even commented, Ryan and Espo especially- they liked to tease her about how she really must have "cut loose" to come home feeling so relaxed, no one but Kate knew the details of the trip or just what had made it so special.

The bubble bursted though, as all happy little bubbles do. The case she had come home for was just a bunch of dead ends and a week later had been placed on the back burner as more homicides piled up. Kate absolutely hated leaving cases unsolved, the thought of it ate away at her and she had to continually remind herself that sometimes the cases didn't have closure, that she wouldn't always be able to do that for the victim's family and it was just something she needed to deal with. Kate became a little irritated when she thought of how she had been called home early specifically for this case, only for the damn case to go cold in a matter of days. This thought then led Kate back to that little girl and her father and how she could have spent another couple days having fun with them. But, that's not how it worked out, she did come home and it had now been over a week and half since they'd parted ways with his promise to call.

He hadn't.

She wondered why he hadn't and then got annoyed that she was wondering and why it even mattered so much to her and why the hell she was giving it this much thought at 2 in the freaking morning. Kate rolled out of the bed and made her way into the bathroom, since she was up she may as well actually get ready for bed this time. She changed into pjs, washed her face and brushed her teeth, doing all three at lightning speed so she could hurry back to bed. Kate drew back the covers and climbed in, thoughts of Alexis and Rick and that damn mystery case still going through her head. Kate briefly worried about her brain actually shutting down so she could fall asleep instead of pouring over things again and again, but it ended up not being an issue- as soon as her head hit the pillow, Kate was out for the count.

Xx

Kate was pulled from her dreamless sleep by the shrill ring of her phone. She managed to find it in record time, "Beckett." Kate had already gotten out of bed and had started yanking clothes from her closet as she spoke.

"Yeah. Okay, be there in 30."

Kate had long since mastered the whirlwind moments that came along with her profession and was walking out of the door ten minutes later. Right before she locked the door, Kate realized she'd left the coffee pot on and had completely forgotten to even pour herself a cup. She ran back inside and flipped off the coffee pot before pouring some into her travel mug. Kate glanced at the clock on the microwave, _5:17, _as she turned to hurry out the door, locking it behind her. She still had nearly 15 minutes before they'd be expecting her, Kate wasn't too rushed for time. Besides it wasn't like the body or crime scene would just up and walk away- by this time it was probably safely secured by Ryan and Espo and in all likelihood, CSU was doing a sweep of the area.

Kate arrived at the small family park with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach; she really hoped it wasn't a child, those cases would always be the worst. She ducked under the police tape, briefly flashing her badge to the uniforms in charge of securing the perimeter. Kate made her way over to the small group huddled around what she presumed would be the body. She let out a breath of relief when she saw that it wasn't a child.

"What have we got?" She asked, addressing Lanie who was crouched low over the body.

"ID found on the body identifies her as Kelsey Brennan. Aged 31. Body rigor would suggest maybe a few hours at the most, so we would be looking roughly at a time frame between 2:30-4:30am. Bruising and lacerations around the hands would suggest defensive wounds. Though I can't say for certain what cause of death was until I get her back to the lab, I am fairly confident in saying the stab wounds to the chest region, in particular, the one to the intercostals was what killed her," Lanie replied, pointing to the wounds on the woman's chest.

Kate nodded in acknowledgement as she circled the body. The woman was tall, brunette, well dressed, no wedding ring so she probably wasn't married, there wasn't any blood in the surrounding area which meant she had been killed elsewhere.

"Does this look familiar to you?" Kate asked Ryan and Espo thinking back to the still unsolved case she had been called home for, the one that had been set aside until new evidence or new leads could be found.

"We were thinking the same thing." Ryan replied.

"I mean, it's the same M.O., the victims bear strikingly similar features, you don't think we are going to have a serial killer on our hands, do you?" Esposito asked Kate as he poured over the crime scene, trying to discern similarities between this one and the one fourteen days prior.

"Mm..Let's not focus on that quite yet. For now treat this as an entirely new case, we don't want any preconceptions clouding our judgement for this one. We will deal with that possibility later on, should we have anything else to further support such an idea." Kate said as she looked intently at Ryan and Esposito who both nodded their heads in agreement.

This was precisely the reason Kate ran point on their little team. She was logical and objective, the most capable of dealing with anomalies that popped up simply because she could roll with the punches.

"Got it, Beckett. We will go canvas the area, see if anyone saw or heard anything, catch back up with you at the precinct?" Ryan asked Kate who shook her head in affirmation.

"Right, I will go back to the precinct and locate next of kin and start putting together her story. Lanie, you'll call me if you find anything?" Kate asked, turning to the ME who merely nodded her head once in response.

It was nearing 9 in the morning and Kate was on her third cup of coffee. She had already located the woman's surviving family but had chosen to wait until a more reasonable hour to make that particular house call. Kate would rather give them just an hour or two more of ignorant bliss before turning it all to hell. Her thoughts were interrupted by an incoming call on her cell phone.

"Beckett." She answered gruffly.

"Kate!" Greeted a warm voice, "It's been a while, how've you been?"

Even though Kate immediately recognized that voice, she pretended she didn't. "Who is this?"

"Ha, ha, very funny, Kate. Sorry I didn't call sooner but-"

Kate cut him off, she wasn't really interested in excuses, she just wanted to know why he was calling now. "Rick, I'm at work right now and as much as I would love to just chit chat, I've got things I have to do so whatever you're gonna say, say it."

"Uh," Rick had been briefly rendered silent by this abrupt no nonsense side of Kate. "Well, Alexis and I were hoping to see you sometime soon, maybe have one of those outings but if you're working.." He trailed off.

Kate rubbed a hand over her face, what she wouldn't do for another Rick and Alexis filled day. "Listen, we just got a case in this morning so I have my hands full at the moment," she began, her brain scrambling to think of when she would be free to do something. "I think I've got Monday off though, if things go well."

"Monday! Sounds great, that's only five days away- Alexis will think it's forever but she is going to be thrilled nonetheless. She has been talking about you nonst-" Kate's line beeped signaling another call. Seeing that it was Lanie, she cut off Rick again, "Sorry, Rick. My ME is on the other line, I've gotta go! Talk to you soon." She said before switching to the other line.

"Hey, Lanie! You got something?"

"Yeah, something I think you definitely need to see."

Kate frowned, it didn't sound good.

"See you soon."

Kate was in the morgue in record time, joining Lanie next to the naked body which was covered modestly by a white sheet.

"Well, before I began my autopsy I noted there were several similarities between this body and one from two weeks ago. Do you remember that tattoo that woman had on the inside of her left arm?" Lanie questioned, stone faced.

Kate felt completely thrown. What would a tattoo from an entirely different case have to do with anything, they hadn't even given that tattoo a second thought.

"Yeah," Kate said slowly, "It said '_catch me_'." It wasn't something she'd ever get, but people got all kinds of random and weird things tattooed on their bodies that make no sense to anyone but themselves.

Lanie just stared at Kate a moment before flipping over the left arm of the woman on the table.

Kate's stomach dropped. It said, _if you can._

_Catch me. _

_If you can. _

"What are the odds, Kate?"

"This definitely changes things. I gotta go tell the boys. Thanks Lanie," Kate murmured distractedly.

Kate had gone to bed thinking about that case, and thinking about Rick and Alexis. Both of which had just managed to turn her day inside out and upside down.

_What are the odds?_

* * *

**__****A/N: please continue to let me know what you think.. Your reactions help me know what's working for this story and what isn't and I absolutely love hearing our guys' reactions. I apologize if it seems a little case heavy this chapter- I promise to try to find the happy medium. **


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

The next few days passed in a total blur, Kate and the guys put in countless hours pouring over every single detail of the case only to continually end up at square one. There was nothing left for them to go on. Kate had spoken to the family, interrogated the "suspects" even though anything that tied them to the vic was flimsy at best. There was no motive, no incriminating evidence, nothing that even tied Kelsey Brennan to the last woman, not a damn thing added up. They had gone through every motion they possibly could have and nothing was more discouraging than spending entire days and sacrificing some nights, only for the killer to best them in his game of wiles. The best anyone could hope for at this point was for him to botch his next kill or perhaps for some one in a million lucky break.

Montgomery poked his head out of his office, "Beckett, can I have a minute?"

Kate walked in, already rattling off apologies and reciting the case details and everything they'd done only to have Montgomery hold up his hand. "Beckett, I didn't call you in to punish you or question your effort and ability to do your job. You don't need to justify to me why the case has moved nowhere, you've kept me up to speed, I've been privy to everything you have and I couldn't of handled it any differently or better even, for that matter." He told her before pausing a moment and taking in the disheveled appearance of his lead detective.

"I called you in to tell you you look like hell."

Kate pursed her lips, giving him a look. "Gee, thanks." She said dryly.

Montgomery laughed lightly, "You know how I meant it, you need a day or two- the guys can hold down the fort in the meantime and we can call you back in if anything from that case from hell develops."

Kate was shaking her head vehemently, "Sir, I just took some days not even two weeks ago! It would be ridiculous to take a day now, for what? Just because I'm not looking my best?"

"You already have tomorrow off, don't you?" He asked without really waiting for an answer. "Why don't you also take Tuesday off and I will see you bright and early Wednesday morning."

Kate let out a puff of air, "You can't be serious, Captain."

"Oh, I'm serious alright."

But Kate wouldn't let it go, "You can't do this, I will be perfectly rested after tomorrow anyway, why give me Tuesday off too?"

"Beckett, it's done." Montgomery said with finality, purposely ignoring her question. "Now, it's only half past five, why not go enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening?" He turned back towards his computer, clearly done talking.

Kate left the room and her returned other desk, packing up her things resignedly.

Ryan and Espo looked up.

"Headin' home, boss?" Espo asked.

"Have to, Captain's orders. Can't come back til Wednesday." Came the terse reply not lacking a bit of hostility.

Ryan nodded his head slowly, "Good, you need it."

"Ugh, not you guys too!" She grumbled as she put on her coat and slung her back over her shoulder. "See ya guys Wednesday and call me if something comes up!"

Kate spent the rest of the evening in, lounging on her sofa as she watched tv and ate her Chinese take out. It was around 7 that her phone vibrated with a text. Kate smiled when she saw it was from Rick.

**Castle: just checking to see if we're still on for tomorrow? **

Rick was pleasantly surprised when he received her response so quickly.

**Kate: yeah, definitely! tell me when and where and I'll be there!**

Rick's face scrunched in thought, he knew he'd talked about it with Alexis but he couldn't remember what her final answer was, seeing as she changed what she wanted to do every 5 minutes. "Alexis!" His voice rang out loudly, carrying throughout the loft. He heard her come bounding down the stairs before sliding across the floor in her socked feet.

Rick nodded his head in approval. "Nice!" He complimented, referring to her perfect little slide in entrance. "So, Kate is wondering what the plan is for tomorrow- have you decided yet, pumpkin?"

"Uhmmmm," she hummed, her face reflective of what could only be described as indecision. "The zoo. No, the aquarium. No, no, the museum." Rick started typing out his reply pausing right before he hit sent, sensing another outburst was imminent.

"Wait, daddy! I changed my mind! I do want to go to the zoo!"

Rick smiled as he hit sent, he had already typed in zoo, he knew his daughter well.

It'd been a bit since Kate had sent her last text, she had a sneaking feeling they didn't actually know the plan tomorrow and were just now figuring it out. Kate's phone vibrated with his response.

**Castle: sorry, I have an indecisive child, but you'll be happy to know she finally made her decision. The Bronx Zoo say...around noon? Would you like to grab lunch before and we can all ride together after? **

Kate hesitated as she thought about the offer, she wouldn't mind riding together but, she would much rather drive separately, with her job she never knew if something might pop up and she always preferred having control of transport.

Rick was happy when he read her response agreeing to lunch beforehand and was slightly bummed she'd said she would be driving separately to the zoo. There were a few more texts exchanged, detailing where they'd meet for lunch.

Alexis was still besides herself with excitement when Rick tucked her into bed 20 minutes later.

"I'm so excited daddy, it's going to be so much fun! I can't wait to see Kate, it's been forever and ever and ever since we saw her!"

Rick rolled his eyes, children and their ability to exaggerate, then again, who was he to talk of exaggeration? He was a novelist who acted like a child half the time- a couple weeks still felt like years to him!

"Yeah, well, the faster you go to sleep, the faster morning will come and then we can go see Kate!"

"Night, daddy!" She whispered as squeezed her eyes shut tight, determined to fall asleep quickly.

"Night, sweetie," came his soft reply as he kissed her forehead.

Xx

Morning came quickly and found Kate lazily stretching in luxury, happy to have finally got some decent sleep after such a week that had been crammed with a grueling case. At about the same time, Alexis was tearing through the loft in her excitement, singing her delight in a made up song. Alexis threw open the door to her father's room and leapt on the bed, bouncing as she sang.

"We're going to the zoooooooo, and Kate is coming tooooo, la la laala laaaaaa-" Alexis broke off as she came crashing down on her dad who, up until that point, still hadn't stirred. "Daaaad, waaaake up!" She demanded.

Rick sighed as he opened his eyes to meet the bright blue eyes of his daughter. He still wasn't particularly fond of these wake up calls, but his daughter was too cute to be upset with. It was no time at all before Rick was up and going through the familiar morning rituals in the Castle household. He put on some coffee while he whipped up a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast which his daughter scarfed down in record time. After breakfast the two each got ready for the day before sitting down to think of ways to pass the time until they could go. Alexis was too wired to sit still for anything so they both agreed on laser tag.

The laser tag kept the two entertained all the way up until it was time to leave for lunch. Kate was running five minutes late, as per usual, when she walked into the restaurant and scanned the room for the little red head and her father. Not seeing them, she told the hostess she would like a table for three, making a point that one of them would be a kid so that the hostess knew to bring the kids menu and crayons. It wasn't long after that Kate saw them walk through the doors and waved them over, "Rick! Alexis!"

Alexis dropped her father's hand to run forward to meet Kate, who had slid out from the booth, already expecting the hug from Alexis. Kate swung Alexis up and propped her on her hip, smiling. "Hi, cute girl! I missed ya!" Alexis grinned at this, telling her she had missed Kate too.

"Hi, Kate," Rick said warmly as a genuine smile graced his face.

"Hi yourself!" Kate replied, feeling as though she had slipped into something comfortable and familiar.

Kate set Alexis down on the seat and scooted in behind her. Rick slid in across from her, eyebrows raised as he asked, "And what if she had wanted to sit by me this time?"

Kate laughed before turning to Alexis, "Did you want to sit next to your dad who you see every single day or would you prefer to sit next to me, who you haven't seen for weeks?!"

Alexis didn't even pretend to think about it."Dad, I wanna sit next to Kate!"

Rick just shook his head, "Yeah, figures!"

They were quick to order food and eat because everyone was eager to go the zoo, especially Alexis who had taken two bites of her grilled cheese before exclaiming she was done and ready to go. Somehow between the two of them, Kate and Rick coaxed her into eating the rest of it and close to an hour later, they'd wrapped lunch up and were walking to their cars. They passed Rick and Alexis' car first so Kate gave them a little wave saying she'd see them there before continuing to her car which was just a few cars down.

Alexis looked up at her dad, "Can I ride with Kate? Pleeeease?" She begged, giving him the best puppy dog eyes she had, knowing he wouldn't be able to refuse.

Rick cursed to himself as soon as he saw the puppy dog eyes come into play. "Well, I guess.. As long as it's alright with her."

Alexis squealed, "Yay thank you, daddy!" Before skipping off after Kate, calling her name.

Kate turned at the sound of her name and watched as Alexis' skip turned into a run.

Alexis was slightly out of breath as she asked Kate, "Kate, can I pretty please ride with you to the zoo?"

"I- well... I don't know, your dad said it was alright?" She questioned as she looked over to where Rick was standing. Alexis nodded, "He said it was up to you!" Rick was now giving the thumbs up sign. "Alrighty then...let's go kiddo."

Kate kept glancing back at Alexis in her rear view mirror every so often. The child had been talking incessantly about anything and everything and Kate was loving every second of it. It suddenly occurred to Kate that it was a Monday and shouldn't kids be in school this time of day?

"Alexis," Kate said, interrupting another story the girl had been recounting. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Oh, no.. I'm only five, I don't start school until next year!" Alexis' face scrunched up, "Why?"

"Oh, I dunno, I was just wondering! Are you excited to start school?"

"I'm so excited, Kate! Kindergarten is going to be so much fun!" Kate smiled at her enthusiasm.

Alexis frowned for a second before saying, "I don't know what daddy is going to do though. He is going to be so bored without me!"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry, Alexis. I'm sure he will find something to do to entertain himself!"

"I just hope he doesn't mope around the house in his underwear. He did that when he ended his books and didn't know what to do." Alexis said seriously.

Kate laughed out loud, a mental image of this jumping into her mind. She was sure Alexis had all kinds of stories that would embarrass her father and she couldn't wait to hear them.

They were pulling into the zoo lot when another question popped into Kate's head and she voiced it before she could think twice. "How long have you guys been back, Lex?" Kate paused at the slip of the nickname, but Alexis didn't appear to mind.

"Uhm, like a week, I think."

"Oh," was all Kate could think to say, wondering why they hadn't called sooner.

Kate shrugged it off, what did it matter now? Kate pulled into a slot and turned off the engine. She got out of the car, walking around to Alexis' door. Alexis climbed out, taking Kate's hand as they began walking towards the surprisingly crowded zoo entrance. Kate called Rick's phone but got voicemail so she just shot him a text giving him an exact location of where to look for them. Five minute later, she received a text saying he was already in line and was near the front and to just find him in line.

Kate tugged Alexis in line, instructing her to be on the lookout for her dad. Rick saw them before they spotted him and the sight of the two walking hand in hand, arms swinging made him grin. Alexis was looking up at Kate, clearly in the midst of an animated story while Kate scanned the crowd, looking for him he assumed, and glancing down every few seconds to respond in some way to Alexis' story.

"Kate!" Rick finally yelled, waving his arm to get her attention. Alexis, more attuned to the sound of her father, pulled on Kate's hand, pointing to where her dad was. As the two walked over, smiling, Rick questioned his own reasoning for waiting to call Kate so long. "Hey, you two!" He said as Alexis and Kate walked up. He looked back and forth between Kate and his daughter, grinning. "You guys ready for the awesomest day at the zoo ever?"

* * *

**A/N: to those who said it was a little heavy in the case last chapter, I apologize. It's not my intention for this story's focus to become homicide cases.. **

**I will say that I do think there will be little bits of it though because that's a big part of Kate's life and who she is. Any particularly case heavy parts of chapters will, I assure you, be integral to the storyline itself. **

**I also just want to say thank you again to everyone who has followed, favorited and reviewed this story! You all rock and I adore you :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

"Okay, where to first, little Miss? Kate asked as the three of them passed through the entrance.

"I dunno," the little girl replied, shrugging her shoulders as she turned to look up at Kate. "Where do you want to go?"

"I want to go wherever you want to go!" Kate told Alexis who looked surprised at such a comment. Seeing the girl's hesitation, Kate said, "Well, I guess it's up to your dad then," as she slowly turned to face Rick.

Alexis' eyes grew big, "No, no, I choose the monkeys!" She said quickly to prevent her father from getting the option to pick first animal to see.

Rick pretended to be disappointed that he wasn't the one to decide. "Well, I was gonna pick monkeys first anyway, so there!" He directed at Alexis before sticking out his tongue.

"Oh, boy. I'm in for a long day aren't I?" Kate teased before Rick grinned back at her, replying, "You have no idea."

Xx

They spent the next several hours wandering the zoo, stopping at whatever exhibit piqued their interest. Kate would read the informational tidbits whenever Alexis asked and Rick would normally spout off random trivia. Kate's one condition for the day was that they didn't leave the zoo before checking out the big cats. When they managed to find their way over to the lions Kate was immediately entranced. She stood still with her arms folded across her body, watching the lions laze about.

Two of them were resting peacefully in the heat of the afternoon sun, while one ambled about the enclosure restlessly. Kate could watch them forever, any of the big cats, really, they were such magnificent creatures, so beautiful and powerful, worthy of respect. She could feel Rick's eyes on her, but when she followed his gaze she realized he was looking more at Alexis who had wrapped an arm around Kate's leg and was leaning against her, content to watch the lions in comfortable silence.

"A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages," Kate recited softly.

A smile appeared on Rick's face. "Tennessee Williams." He said proudly, happy to have placed the quote so quickly.

Kate looked a little shocked, whether it was because she hasn't realized she'd said it aloud or if it was because Rick knew who said it, he didn't know. He noticed that Kate looked as though she was on the verge of saying something, torn between voicing her thoughts aloud or keeping them to herself. Rick hoped it was the former, though she was very much engaged in whatever conversation he or Alexis started, she never gave up much of anything when it came to her personally. He was relieved when she finally spoke.

"Sometimes I can't help but feel sorry when I see some of these animals at the zoo. They're just so...beautiful and... They're wild animals, meant to be free roaming some African savannah, not caged in enclosures that are merely a fraction of the size, being looked at by people, day in and day out." She broke off for a moment before continuing.

"Not that I don't enjoy zoos. When I think about it logically, obviously I can see the merits of the animals being here, it's safe and they're actually rescued and being spared many of the harsh realities I'm sure they'd face in the wild, not to mention a lot of the exhibits are conservation efforts meant to raise awareness and prevent the extinction of the species, but you know, sometimes I still can't help but _feel_ a little sorry about the fact that that's even necessary in the first place, that these animals need to be saved because there are people who hunt them down to- to.."

Kate's felt her face start to flush in embarrassment at the realization of her heated outburst."And now I'm rambling, and let's just forget that even happened." She said fiercely when she caught Rick's amused expression.

The truth was Kate's little rant had rendered Rick speechless, to say he was stunned was a bit of an understatement. Though it may not have been as personal as he'd been hoping for, it definitely gave him what he had wanted to begin with, which was a glimpse of the Kate she kept behind her little wall of security. Rick was delighted by the passion he found that she possessed. He couldn't think of anyone who got so worked up about such a thing as an exhibit at a zoo, and he couldn't help but wonder what else Kate felt passionate about. Rick admired her for not just feeling so strongly about something but then to be able to rationalize her thoughts and reason with her feelings, that was impressive. Rick seemed to finally realize he'd just been staring at Kate blankly, _how do I respond? Do I razz her up a bit or let it go? Ah, she's already pretty embarrassed, I don't want to push it to the point she doesn't want to share anything at all..._

"Did you know a lion's roar can be heard for up to five miles?" He asked her, watching as the relieved smile appeared on that lovely face of hers.

Alexis' head snapped up to look at her dad, "Really?" She asked in astonishment.

"And did you know that lions spend about 20 hours a day sleeping?" Kate said, offering up a fact of her own. Rick seemed to take this as a challenge and what had started as a friendly trivia facts turned into a full blown competition between the two. The trivia moved from lions to big cats in general to animals at random to anything and everything.

"Jaguars are the strongest members of the cat family, pound for pound. They can carry nearly four times their own body weight. Fact!"

"Elephants are the only animal that can't jump. Also a fact!"

It went on and on, back and forth each trying to trump the other with a weirder fact they'd never heard before. Alexis finally tired of swinging her head between the two and reached for Kate's hand, tugging her along. "You guys are weird." The little girl told the two adults.

"Ha! She said, 'you _guys' _as in plural, as in not just me, as in she thinks you're weird too!" Rick said to Kate.

Kate rolled her eyes, "I will totally claim being weird. In fact, I embrace it."

Rick was at a loss for words, "It's no fun for me if you don't at least pretend to argue.." He told her petulantly.

Around 5, Kate and Rick started to notice Alexis was dragging, energy seemingly spent after such an eventful afternoon at the zoo. They knew for sure when she made no protestations when they started heading for the exit.

Kate stopped when she felt Alexis' pull back on her hand. She looked down to see she had stretched both arms in the air, silently asking to be carried. "Come on, little one." She said affectionately to Alexis as she picked her up, the little girl instantly wrapping her arms around her neck, and locking her legs around Kate's hips.

Rick stopped when he noticed Kate was no longer in step with him, turning he saw why. "Alexis," he admonished as he started to reach for his daughter. Kate merely pivoted away, saying, "No, it's okay, I don't mind."

It didn't take long before Alexis was fast asleep, her face pressed to Kate's neck. Kate felt the warm glow of the setting sun on her face, and took a moment to appreciate it. She felt warm and happy, completely content with a day spent in such wonderful company. Kate glanced at Rick who had been walking alongside her in companionable silence.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "Today was wonderful and I didn't realize how much I needed a day like this."

Rick just smiled in return. "Believe me, it was our pleasure. Alexis and I couldn't wait to see you again!"

"So, why did you then? Wait, I mean?" The question had simply popped out of her mouth. _God, Kate, where's your filter?!_

Rick seemed caught a little off guard by her question. He took a few seconds before responding. "Well, I just kept thinking if I gave it one more day, Alexis might forget about it and stop asking. She never stopped talking about you, you know. But, every day was the same, 'When can we go home and see Kate?' And I know what you said at the restaurant, but I just kept worrying you'd changed your mind or things were going to be different when we were all back home, and I kept telling myself if I gave Alexis one more day, she'd stop asking.. But, well, here we are, persistent little thing." He murmured fondly, staring at his little girl nestled in Kate's arms.

"And my not calling really had nothing to do with you. It was more of me having to get over my own insecurities and need to protect Alexis."

"Oh," was all Kate said. Kate didn't know what she had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that and she wasn't quite sure what the proper response would be. She couldn't fault him for trying to be a good dad and protect his child from potential broken promises and heartbreak wherever possible.

Rick took her monosyllabic response as one of anger or annoyance and was quick to apologize for upsetting her by not calling.

"I wasn't angry with you, Rick. Hurt, maybe," she worded carefully.

She would have been lying if she said she hadn't been hurt by the lack of phone call. She had looked forward to it and when it hadn't come and she'd gotten used to the idea that it probably wouldn't, she felt disappointed. "Well, it doesn't matter now, anyhow, because you _did_ call and here we all are."

Rick smiled as he reached out to pull her into his side. As he did so though, something caught his eye, causing him to stop. Kate had felt his arm stiffen for a second before slowly falling as he stopped.

"What?" She asked him, slightly concerned at his change in demeanor.

Rick again scanned the sea of faces. Throughout the day, Rick could have sworn he had caught the same guy in his peripherals, watching the three of them, but every time he turned to actually look, he seemed to disappear. Exactly like what had just happened.

"I thought I saw...nevermind." Rick told her, still not meeting his eyes as he searched for the man.

Rick shook it off after a moment. He felt like laughing at himself, him and his over active writer's imagination. It was silly to be paranoid. Again, he fell into step with Kate, finally exiting the zoo ten minutes later and starting towards the parking lot. When they realized they were parked in different directions, Kate stopped to disentangle Alexis' limbs from her own. Alexis hardly stirred as she shifted arms and they both thought she was still asleep but before Kate had completely pulled her arm away, Alexis had snatched it, opening her sleepy eyes.

"See you soon?" It was more of a statement than a question even though the lilt in her voice belied her sureness in her own statement.

"See you soon, sweet girl." Kate affirmed, smiling as Alexis relaxed back in her father's arms, falling asleep once more.

"You have work tomorrow, I'm assuming?" Rick asked, already with an air of disappointment.

"Actually, I don't." For the first time, Kate found herself glad that the Captain had forced this extra day. "Well, I mean, I'm on call, but.."

"Really?" Rick said not even bothering to mask his excitement. "Alexis has a play date set up for tomorrow, her friend Paige is coming over, but would you maybe like to come over too, have some coffee? I know Alexis would love it if you came!"

Kate didn't even take a minute to think about it. "Definitely, it sounds like a plan!"

Kate thanked him again for such an amazing day before setting off to find her own car, which she didn't think was too far away. She turned around to face Rick once more while continuing to slowly walk backwards, "Just shoot me a text tomorrow morning, let me know the game plan!" She yelled before giving a final wave.

She had a smile painted across her face, Kate was one happy girl.

Xx

No, no, no. This just wouldn't do. He could not believe her. Two murders unsolved and here she was at the zoo, playing house with some writer and his kid? _Tsk_, _tsk_.

He had chosen her because he thought she was different, she was _special._ He thought that maybe he had met his match and there'd finally be someone to challenge him. He knew he was smart, he knew she was smart- he just wanted to see who was smarter, and so far it was most definitely him. He was disappointed, this just wouldn't do. He knew he'd been taking a risk to follow her here, but she hadn't even noticed. Some detective. The writer nearly made him a few times though. Ugh, the writer. He was clouding her judgement, as was the child. Yes, this little scenario was completely unforeseen. He just hoped it wouldn't last. It couldn't. He refused to allow such a thing. Something needed to be done. Tomorrow. Third time was the charm. If he couldn't have Kate Beckett, then no one could.


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate enjoyed a pleasant, laid back morning. For the second day in a row, she felt as though she had slept well and actually felt ready for the coming day. Kate had a quick shower before slipping into leggings and a loose shirt- casual yet comfy.

With all the sleep she had gotten, Kate felt as though she'd combust with all the excess energy so, she put on some tunes and danced around the house, straitening things up here and there as she went. She glanced at her phone every so often, waiting for Rick's text about getting together today. Finally, around 10 o'clock, Kate's phone buzzed with a message.

It read, _morning, detective! Hope you slept well after such an exhausting day at the zoo ;) still up for getting together today? _

Kate wasted no time replying and Rick promptly sent her his address with any time frame whatsoever completely up in the air; he left it up to her, whenever she was ready, they were ready too.

Within the hour, Kate found herself rapping her knuckles on the Castles' front door. She could faintly hear Alexis yelling, presumably at her father.

"Noooo, daddyyy! Let me get it! It's Kate, Kate's here! I wanna open the door!" The door opened with a _whoosh_, and there was Alexis' beaming face.

Kate smiled as she took in the girl's appearance, mismatched clothes, bright red hair sticking out in every direction.

"Hi, my wild child!" Kate greeted as she swung the girl up and around for a hug. Kate set her down, smiling at who she figured to be Alexis' friend, Paige. Kate kneeled down so as to be eye level with the girl. "Hi, Paige! My name is Kate."

Paige just rolled her eyes as said, "I _knoww!_ Alexis talks about you all the time. It's really nice to meet you, though."

Kate couldn't help but be amused at how sassy some five year olds could be without it being anything but cute. Kate stood to face Rick who'd been waiting ever so patiently standing behind his daughter now, hands on her small shoulders.

"Hi, Kate! Welcome to our loft!" Rick said, waving one arm around theatrically.

Kate's eyes twinkled, "It's quite a lovely loft you've got here, Rick!"

Even though Kate was only standing in the entry, she got a pretty decent idea of how nice of a place the Castles had. It was tasteful, not ostentatious like one might expect of someone with Richard Castle's wealth and fame. Kate shrugged off her light jacket and glanced around, wondering where to set it. Rick quickly leaned in to take it from her saying, "Make yourself right at home, Kate! I can give you a quick tour of the place and then just feel free to help yourself to whatever!"

Kate murmured her thanks while toeing off her flats to join the already barefoot family. Alexis ran forward, tugging at Kate's hand, exclaiming she would give her the tour. Paige jumped right in, grabbing Kate's other hand and followed Alexis' lead. The girls gave Kate a rather perfunctory tour, darting in and out of the rooms so quickly, Kate didn't get much of a look at anything. Once they entered the last room, Kate understood why. Alexis and Paige pulled Kate into what could only be Alexis' room. It was immediately clear that Alexis never wanted for anything, the girl was spoiled. Yet her father was managing to raise her in such a way, the wealth didn't seem to affect her in the typical ways a privileged upbringing tends to with most kids.

The walls were painted the loveliest shade of purple, periwinkle, if Kate had to name the shade. There were shelves upon shelves of books and little trinkets. Alexis' full sized bed was enough to make anyone a little jealous. It had a fluffy comforter with a simplistic floral design duvet, and there were pillows galore! It was clear to Kate that Alexis was excited to show her everything- her favorite books and her favorite toys and the items seemed to go on and on. Kate was patient and sat cross legged on the floor, taking things as Alexis handed them to her while she listened attentively to the stories that came along with each object. Pretty soon she had a pile of books stacked in her lap along with some stuffed animals. Paige had wandered out of the room at some point and returned with Rick, both holding something behind their backs.

Kate nearly jumped out of her skin when Rick and Paige, without warning, pulled out what they'd been hiding and had jumped in the air, simultaneously screaming, "LASER TAG!"

After her heart-rate slowed a bit, Kate gently set everything down on the floor before standing up to take the vest and gun that Paige was holding out for her. Alexis was jumping up and down in excitement, making it difficult for Rick to help strap on the vest.

"I call Kate being on my team!" Paige shouted, taking Kate's hand and motioning her downwards. "We need to make a battle plan!" She whispered into Kate's ear. Kate shook her head in agreement before turning to face Rick and Alexis.

"You guys are going _down_!"

Rick let out a puff of air, "oh, uh-huh, riiight! Do you know who we are?" He asked, pointing at himself and Alexis. "We are the dream team. There's no beating us!"

"We'll just see about that." Kate said confidently before striding out of the room, Paige running to catch up.

Rick turned to ask his daughter if she was ready only to see her crestfallen face. "But _I_ wanted to be on Kate's team." She said quietly.

Rick couldn't help but feel a little hurt, it'd always been him and Alexis, there had never been anyone else and now it stung a little to know that she wanted someone else. Granted, it was just a game of laser tag, no big deal, but still!

"Yeah, well, how bout we show them how it's done, pumpkin? We will beat their butts, you know why?" Rick asked, nudging his daughter who gave no response. "Because we are champions, that's why!" He finished, trying to pump her up get her back to jumping up and down like she had been only moments ago. It seemed to work too, because soon after, the two devised a plan of their own.

Over an hour and a half later, the four were just about to end their final game before having lunch. Paige had just surrendered, claiming hunger and exhaustion. That left 2 against 1. Alexis and Rick searched room by room for Kate. Alexis' vest vibrated and started to flash, signaling she'd been hit. Alexis took this as a way to get out of playing. Shrugging out of the vest she told her dad she was also hungry. Rick just shushed her, concentrating fully on finding Kate, he did not want to lose- again! He thought maybe she'd be in the hall closet but when he opened it and walked into the darkened room, his face fell. _Empty. Damn_, _I thought she'd be in here. _ Just as he turned to walk out, he felt a presence behind him a split second before his vest vibrated and lit up.

"Gotcha!" Kate whispered hotly in his ear.

Rick was speechless. "H-how did you-" he started to ask but stopped, noticing the parted hanging coats. "Clever. Very clever. You were so silent, I didn't even hear you behind me."

Kate laughed as she brushed past him to exit the closet, it was getting a little warm in there, but she refused to believe it had anything to do with the close proximity to a certain someone.

"Yeah, well, I _am _in the NYPD. There was some training involved."

Rick just shook his head, gaping after her as she started walking towards to kitchen, unstrapping the gear as she went.

In the kitchen, Kate helped Rick make some subs for everyone. When they sat down at the table, they found the topic of conversation to be Kate and her overall awesomeness. Paige recounted several instances in which Kate had helped save the girl from ambush and the time she dove over the couch to avoid getting shot by Rick. Kate just smiled at the girl's slightly embellished laser-tag hero stories.

"Yeah, we made quite a team, didn't we, Paige?" Paige's mouth was full so she hummed her agreement.

Kate looked over to see Alexis was picking at her food quietly. "And you, Miss Alexis! I was so impressed.. You are a formidable opponent, you got me several times!" Kate said, attempting to engage her in conversation. But Alexis just said thanks and Paige once again dominated the conversation, proving to be a little chatterbox.

After they'd finished eating and clearing the table, Rick clapped his hands together. "Whaddya girls say we pop in a movie and relax for a while?"

Both girls immediately lit up, delighted.

"I want to watch Tangled! We just got it!" Alexis said to Paige who started nodding her head up and down furiously. "I _love _that movie!" Came Paige's response as the two started towards the living room.

"Have you seen it?" Rick asked Kate.

Kate rolled her eyes, "I chase down killers for a living. When would I have the time to watch an animated kids film?"

"Oh, right." Rick chuckled. "Well, you're in for a real treat then, it's pretty cute!"

As he turned to walk away, Kate grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Is everything okay with Alexis? She's been really quiet..." Kate was having trouble understanding why Alexis' mood had changed since this morning. Kate had quickly grown accustomed to having her little shadow and not having her constantly hanging on her was strange.

Rick furrowed his brows, thinking. He had been wondering the same thing but he thought he managed to work it out. "Well, honestly I think it's a little because Paige is here. Clearly Paige is the more outgoing of the two, I think sometimes, Alexis just gets a little overwhelmed with that and starts feeling a little put out when it seems like Paige is getting all the attention."

"Ah, okay. I guess that makes sense." Kate replied, grateful she had Rick to spell out all things children related; she'd hate to have to navigate waters like these on her own.

"Now, Kate, let's go enjoy that movie." Rick said as he lead her from the kitchen, one hand pressed lightly in the small of her back.

In the time it had taken for the two adults to have the conversation, the two girls had set up the movie so it was waiting to be played. Alexis and Paige sat in the middle of the large couch with room on either side of them. Kate plopped down into the space next to Alexis, leaving Rick to sit next to Paige. Alexis immediately leaned into Kate's side, smiling when Kate wrapped her arm around her to pull her in closer.

It didn't take long before Alexis had inched her way into Kate's lap. With the extra room, Paige sprawled out and fell asleep halfway through the movie. Alexis was trying her best to stay up, but eventually gave up, turning to face away from the movie to burrow more comfortably into Kate.

Once Alexis conked out, Kate was also finding it difficult to keep her sleepy eyes open- who knew kids and laser tag were so tiring?! Kate tucked her feet up, also wanting to get comfortable, shifting Alexis slightly. At the minute movement, Alexis hardly stirred, her only reaction being a loud sigh before fisting some of Kate's shirt in her tiny hand and molding herself again to Kate. Kate lasted maybe five more minutes before finally giving in to sleep.

Rick began to laugh at a scene involving Flynn and the extremely personified horse, Maximus. When Rick realized he was the only one laughing, he turned to see that Paige lay splayed out, snoring softly and in the corner of the couch Kate was tucked around Alexis, both sound asleep. If that little image didn't give him warm, fuzzy feelings..

Rick didn't know what it was about Kate that brought out a neediness in Alexis he had never really seen before. Alexis gravitated towards her, whether consciously or not, she seemed to need the sense of nearness. What really surprised Rick though was Kate. Kate never appeared to so much as bat an eyelash, always taking things in stride, which is remarkable when it comes to kids.

She had told him she didn't have much experience with kids, yet she seemed to have the innate ability to give whatever it was Alexis needed in given moments. Kate was special. _That is why I can't risk messing things up. _Rick thought to himself. Rick knew he felt something more for Kate than simply platonic feelings but was struggling not to act on them. _I need to wait. Be patient, see how things go in their own time without me impulsively jumping in._ Rick didn't know how long he'd been staring, and was only shaken from his internal ramblings by Kate's voice.

"Stop staring, it's creepy." Kate said throatily, eyes still shut.

Rick started, wondering how long Kate had been aware of his staring. When would he stop being surprised by her?

Just then, a phone started ringing. Kate recognized the ringtone for the precinct and groaned before trying to get up.

"Here, let me!" Rick said, practically leaping off the couch to follow the sound of the ringing.

"I think it's in my jacket pocket." Kate called after him.

Rick came striding back, hoping to get it to her before it stopped ringing. The phone went silent right as he held it out. Kate laughed at the childish look of disappointment on his face at not having beat the ringing phone. Kate immediately rang back, her face growing more and more serious the longer she stayed on the line. When she disconnected the call, Kate sighed heavily. She was sure glad she had gotten so much sleep the last couple nights and even managed to work in a nap this afternoon, because a body had just dropped and she knew she was in for a long night. Kate wriggled out of Alexis' hold on her, being super careful not to wake her.

"So, a body just dropped. I have to go." Kate informed Rick who didn't miss the note of disappointment in her voice.

Rick shook his head in understanding before helping her gather her things and walking her to the front door.

"Tell Alexis bye for me?"

Rick smiled. "Of course."

He leaned down to kiss her gently on the cheek before thanking her for coming and laser tag and for being such good company. In return, Kate thanked him for having her and told him she'd talk to him soon.

Kate drove home to change into more work appropriate clothes, the whole while her stomach still tossing and tumbling in mixed emotion, not having stopped since Rick had kissed her cheek.

_There is just something there. It's undeniable._

* * *

**A/N: I now this chapter is probably not what most of you were expecting after the slightly suspenseful ending of last chapter. **

**Just wait. I prefer the slow build up much more. **

**I am really hoping to get more Rick and Kate in there soon, it just hasn't worked itself in yet. These chapters have basically been writing themselves and I tend to just go with it. Also, it's partly because I myself am a huge sucker for Kate and Alexis moments... But fear not, Caskett is the goal ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

A week and a day or so later, Kate found herself sitting across from Rick in a little coffee shop near the precinct. Rick stared at Kate who had both hands wrapped around her steaming mug of coffee and appeared lost in thought. _She looks like hell_.

The Kate Rick was now looking at looked much different than the one who'd accompanied him and his daughter to the zoo or played laser tag and snuggled up with on the couch. She had bags under her eyes that refused to be concealed with makeup, her hair was an unruly, wild mess and her clothes were rumpled and well worn. Rick also noticed what he thought might be a fading greenish yellow bruise on her left cheek. _Jesus, Kate, what have you been doing?_

"I'm glad you called." Kate told him with a grateful smile.

"I'm glad you could get a break from work." Rick said genuinely.

He had tried a couple of times in the past week or so to organize more get togethers for both his and his daughter's sake, but each time Kate had been swamped and unable to break free. The afternoon before Easter, they had tried to get her to come over for some Easter festivities and to help decorate Easter eggs only to have Kate bail last minute with a break in some case. Rick had been disappointed and Alexis had been crushed, but to make it up to them, Kate had two Easter baskets delivered to their doorstep the next morning with a note attached apologizing for not making it and wishing the two a happy, happy Easter.

In Rick's basket there was an assortment of K-Cup coffee packs for his Keurig coffee brewer as well as some chocolates. Rick was beyond touched by Kate's thoughtfulness as well as her observational skills. He was rather impressed she had noticed the type of coffee brewer he had tucked in the corner of his kitchen counter in just the one time she had been to the loft. Rick had enjoyed watching Alexis go through her own basket slowly and with great care, asking again and again in disbelief to confirm it really was from Kate. In her basket she found a stuffed _Jellycat_ bunny which she immediately hugged tightly to her chest, grinning as she then held it out for her dad to see before she looked through the rest of her goodies. There were three different colored nail polishes, a light purple, a sparkly purple and a sparkly pink, a couple headbands and some hair clips and lots and lots of candy. Alexis carried that stuffed bunny around all day and every day since. Rick smiled just picturing it only to be snapped out of it by Kate's voice.

"Yeah, well. I figured I needed it. It's been a hell of a week and spending time with you crazy Castles has had a tendency in the past to make me feel much better." Kate told him, saying the last part almost a little shyly.

"Where is Alexis, by the way?" Kate asked feeling both bummed and relieved that the little one wasn't here. Bummed because obviously she would have loved to see the happy, bubbly girl, but also relieved because if she had been there Kate would have had to put on a big smile and actually attempt to look okay instead of the tired beyond belief mess she currently was and Kate just didn't think she would have had the energy to do that.

"Oh, my mother came and snatched her up for some overdue granddaughter- grandmother time. So, I really wanted to thank you in person for the Easter baskets, you didn't have to do that Kate!"

"I know I didn't _have_ to, Rick- I wanted to! I already had it all together and was going to bring it personally but, well, work kind of got in the way. Did Alexis like hers? And I wasn't sure what blends you liked so I just got an assortment.."

Rick chuckled. "I'm really not too picky when it comes to my coffee, the assortment was perfect! And 'Did Alexis _like_ hers?' Are you kidding me?! She _loved _it! She's been carrying that stuffed animal with her everywhere! We already painted our nails too! I took mine off though," he said when he noticed Kate glance down at his hands on the table for evidence of any nail polish.

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, good! I'm glad. I feel like gifts are always kind of hard and end up being a hit or miss."

"Kate, you nailed it." Rick reassured her, smiling when she smiled.

"So, tell me! Work seems pretty crazy, is that a bruise on your face?" He asked as he reached over, gently grabbing her chin and turning her head to the side so he could see the mottled skin better.

Kate's heart gave a little flutter at the touch and the concern in his voice before quickly regaining control of herself and tugging her head back and out of his reach.

"Oh, it's nothing- really, Rick, I've had worse!" Kate said before taking a lengthy sip of coffee, watching Rick's face carefully.

"Jesus, Kate. What happened?"

"I was chasing after a suspect and the take down got a little...messy. He threw an elbow before I manage to tackle his crazy ass to the ground." Kate recounted with some bravado hoping to assuage Rick's concern.

Rick sat quietly for a moment before things started clicking in his head. "You got him then? Is this the same case you got called in for while you were at the loft last week?"

Kate's face contorted into a look of frustration and annoyance as she let out a deep sigh. "Ugh, no, completely different case! Yet another one cold in a span of three weeks! I just don't get it. There isn't a damn thing to go on, every potential lead ends up going _nowhere!" _

Rick frowned, thinking. "Huh. Well, I don't suppose you'd want to go over it, maybe I can help. I do kill people for a living, Kate. Maybe not literally, but ya know, on paper." Rick said as he waggled his eyebrows, wanting to lighten things up a bit. "I could be just what you need! Maybe I will pick up on something you guys missed. Not that you'd guys would...miss anything but.." He said trying to back peddle so it wouldn't be taken the wrong way.

Kate just shook her head. "I really shouldn't discuss open cases with a civilian, Rick."

"Please?" He asked, hoping she would relent. Rick was fascinated with her job and he felt as though an opportunity had just presented itself, wrapped all pretty and neat in a bow right in front of him.

"Why? Why do you care so much?" Kate didn't understand why someone who didn't have her job would _want_ to talk work details, details dealing with death, things most people didn't want to hear because it was just too macabre.

"I want the story." He said simply.

"The story.." Kate repeated softly.

"Yeah, the why- why those victims? What was the reasoning? What did they ever do to catch the eyes of a killer? Why does he kill? What pushed him to that point? Was he always destined for that life, or did something happen along the way?" Rick tried to explain but found he was having trouble articulating why it was so important to him.

He enjoyed finding out the whys, the reasons behind things, why people are the way they are, what makes the, tick. To him, life was all about finding the story and sharing it with others. Stories are what tear some people apart and bring other people together. It was all about the story.

Kate stared at Rick a moment, assessing how much to say, _what_ to say. "The victims aren't connected in_ any _way. We have poured over their lives, picked apart details, looking for something, anything to point us in the direction of the killer, trying to find a reason why or a way to link it all together. But, you know what? That's just it, sometimes there is no story, no rhyme or reason. Sometimes the guy is just a psychopath."

Rick took in her words, turning them over in his mind, piecing together his thoughts before he voiced them. "There's always a story, always a chain of events that makes everything make sense. Everyone has a story, Kate. I have a story, you have a story- like, okay..Take you for example... Under normal circumstances, you should not be doing what you're doing. Most smart, good looking women become lawyers, not cops. And yet here you are. Why?" Rick asked her, genuinely curious to know.

Kate looked thoughtful, intrigued at where he might go with this. "I don't know, Rick. You're the novelist. You tell me."

Rick leaned in, appraising Kate silently, taking into account everything he knew about her.

_Well, she's not bridge and tunnel, no trace of the boroughs when she talks. So that means Manhattan, that means money. She went to college, probably a pretty good one. She must of had options. Yeah, lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options. And yet, Kate still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to her. No, Kate's wounded but she isn't that wounded. It had to have been somebody she really cared about. It was someone she loved. _And suddenly it all dawned on Rick and some of the mystery slipped away._ Kate probably could've lived with whatever it was that happened, but the person responsible was never caught. And that is why she is who she is and she does what she does._ Rick leaned back heavily in his chair, silent.

Kate smirked. "Mm, can't figure it out?" She asked with a twinkle in her eye, secretly relieved to have avoided what she was sure had the potential to have made her feel open and vulnerable.

Rick met her eyes steadily. "Your story belongs entirely to you, Kate. It isn't mine to tell."

_But I know. I know you. _Rick was suddenly overwhelmed with figuring out a part of Kate, a part he was sure she was careful to guard because she didn't like being vulnerable. But it only made Rick like Kate that much more. She was strong, she was so many things, he was learning- smart and witty, warm and caring, focused and driven, he could just add strong to the list. He was sure Kate would tell him her whole story, it would just take some time. And patience on his part.

* * *

**A/N: clearly I took some liberties with the beautiful, wonderful script from the pilot episode. I reworked it a bit and altered the context to fit these characters just a little more.. I apologize if the Caskett isn't happening soon enough for you guys... we'll get there though.. **

**oh, ps.. **

**if you want to see the bunny I pictured in my head whilst writing this, google "pudge bunny jellycat" it's pretty freaking cute and they're amazingly soft and cuddly ;) and the nail polish? anyone interested? No? okay, well here they are anyway.. Essie brand and they're labeled "lilacism," "stroke of brilliance," and "a cut above."**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

"Alexis!" Rick yelled, pausing the movie he had been watching to listen for a response.

"Coming daddy!" Came the muffled response followed by the sounds of feet racing down the stairs.

"What are you guys doing up there?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders, "Playing."

Rick just nodded his head. "Well, I just got a text from Kate." Alexis' head snapped up, no longer interested in picking off her chipping nail polish.

"What'd she say?" Alexis asked, excitement already building at the thought that it meant maybe she would be seeing Kate again soon.

She hadn't seen her since before Easter and when she had found out her dad had gotten to see Kate and she hadn't, Alexis threw one of her rare fits. As far as temper tantrums go, it truly wasn't all that bad and had more to do with an over tired Alexis than her actually being genuinely angry with not getting her way. It didn't last long and ended with Alexis stomping her feet as she stalked back to her room where she threw herself on her bed. When Rick thought he'd given her enough time to cool off, he cracked open the door to see Alexis passed out, clutching the stuffed bunny tightly to her chest.

Rick smiled knowingly, he figured she would be thrilled that she would finally be seeing Kate again. "She said she is going to drop by the loft after work. So, in like, " Rick broke off, looking at the watch on his wrist, "an hour or so."

Alexis grinned before scrunching her eyebrows as she thought of something. "But Paige is still over."

Rick felt slightly miffed at this statement, he wasn't quite sure where the problem with that was, besides Paige's mom should be picking her up fairly soon. "Can Kate not come over because Paige is over, Alexis? Should I call Kate back and say never mind?" Rick asked, already knowing what the response would be, but interested as to why Alexis didn't seem to want them over at the same time.

"No! I wanna see Kate! It's just that last time when Paige was here, Kate was on her team for laser tag and Kate played with her and.." Alexis trailed off, looking down at her feet.

Rick gave a small chuckle when it finally dawned on him. "You didn't like sharing Kate."

Alexis started to try to deny it but gave up, admitting that she would rather not have to share _her_ Kate. Rick smiled at his daughter in amusement. "Well, it shouldn't be a problem, I think Paige's mom should be here before then. Why don't you go on back upstairs, tell Paige her mom should be here soon, make sure all her stuff is ready to go."

After she bolted back up the stairs, Rick was left along with his thoughts. He shook his head, thinking of Alexis and her reluctance to share _her_ Kate. _Her_ Kate. Rick couldn't wait to tell Kate that she had now been claimed, marked as belonging to someone. _Kids can be so damn funny about some things,_ Rick thought to himself as he pointed the remote at the tv to unpause his movie.

Xx

Kate stepped out of the elevator and started towards the Castles' door. She slowed when she noticed the door was already wide open and standing just inside the doorway was a woman. With Rick. Kate knew she shouldn't feel remotely jealous in the slightest, I mean, really- what were they to each other if not friends? It was ridiculous to feel put out is what Kate reminded herself before stepping into the line of view of Rick and the mystery woman.

"Kate!" Rick said warmly as he reached out and pulled her in for a quick hug before turning to make introductions. "Kate, this is Lisa, Paige's mom. Lisa this is Kate."

If Kate felt silly before, she definitely felt ridiculous now. It was just the mother of one of Alexis' friends. _C'mon now, Kate._ It was only a brief moment or so before the two girls came barreling down the stairs, chattering animatedly about something or other. When Alexis saw her, her face lit up and she launched herself at Kate . Kate hadn't quite been prepared for the girl, and dropped her bag and files she'd been carrying just in time to catch her.

"I'd say someone was excited to see you." Lisa said, smiling at the two before picking up her own daughter's bag and ushering her out of the loft, calling out thanks and see you soons over her shoulder.

"Well, hello there, Alexis!" Kate said, squeezing the small child affectionately. Alexis held up the arm that had been draped over Kate's shoulders to show her what she was holding. Kate grinned at the sight of the floppy eared stuffed animal.

"Thank you, Kate! I love it soooo much!" Alexis told her.

Even days later, Alexis was as enthralled with the rabbit as she had been when she first pulled it from the basket Easter morning. She took it with her everywhere they went, and Rick had grown accustomed to tucking it in with her every night as well.

Kate smiled, "You're very welcome sweet girl!"

Once Kate had set her down, Alexis was quick to grab her hand and begin tugging her along, listing everything they were going to do.

"Actually, Alexis, I just dropped by for a little while. I have work really early in the morning but I have some stuff I wanted to show your dad... And I wanted to see you!" Kate said, trying to let her down gently.

"Oh." Alexis said, her shoulders dropping just a bit with disappointment.

Rick felt a little sad for his daughter, though he could fully understand why Kate couldn't stay late, it didn't mean he had to like it. The least he could do was _try_ to buy a little more time with her.

"Have you eaten, Kate? Alexis and I haven't had dinner yet and we were thinking about just ordering in."

"I..well.." Kate said, clearly at a loss.

Rick jumped at the hesitation. "How's Chinese sound?"

Kate threw her hands up in defeat. "Twist my arm, why don't ya! Chinese sounds great."

Rick told Kate he would go call and place the order and then would come find her afterwards to discuss whatever it was she had come by for. Alexis was quite pleased at the turn in events and wasted no time pulling Kate to her room.

Kate should have known she couldn't just "drop by" the Castles'. That'd have been impossible, but she couldn't say she hadn't jumped at the chance to stay. Any time spent with the Castles left Kate feeling better than before, it was like an automatic pick me up after a stressful, dreary day chasing down killers. Her eyes followed the girl as she pin balled around the room, incapable of deciding what she wanted to do most. Alexis finally settled on a decision as she showed Kate her new books her dad had just bought for her the other day.

"Will you read to me please, Kate?" She asked sweetly as she held out one of the books.

"It probably won't be for very long though, Lex... I've gotta talk to your dad after he gets done ordering food." She explained.

"But, until he's done calling, can you?"

"Well, I guess I can do that." Kate said as she followed Alexis over to a big reading chair in the corner of her room. Alexis waited until Kate had sat down before scurrying up after her, settling down comfortably in Kate's lap. Kate began reading and Alexis was soon entranced by the sound of her voice and how it made the characters come to life. Kate got just as caught up in the book as Alexis and hadn't even realized it was over 20 minutes later that Rick poked his head in the door.

"Sorry, I couldn't find the menu, it took me a while to dig through all the papers and take out menus in the kitchen drawer." He explained apologetically to Kate before pausing to take in the sight before him.

He felt a sudden rush of gratitude for Kate and her patience with his little girl. The fact that she was willing- and comfortable enough- to entertain his child, to play and read with her meant a great deal to him. It struck Rick again just how difficult it was going to be for him to keep feelings out of this- friendship? Relationship? Whatever it was that Kate had with the Castles.

"Did you uh," Rick cleared his throat. "Wanna talk now or after.."

"The sooner the better, probably." Kate replied as she stood up and set Alexis on the floor. Alexis made the move to follow after Kate but Kate was quick to shake her head subtly towards Rick, silently communicating that it wasn't a conversation to be had in the presence of little ears. At this, Rick's brain started scrambling, trying to figure out what it was that Kate wanted to talk to him about.

"Alexis, sweetie, Kate and I need to talk about grown up things. Could you play in your room while we talk? Maybe you can break out your new coloring book we just got!"

Alexis nodded her head and started to look for her colors and the book. Kate followed Rick down the stairs and over to the sofa, picking up her files from the coffee table.

Kate took a deep breath before starting. "Okay.. Sooo, I've been giving what you said at the coffee shop a lot of thought."

Rick quickly went over in his head what she might be getting at.. He had said a lot at the coffee shop, this could be going in many different directions. _Oh, maybe it's her story!_ He thought excitedly, hoping it was this and she'd decided to open up and share what he was damn near certain was a large part of why she is who she is.

"We still haven't gotten anywhere on those cases and I'm willing to try just about anything at this point. Maybe you _will_ find something we missed.." Kate said as she opened up some of the files and spread them out on the coffee table and handed a few to Rick.

Rick's stomach dropped, feeling a little bummed it wasn't personal and it was just the case. The disappointment quickly gave way to curiosity. Kate rehashed everything her and her team had investigated, everything they had found, every detail she could manage. Rick listened with rapt attention, pouring through the case files and lastly picked up the crime scene photos, flicking between the photos of the three different women.

"Kate," he said looking up from the pictures, face etched with concern. "You didn't tell me all the victims bear striking similarities to you. Aren't you a little worried that he might, I don't know, come after you?"

Kate was quick to dismiss this thought. "There's nothing here indicating that he's a threat to me personally, Rick."

"All three of these women have similar features, Kate. You can't deny that. Tall, slight, brown hair, sharp, defined facial features, pretty. Then there are the tattoos. '_Catch me,' 'if you can.' _That sounds like a challenge. To you. And what about their initials, tell me you haven't overlooked those. Kahla Boyd. Kelsey Brennan. Kourtney Bates. Kate Beckett."

Kate had noticed, she was a detective for Christ's sake. But it was one of those things she didn't want to read too much into, give it more meaning than it actually had. Kate also refused to be intimidated or threatened just because they shared the same initials. Kate shrugged her shoulders.

"Coincidence."

"You aren't that daft, Kate. And what about where the third body was found? The Bronx Zoo? The day after we were there? Is that a coincidence too?" He asked, his voice rising with emotion. Kate couldn't possibly be this thick, could she? All the signs were pointing to her as being a target, it was all right here, how could she ignore it?

Kate could feel herself start to wall up, start to feel as though this were a mistake. _What was I thinking? _

"Of course I didn't think that was a coincidence. That was him making a statement, a big, ballsy statement to rub in all our faces that he can keep doing what he's doing right under our noses and we can't catch him. Listen, let's forget I brought this up, I shouldn't have asked you to look into this all, it isn't your job."

"I'm just worried is all, Kate." He said gently grabbing her hand to stop her from collecting all the papers. "This means he probably follows you. What happens when you're alone or aren't expecting it? What then, Kate?"

Kate pulled her hand back from his grasp. "I'll be fine, Rick. I can take care of myself. If he was there that day at the zoo I should have noticed. How could I not have?"

Her words seem to make something in Rick's head click. "Maybe you didn't notice, but I did." He said before quickly explaining how at several points though out the day he had thought they'd been followed but he could never actually spot the guy when he went to look.

Kate looked at him, confounded by this new development. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, I thought I was being paranoid! Had it even occurred to me that he was stalking one of us or was a threat don't you think I would have said something?"

"Did you at least get a good look?" Kate asked, hopeful.

Rick wanted to to say yes, but every time he tried to picture the man, he couldn't. He'd never gotten a good look in the first place and what little he had noticed, time had seemed to blur the details, any description he could give would probably describe well over half of the New York population.

"No, I can't help you narrow it down past male, white, near 6 foot, wearing glasses and a baseball cap."

Kate visibly deflated at this. Why couldn't they catch a break with this guy? "Well, can you write down everything you remember so I can add it to what we have, officially?" She asked tiredly.

"Of course." Just then there was a knock at the door, it was the Chinese food.

Rick got up to take care of it while Kate went up to get Alexis. Kate found Alexis sprawled out on the floor, crayons scattered every which way, surrounded by several pictures.

"Hey, food's here!" Kate told her.

Alexis shoved the crayons in the box and hurriedly stowed the pictures inside the coloring book. The two walked down the stairs to see Rick had set out plates and was waiting to start dishing out. Over dinner, they talked about this and that, keeping it light with Alexis in mind. Once they'd finished up, Alexis asked Kate if she would read some more of the book they had started.

"I have to go, sweet pea. I shouldn't have stayed this long anyway," Kate said as she looked at the time. It was nearly 8:30 and she still had quite a bit to do once she got home and work always came too soon.

Alexis' face fell. "But, daddy had _all_ the time with you tonight."

"I didn't mean to, pumpkin, we just had a lot to talk about." Rick told his daughter who in return just glared at him. Rick laughed at her little angry face. "Oh, I forget, you don't like sharing _your_ Kate- Paige I can understand, but you can't even share with your own dad?!"

"Daddyyy!" Alexis hissed, her cheeks flushing red. She hadn't wanted him to tell Kate!

Kate looked between the two in confusion waiting for someone to explain.

"Alexis here has claimed you as her own, not to be shared with others. She doesn't like having to _vie_ for your attention." Rick said, teasing his daughter good naturedly.

Kate looked at the embarrassed little girl who was now refusing to meet her eyes.

"Well, duhhh. If I'm gonna be claimed by any one in this household it's going to be her. Alexis," Kate said, waiting for her to meet her eyes, "I'm all yours, honey child!"

Alexis simply beamed at Kate's words, turning to stick her tongue out at her dad.

"Hey! Wait, what if I want to claim you?" Rick asked.

"Can't. Too late." Kate said with a smirk as she stood up, holding out a hand to Alexis. "C'mon, one more chapter, it's a little late for you anyway, missy."

Rick shook his head, _no winning with the dynamic duo over here. _After clearing off the table, Rick stored some of the leftovers in the fridge, leaving out the rest for Kate to take home. Once he'd finished in the kitchen, he went over to the coffee table and started stacking the papers neatly back into the separate files, the worry creeping back in as he did so. He hoped he was wrong and she wasn't a target. He hoped something would break soon in the case so they could catch the bastard. Rick's thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Kate padding lightly down the stairs.

"She fell asleep so I just tucked her in and shut off the light." Kate told him. "Thank you." She said, noticing he had put the papers back in the files and stacked them neatly.

"Sure thing." He replied, handing her the stacks of folders. Kate started walking towards the entry to don her warm black peacoat and gather the rest of her things.

"Thanks for everything, Rick. I'm sure I will see you guys soon."

"You sure you'll be okay to get home?" He asked thinking again of the bloody bodies and the killer on the loose.

Kate rolled her eyes. "_Goodnight, _Rick."

"Goodnight." He murmured as he watched her walk down the hall.

He was closing the door when he realized he had forgotten to give her the leftovers. _Shit! _He ran to the kitchen and snatched up the food, hoping to still catch her. The hallway was empty though. Rick figured he could probably beat the elevator if he was quick so he raced down the stairwell to meet her at the bottom.

Kate smiled to herself whilst riding the elevator down, thinking of Alexis and Rick and being "claimed." She felt a little disappointed though, Rick hadn't kissed her cheek like he always does when saying goodbye. _Kate, you're being ridiculous. Just stop._ She told herself just as the elevator dinged to signal it had reached the bottom. The doors opened to reveal Rick.

"I forgot to give you this." He said as he handed her the small take out box. "And," he leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her cheek, coming dangerously close to the corner of her mouth. "That."

And just like that, Rick brushed past her to enter the waiting elevator, smiling as the doors shut.

Kate shook her head, attempting to also shake herself from the persistent fluttering in her chest.

_What was a girl to do?_


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

It had been a little over an hour and a half since Kate had left, and Rick was still pacing the loft restlessly. He didn't understand why Kate didn't seem to take the danger more seriously. She hadn't appeared put off in the slightest and here he was, a couple hours later, stomach in knots and wearing a hole in his carpet from his endless pacing.

There had to be something he could do. He had noticed how defensive she'd gotten during their talk and doubted he would be clued in on the case in the future. Rick needed to know what was going on, he needed to be sure Kate would be okay with a psycho like that on the loose. _There has to be a way,_ Rick thought to himself. And suddenly- he had it! _How did I not think of this sooner?!_ It was perfect, really. He had just ended his Derrick Storm series and was in need of some inspiration for something new. What better inspiration than someone like Kate Beckett?

Rick's brain started firing in a million different directions. It was as though he'd just unlocked something in the recesses of his brain- something that he felt had probably been there for a while, he had just yet to recognize his own hidden brilliance and now that he had, his mind was in overdrive and he was struggling to keep up with his own thoughts.

Rick started to think he could shadow Kate for "research" for a new book. _Yes, that's how I can remain involved _**_and_**_ how to ensure Kate's safety. _Rick grinned at his solution, the thought that he wasn't remotely capable of preventing any harm befalling Kate never once crossed his mind. In Rick's head, he equated just his presence as being enough security that'd grant her automatic protection because that's just how his mind worked. He was a writer after all, his imagination had a tendency to run away from him and in this story he was writing in his head, Kate was the damsel in distress, and he was going to be the knight in shining armor who'd save the day and got the girl. Rick began to wonder how best to execute this plan.

Obviously he would ask Kate first, he thought that maybe the thought of being inspiration for a novel would be enough to persuade her to agree, maybe it would cause her to miss the ulterior motive behind it. Rick's stomach dropped a little bit, _She is going to see right through it. _The more he thought about it, the more Rick began to realize it might actually be more difficult to carry out than he had originally thought. Everything he knew about Kate in regards to her job lead him to believe that she was very serious when it came to work and she didn't strike him as someone who would mix business with pleasure. In fact, now that he thought about it, she had told him several times how nice it was to spend time with him and Alexis _because_ it was such a nice break from the hard job she had. Rick sighed in frustration,

_She'll never go for it. She isn't going to want those two worlds to collide. _Rick sat down heavily on his couch, running his fingers through his hair. He'd just come up with a plan and shot it to hell all by his damn self. _Well, who says she has to like it?_ Rick thought. _I could probably go higher up than Kate, a superior whom she couldn't tell no! _Rick sat, lost in thought for a moment before snapping his fingers in triumph. _Who's above Kate? Probably a captain. And who is above a captain in a police precinct? The mayor. Weldon is a huge fan, he would totally go for shadowing a homicide detective for a new book! _Rick grinned at his own wiles. He knew Kate would be pissed if he manipulated the system to get his way, but he resolved that this would be Plan B, only to be employed if absolutely necessary.

Rick breathed out a sigh, finally relaxing enough to start to feel the effects of a long day. As Rick sank into bed some twenty minutes later, he resolved to broach the subject with Kate tomorrow. It didn't take long for him to drift of to sleep, dreaming of a gun wielding Kate, chasing down bad guys.

Xx

It was nearly a week later before Kate managed to squeeze Rick into her increasingly busy schedule. She opened the door to the coffee shop they'd met in before, scanning the room for him. Kate finally spotted him at a small table near the back and quickly made her way over. She dropped in her seat unceremoniously, shedding the coat and scarf she'd put on to protect her from the early morning chill.

"Hi!" It was all Kate could do to muster a smile. It may only be 9 in the morning, but her morning had been hell.

"Hey!" He said smiling for a second before picking up on Kate's mood, as much as she may have been trying to hide it.

"How are you? How's Alexis?" She asked.

"Good, good. She keeps asking when you'll come over again or when she will see you next." He replied, continuing to scrutinize her appearance and mood.

She looked flustered and distant. Exactly what he didn't want her to be when he brought up his big idea. _Shit._

"Sorry I told you not to bring her this morning, Rick. I just figured it wouldn't be very much fun for her to sit here and I can't stay long anyway..." She trailed off.

"It's fine! Mother doesn't mind watching her, she loves to spoil her rotten. Is everything okay, Kate? You seem.. Off." Rick asked, starting to worry something had happened.

"Yes."

Rick stared at her pointedly.

"No."

Kate let out a sigh.

"I don't know."

Rick held up a hand, "Let me get you some coffee first. Coffee always helps." He gave her a small smile before getting up to go place an order, not even bothering to ask what she wanted because he already knew.

He came back with a steaming cup of coffee and set it in front of her before sitting down. "Okay, so what's going on?"

"There was another body." Kate told him, not meeting his eyes.

Rick's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. There had to be something different about this one. Any other time she had talked about cases or a body, she didn't seem so.. Affected. He didn't know what to say so instead he simply waited for her to continue.

"You were right, he is singling me out. " She said softly, picking at something nonexistent on her coffee cup. "The tattoos on the bodies.. Ya know, the ones that said '_catch me' _and '_if you can'.."_ Kate paused looking up to finally meet his worried eyes.

"_Another body, another life. All this blood, dear detective, all this blood is on you." _She recited the words that had been forever seared in her mind upon seeing them scrawled across the dead woman's forearm this morning.

Rick now understood why this one would affect her differently. The killer had challenged her to catch him and because she hadn't- couldn't- he killed again, placing the blame on her for not catching him first.

"Kate," he said gently, reaching across to squeeze her hand. "Her death isn't your fault, it's his. You didn't kill her, he did."

"I know that." She snapped, snatching her hand back.

It was very difficult to maintain her emotional distance if he was initiating physical contact. She didn't want to feel out of control. Maybe she couldn't control who was being killed, but she sure as hell could control her emotions. She was determined to pull it together and lock the armor back into place that had fallen in a moment of vulnerability.

Kate felt irritated with herself, the whole way over to the coffee shop all she had wanted was to see Rick, feel reassured. Then, as soon as he tried to so just that, she shut down and pulled away. Kate suddenly felt incredibly tired. Being at war with oneself is exhausting, the roller coaster of emotions was more than Kate felt she could handle at the moment.

"I'm sorry." She said, feeling sincerely sorry for how she was treating Rick. He deserved better, she knew.

"Don't be." Was all he said, the corner of his lips tugging upwards in the beginnings of a smile.

Kate shook her head, trying to rid herself of the overwhelming feelings of despair and frustration, focusing on the here and now. "Didn't you say you had something you needed to ask me?"

Rick's jaw dropped slightly, she was certainly not in the most swayable mood right now. "Uhhh.. Did I? I don't remember.." He forced a laugh.

Kate's eyes narrowed. "Mmm... Mhmmm, I'm sure.. C'mon, Rick. Just ask."

Rick thought long and hard. He wasn't sure what would be worse, asking her in the current mood she was in, or not and waiting, possibly when the killer's danger to her was escalating.

"Promise you'll keep an open mind?" He asked with both eyebrows slightly raised.

Kate paused a moment before replying. "Promise."

"Well, I was thinking about maybe basing my next book on homicide detective who, well- the details aren't clear at the moment- but I was wondering, hoping actually, that I might be able to shadow you. Like... On the job? Ya know, follow you around, get a real feel for what you do so as to lend some authenticity to the story... When I write it, that is.." Rick let out in one big breath, afraid to be interrupted before getting it all out.

Rick carefully watched her face as she processed what had just been proposed. Her face was blank for all of five seconds before she burst out laughing.

"You're kidding, right?" Kate couldn't believe her ears. What was this nonsense he was speaking?!

Rick waited for her to stop laughing. "Uh, nope. Serious as a heart attack."

Kate immediately sobered up. "Absolutely not."

"What? Whyyy?" He whined for good measure, maybe she'd take pity. Nope, no such luck, she just shook her head, not even justifying him with a response. "You said you'd keep an open mind!"

"Yeah, well, that was before I knew what outrageous thoughts would come flying out of that mouth of yours."

"You promised!" He said indignantly. Rick wanted this to be her decision, he really would hate to have to go with Plan B.

"Fine. I will think about it." She said before continuing a moment later. "The answer is still no."

"What?! C'mon, Kate!" He implored. "I could be an invaluable asset to your team and I can help you catch this sick bastard. I'm worried, Kate, I'm worried he's going to come after you." Rick's face turned serious, trying to appeal to Kate's rational side.

"And what, Rick? You think your being there will mean you can protect me? You can stop him if he were to come after me?" Kate's tone held just a hint of mocking, thoroughly amused that Rick was naive enough to think such a thing.

"Well, yeah, I would protect you.." He started to say before she cut him off.

"What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?" She asked drily.

Kate could tell by the look on his face that he was preparing a rebuttal so she decided to nip it in the bud.

"You know what..I don't have time for this, Rick, I really don't. I gotta get back to the precinct." She stood up, reaching over to the other chair to grab her things. "Thanks for the coffee. I'll call you later? Maybe I can drop by tomorrow after work?"

Rick just nodded his head in agreement sitting by himself for nearly 15 minutes after she'd left, mulling over what had just happened, giving much thought to the new development in the serial case. _Well, not how I imagined this conversation going at all. _Rick decided not to immediately implement Plan B. He was going to need to reassess how Kate would react to that after seeing her strong reaction to his Plan A. Rick just hoped in the meantime Kate would be safe from harm's way. He drained his now cool cup of coffee and set off for home.


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate knocked on the door and waited for just a few seconds before the door opened to reveal a haggard looking Rick.

"Hey, everything okay? Was this a bad time? I knew I should have called first.." Kate trailed off, unsure of how to proceed.

Early this morning, Rick had just texted to say to drop by whenever, they'd be around so Kate hadn't bothered to shoot a text his way when she left the precinct since she was under the impression she didn't need to. Rick just shook his head, smiling a little before grabbing her hand and pulling her inside. Once inside, Kate immediately moved to hang her coat in the closet and set her things down, now feeling completely at ease in the loft. Having set her things down, Kate turned to focus wholly on Rick.

"You never answered my questions." She prompted, searching his face for clues.

Maybe he was still a little upset with her about yesterday and shooting down his idea to shadow her. Kate was willing to admit she probably could have handled it with more tact, but she'd just been so caught off guard that she'd responded accordingly. Rick just stood there dumbly, one arm reaching to scratch the back of his head.

"Listen, if it's about yesterday.." She began. Rick look startled by this for a second before waving a hand.

"What? No, no! It's Alexis-"

Kate was quick to interrupt.

"What about Alexis? Is she alright? Where is she?" Her heart rate already beginning to rise at the thought something was wrong.

"No, she's fine, she's fine." Rick said to reassure her. "Well, maybe not right now, but she will be."

Kate felt mollified by this response and as the worry dissipated the feeling of anxiety gave way to confusion; Kate felt confused as to why she'd reacted so strongly in the first place. Was she really in _that_ deep?

"Well, what is it then?" Kate was not appreciating Rick's vague and mildly cryptic responses.

"You want some wine?" Rick asked, starting to make his way to the kitchen.

Kate just followed behind, silently, waiting to see where this would lead. Rick poured two generous glasses of red wine, handed one to Kate before taking a seat on the bar stool. He took a sip, Kate mirroring his actions, patiently waiting for him to say whatever it was he was working up to say.

"Meredith dropped by this morning, a bit after I'd texted you." Rick paused at the look of confusion on Kate's face. Did she even know about her? He couldn't remember if it had been discussed yet. "Have I talked to you at all about Alexis' mom?"

"Oh. No.. But from what I gathered she's a pretty absent parent, this is the first you've ever brought her up." She said, wondering where this was going.

"Absent." Rick murmured, staring at his wine as he swirled it gently in the glass. "Absent is a good word. She just flits in and out of our lives, coming and going as she pleases." Rick's tone took on that of agitation. "She's normally around just long enough to get up Alexis' hopes before breaking one promise or another, and then leaving me to clean up the mess. Like, this morning, she just shows up at our front door saying she made a spur of the moment trip and could she have Alexis for the day, take her out shopping and around town then go out for dinner and what do you know.. She comes back to the loft with Alexis before 2 saying something came up and she'd have to do a raincheck.

And the something that came up- get this, Kate- the something that came up was running into some fuck buddy while they were out. So, of course she changes the plans, because that is just what she does, she changes the plans according to what benefits her best. I mean, does she even love Alexis at all? I don't understand how she doesn't come first. Alexis has been my whole world from the very moment I laid eyes on her. Why isn't she Meredith's whole world too? Maybe I should just refuse her time with Alexis, maybe that's how I can prevent the heartache."

Rick's rant left Kate feeling a little shell shocked. She had never seen him like this, had never seen him anything but smiling and upbeat. Okay, that's a lie, he was a complete mess that one lift ride, but aside from that.. Kate took a lengthy gulp of wine before clearing her throat, scrambling like mad to think of something to say back. The problem was, Kate was at a complete loss for words, what do you tell a single father who's forced to deal with an irritatingly flaky ex wife who was constantly disappointing their child and leaving him to deal with the mess of it all? She decided to tackle his questions honestly, maybe that would help.

"Everyone shows their love differently, Rick. Not everyone has the ability to love in the same capacity as you may want or hope for. I'm not trying to justify her absence in her own child's life and I don't think her coming and going is at all reflective of her not caring, but maybe she just sees it's better that way for you and Alexis. Maybe she realizes that she can't provide that stability so she just takes herself out of the equation. I don't know. I don't know her, I just prefer to look for the good than the bad, ya know? And maybe she can't love Alexis the way she knows a child needs to be loved, but she did leave her with you, Rick. I've seen you with her, you've got more than enough love for that little girl. She has all the support and love she could possibly need. And sure it's hard right now, her coming and going. But, she'll either figure it out or she won't, but Alexis will be okay.

I don't think you should deny her time with her daughter, or your daughter time with her mother. An unreliable mother is better than no mother at all. And maybe she is shallow and self serving, but if she's at least trying, can you really fault her? But, I mean then again, I've never met the woman, so maybe none of this holds true." Kate finished quietly a little surprised with herself. She had no idea where any of that came from or if it was even coherent.

Kate looked at Rick intently, starting to worry she might have offended him, that she had overstepped.

Rick sat quietly, pondering everything Kate had just said. Maybe there was some truth in it. _How the hell is Kate so brilliant? _He was astounded by her reasoning and now that she'd voiced it, he could see some of it for himself. It didn't mean it made it any easier when it came to cheering up a sad child, but he was comforted by the fact that someone else could see how much he loved his daughter and thought that it was enough love for two.

Rick looked over at Kate, a genuine smile bloomed across his face. "Thank you. That helped, I think. I think I can understand what you were getting at. It still doesn't necessarily make it any easier to deal with.."

Kate shook her head. "Of course not, that's your baby and you have the right to be angry that she feels let down. I was just throwing all that out there for you to take as you pleased. Is she upstairs?" Kate asked, now somewhat surprised when she thought about it and that she hadn't had her normal welcoming party.

"Yeah, she's been holed up in her room pretty much all afternoon. I tried to cheer her up but.." Kate straightened up from leaning over the island table, walking towards the stairs but pausing a moment to squeeze Rick's shoulder in a show of support.

Kate knocked on the door lightly, receiving no answer, she poked her head inside the door. "Hey, little one." She said softly as she made her way over to the small mass curled up in the middle of the bed. Alexis lifted her head at the sound of Kate's voice.

"Hi, Kate."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand to rub the little girl's back. "How ya doing, kiddo?"

Kate felt the small body shrug in response as she said, "fine."

Kate wasn't sure what the protocol was for dealing with kids and their feelings. Were you supposed to get them to talk about their feelings or was it okay for them to let them keep it to themselves and work it out on their own? _Shit. _

"Do you want to be alone right now?"

Again, shrug.

"Do you want me to go?" She tried again, unsure of if the girl wanted to be comforted or not. _Good lord, parenting must be a nightmare, it seems like a minefield. Do I, don't I? _

At this, Alexis sat up and shook her head. "No."

"Do you want..." Kate thought about what her mom would do to comfort her when she was upset. "A hug?" She asked, her voice raising a bit at the end as though she weren't sure if this were an adequate thing to offer.

In response, Alexis threw her arms around her neck, hugging Kate tightly. Kate rubbed her back soothingly, feeling Alexis' tears start to dampen her neck and shirt. It was about the time Kate felt a rush of indescribable anger. This was definitely not okay, how could Kate have even said half of what she had to Rick? _Ugh. _

When Alexis had seemingly cried herself out, Kate asked if she was hungry to which the response was a resounding yes. Kate pulled away from the hug to look at Alex's properly. "How's pizza sound?" She asked as she wiped away the last remaining tears.

Alexis nodded her head in affirmation and Kate suggested maybe washing her face while she went down to order it, promising to come back up after.

Kate walked into the kitchen fuming. Rick looked up, shocked at what he saw. Gone was the cool, calm and collected Kate Beckett. Before him stood an enraged looking woman, ready to tear into something. He quickly put two and two together.

"It was the tears, wasn't it? The tears got ya." He said, shaking his head sagely.

"I take back everything I said. I swear to God, if I meet that woman and there isn't a single redeeming quality in her, I will kick her ass from here to Sunday." Kate's eyes were aflame with anger.

"What about everyone showing their love differently and all that jazz?" Rick teased.

"Oh, bite me. Clearly, I had no damn clue what I was talking about."

Rick laughed, thoroughly amused by such a radical change. "No, I think what you said held some truth, Kate. It's hard to be logical and leave feelings out of it when there's a little person involved though, isn't it?"

Kate simply hummed in agreement, reaching for her wine glass. She glanced at the clock to see what the time was- nearly 7. "Alexis is hungry. We were thinking pizza?"

"Sounds good, I will call it in." He said as he got up to hunt down a menu somewhere.

Kate polished off the rest of her wine, feeling as though she'd need it before heading back upstairs. She found Alexis sitting on the corner of her bed, idly playing with the ears of her stuffed bunny. "Pizza will be here in a while, what do you wanna do while we wait?"

Alexis just shrugged her shoulders.

"We could watch a movie on the couch.." Kate suggested.

Kate felt relieved when Alexis finally looked up and seemed interested. "Can I pick?"

Kate grinned. "Of course you can! I'll even give you a piggy back ride down!" She said, turning her back to Alexis. Alexis sat still for a moment before standing on the corner of her bed and climbing onto Kate's back.

"Look who I've got!" Kate called out as she walked down the stairs.

"Ah, and how did you manage to coax her out might I ask?" Rick asked as he tugged on one of Alexis' dangling feet.

"My secret." She fired off, winking at him before walking towards the living room. Kate walked over to case with all the movies and waited as Alexis chose before pulling that one out and popping it in the player.

Kate walked over to the couch, reaching an arm around and situating Alexis so that she was now wrapped around her front before finally sitting down. Alexis sat tucked in Kate's lap with her head pressed against her shoulder as Kate slowly rocked from side to side.

The pizza came not much later and the three ate together in the living room, Alexis' mood considerably lightened. Kate felt nearly a million times better when Alexis flashed her one of her smiles for the first time that night. By the end of the movie, Alexis was falling asleep in Kate's arms. Kate dropped a kiss on her forehead before handing her off to Rick to get ready for bed.

"Night, little one."

Rick smiled at the tender look in Kate's eyes as she said goodnight, but it lasted only a second before it was gone and her carefully guarded look had replaced it. Rick wanted to roll his eyes. His daughter was getting her to fall in love with her quicker than he could. That little girl of his was giving him a run for his money.

As he climbed the stairs, he heard Kate called out, "I'm just gonna show myself out, Rick. I'm exhausted."

Rick felt torn, he had his slumbering child still in his arms, in need of getting ready for bed, but he wanted to talk to Kate.

"Are you free at all tomorrow?" He asked.

"Actually, I've got the morning off, I think I'm on call later in the day though."

"Wanna get together again?"

"That'd be good." She said, smiling. "Hey, how about you guys come over to mine and maybe we can go to lunch and just hang out?"

"That sounds perfect." Rick felt a little triumphant that they'd been invited over to her place for a change.

Kate started to tell him her address before deciding to just text it to him.

"Kay, so 9 o'clock my place!" She called out as she opened the front door.

"9 o'clock." He confirmed, nodding his head before continuing up the stairs with his child in his arms and a smile on his face.

Xx

Kate's head was filled with thoughts of Alexis and Alexis' shit mom and just about everything having to do with the Castles when she let herself in her dark apartment. She closed the door, locking it behind her. She flipped on a light, tossing her keys on the little table in the front entry and heading over to her room. Kate stopped midway, the curtains in her living room were moving. She didn't understand, that would have to mean the window was open, which it never was, and she could say with absolute certainty hadn't been when she had left this morning.

Kate instantly went on alert, becoming hypersensitive to every little sound she heard and every little movement she saw. She drew her gun, creeping slowly through each room, clearing it.

She returned to the living room, feeling unsettled. She lowered the gun ever so slightly and it was in that precise moment she was knocked to the ground, seemingly out of nowhere. The force of the attack knocked her gun from her grip and sent it skittering some feet away. She leapt to her feet, as did her attacker, both assuming fighting positions. The guy had at least 6 inches on her and he was solid. His face was masked and he was dressed all in black. Kate noticed with a sickening lurch that in one hand he held a knife. This was not going to be pretty.

Kate's main goal was to dislodge the knife, that was the real threat. She had a much better chance if he wasn't wielding a weapon. Thinking of weapons, Kate turned to hers, _Where is my gun?!_ Kate chanced glances ever couple seconds trying to locate it while remaining locked in a battle dance of sorts, neither willing to make the first move. When she couldn't locate it, Kate had to assume it had ended up underneath something. _Fuck. _

When he finally advanced on her, Kate threw a carefully aimed punch, narrowly missing. It went back and forth, Kate landing a few hits here and there but never enough to incapacitate. The longer it went on, the more desperate she became. This guy was good. His hand to hand combat was every bit as good as hers and possibly even then some. She couldn't really tell because he had barely engaged, instead choosing to deflect her attacks. _He is toying with me. _Kate finally realized, her stomach dropping to her feet. _Like a game of cat and mouse. _Kate started knocking things over, trying to make as much noise as possible, hoping someone- anyone- would hear and call in the disturbance. The chances of that happening were nigh impossible though, the apartment next door sat vacant.

Kate refused to give up without a fight, and continued to look for any advantage she could get. When he moved in, Kate leapt at the opportunity and tried to use his own weight against him, hoping to off balance him mid swing, if she were to have any chance in hell, she'd need to regain control. Her plan backfired though when he saw through it and finally he had enough. Kate saw that moment, watched as his body assumed a more threatening posture. When he had tired of toying with her, he came after her and came after her hard. He knocked her around quite a bit, Kate struggling all the while. When he had knocked her flat on her back, she knew. Kate Beckett knew it was over.

He straddled her, one arm pinning both of hers above her, the other waving the knife in front of her. The knife danced on her skin, chasing up goose bumps in its wake. He made little cuts here and there, all superficial. Kate's eyes were hard and cold, unwilling to give him what he wanted, which she was sure was fear. Fear made the aggressors feel powerful and she would be damned if she ever empowered someone like this. After some time, he sheathed his knife and held his forearm against her throat, leaning in close.

"Now you know what I am capable of."

With his arm pressed against her windpipe, she struggled to get her words out. "Fuck you." She gasped out before spitting at him. Angered by this, he released her hands momentarily to slap her hard across her face. Kate tried to fight back with her now free hands, but her strength was sapped. And the next thing she knew, everything went black.


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Rick and Alexis had just gotten out of their taxi and were walking towards what they believed to be Kate's building. As they drew closer, they could see several police cars and an ambulance, all with their lights flashing, parked outside the building. Rick's stomach dropped and he stopped in his tracks, tugging Alexis to a halt as well. He pulled out his cell and dialed her number only for it to ring until voicemail picked up. He tried again. Voicemail. Rick leaned over and picked up his daughter, putting her on his hip and walking quickly towards the building.

"What's wrong, daddy?" Alexis asked worriedly, she was young enough not to immediately connect the police cars with Kate being in danger, but she could pick up on her father's distress.

Rick just walked on, not answering her question as they rode the elevator up to Kate's floor.

"Daddyyy." Alexis was on the edge of a freak out, disturbed by her father's demeanor.

The elevator dinged and opened its doors, Rick striding out purposefully towards Kate's door. There was a flurry of activity at the end of the hall which had been cordoned off. He made a move to step under the tape to find his way blocked by a Latino officer.

"Excuse me, sir, this is a crime scene. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Crime scene?" He asked, his voice rising, panicking. "Kate!" He yelled, craning his head around the officer in an attempt to catch a glimpse through the open doorway a few feet away, hoping with all he had this didn't mean what he thought it meant. "Kate!"

"You know her?" The officer asked, clearly caught a little off guard by this. Rick tried to push past but was blocked every time.

"Please, sir. This is no place for a child." He said, glancing down at Alexis whose eyes were wide with fear. At this point she'd worked out that whatever was going on had to do with Kate. _Her_ Kate.

"Kate!" She started to scream as she tried to wriggle out of her father's arms. "Kate! Kate!" She yelled over and over again.

Rick was beside himself, not knowing what to do, the officer wasn't giving him anything. Just as he was seriously contemplating assaulting a police officer, he heard Kate's voice and visibly relaxed. She must be okay if she was barking orders at people. Kate appeared in the doorway, waving off a paramedic who'd been trailing behind her, clearly trying to do his job.

Rick's hold on his daughter relaxed just enough for her to shimmy down and out of his reach, darting underneath the tape and around the police officer's legs.

"Hi, honey!" Kate said to the girl who had wrapped herself around her legs and was looking up at her with her big blue eyes, glassy with unshed tears. Kate reached down and smoothed a hand over the girl's hair.

"Espo, it's fine. He's a friend." Esposito just nodded once in response before disappearing back into the apartment. Rick couldn't get through the tape fast enough before he was hugging Kate.

"I was so worried." He said, pulling back, eyes scouring her for bodily harm. Rick's stomach tumbled at the sight of the bruise that decorated her face and the ever so slight discoloration around her throat. He felt physically ill when he noticed the tiny, neat cuts on her arms.

"I'm fine, Rick." She said, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry, I should have called to cancel, it just completely slipped by mind, I got so caught up in everything.."

Rick didn't even know what to say.

"Well, are you going to say it?" Kate asked.

"Say what?" He responded, baffled.

"'I told you so.'"

Rick was stunned. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "I wish I had been wrong." Rick said softly as he tucked a strand of hair that had fallen across her face.

"Yeah, well, it happened, so.." Came her flippant response as she leaned down to pick up Alexis.

"Ma'am, you should really let me check you out, please." The paramedic interrupted. He'd tired of the patient approach and was going to try a more forceful approach- this woman was ridiculously stubborn and refused to be looked at.

"There's no need." She snapped. "You're only here because my inept partners called for an ambulance when it wasn't needed. I am perfectly fine, I'm just a little beaten up. There are no broken bones, all the open wounds are superficial and I know I don't have a medical degree, but I am _pretty_ sure there isn't anything you can do about a little bruise."

"Kate, you should really-"

Kate didn't wait for him to finish. "Rick. Stop. I am perfectly fine. You can go now." She said, turning back to dismiss the paramedic. The paramedic threw up his hands, mumbling something angrily under his breath.

"What the hell happened?" Rick finally asked, unable to stand it any longer.

"Nothing. Just a little scuffle." Kate replied, leaning towards him, trying to hand off Alexis. "You guys should go. I imagine my day is going to be pretty crazy, raincheck though?"

Alexis turned her head away from her father and tightened her hold on Kate. Rick stood there dumbly. He didn't want Kate out of his sight and she wanted him to leave.

The switch flicked in his brain. "Do you mind staying with her for a minute, I gotta make a call." Rick said abruptly, looking at Alexis in Kate's arms.

"I-yeah, sure." Kate was taken aback by his sudden need to make a phone call and watched as his form disappeared around the corner to the stairwell, wondering what could be so important.

"Beckett."

Kate turned to see Ryan waving her inside. Kate stepped inside and walked over to him, she wasn't too worried about Alexis as most of the glass and evidence of the fight had been cleaned up already, the crew was just being thorough.

"So, we're gonna handle everything here." Ryan said waving between himself and Esposito. "Why don't you get out, take the day. We'll call you with everything we find and you can come in to head the investigation tomorrow."

"No, no. Rick just had to make a call and then he and Alexis will be on their way and I can start chasing down leads."

"What leads, Kate? We don't even have any yet."

"Yeah, but we will, and I want to be here for that." She was losing her patience with Ryan. Kate knew he had good intentions, but he should know better than anyone that she wouldn't leave.

Espo chose then to speak up. He was in arms with his partner and had just realized the best way to spin it. It was obvious how attached to Kate the little girl was, and Espo could tell that Kate loved the girl she was holding in her arms; he doubted she could tell her no.

"What do you think, sweetie?" He asked Alexis sweetly. "Do you want Kate to go home with you and your dad today? Maybe even keep her for a sleepover?"

Alexis started shaking her head something fierce. "Please, Kate!"

Kate's eyes narrowed. "Oh, that is low, Espo. Really low. I didn't know you played that dirty."

He shrugged before high fiving Ryan. "Whatever it takes, Beckett."

Xx

Rick ended his phone call, feeling relieved. It had gone exactly as he hoped it would; he was golden. Of course the mayor had been for it and of course the captain had been more than willing to accommodate the mayor's wishes. Rick wasn't sure how to tell Kate, he had until tomorrow to figure it out.

As he started making his way back to Kate and his daughter, he began to wonder what this meant for Kate's day. They wouldn't possibly make her work her own case, would they? He imagined her place was a wreck, she'd need somewhere to stay, wouldn't she?

Rick stepped inside the house to find Kate talking to two police officers, Alexis still in her arms.

"Hi, we haven't formally met, I'm Rick." Rick said as he reached out to shake first Espo's hand, then Ryan's.

Once introductions were made, Rick wasted no time before asking if it would really be necessary to keep Kate, especially with her being in danger and he was careful to mention his secure building that was always under surveillance anyway.

The boys smiled and Kate rolled her eyes. "They're waaay ahead of you, Rick."

Alexis lifted her head off of Kate's shoulder, "yeah, daddy, Kate's coming home with us and she is spending the night!"

Kate was quick to jump in, "Well, I'm coming over to hang out for now, but I'm not spending the night."

Rick furrowed his brows. "Why not? We've got a guest room and everything. You shouldn't stay here alone, Kate. This guy wants to kill you." His voice lowered at the last part, remembering belatedly his daughter was right there.

"Rick, if he wanted me dead, he'd have killed me last night when he had the chance." The arms around Kate's neck tightened ever so slightly and she felt the press of the young girl's face into her neck. _Whoops, _Kate thought guiltily at having tossed something like that so flippantly in the presence of a small child. She was really going to need to work on censoring herself around Alexis.

Kate's words worked as though someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over him. It was as though he was realizing for the first time how close he'd actually been to losing her. Losing any chance he had- they had- maybe he should rethink this whole taking things slow.

Ryan and Espo slunk off, feeling as though they were intruding on something personal.

"Please, Kate."

She shook her head. "No, Rick. I won't be forced to spend the night somewhere just because I was attacked. I'm not going to run away with my tail tucked between my legs. This is my home."

"If not for you than for us?" He asked, referring to him and Alexis. "For our peace of mind? Please?"

"I'm not going to argue about this, Rick."

Rick refused to admit defeat but he relented, for now. He figured he would have all day to wear down her resolve.

Xx

"Do you want to just order in for dinner? There's a deli right around the corner.." Rick asked Kate who was lounging on the sofa, Alexis close by.

"I'm not really that hungry. But why don't you and Alexis go eat out and maybe you can just bring me back something for later?" She suggested instead.

Rick was growing more and more concerned over Kate. After she left her apartment with Alexis and Rick, she seemed to lose a bit of the hardened and in control image she'd been exuding only moments before. She sat in the taxi, shoulders hunched and her eyes closed, feeling every bit as battered as she'd been vehemently denying. But every time she'd feel his gaze of scrutiny, the shoulders would be pushed back, her chin held loftily in the air as she did her best to assume an aura of indifference, her eyes challenging him to say otherwise.

Rick briefly remembered his initial worry about Alexis and how to explain to his daughter the situation and what it meant in terms of the extent of what Kate would do today, given her current state. It wasn't much later that he realized it was a needless worry; his daughter was as attuned to Kate as he imagined she was to him. She picked up on Kate's mood immediately and simply sat quietly, content to just be near her.

When he had made his favorite mac and cheese recipe for lunch, she had just pushed it around absently on her plate, eating maybe a bite or two in total. And now she was refusing dinner as well. He knew she was trying- had been trying all day. She had made the effort to engage both him and Alexis, had even entertained Alexis for some time by reading but she was never wholly there. Her mind was off somewhere else.

He knew he couldn't force her to eat and he definitely couldn't force her to talk about what happened, but he wished he didn't need to. Rick longed for Kate's trust, unconditional and absolute. He would give anything for her to open up and share with him, to seek his comfort and counsel. But Rick knew no such thing as that could be forced, he wouldn't want it if it were so. The best thing Rick could do was be there and do his best to support her in whatever limited ways she allowed him. He understood her subtle request for some time alone, and decided he could give her that much.

"C'mon, Alexis, let's go get some dinner." He said with what little enthusiasm he could summon up. Alexis hesitated for a moment, looking at Kate and back to her father, then back to Kate who shook her head in encouragement.

Before the two exited the room, Alexis paused midstep before turning. "You'll be here when we get back?" She asked the question that was not really a question but a masked statement to show there wasn't room for any answer but the one that was expected.

Rick also paused, the thought hadn't even occurred to him, _thank God for my child! _He thought to himself.

"Yeah, Kate, you're not gonna sneak off on us while we're gone, are ya?" He teased, winking at her and throwing a lopsided grin her way.

Kate smiled. "I'll be here," she promised.

Satisfied with this, father and daughter finally left the loft in search of food to fill their grumbling tummies. Kate breathed a sigh of relief. _Alone at last. _She felt exhausted from the false facade she'd done her best to maintain all day, and her body ached in soreness and she sagged with the heavy weight of tiredness. She needed sleep, but sleep wouldn't come.

The brief happiness she had felt over the solitude didn't last long. It was only a matter of ten minutes or so before Kate found herself sorely missing the warmth of the girl's body, pressed against her side. She also found that she missed the security Rick's presence gave her, something she hadn't even been aware of until it was absent. She had thought she had wanted to be alone but now that she was, all she craved was their company. And now that she was alone, she could feel the tight, unrelenting press of something unforgiving against her neck, cutting off her air, she could again feel the pure terror that had overtaken her seconds before her world had gone black.

Kate did her best to shake herself from these persistent memories, but without anyone to distract her, Kate couldn't seem to shut it out. One thing was for sure, she would not be going home tonight. The thought of being alone in her apartment now felt like a punishment and despite what she had told everyone with such bravado in the comfort of the daylight, Kate decided it wasn't something she would be too proud to take back. Kate had never felt more relieved than she had at the sound of the front door opening and Alexis' running feet and Rick's warm voice that carried through the loft.

"_Honeyyyy, _I'm home!"

His head poked around the corner, crooked grin in place. "Too much?" He questioned.

Kate was smiling so wide her cheeks began to ache. "No, just enough."

Rick walked in to the living room to join Alexis and Kate and he was debating signaling to Alexis to initiate mission _"Kate sleeps over," _a plan the two had devised with great strategy over dinner. Just before he could do so though, Kate made an announcement.

"So, I thought about it while you guys were gone and I'm going to stay. If that's still okay with you, I mean.." She told them, looking from Alexis' happy face to Rick's astounded one.

Rick opened and closed his mouth several times before any words came out. "Are you telling me Alexis and I spent an entire dinner devising a wickedly brilliant plan to convince you to stay and you reached that decision all by yourself?! No bribery, no puppy dog eyes, no kissing you senseless."

The last one came tumbling from his mouth before he could think twice.

"Your plan was to kiss me into submission." Kate reiterated with a face completely void of expression, carefully guarded.

Rick debated how best to play this. He waggled his eye brows, flashed her a cheeky grin. "Would it have worked?"

"Mm, guess you'll never know, will you?" She fired back with a smirk.

Kate had no idea where any of this was coming from, what she did know was that it felt good. It was taking away the sting of the day and replacing it with something warm and maybe even a little dangerous. Kate knew she shouldn't play with fire and not expect to get burned.

Rick was still staring blankly as she brushed past him, Alexis in tow. _What the hell just happened?_ He wasn't quite sure what had happened in their absence, but he wasn't gonna complain.

Kate kissed Alexis' forehead some time later, tucking in her stuffed bunny next to her.

"Goodnight, Alexis." She said as she left the room, giving Rick some privacy as he tucked in his daughter.

He was whispering his goodnight when Alexis' hand reached to grab his arm just as he turned to walk away.

"Daddy, is the bad man going to hurt Kate again?" Her hushed voice carrying such heavy matter weighed on him greatly. Rick didn't like that Alexis' little world of security had been torn apart, if only a little bit, taking with it some of her innocence. Rick answered her as he always did- honestly.

"He might try but I won't let him, okay?" He told his daughter as he leaned down to press another goodnight kiss to her temple, feeling the gentle nod of her head in response.

Rick found Kate in the kitchen, placing a now empty glass in the sink.

"I've got some sweatpants and a shirt, if you want.. It'd probably be more comfortable than what you've got on." He said, speaking of her jeans and dress shirt. Kate just nodded in response.

"That'd be nice, thank you," she replied, watching as he turned towards his bedroom to procure the mentioned items.

"Here you go." Rick handed her a pair of folded sweatpants and a shirt a few minutes later. "They're probably a little big.. I don't think I have anything smaller though."

She thanked him again as she took both the shirt and the sweatpants, not bothering to mention that she'd just be sleeping in the shirt, and wouldn't be in need of the pants.

"You don't have to thank me. I'm glad you decided to stay." Rick said with overwhelming sincerity. "If you need- I mean, if you want to talk about it or you need anything- anything at all- you can come to me.. You know that, right?"

Kate smiled, she met his worried eyes with warmth. "I know," was all she said before pressing up on her toes to softly kiss his cheek. Kate walked up the stairs without looking back, the door to the guest room clicking shut softly, leaving Rick with his mouth slightly agape in wonder.

Xx

Kate couldn't sleep and was turning restlessly in the massive bed. She heard the faint turn of the doorknob and promptly rolled away from the door and feigned sleep, thinking it was Rick again. He'd been checking on her every so often and after the first few times, Kate just started to pretend to be sleeping. It was easier that way, she didn't want to have to explain that every time she closed her eyes, she felt like she couldn't breathe, she felt the smarting slap across her face again and again.

She heard the soft click of the door as it closed shut quietly. Thinking it safe, she opened her eyes to find someone standing by the side of her bed. It was Alexis, wide eyed and gripping her stuffed bunny tightly by the ear, rooted to the spot.

"C'mon, love." Kate said, lifting up the blanket as though inviting her in.

Alexis scrambled onto the bed, darted beneath the covers and nestled into Kate who gave a hushed squeal of surprise.

"Your feet are like ice!"

Alexis' first instinct was to pull them away. "I'm sorry!"

Kate found the cold paws and adjusted her legs so now the girl's feet were tucked between them. "It's okay! They'll warm up in no time!" Kate said, smiling in the dark, happy for the unexpected company.

Alexis' front was tucked into Kate's and one arm snaked up to play with a piece of Kate's hair.

"So, you couldn't sleep either, huh?" Kate asked a few moments later.

She could feel the shake of the little head. "No, I kept having dreams." She said so quietly Kate might have missed it had it not been so quite or they so close.

"Bad dreams?" Kate asked as she rubbed Alexis' back, waiting patiently for a response which came a minute or so later.

"I couldn't find you, Kate." Came the sad little reply. "You were gone," Alexis' voice broke on the last word. Kate got the sense that she didn't mean gone as in left the loft, but something much more permanent, much scarier.

Kate didn't know how to reassure the little girl, how to loosen the hold the nightmares still held that kept the fear alive. So, she did the first thing she thought of. Kate peppered Alexis' face with kisses.

"I'm right here." She said before continuing to kiss the girl's face all over, eliciting giggles.

"See?" Kate asked as she looked down into the eyes of Alexis, relieved to find them free of heartache and upset.

The silence wrapped around the two, but this time it was comforting and lulled them both to the brink of sleep. Alexis lay happily snuggled close to Kate, her eyes were shut but her mind was continued to whir in wonder. She wondered if this was what it was like to have a mother, someone to kiss the bad dreams away and to hold her close. Alexis thought the words over and over again until she could keep them to herself no longer.

"I love you, Kate."

Kate pulled the girl even closer, kissing her once more on her forehead.

"I love you too, my sweet girl."


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate was awake long after Alexis gave in to sleep. But it was no longer the violent memories that kept her awake, it was Alexis' words. They bounced around in her head, repeating themselves again and again in the same tender yet almost shy way Alexis had voiced them. The three words made her feel many things. Joy. Pride. Love. And doubt.

She didn't doubt Alexis meant them and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she'd never meant those three words more than when she had whispered them to the girl. One would be hard pressed to find anyone that meant as much as Alexis now meant to Kate. Kate marveled at how quickly the little girl had grown to mean so much. She couldn't pin point the exact moment it had happened for it was as though it had always been this way. And it wasn't that Kate doubted she would do anything and everything for the child that lay tucked against her. No, what Kate doubted was herself and her place in Alexis' life.

The girl's unwavering and staggering love for Kate scared her. The adoration she sometimes found in those blue eyes scared her. Kate was terrified of disappointing her. She was terrified of breaking her heart. Kate knew what it was to lose a parent, the devastation and the heartbreak remained raw, even years later. Kate had a hard, demanding job that was dangerous at times. How many times had a gun been pulled on her, or a fight had turned nasty? Kate couldn't even begin to count. Kate had known the risks when she'd signed up for the job, but she had just had herself to think about.

Now, it was different. Was it fair of her to potentially set up Alexis for a devastating loss somewhere down the line? She didn't know. She didn't know if it'd be worse to just cut all ties now, because although her leaving might hurt, she knew it would be nowhere near the level of hurt when it came to the death of someone you loved.

Kate briefly envisioned saying goodbye. The tears and hugging, the pleading, the begging, the confusion, the blame, the hurt. Kate's heart broke thinking of how Alexis would take it. Then she imagined Rick. His anger. God, how furious he would be with her, with himself, for Kate breaking her word to him, consequently breaking his daughter's heart. He would be hurt too, she knew. Kate didn't know what they had between them, but she could acknowledge that it wasn't just nothing and it certainly did mean a whole lot. To both of them. The montage of imaginings cut to blackness. It hurt Kate to think of this. In her heart she knew she was too selfish to ever give up what she had with the Castles. She was in far too deep to turn back now.

Kate tucked the insecurities away and focused instead on the present. She gingerly swept aside some of the wild strands of hair that had fallen over the girl's sleeping face, thinking again how much she loved this child. Kate finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep, Alexis snug against her.

Xx

Rick tossed and turned most of the night. First it had been because he still worried about Kate, even though he knew she was safe and sound asleep in the guest room upstairs. He had repeatedly allayed these fears with peeks into her room, checking to make sure she really was okay. Then he couldn't sleep because he kept feeling the light press of her lips against his cheek. S_oft. It was quick, kind of like a habit. Like it was something we will do everyday for the rest of our lives, _Rick thought to himself, smiling. Their time was coming, this he knew. Rick couldn't remember ever feeling so strongly for someone nor so sure in his belief in a future that extended long past those of any previous relationships he'd had. Was it too soon to think what he felt for her was love? Or was it possible to just _know, _to feel it in one's bones, with one's entire being that you were meant for someone?

Rick wasn't sure; he was a romantic at heart and had always dreamed of a love like those made for movie screens. Perhaps he was making this out to be much more meaningful than it was or ever would be. O_nly time will tell, _he told himself.

Just as Rick thought he might drift off to sleep, he thought of something else. His eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly in his bed. _Shit._ He had just realized he had never actually talked to Kate about the arrangement he had made. Behind her back. _There was just never a right time!_ He thought frantically. Oh, this did not bode well; he reckoned Kate didn't take kindly to surprises or more specifically, surprises that went against her wishes. His brain scrambled, trying to think of a way to tell her in the morning before she actually went to work. _Oh, she is going to be pissed, _he thought as he felt his stomach drop like a stone. He wondered if this would set back his whole make-Kate-fall-in-love-with-him scheme. Rick sighed loudly. _Probably. _

He'd done it for the right reasons though, surely she would see that? Good intentions had to stand for something, they just had to. Rick laid awake a while longer, various scenarios playing out in his head that ranged from Kate's being touched and grateful for his desire to protect her to a physical altercation that left him with a stinging, red cheek. He imagined her falling madly in love with him right then and there and then he imagined her anger and resentment followed by goodbye. Rick's last thoughts before exhaustion overtook him were of finding someone to watch Alexis. He just hoped his mother was free, especially given such last minute notice. Somewhere in the midst of compiling a list in his head of potential sitters, Rick fell sound asleep.

Xx

Rick's alarm went off barely five hours later. 6 am was the earliest he had willingly gotten up in a long while and he'd done so in order to have time to get ready and make breakfast before Kate woke up. Hopefully it would help him ease into his confession, make her a little more lenient and open. After he'd gotten dressed, Rick padded up the stairs with the idea of waking Alexis up, she was usually an early riser anyway and one of her favorite things to do was help him cook. When he opened the door and noticed the bedding tossed about, half on the bed, half on the floor, he stopped dead in his tracks. Her bed was empty. Being a parent, Rick automatically jumped to the worst possible conclusion and thought kidnapping and it was just as he was on the verge of a panic attack another thought popped in his brain. A much more logical thought.

Rick made his way to Kate's room and quietly eased the door open and took a couple cautious steps inside. He was flooded with relief at the sight of the uneven mound in the middle of the bed, it was much too big to just be Kate. Rick ventured a couple steps further to get a better look. A slow smile creeped across his face when he saw his daughter cuddled close to Kate. Alexis' head was tucked into Kate's chest and he noticed the protective way Kate's arms were wrapped around her. Never in a million years would Rick choose to break such a moment, so he turned around and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Kate woke to the distinct smell of bacon and what she thought was most likely eggs. She reclaimed her arms, causing pins and needles to shoot up and down one. She stretched for a few brief seconds before rolling over to check her phone on the nightstand table. Kate was relieved to see it was five til seven and she didn't need to rush. She checked her inbox and read the couple of texts she'd received from Ryan sometime in the night. Kate felt the increasingly familiar disappointment course through her at the news that nothing substantial had turned up. She wondered if this would ever end or if she would constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Just as Kate's thoughts started to grow darker, she felt the stirring of the smaller body next to her. Alexis cracked her bleary eyes and blinked a few times before completely focusing on Kate. Alexis suddenly felt shy as memories of last night came floating back to her, and telling Kate she loved her. Things somehow felt different in the light of day and what she had so easily accepted last night, she now second guessed. Alexis knew what Kate had said but now she wondered if she meant it.

Kate watched the emotions play out across Alexis' features and wondered at the shy glance cast her way before the look of uncertainty settled on her face.

"Morning, little one." Kate's voice was scratchy as it always was in the mornings. She reached out a hand to squeeze one of Alexis', smiling. Alexis took this as her cue before closing the little space between them to hug Kate good morning. Alexis could feel a little of the uncertainty melt away in the affectionate embrace.

"I smell bacon." Alexis said as she loosened her arms and looked up at Kate.

"I think I do too." Kate rolled off of the bed to scoop the sweatpants up off the floor, thinking it wise to put them on before going downstairs.

"You hungry?" She asked Alexis as she slipped them on and rolling them a few times. Alexis nodded her head and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Before her feet could touch the ground though, Kate had snagged her and threw her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Rick turned at the sound of Alexis' infectious giggles and watched as Kate descended the stairs with her tossed over a shoulder. Rick grinned goofily at the sight of the happy pair. Kate plopped the girl down in front of a chair before turning to Rick, smiling.

"Morning!" She said cheerfully.

Rick felt hopeful at the sound of Kate's cheeriness. He was happy to see her in such good spirits and he hoped nothing he was about to tell her would ruin it. They enjoyed a pleasant breakfast goofing off and being silly. Rick chickened out each and every opportunity that presented itself, convincing himself there was a better time coming if he'd just wait. Kate helped Rick clear the table by bringing the dishes to the sink. After she set the last ones in the soapy water to soak, she turned to find herself face to face with Rick.

Kate was surprised to see the anxiety written across his face where only moments before there'd been laughter and smiles.

"Listen, Kate.." he began slowly, avoiding her eyes. As he was about to press on though, his phone rang. Rick checked to see that it was his mother calling back about watching Alexis for the day.

"Just a sec," he told Kate before walking out of the room to take the call.

"Wait, what do you mean you can't?!" Rick hissed into the phone.

"I have a life, Richard. You can't call me up last minute and assume I've no plans. You know I love Alexis, but I really can't look after her today. If you'd given me more of a heads up, I might have been able to rearrange things, but as it is..."

Rick rubbed a hand over his face, thoroughly frustrated with this entire situation thus far.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, I'm sorry mother. Listen, I've gotta go.. Try and find someone else to look after her."

"What is it you're doing so early in the morning that goes all day, Richard?" She had never known her son to be gone from his daughter unless it was the obligatory engagements that had to do with his work, but she knew that couldn't be it as he was currently in between creative ventures.

Rick paused. He wasn't ready to tell anyone about it yet- the right time and all that...

"I'll tell ya later. I gotta go, love you!" He didn't wait for a response before hanging up the phone. _What am I going to do now?_

After a few moments, Rick had an idea. He really didn't want to. He probably shouldn't. Especially after last time. His finger hovered over the dial button before tapping "call". What other choice did he have?

Xx

Kate waited for Rick for a bit but when he didn't return, she decided to go ahead and get her stuff ready to go, but first thing first, she needed a shower. She mussed Alexis' hair before she leaned over to ask if she knew where she might find a towel. Alexis sprang from her chair and tugged Kate's hand and showed her where everything she might need was.

Kate spent nearly half an hour in the shower, trying to ready herself for the coming day. She didn't feel ready, but she needed to be, she did her best to shift into the right mindset. Kate needed to be at the top of her game, she couldn't risk missing anything. Now more than ever, she wanted to catch this bastard. After she got out, she slipped back into the big shirt and sweats, figuring they'd be as good as anything to go home in before she could change into more work appropriate clothes. Kate toweled her hair dry as best she could and brushed her teeth with the toothbrush Rick had thought to give her last night.

She walked out of the bathroom and looked at the unmade bed. Kate figured he'd probably wash the sheets but didn't know if she should be the one to strip the bed, so she ended up just remaking it for the mean time.

Just as Kate had stuffed her dirty clothes into her bag, she heard a commotion downstairs and the sound of an unfamiliar voice. She briefly wondered who it could be visiting the Castles this early in the morning before venturing down to see for herself. What she saw surprised her.

She walked in to see Rick in a lip lock with some woman she'd never seen before. The red hair gave her away, though. She figured it to be Alexis' mother. Funny, really, how nowhere in his rant did Rick ever mention any lingering intimate involvement with his "ex."

Kate slunk from the room, deciding to play it like she'd never seen it even though she doubted she'd ever be able to rid herself of the mental image, or of the tightness in her stomach, of the feeling that was something akin to disappointment. If she'd stayed a moment or two longer, she would have seen Rick push the woman away, wiping his lips as though he were back in middle school and afraid of cooties. She'd have heard him tell the woman things were different now and he no longer held any interest whatsoever. But Kate hadn't stayed so she neither saw nor heard any of this.

Kate opened Alexis' door to find the young girl in the midst of picking out the day's outfit.

Alexis looked up with a smile on her face and was about to ask for Kate's help but Kate spoke first.

"I think your mom's here, Alexis." Kate said it with a smile, hoping to cover up the irritation that was now taking hold. She shouldn't feel displaced. She really shouldn't.

Alexis blinked in surprise. _Why's mommy here?_ She wondered. To see her mother multiple times in the span of a few days was an absolute rarity. Her dad hadn't mentioned it so he must not have known. Rick always made it a point to tell Alexis when to expect her mother- bar the times she just showed up without a word in advance. Alexis looked up uncertainly at Kate. She felt the beginnings of anxiety creep in; she felt unsure of how to act with Kate in the presence of her mother. Though kids may not fully grasp the reasonings behind feelings or certain emotions, they tended to have an inherent ability to recognize the more sensitive situations and Alexis was no different.

Alexis watched as Kate turned and left the room without another word and ran to follow her. She caught up to her halfway down the stairs and hesitated a moment before slipping her small hand in Kate's.

The two wandered into the room where Rick and Alexis' mom were talking. Kate gave the girl's hand one last squeeze before dropping it and making her way towards Rick, Alexis lingering behind.

"Hey, Rick." She interrupted, casting an apologetic look towards Alexis' mom. "Sorry to interrupt.." She broke off realizing she didn't actually know the woman's name.

"Meredith!" The woman said as she flashed Kate a brilliant smile while sticking out her hand. "I'm-"

"Alexis' mom, yeah, I know." Kate finished for her quickly, giving a small smile of her own. "Pleasure. My name's Kate, I'm just a friend of the family's." She replied, figuring that was as good an introduction as any. Kate turned back to Rick.

"I'm gonna head out, I still have to go home and get ready before I can go in to the precinct. Thanks for letting me use your guest room for the night."

Meredith then caught sight of the little girl hanging on the outskirts of the room, not quite willing to enter the fray of the adults.

"Hi, my love!" She cried as she pushed past Rick and Kate and crouched to hug the girl before standing up with her still in her arms. Kate cringed at the use of the same affectionate moniker she sometimes used with Alexis. She now got the distinct feeling she was intruding on a personal level.

"Bye, Rick. See you soon." Kate said before turning to walk out of the room.

"Sooner than you know." He called after her. None of this had gone the way he'd wanted. He didn't want to ambush her now with Meredith here and all.

Alexis struggled out of her mother's arms and rushed over to catch Kate before she left the room, wrapping her arms around Kate's legs. Kate rubbed a hand lightly over her back once before telling the girl goodbye. She carefully avoided using any monikers, feeling the acute stares of Meredith and Rick. Kate was feeling profoundly awkward and uncomfortable in Meredith's presence and even more surprisingly, Rick's. With one last sweeping glance around the room, Kate left, never before feeling so relieved to leave the loft.

Thoughts of the morning swirled around in her head, tugging her emotions one way and then another. Kate wondered about Meredith's unannounced visit. She wondered about the unfortunate lip lock she had stumbled upon. And Kate wondered again what she was doing in the lives of the Castles.

* * *

**A/N: hi, my sweets! Another quick little thank you to all of you who have continued to follow and review. Your support and encouragement does wonders to keeping me motivated. **

**For all my anxious Casketteers- patience! I'm really sorry, but so far these characters haven't been exactly ready and any way I could think of to get them together at this point seemed forced and contrived. It's a delicate dance with these two, people, so don't hate me!**

**ps.. do I have any Grey's fans? Did ya catch the reference?! **


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate strode from the elevator, anxious to reach her desk and start the day. She had a lot to do. This case was going to run her ragged, she could feel it. That didn't matter though, Kate was going to stop at nothing to apprehend this asshole, hopefully in time to prevent anymore deaths.

Ryan and Esposito weren't in yet, she assumed it was because they stayed late to work on the case- her case. She was only in for about fifteen minutes before Ryan came strolling in, followed not much later by Esposito. But before Kate could begin her line of questioning, Ryan asked if she'd spoken to the captain yet.

A confused look came across her face. "No, why?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, "Dunno, just said he needed to speak with you first thing in the morning."

Kate nodded her head once in acknowledgement before making her way towards her captain's office, wondering every step of the way what it could be about.

She rapped lightly on the door to announce her presence before addressing him.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Captain Montgomery looked up as he shuffled some papers around on his desk. "Yeah. I got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan."

"A fan, sir?" Kate felt completely lost. _Where the hell was this coming from?_

Montgomery gave a small smile, in a way feeling proud about what he was about to tell her. "Yeah, some author claims he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective."

Kate tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows as she attempted to decipher how exactly that made her feel. "I'm flattered?"

"Don't be. He says he has to do research." Montgomery informed her as he waited, gauging her response.

"Oh no." There was no way in hell Kate wanted a ride along. She'd just told Rick the other day how-

_Did he go behind my back and ask my superiors? No! He wouldn't have.._

"Oh yes." Montgomery figured she would try to turn it down but it really didn't matter as he was captain and he'd be calling the shots.

"No way." She said, continuing to shake her head back and forth. She didn't want some ass of a writer coming in and screwing with her process all in the name of research. Who did this guy think he was, using the mayor and demanding a ride along?

"Who did you say this guy was?"

"Didn't. But, that.." He started to say before becoming distracted with something behind her. "Is him right there." He finished, pointing behind Kate just as she turned to look for herself.

_No._

_No._

_No._

_He did. _

Kate's eyes narrowed and her jaw set. She felt her hands clench and unclench at her sides.

"That's Richard Castle." Montgomery told her after a moment's silence, not sure how to interpret her reaction.

"I know who he is." She bit out.

Montgomery, however, was oblivious to the hostility in her voice, or at least pretended to be. "Oh, good. I won't need to make introductions then. Alright, well, go on and get going, Beckett." He said as he sat back down at his desk clearly dismissing her.

"Sir, you can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm serious alright. The mayor himself expressed particular interest in this arrangement. You know how it works, Beckett. It's politics. When the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy."

Kate didn't stick around to hear anything else. She stormed from the office and headed straight for him.

Xx

Rick felt like a walking ball of tangled up nerves and pure anxiety as he rode the elevator up to the homicide floor. He wondered if she'd already been informed of the arrangement. He wondered if she would have taken it better or worse than had she heard it directly from him. The elevator opened its doors to reveal a relatively busy precinct. He gave a cautious, cursory glance around the room, hoping to spot her before she spotted him. Rick didn't see Kate, but he did see the two detectives he'd met the previous day. He wandered over to them, glancing around every few steps, paranoid about finally seeing Kate and the inevitable moment of truth. Rick put on his charming smile and allowed his typical celebrity facade to snap into place, masking all the insecurities he was currently suffering.

They small talked for a few brief moments before an amused expression came over both of the detectives' faces.

"So, I take it Kate is just now finding out about your little arrangement?" Ryan asked Rick.

Rick let out a nervous chuckle. "Uh, well, what would make you say that?"

Espo didn't say anything but gave an imperceptible nod of his head in Rick's direction. Rick turned to look over his shoulder and then he saw her. And boy did she look pissed. Rick gulped loudly as the boys let out sniggers.

"Bro, you in _trouble.._" Espo whispered just loud enough for Rick to hear.

"H-hey, Kate." He said, clearing his throat. Kate grabbed his upper arm hard and began dragging him towards a stairwell.

Kate waited for the door to the stairwell to shut behind them before shoving him roughly against the wall.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Rick was taken aback by the ferocity in her voice. He'd never seen Kate like this. Ever.

Kate didn't wait for a response before pushing on. "You asked me if this was okay, Rick. You asked me and I said no. In fact, I remember saying no explicitly- _multiple times._ So, then what? You thought it'd be okay with me to instead just go about it behind my back anyway? I've never- I can't believe-" Kate struggled for a moment with her words before she found them.

The anger had fallen away and gentled her voice, but what replaced it affected Rick far more than her words of anger had- it was hurt, it was betrayal. "How could you?"

Rick's mouth went dry and his stomach knotted painfully, it had never been his intention to hurt her-it was the exact opposite; the whole purpose of this had been to protect her.

"I- I didn't think..." He trailed off, unable to untangle his incoherent thoughts.

"Exactly. You didn't think." She turned to leave before Rick put his hand on the door to prevent it from opening.

"Listen, I'm sorry, Kate. I did this to... I just wanted to help, okay? I couldn't stand the thought of someone out for your blood and then when you actually were attacked I couldn't just sit there and be helpless, Kate. Please just try to understand. I did this because I care about you, because Alexis cares about you. I'm doing this for her and for you."

And just like that, the words that were intended to ease Kate's hurt and upset did the opposite. The hurt and accusatory look in her eyes, dissipated and the flames rose again.

"No, you listen, _Rick_. I am not some helpless, pitiful damsel in distress, got it? This is my _job_, these hazards come along with it and I can't have some dilettante writer playing cop screwing this up on some misguided notion that it is for my own protection. You're not doing this for me, Rick; I told you no. You certainly aren't doing this in Alexis' best interest. No, you did this for you, Rick. You wanted to be the hero who came riding in like some knight on his white horse to save the day. Was I close?"

She made a move to wrench the door open but Rick stood firm and even moved to stand his whole body in front of it.

"No." Rick was doing his best not to react, he knew she was upset and felt cornered and ambushed so in a way, Rick could understand why she felt the need to lash out. It hurt, but he understood. Something she said though would not sit with him, no matter how he tried to reason it.

"Explain to me why this isn't in Alexis' best interest too. You're important to her, Kate, just as you are to me. It'd hurt her to see something happen to you. I'll admit that maybe I didn't think things through all the way, and I reacted purely on feelings instead of logic. But, I'm failing to see yours. So, explain your logic to me, Kate."

"Why this isn't in Alexis' best interest?" She asked in disbelief, not understanding how he could be so blind. He nodded his head and waited for her to continue.

"Well, first off.. You leave her with Meredith? The same woman you just bitched about to me the other night? Ranting and raving about how she is constantly breaking Alexis' heart and you're left to pick up the pieces. Yet, here you are, setting her up for heartbreak? You should be home with your daughter, Rick, she is the one who needs you. And did you ever think of the danger you're putting yourself in? This isn't a walk in the park. It can be deadly. And you don't have just yourself to think about here, this affects Alexis too.

Think about how if, God forbid, something were to happen to you? What then, huh, Rick? You're all she's got; she can't lose you. It will upend her entire life, it will ruin her. If you were to die, where does that leave her? Did you think about these things? No? Okay, well, think about them now and ask yourself, 'is this _really_ fair to Alexis?'"

Somewhere in the middle of her tirade, the ire had left Kate's voice. She no longer felt angry; she'd yelled it all out. Now, she felt exhausted, spent, used up. All she wanted was for Rick to see what a gargantuan mistake this was. Her biggest problem with this entire situation now was what it meant for Alexis. She knew the odds of actually dying on the job weren't as high or extreme as she was making them out to be, but then again why bother to risk death if you could avoid it?

And she knew that bad things did happen, all the time, and though the odds might not seem that bad, the worst case scenario far outweighed any of the more likely scenarios. If something bad _did_ happen to Rick, Kate felt she'd never be able to live with herself. She didn't want the responsibility of the life of someone's parent. If Alexis lost Rick as a result of this arrangement, Kate would blame herself and the guilt would eat her alive.

"Who was it?" He asked softly. Kate's eyebrows knitted in confusion, unsure of what he was asking.

"Who did you lose, Kate?"

Kate closed her eyes, feeling the frustration well up inside again. Of all the things she'd said, _that's_ what he'd picked out? How could he still be missing the point?

"Forget it." She said and tried again to exit the stairwell, only Rick still refused to move. "Rick, please, just let me out of here, I've got work to do."

Rick slowly stepped to the side, feeling completely unraveled by how things turned out. "So, that's it then?" He had been waiting for another long explanation, another attempt to dissuade him only to find no resistance whatsoever.

"No matter what I say you're just going to do what you want anyway, Rick." She wouldn't even look at him as she moved past him, back into the open precinct.

When the door to the stairwell opened, Esposito and Ryan snapped back to attention, pretending to be caught up in the middle of something important. In reality, they'd been watching through the little narrow window in the door, trying to figure out what was going on. They'd catch glimpses of Kate, hands waving in the air, gesturing angrily. They both felt surprised that the arrangement had been made without Kate's knowledge, with him being at Kate's place yesterday, they'd assumed they were good enough friends that something like this would have been discussed and agreed upon. As Kate was their partner, the boys instinctually sided with her. Whatever argument they were having, they had her back. If she didn't want him here, they didn't either.

The two watched as Kate made her way back to her desk and rummaged through a drawer. They then looked back a few moments later to see Rick exiting the stairwell, shoulders slumped and looking sufficiently castigated. For a split second, the boys felt something like sympathy towards him, they knew what damage an angry Beckett could do with her caustic words.

They watched as Rick dropped down in the seat next to Beckett's desk, the one they put there soon after they realized what the arrangement had been. Kate stood up and announced she'd be going to coffee shop and took the boys' orders. Rick made a move to stand and follow her but she was quick to tell him no.

"You're going alone?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She demanded.

Rick began talking about her attack and how the guy was still at large and therefore still posed a threat and Rick only stopped when he was interrupted by Ryan.

"He's right, you know. You probably should avoid going places alone.."

"In the broad daylight in the middle of a coffee shop? Are you kidding me?" She glanced at each of their solemn expressions and then sighed in defeat. She was too tired to argue anymore.

"Fine, but you're coming with me, Ryan so you can fill me in on everything." Kate turned to address Rick.

"And-"

Esposito finished her sentence for her. "And Castle, you're with me."

Xx

"I just, I really don't understand, Ryan. Why the hell would he do something like this when he asked and I expressly told him no?" Kate normally made it a point to keep personal and professional problems apart but somehow the two were now one and the same and she found herself wanting another opinion, someone to tell her she was right to feel the way she did.

They walked a couple steps down the sidewalk before he answered. "He cares about you, Beckett. That was obvious that morning I met him. This is simply his misguided attempt at keeping you safe."

Kate scoffed at his response. "Keeping me safe.. He's a writer for Christ's sake, what would he even do?"

"People are capable of surprising things when it comes to protecting people they care about. I'm sure this arrangement was the only solution he could think of that included him and gave him some semblance of control as he'd be equally aware of everything that was going on- you aren't exactly forthcoming when it comes to sharing information," he paused briefly before adding "and feelings."

Kate shot a glare at Ryan who's only response was a sheepish half shrug.

"Why are you defending him?" She asked as the two entered the coffee shop and stood in line.

"Sometimes.." Ryan paused as he waited for the right words to take shape. "Sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons. He had the best intentions, Beckett. This doesn't make him a bad person."

Kate scowled. "I know that."

Ryan waited to reply until they'd ordered and had paid and were waiting next to the counter.

"Do you though? He looked pretty beaten down after that conversation in the stairwell.."

"Well, he couldn't seem to get it through his thick head that this had more to do with than just him. He has a daughter to take care of, you saw her! What if something happens to him, what about his daughter? It's not fair to Alexis.. Who is he to say he can risk it all on some stupid quest to keep me safe from one of many psycho killers on the loose?"

"But who are _you _to say he can't?"

Xx

"Sooo..." Rick said, wanting to break the silence. They'd been sitting there, eyeing each other for a solid five minutes.

Espo wasn't one to beat around the bush, he preferred an up front approach much more.

"Why isn't Beckett okay with you being here?"

Rick blinked in surprise at the directness. "I uh, well.. I'd asked her before hand and she'd said no."

Esposito tutted his disapproval. "So, then you went behind her back."

"Well, what was I supposed to do? I just wanted to protect her and keep her safe-"

Esposito laughed, he was as thoroughly amused by this as Kate had been that day in the coffee shop. "That's what she's got us for. You're just a writer."

"Oh, really.. A lot of good you guys did her when she was assaulted in her own home the other night." Rick didn't know why he was suddenly feeling so defensive, but he couldn't stand being told he couldn't protect Kate or help them solve the cases.

Esposito's laughter died instantly and he glared at Rick. "We couldn't help that. It's not like we all live together; we've got lives outside of the precinct too."

Rick let out a sigh. "I know, I know..I'm sorry, that was unfair of me to say. I'm sure you look out for Kate as best as she lets you."

Esposito narrowed his eyes as he tried to get a feel for Rick. "Yeah, Kate doesn't exactly like having to depend on others. It only works for us because it's a mutual thing, we are a team. But really, she's fiercely independent and strong willed as I'm sure you're starting to find out for yourself."

Rick gave a small chuckle, "that's the understatement of the century. I've never met anyone so stubborn. She still refuses to be open to this arrangement.."

"Uh, yeah! Probably because she feels hurt that you went behind her back. Her trust isn't easy to win back, Castle, just so you're aware."

Rick gave him a sad half smile. "If it means I can help and keep her safe, then it's still worth it to me. Even if she can't get past the risks I'm taking and can't see past the worst case scenario of me somehow dying and leaving Alexis essentially orphaned-which is _highly _unlikely- .. It's still worth it."

Esposito frowned, he could now see why Kate had been so angry and emotional. It all stemmed from her fear of Rick's being in needless danger and risking his own life and Alexis having to go through what she had; the loss of a parent. Rick probably didn't understand because Beckett hadn't clued him in. Esposito knew he shouldn't tell Castle her story, but he should at least know her argument was valid.

Esposito looked around just to be sure Kate and Ryan hadn't wandered back in before dropping his voice low. "She lost a parent. That's why she's worked up about this. She doesn't want to see the same thing happen to Alexis that happened to her; that's all."

It finally clicked. The man's watch she always wore on her left wrist. He'd never given it a second thought before but suddenly it held all the meaning in the world.

Rick cleared his throat. "Thanks." He said quietly.

"I don't know what you're thanking me for; I didn't tell you anything, got it? If I had told you something, it was because I felt you should know that her argument is valid, this is all very serious to her. And I mean it, bro. You go behind her back or hurt her like you did again, you don't wanna know what I will do. Understood?"

Rick nodded his head seriously. "Yes, understood."

Xx

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. Things were still strained for the most part between Rick and Kate, despite the outside opinions of others. Just like every other case involving this killer, there weren't many leads to follow up on and they all lead to dead ends. The only thing of potential value was a partial print they'd managed to pull from the scene. No one was very hopeful about it though, partials were notorious for building up hopes only to dash them soon after. The chances of it coming back with a hit weren't very good, but they wouldn't actually know until the prints came back.

They'd been waiting all day on the prints and it was nearing the end of the work day. Finally, Rick's impatience won out, as it often did. He speed dialed the mayor to see if he could expedite the process.

As he walked off to carry on the conversation more privately, Esposito was amazed to learn it was the mayor who he'd speed dialed and was requesting special treatment from.

He caught Kate's attention and said, "man's really got the mayor on speed dial.."

Kate didn't miss the wonder in his voice and gave him a look. "You want him? He's yours." She said drily.

Esposito just shook his head with a smile. "A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week."

Kate glared in response, looking up as Rick walked back over towards her desk. She shook her head disapprovingly. "Half of the guys are waiting for prints. You don't just jump the line. We have procedure. Protocol."

Rick appeared a bit let down. "I just thought it'd help.." He said weakly.

"I know, I'm just telling you for future times." She said, lightening her tone so it wasn't so harsh.

_Future times!_ Rick's spirit picked up at this. _Referencing future times must mean she is coming around to the whole idea. _

A few hours later, the boys checked out for the night, leaving Rick and Kate by themselves.

Rick felt awful. Things had turned out disastrous and the thing that bothered him most was that it had become so strained between he and Kate so quickly. He just wanted it to go back to how it was before.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry that I went behind your back and I'm sorry you're not okay with this. I just wanted to-"

"Help. I know. You've said that." Rick look dismayed at her reaction and caused her to feel slightly guilty. She just wanted him to understand where she was coming from and so she decided to share a little piece of her story. _Maybe then he will understand how it isn't fair to Alexis to risk the one good parent she's got. _

"It was my mother." she spoke softly as she allowed the painful memories to resurface. "We were supposed to go to dinner together, my mom, my dad, and I, and she was going to meet us at the restaurant, but she never showed. Two hours later we went home... and there was a detective waiting for us, Detective... Raglin. They found her body. She'd been stabbed."

Rick felt shocked, he'd assumed it had been her father, not her mother. He didn't know what to say so he waited instead, if the look on Kate's face was anything to go by, she had more to say.

"My point is that I know what it's like to lose a parent, Rick. I know the devastation and the heartache and the debilitating sadness. I don't want that for Alexis. I don't like that you're putting yourself through unnecessary risks and that you went against my wishes. I know your intentions were good, Rick, I can see that now. I just wish that you could see that this is a mistake."

Rick's heart ached as he listened to Kate, hadn't this been what he'd wanted? Her to be open and vulnerable with him? But, no. What she was feeling was raw and painful and nothing like what Rick had expected. Kate's argument was valid but he still felt his was as well. He still hadn't forgotten the worry that had gripped him when he'd first poured through the case files to find that all the signs pointed back at Kate. He still hadn't forgotten the terror that had engulfed him at the sight of those police cars and ambulance parked in front of her place. That was all still very much real to him.

Rick had to be careful with what he said, he now knew Kate was prone to strong reactions. "I can.. Understand your reasons, Kate. And I can see that your argument is valid. But... It's not any more or less valid than mine."

Kate listened to Rick and waited for him to finish. "Just promise me you will think about this."

"Promise."

As the conversation drew to a close, Kate began to stack the papers spread across her desk and prepare to head for home.

"One last thing.." Rick said hesitantly, watching as Kate's movements slowed before stopping completely and she turned again to face him.

"Why do you wear the watch?" Rick's curiosity demanded an answer as he'd been racking his brain trying to come out with a plausible one himself. He'd been convince that the watch she wore was for her father she'd lost.. Except it hadn't been, so he wanted to know the story.

Kate gave a tired smile, wanting desperately to be past this day of sharing. "My dad took her death hard... He's sober now. Five years. So, this is for the life that I saved." Kate explained as she pointed to the watch before pulling out a necklace that had been hidden beneath her shirt. she held it up to show Rick the ring that was hanging. "And...this is for the life that I lost."

Rick wanted to hug her or maybe even kiss her, anything that would erase the pain she felt. Instead, he slowly slid his hand across the table to grab one of hers. He squeezed it tightly for a moment before releasing it.

"Thank you," was all he said.

Kate said nothing but turned back to straightening up her desk and standing to grab her coat and her bag. Rick beat her to the coat and had slipped it from behind her chair before she'd even reached for it and held it out for her to slip into.

They walked out together, neither breaking the silence.

As Kate stepped to the curb to hail a cab, Rick asked if she would come back to the loft to have dinner with him and Alexis and offered his guest room again. To his disappointment, Kate just shook her head.

"I don't think that's a good idea tonight, Rick." The cab pulled up as if summoned by magic.

"Goodnight." She said to Rick who still stood as if he'd lost something and couldn't figure out how to get it back.

"Until tomorrow." Was the last thing Kate heard said as her taxi pulled away.


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

_Oh, isn't this touching? Writer boy turns cop. He thinks he can save her from me. _It amused him to no end that Richard Castle would even entertain the ludicrous idea of shadowing her on the job so he could "_protect her". _He laughed aloud, unable to contain it. The best part was Katherine Beckett didn't take it well. In fact, if her leaving him looking dejected on the side of the road was anything to go by, this had fractured their fragile, nearly budding relationship. A wicked smile fell into place. _Ah, yes, a man in love. Oh, the possibilities. I can certainly have some real fun with this. _He thought as he stepped back into the shadows and disappeared into the night.

For the first time in a long while, the killer stopped killing.

And became a planner instead.

Xx

The weeks slipped by and a routine of sorts was developed. Every morning Rick would bring her a cup of coffee, initially as an apology but it developed into a habit soon after. Kate stubbornly remained opposed to his shadowing and felt the need to continually remind him.

Rick took the opposition with much self restraint. He chose never to rise to her baited barbs and he refused to argue or even appeal to a rational side. Rick just let Kate be Kate. He figured as time went on she would thaw and cease freezing him out. But what Rick continued to have trouble with was the way Kate had withdrawn on a personal level and walled herself off. Kate may tolerate him in her work place, but it was only because she had to. She didn't have to see him outside of the precinct, so, she didn't if she could avoid it. Kate had dropped by only once or twice since the arrangement, briefly to discuss case matters as well as to see Alexis.

Rick felt guilty for his daughter's confusion and also because the tension in his and Kate's relationship indirectly strained the one she also shared with his daughter. Rick's altered schedule threw off his daughter at first. She wasn't used to her dad having a structured job with actual hours and resented that she saw him less. Most of the time, her grams watched her, otherwise she'd go over to Paige's for extended play dates. In addition to missing her dad, Alexis found that she also missed Kate, who'd stopped coming by the loft so frequently. Alexis didn't really understand why things had changed, only that they had.

When the days turned into weeks and there'd still been no advancements made in the serial murders and the seemingly imminent danger he'd thought Kate was in had died down, Rick began to think long and hard about his arrangement. He didn't want to give it up completely, but he wondered if there was a compromise to be found, an olive branch he could extend to Kate that would hopefully prompt the mending of their personal relationship.

Today seemed as good a day as any for the conversation he had planned. It was coming up on 5 o'clock and the team had had a successful day as far as solving murders went. What had appeared to be an open and shut case ended up being a tangled up mess of lies and deceit, but with insight from one of what came to be known as "Castle's crazy theories," they'd managed to catch the guy.

His theories had started out as a joke that endlessly amused Kate and the boys. Rick had a knack for weaving some creative and outlandish stories about a killer and their motive, and though these stories entertained them, they were reluctant to ever give them much credence- at first anyway. After a few times when his theories had actually given the detectives some valuable insight or the new perspective they had needed, they came to be open to them.

Rick watched as Kate straightened her things and prepared to leave. It was like clockwork. Stack the papers, tidy the desk, post it note to do list, check email, and then she was ready to go.

"We make a pretty good team, you know." This had the desired effect and caused Kate to look up, uncertain of where Rick would go with this.

"Like Starsky and Hutch, Tango and Cash...Turner and Hooch."

He waited, watching her thoughtful expression.

After a moment Kate smiled a little and said, "You know, now that you mention it, you do remind me a little of Hooch."

Rick grinned unabashed, there was just a sliver of the easiness between them that there had been. It shone through still sometimes, despite Kate's attempts at hiding it. Whenever it did, Rick would feel hopeful that one day it could go back to how it was, how they were.

Now that Rick had effectively broken the ice, he plowed on through his thought out conversation.

"I've been thinking, Kate..about this arrangement. Maybe we can work out a better one. One that would work for both of us."

Kate's eyebrows scrunched together and her eyes narrowed. She was quiet for a moment as she tried to understand. "Let me get this straight. You fought me tooth and nail to be here and now all of a sudden you want to change this again? On your terms, of course. Tell me, Castle what changed?"

Rick still wasn't used to Kate calling him by his last name, it seemed so much less personal, and very much professional, though that may have been her intention, and that bothered him.

"No, I don't want to change it completely. I still want to shadow you, just maybe not all the time. Like, a few days a week, ya know? I've come to realize, and respect the validity of your aversion to this whole set up in the first place."

Rick watched her raise eyebrows, now in surprise. It was one of the things Rick liked about her so much. Her face could be so expressive at times. He watched her think about what he'd just said.

He had meant it, in part, but mostly he had said it because he believed it was crucial that she thought he understood-and agreed- with her. The inherent risks she had spoken of had proved themselves true. In fact, one of the first cases he worked with the team, he had been held at gunpoint. The gun had been on safety, sure, but it still only worked to reinforce Kate's belief that Rick shouldn't be there.

"Mmm.." She hummed skeptically. She wanted to know what the catch was if he really was changing his tune. "How do you expect to protect me if you're not following me around every day ready to throw yourself between me and whatever dangers lie ahead?" Kate was curious to know as to why his main argument for this set up in the first place had seemingly flown out the window.

"I see now how sometimes I'm just in the way and more of a liability for your team. Espo and Ryan are trained professionals. They've got your back." It had taken a while for Rick to actually see this for himself and even longer to work up the nerve to admit he'd been wrong. He'd wanted so badly to be the one to protect her that he failed to see she had people even more capable for the job. Kate had been right about that, hard as it was for him to admit.

"Not to mention the serial killings have stopped.." Rick added as an afterthought.

He trailed off as he thought about that. It seemed so weird to him that the murders would just stop randomly and for no apparent reason. Not that he was complaining. If there was one less murderer and one less person gunning for Kate, that should be cause for celebration.

Kate perked up at his last statement. _Finally! Rick's finally seen reason. _Kate wondered at the thought that it had taken him so long to think about things rationally. Hadn't she told him that she had Espo and Ryan for protection? Hadn't she told him time and time again he was a liability? That it was ridiculous for him to be taking unnecessary risks? It was about damn time he figured it out.

There was just one last thing that didn't quite make sense.

"So if you're not worried about my protection now, why come at all?"

Rick braced himself. There it was. He was just worried how she'd take it. He hadn't planned it, not really. It sort of just... Happened.

"I actually really am writing a book now." It came out in one fell, whoosh of air, Kate almost missed it.

"You're what?" She wanted to make sure she actually heard him correctly- did he just say-

"Writing a book. I really do need the research now. I didn't plan it- really! But the idea won't leave me alone. It's the first I've written since I ended Derrick Storm, this is _huge_ for me, Kate!"

Kate couldn't help herself; he _was_ her favorite author, even if he didn't know it.

"What's it about?" She asked, trying to be casual. _Act interested but not too interested!_ Kate told herself.

"Well..." Rick was still learning to read Kate. He wasn't sure how well this was going for him. _Now or never, Rick. _

"It's about a homicide detective.."

Kate propped an elbow on her desk and rested her chin in her hand as she leaned towards Rick. "Hmm," she hummed. "Homicide detective.."

Rick felt encouraged by her change in body posture. Somehow she appeared less intimidating and more...open?

"Yeah..She's going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job. And-" Rick paused before deciding to go for it. "kind of slutty."

Kate bit her lip to keep from laughing but her laughter escaped anyway. She laughed harder when she saw Rick sitting there, jaw slightly dropped, eyes wide in surprise.

"You're not mad? Or-or- upset?" Rick was astonished. He didn't know why, but he thought she'd put up as much of a fight over this as she had over the arrangement originally.

"Mad? Are you kidding me? Actually doing research for a book is much different than some gallant- but stupid- quest to keep me out of harm's way. There will be some conditions though."

Rick was filled with a giddy rush. He felt as though the world had just righted itself. This was the most forthcoming Kate had been with him in weeks!

"I can do conditions.." He said as he too placed his chin on a hand a stared at her seriously.

"You're here for research purposes only which means that your primary involvement will be building theory or sitting in on an interrogation or in some cases running down leads with me or the boys. You will _not_ be involved in any situation I deem risky or unsafe for you, a civilian. And if I tell you to wait in the car, you do it," Kate gave him a pointed look, he'd shown real trouble with this in the past.

You can't come chasing after me because you're scared I'm going to get hurt. You have to let me do my job and face the risks that I, and I alone, signed up for. Do we have a deal?"

"Even if someone is holding a gun to your head or threatening you in any way?"

She rolled her eyes. "Rick."

"Kate." He said as she continued to glare at him. Rick finally let out a sigh.

"Fine. Deal." He reached out to shake her hand knowing full well that need be, he would still do anything to protect her, deal or no deal.

After they shook hands Kate felt as though a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she felt lighter, happier. It was one of those moments of clarity when everything seemed to fall into place and she couldn't remember what the problem had even been in the first place.

"So, does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" He asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye.

"Oh, I'm still mad." She told him, even though she wasn't. Not really, anyway. She doubted she'd just be able to get over it and forget it, she still got pissed as hell when she thought about him going behind her back. But now, this compromise negated all the things she had taken issue with in the first place. She felt relieved that this was a much more safe arrangement and he'd be with Alexis much more. Not to mention she was secretly freaking out about what he'd said about his book.

That sounded like it was based on her.

Kind of a big deal.

Xx

The two exited the precinct about 20 minutes later, knocking shoulders playfully and talking almost like they used to.

"Kate," Rick said as he slowed to a stop. "Why do you think the serial killings have stopped?" It's something that had been nagging him, always in the back of his mind but he'd never asked Kate about it, seeing as that subject in particular was kind of a touchy one for her.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Could be any number of things. Maybe he moved states. Maybe he got caught on other charges. Maybe he died."

"Ohh, yeah! Maybe he was murdered. Wouldn't that be a nice, ironic twist?"

Kate hummed in agreement as she stepped up to flag down a passing taxi.

"Wait, Kate!" He stopped her before she could slip into the taxi. "Alexis and I are having movie night tonight.. Complete with blanket fort, popcorn and all the candy you could want. You wouldn't care to join us, would you?"

"Alexis really misses you," he said as added incentive. He was willing to bet Kate missed the girl too. She may not have come around much the past few weeks but she'd constantly asked about her.

Kate stood, one hand on the open door of the taxi as she thought about it.

"Actually, I'd love to." She told him as she slid into the backseat and waited for Rick to slide in after her.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked the chapter, even though it was short. I decided to gloss over a chunk of time because I'm not one for drawn out angst where it isn't needed, nor did I see this as being cause for a massive long term fallout for the two of them.**

**Let me know what you thought! **


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

The moment she heard the front door open, Alexis came barreling around the corner.

"Daddy! Daddy!" She launched himself in his arms, squeezing him tightly. Her eyes grew wide as she saw who was standing behind him.

"Kate!" She squealed happily before squirming her way out of her father's arms to hug Kate. Rick watched the happy reunion, a large smile painted across his face. He was glad Kate came, glad for him and glad for Alexis. They'd needed this.

"Hey, there kiddo!" Rick turned to see his mother in all her eccentric glory.

"Hi, mom." He greeted before turning back to Alexis and Kate.

"Kate, I'd like you to meet my mother, Martha."

Kate immediately stood a bit straighter and smiled widely as she reached out to shake the matriarch's hand.

Martha instead went in for a hug. "It's nice to finally meet you, darling, I've heard so much!" Martha took in her surprised expression and quickly added. "All good things, my dear, all good things!"

Kate smiled and looked between Rick and Alexis, wondering just what exactly has been said about her.

"Well, I'm off!" Martha said as she brushed past Kate and grabbed her purse and jacket.

"You can stay for dinner, mother!" Rick called after her. Martha just waved her hand in the air.

"Nonsense! You guys have fun now, I've got a hot date!" She gave them all one last wink before showing herself out.

"Quite the whirlwind, huh?" Kate asked.

"Oh, that's an understatement," Rick said with a chuckle.

Kate felt the slight tug on her hand and looked down at Alexis.

"Do you have to go soon?" She asked in a tiny voice. Alexis had grown accustomed to brief, in and out visits from Kate in the past month or so. Though Kate had never been any less affectionate than she'd always been, Alexis began to think it was her fault Kate wasn't around for as much or as long.

Kate squeezed Alexis' hand and flashed her a big smile. "Actually, I thought I'd stay for movie night tonight."

Alexis beamed and looked up at her dad as though looking for confirmation, that Kate really was staying for their movie night. Rick smiled at how happy his daughter was in that moment, feeling again as though the world had finally righted itself at what he had began to think was an egregious mistake.

"So, for the sake of convenience, I was thinking we could just order in instead of having to worry about cooking. Is that alright?" He asked Kate.

"Absolutely, yeah, that sounds great!"

"What do you want? Pizza? Chinese? Something from the deli?"

Kate didn't like being the deciding factor so she turned it back around on Rick. "Whatever you guys want!"

Rick rolled his eyes. For such an incredibly assertive woman, Kate sure chose silly moments to be indecisive.

Xx

While they waited for the pizza to come, the three went about assembling the blanket fort. It took a solid twenty minutes until they had it just the way they wanted it. It stretched across just about the entire space of the living room and was fortified by mass amounts of pillows and cushions.

They were standing just outside the fort, admiring the their handiwork, Rick's arms were crossed and Kate had hers placed on her hips.

"Alexis, I think this may be the best fort yet." Rick said turning to face his daughter. It was all he could do not to laugh- Alexis had propped her hands on her hips as well, the mirror image of Kate.

"Probably because Kate did most of it." She said, shaking her little head seriously.

Rick let out a strangled cough. "Just this once, I'll let that pass, only because I know how much you've missed Kate."

The doorbell rang just then and Rick left to go answer it, shaking his head as he went. He had a feeling he was about to return to the odd man out now that the dynamic duo had reunited. Rick liked to joke about his daughter's always choosing Kate or the two teaming up on him, but really, he loved it. He thought Alexis needed more of that, more of the support and encouragement Kate gave so freely. Rick doubted Kate could see any of that, see the change in his daughter that he saw. He doubted she saw just how much his daughter adored her, doubted Kate knew that Alexis believed the sun rose and the stars shone for her.

Rick reached the door just as the delivery guy began to knock for the third time. He opened the door and paid the boy before juggling the pizza box, breadsticks and bottle of soda. The three ate the food at the dinner table while they debated movies. Alexis of course had final say and opted to begin with Finding Nemo followed most likely by Brave.

When they'd finished eating, Kate and Alexis crawled through the opening and waited for Rick to set up the DVD.

"Don't forget to skip the beginning, daddy." Alexis reminded him as she turned towards Kate.

"I don't like the beginning because the mom gets killed and it makes me really sad."

Kate stilled at these words, thinking just how easily they could be applied to her own life. "That makes me sad, too." She murmured softly.

Rick heard the entire exchange, muffled as it was. Though it had been a completely innocent statement, he didn't doubt it made Kate sad on an entirely different level his daughter could never understand. Rick quickly skipped over the opening scene and joined his two girls.

Kate had carefully positioned herself in the corner, with her back against the foot of the couch, Alexis had sat right next to her just like she knew she would. Just because her and Rick had reached a compromise earlier, didn't mean Kate wasn't still holding the slightest of grudges. She was still upset with him and wanted Rick to know it. Kate figured she probably wouldn't be able to keep up the front for long, seeing as the way he made her laugh.

Before Rick knew it, the movie was over and the credits were rolling. He hadn't paid much attention to it, he'd been so absorbed in his own mind. Kate's words echoed in his mind and started him thinking. Dangerous thinking. He knew she'd never said it, but Rick was nearly positive that her mother's case remained unsolved, that that was precisely what drove her to become a homicide detective. Kate wanted to give others the closure she never got.

Over the length of an animated Pixar film, Rick had devised yet another plan. A better plan. He would help Kate get the closure she wanted; he could do that, with his resources and her help- they'd be unstoppable. Rick was pulled back to the present by the voice of his daughter.

"Huh?" Rick had completely missed whatever it was she'd asked.

"I said, 'is it too late to start another movie?'" She asked, sounding totally exasperated that she'd have to repeat herself.

Rick looked down at the watch on his wrist. "It's already 8:30.. But I guess if you go throw on your pjs and brush your teeth we can start the next movie, that way when you crash you don't have to worry about all that."

Rick was pretty laid back with these things. He knew Alexis realistically wouldn't last much longer anyway, so he figured why not? Alexis scurried out from the fort and raced up the stairs to get ready for bed.

"I missed this, Kate. I missed you." He said honestly. Kate's eyes flickered with emotion for just a brief moment before returning to their typically hooded state, the one which Rick could never quite fully read.

"I missed this, too" her words were but a whisper, said so softly Rick wasn't sure he'd actually heard them or made them up in his head.

She cleared her throat, her words came out stronger this time. "And I'm glad that we're past that ridiculous debacle. I didn't like fighting with you, Rick."

Somewhere between all the honest confessions, the two had drawn closer, now separated by mere inches.

"Then let's not fight anymore." He watched as she looked away and bit her lip.

"That's up to you, Rick. Can you _behave _now?" Her voice was lower, husky even. Her eyes flicked from his down to his lips and back up again.

Rick gulped. The enclosed fort now felt suddenly warm. His own eyes wandered down to her lips, soft and pink and inviting. Just as he leaned in, Alexis came crashing in, pouncing on Kate with an "oof!"

Rick tilted his head back to look at the blanketed ceiling, sighing. When he looked back over at Kate, she was refusing to meet his eyes, instead focusing on the exuberant child that was bouncing in her lap. Kate's cheeks were tinged pink and she continued to do all she could to avoid direct eye contact.

Rick cleared his throat. "So, uh, Kate, you gonna stay for this one too?"

Alexis promptly started begging, "please, Kate? _Pleeease!_ You haven't been over in such a long time!"

Kate had already been planning on staying but now she was staying AND she felt guilty.

Kate finally met Rick's eyes as she nodded her head, "yeah, I don't have work tomorrow anyway, assuming I don't get called in on another case."

He just got one of his goofy grins on his face and nodded once before exiting the fort to start the next movie.

Xx

Sometime later, Alexis passed out, head resting in Kate's lap. Rick silently motioned with his head to exit the fort and Kate carefully laid Alexis head down on a pillow instead and moved to follow Rick out.

Kate followed Rick into the kitchen and the two just stared at each other for a minute before Rick broke the silence.

"Something to drink? Wine? Or water, maybe?"

"Water would be nice." Kate said softly.

Another few minutes passed in comfortable silence. Rick's brain was buzzing with thoughts of the near kiss earlier. It was all he could think about. Well, besides his grand idea about solving her mother's murder. Suddenly, Rick was filled with an overwhelming need to tell Kate. He wasn't sure how she'd react but he almost rather tell her now while she was already kind of mad at him still, versus waiting until they were one hundred percent good again, only to pull the rug out from under her again.

"Kate, uh- I've been thinking. About your mother's case.." He noticed at the mention of the word mother how still she'd become, how her eyes stared unblinking, waiting for him to continue. "Have you ever thought about reopening it?"

"I- I did. I have, I mean. There was nothing but dead ends, I- I can't do it again, Rick." Kate was flustered and clearly becoming agitated. Rick had to fix this, fix it fast.

"You've got me to help you this time, Kate. I can help you reopen it, I believe we can do it. With my resources and your badass, near inhuman crime fighting abilities." Kate loosed a small chuckle. "We can do it. You don't have to do it alone this time. We can do it together." Rick looked at her, trying to convey everything he felt but couldn't say.

"Together." She echoed faintly. He took another step towards her, invading her personal space. Again. And just like earlier, he watched as her eyes flicked down and back up, down and back up. Rick leaned down and this time there was no child there to break the moment.

He pressed his lips against hers. It was slow and gentle at first, but it deepened when she gradually gave in and began kissing him back. Where he had been soft and sweet, Kate was demanding and passionate. Just as in nearly every other aspect of her life, Kate was assertive and took what she wanted. Her intensity was enough to make his head spin, and Rick couldn't seem to get his bearings. They broke apart only so they could catch their breath, both looked at each other, mirroring each other's startled expressions; they marveled at the rate at which things had escalated.

Rick reached a hand out, settling it on her hip, using the other one to draw her closer, anchoring her to him. He leaned down again, this time resolving to show her the depths of his own passion, resolving to kiss her as she'd never been kissed before in her life.

- "Daddy! Dad!" Alexis voice was faint but growing stronger. "Dad! Daddd!" The room began to blur, the body in his arms lost solidity, until everything had faded to blackness and his mind began reaching towards consciousness.

Rick's eyes snapped open, and he waited for them to slowly adjust to the dim lighting. His daughter's face loomed over his own, her eyes dulled a little by drowsiness.

"The movie is over, daddy, and I can't shut it off." She whispered.

"Okay, pumpkin, I'll get it, go back to sleep, okay?" He sat up and watched his daughter return to where she'd been curled up next to Kate.

_Damn,_ was all Rick could think as he watched the steady rise and fall of Kate's chest; she was fast asleep, definitely not kissing him. Rick paused a moment to wonder if maybe she dreamed about him the way he dreamed of her. He hoped so.

Rick clambered out from under the fort and went about powering down the tv. He looked at the digital clock and was surprised by the time- _1:23?! _Rick figured out the movie had automatically returned to the main screen and had been playing in circles since. After he'd shut the tv off, he clumsily made his way back in the fort to shake Kate awake. _Man, I really could have thought that through better, _he thought as he tried to make his way through the pitch blackness. He could only just make out the silhouette of her sleeping form. Rick shook her shoulder softly.

Kate was a relatively light sleeper and her eyes opened immediately, already on high alert. It was too dark to see much, but Kate could vaguely see Rick hunched over her.

"Hey," Rick's voice was still a little hoarse from disuse. "I fell asleep during the movie, I just woke up."

"What time is it?" Her voice was also rough from sleep and she cleared it once to see if it'd help.

"It's 1:30.. Listen, it's late enough, why don't you just sleep over? It doesn't make sense to go home at this hour when you've got a perfectly good bed to sleep in here? And I don't mean mine," he joked. "Well, unless that's what you want."

Kate smacked him lightly.

"I think I'm too tired to argue." Kate couldn't see the point in lugging herself when she was perfectly content where she was.

"Perfect. Well, I'm going to my own bed, my back can't handle sleeping on anything that's not a mattress. And if you're about to say any jokes about old age, don't. Keep em to yourself."

Kate laughed quietly, how'd he know that a joke was on the tip of her tongue.

"Goodnight, Rick." She whispered.

"Night, Kate." And Rick turned and carefully exited the fort.

Kate lightly ran her fingers across her lips where only moments ago she'd been dreaming were pressed against his.

She lay there for several minutes, reliving the almost kiss. She felt mildly disappointed, yet a greater part of her feel relieved. Kate wasn't ready for Rick to pursue any other relationship with her until the rocky one they currently shared, stabilized.

Kate debated falling back asleep right where she was but ultimately decided on moving up to the guest bed. Though she'd been prepared to tease Rick about being old, Kate no longer felt up to sleeping on an only slightly cushioned floor either.

Kate was going to leave Alexis where she was, but then decided against it. She didn't think she'd enjoy waking up by herself at that age, disoriented. Kate softly stroked the girl's cheek.

"Alexis. Alexis, honey." She waited until the girl's eyes were at least partially cracked and she was semi aware of what was going on.

"Your dad just went to bed and I think I'm going to go up to the room in the guest bedroom. That means you're going to be down here all by yourself, is that okay?"

Alexis' eyes fully opened at this and she blinked several times, trying to wake herself up a little more. "Can I come with you?"

"I don't see why not." Kate told her as she slowly started to make her way out of the fort. What did it matter if Alexis came and slept in her bed tonight? They were already passed out together down here, not much difference except one was comfier than the other.

Kate followed Alexis as she sleepily made her way up the stairs, tripping up a couple of them as she went. Kate laughed each time the girl stumbled and then caught herself, clearly Alexis was in a stupor.

Alexis flopped down on the bed, not bothering to pull back any of the covers. Kate smiled at the girl before pulling back a corner and coaxing the young girl to move. Kate was uncomfortable sleeping in work clothes and hoped she'd be able to find something in one of the drawers of the dresser- anything that would be more comfortable.

The corner of Kate's lips tugged upwards in the beginning of a smile when she opened the first drawer. For there in the drawer, Kate found the same pair of sweatpants and the same over large tv shirt, folded and smelling freshly laundered. Kate stripped down quickly and pulled the tshirt over her head gratefully. She made a note to herself to ask Rick just how come those clothes were in that dresser. Had he assumed she'd be staying over other times after that first?

_Presumptuous bastard, _she thought to herself without even the slightest hint of any actual seriousness.

Kate crawled underneath the covers and settled in comfortably next to Alexis. The child rolled over almost immediately and cuddled in towards Kate.

"Goodnight, Alexis." Kate murmured before kissing the girl's forehead.

"Night, Kate."

After just a few seconds though, Alexis stirred. "Can I ask you something?" The words were nearly incoherent, heavily distorted by her sleepiness.

"Sure you can, love." Kate whispered back.

"Why did you stop coming around? Did I do something?" Kate's heart broke a little, she felt immeasurably guilty for not having taken how Alexis would handle her absence into greater consideration.

"Oh, no, honey! Of course not!" Kate's throat felt a little thick and she could feel it start to burn.

"Oh, well.. Do you not.. Like me anymore then?" Kate had never heard Alexis sound so sad before, so broken. A moment ago Kate hadn't thought it possible, but she actually felt even worse.

Kate pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

"Listen to me, Alexis Castle. I don't like you, I LOVE you, my sweet honey child! I love you everyday, all the time! I love you whether I see you seven days a week or once a month. I will love you always, okay?"

Kate could hear her sniffle a little before whispering, "okay."

Alexis pulled away enough so Kate could see her smile before she curled back up besides her. It didn't take long for the two to drift off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

The call came just before eight in the morning. The sound of the ringing phone pulled Kate from her sleep and prompted a frantic search through her apartment. For some reason unbeknownst to her, she'd failed to plug the phone into the charger on her nightstand and now she was left scrambling around trying to locate the ringing that seemed to be coming from every which direction. She finally located it in the back pocket of a pair of jeans in a massive pile of clothes she'd left strewn about. By now, Kate knew it was most likely on one of its last rings and she hastily answered it, a little out of breath.

"Beckett."

"Hey, Beckett. Just calling to let- was I uh, interrupting..something?" Esposito asked, noticing the labored breathing on the other end.

Though he couldn't see it, Kate rolled her eyes before snorting into the phone. If by interrupting, Esposito meant tearing through the rooms in her apartment, banging her shin on the coffee table, knocking her hip on the bathroom door handle, then yes, he was interrupting, but she knew what he meant..

"No, Espo, not what you're thinking, anyway. What is it?" Her tone transitioning from light and friendly to strictly professional.

"Right. Body just dropped." At those words, Kate was immediately spurred into action. She was laying out clothes while Espo rattled off an address and what little he already knew. After she hung up, Kate slipped into a pair of jeans and pulled on a blouse before pressing speed dial 3.

"Rick, hey!" Kate paused her whirlwind routine the moment his voice patched through.

"Yeah, no, everything's good. Yeah, I made it home just fine- obviously." After movie night two weeks ago, it'd become increasingly more routine for her to come over after work or spend her time off with the Castles. A lot of it had to do with Alexis' insecurities in mind, but Kate wasn't one to kid herself; she knew it also had to do with the fact that she genuinely enjoyed her time with the two. As time went on though, Kate could feel the line between friendship and traditional familial boundaries blur. Kate felt like she was more than a friend, but still felt uncomfortable at the thought of being regarded as family. While her role in their lives remained undefined, Kate remained in the bizarre limbo, always caught between the constant desire to be involved in their day to day lives and feeling as though she was nothing more than a nuance to continually intrude on their family time.

"I was actually calling to tell you a body dropped." As per their agreement two weeks prior, Rick continued to be included in certain aspects of her job, one of those being the initial crime scene. What had began as an unwilling partnership, slowly transformed into something Kate enjoyed immensely, specifically because it was on her terms and she no longer had to stress over Rick's well being. She grew to look forward to the lightness Rick's present lent to the team, the theory building and the unwavering faith and support he showed.

"I wanted to let you know. I don't know if you'll have anyone to stay with Alexis though, this early in the morning anyway.."

"Well, as it were, my mother just so happened to crash here last night after some performance or theatre engagement.. I don't know, it remains unclear to me.." Rick trailed off, lost in his train of thought. His mother never had told him where she came from last night, she randomly swooped in, as she always did, simply declaring her need of a bed to crash in.

Kate hummed in response. "That's pretty convenient."

"Yeah, well you know my mother- impeccable timing."

Kate smiled at the insinuation. It was just the other night his mother had barged in right as Kate felt things were about to get cozy on the couch. Lately, Kate could feel her own resolve crumbling. She remembered telling herself not to encourage or pursue anything past friendship, at least until she felt she wasn't constantly waiting for Rick to throw some other unexpected arrangement at her. Because, although she trusted Rick, there remained an uncontrollable inclination to upturn her life with dumb ideas. First it had been the whole shadowing thing then reopening her mother's case, even though technically that had never been broached outright.

Kate had foreseen where Rick hoped to go with that one, at least to a certain extent. Rick hadn't realized it, but his less than subtle attempts at warming her to the idea had thrown up instant red flags. Kate was hypersensitive to anything having to do with her mother or her mother's unsolved death and could seemingly sniff out any intent to pursue either subject a mile off. Each time, she ensured that avenue of conversation hit a brick wall. Instead of becoming angry or defensive, Kate instead chose to overlook Rick's unique ability to stick his nose where it didn't belong. If Kate had been learning anything during her time spent with Castle these past couple months, at work and outside, it had been the irrevocable value of patience and tolerance.

"Mm, that she does. So, pick you up in 20?" She asked.

"See ya in 20." He confirmed before clicking off.

Kate then hurriedly rushed to the bathroom to brush teeth and apply some light makeup. She dabbed a bit of concealer under her eyes, swiped her eyelids with just a bit of liner and then flipped off the lights, thinking, _Well, that's as good as it's gonna get today. _

Kate pulled on her high heeled boots and slung a light jacket over one arm before turning to open the front door. When she swung it open, Kate was startled to see a little slip of white paper flutter to the ground. She crouched down next to it only to find it had fallen face down and whatever had been written- if anything- wasn't visible. Kate went back inside and slammed a few of the kitchen drawers open and shut before she managed to find one, lone ziplock bag. She then rushed into her bathroom to dig up some tweezers.

Baggy and tweezers in hand, Kate confronted what could very likely turn out to be a meaningless scrap of paper. The detective in Kate though automatically assumed it better to err on the side of caution.

She picked it up by the corner with the tweezers and dropped it into the baggy, zipping it shut before taking a breath and flipping it over to read it.

_"You thought it was over, dear Detective,_

_But, alas.. The fun is just beginning." _

Kate's stomach dropped down to her feet and she felt physically ill. She suddenly knew the case she'd been called out on today wasn't random at all, it was the work of the elusive serial killer who had so enjoyed tormenting her.

She glanced around the hall in paranoia, though on a deeper level she was aware the likelihood of his still being there was slim to none. She hastily turned her key in the lock and heard the deadbolt slide into place. Kate rode the elevator down impatiently, tapping her foot, now it was as though ever second was ten times as long and she knew that timing was key and she didn't have any to lose.

Xx

By the time Kate had reached the Castles' building and rapped on the door, the knots in her stomach had multiplied, the anxiety intensified. She was in a rush to reach the crime scene, in a rush to drop off the note to the forensics team, in a rush to break the case, in a rush, in a rush, always in a rush. Kate hardly ever allowed herself to feel pressured by the constraints of time, she did better when she responded and acted in her own time as she was generally a good judge of pace. She'd figured out a while back that some cases could be likened to a sprint and others, a marathon- the real key was knowing which was which. It was important to know when to press and how hard or for how long, too much, too fast and one could easily burn themselves out and do more harm than good. She couldn't understand why this one was any different, maybe it was because this case seemed to be the never ending, unforgiving, marathon from hell.

From the moment Rick opened the door, he could tell something was wrong with Kate. Her body was rigid and tense- very unlike her normally at ease posture.

Rick looked at her with his brows furrowed in scrutiny before pointing a thumb behind his shoulder and saying something about grabbing the coffees in the kitchen. Kate nodded mutely and wandered in the entryway a few steps further. She saw Alexis' head pop over the railing near the top of the stairs and then heard her shriek her name. Alexis raced down the stairs, jumping the last couple all together and threw herself into Kate's waiting arms.

Rick turned the corner, steaming travel mugs in hand, just in time to see the two. He smiled and felt himself relax ever so slightly as he watched before his very eyes Kate's own shoulders start to loosen and a genuine smile grace her face. His daughter seemed to hold just as much power over Kate as she held over her own father.

"Funny how one hug from this one can make everything a little bit better, huh?" He said as he held out a travel mug for her to take.

Kate smiled, setting the girl down before she reached to take the proffered mug.

"If not a little, a lot." She nodded her head in agreement, grinning briefly at the little girl.

"So, what had you all worked up?" He said softly, eyeing her up for any tells.

"Has." She corrected. "And not here." Kate turned and started to walk towards the door. "C'mon, Rick, chop chop. We gotta go." Kate wasn't exactly thrilled she hadn't been in and out and Rick had cost her another 5 minutes at least. She did have to admit though, she felt slightly better after seeing her favorite girl.

Alexis trailed after the two, hugging her father and then Kate.

"Your mom is actually here, right?" Kate questioned, she had seen no sign of Martha and didn't want to just turn Alexis loose on her own in the loft.

"Mother!" Rick's voice boomed throughout the loft.

"Not so loud, please, I've got a killer headache." They heard her before they saw her. She appeared in a silky robe, not looking fully awake yet.

"You are okay to watch her, right?" Rick asked, concerned.

"Of course I am, darling. Give me a couple aspirin and some time to wake up and I will be right as rain." She winked at Kate and then ushered the two out. "Now, go on! Get going! Places to be and dead people to see and all that."

"Bye, sweet girl. See you soon." Kate dropped one last kiss on the girl's head, soaking up all the warm, comforting energy Alexis unknowingly exuded. "Bye, Martha!" She added, flashing the woman a smile.

"Sooo, now can you tell me what's got you worked up in a tizzy?"

Kate's eyebrows quirked up and she laughed a little. "Tizzy? Really, best selling novelist and tizzy is all you got?"

Rick frowned. "It's early. Cut me some slack." He nudged Kate's shoulder as the two stepped from the elevator. "Really, though. You weren't this tightly wound when you first called.."

By this time, they'd reached her car and it was only after both doors were shut did Kate say anything.

"He didn't move states. He didn't get caught on other charges. And he most definitely did not die."

"What are you-" Rick stopped talking as the realization hit him. He sat, frozen, pondering the implications.

Kate watched his face change from confusion to understanding to uncertainty.

"How do you know?" He asked quietly.

She opened up the center console and pulled out the ziplock bag and handed it to him.

"When I opened my front door this morning, this fell to the ground. I'm sure the body Espo called about will be tied back to this guy."

"What does this mean, Kate? He's started again?" Rick felt the worry wash over him. He wondered what this meant for Kate, him being back on the radar after all this time. Rick had thought it was over, he'd gotten comfortable presuming its finality. What really got him was why the long wait? What had he been doing? It was uncommon for killers to change their timelines, particularly once they had started escalating. Yet, he'd stopped out of the blue, to what? Bide his time? It wasn't even as if law enforcement had been closing in on him, he'd just stopped. And if he was threatening Kate, and killing again, he obviously hadn't changed. So, why the wait? Rick felt as though his questions only prompted more questions and only unearthed more anomalies or things that didn't add up.

Kate felt her stomach give a little roll at his words. To hear it voiced by someone else almost seemed to make it real and not imagined in her head. _Started again. _There never should have been an 'again.' Kate should have caught the bastard the first time around. It didn't seem to matter to her that there'd been no breaks or any possible ways to conduct further investigations; Kate had done everything right the first time around, there wasn't anything else she could have done that would have had different results. But, all that Kate could see was her failure to catch him and that weighed heavily on her. _This time is going to be different, _she promised herself.

"Yeah, he's started again." She repeated softly, looking over at Rick. "But this time," Rick watched as she drew herself up straighter, watched as her eyes hardened in resolve. "This time I'm gonna finish it."

* * *

**A/N: my lovelies! so sorry for the short filler chapter... I know where I want to go with this, I'm just having trouble getting from point A to point B. I'm ready to wrap this case up, but I don't want to be too hasty. It's been building up, it'd be such a shame for it to be anticlimactic. So, as always, I ask you all to be patient and have a little faith. **


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

It was on the third morning and around cup number three of coffee that they finally had a break in the case. The days prior had been a blur of the typical routine the team cycled through when solving a case and they were genuinely surprised to find something had shaken loose- two somethings, actually.

"Beckett. You'll never guess what we found."

Beckett looked up to see Ryan and Esposito walking towards her desk with triumphant smirks on their faces, clearly pleased with whatever it was they were about to tell her.

Beckett raised her eyebrows hoping to prompt a response, _geez were they really gonna make her ask? _

"Well..." She prompted.

Ryan looked to Esposito in some unspoken question of whether or not he wanted to share it himself. Espo waved him on as Kate rolled her eyes in impatience.

"Well, you know how we've been canvassing the area, asking people what they saw or heard? One of the first people we talked to had said something about seeing someone dump something in a garbage bin around the time of death. We hadn't thought much about that at first because the witness had been so wish-washy- they '_saw' _someone place something in the bin, they '_thought' _they saw someone place it in the bin, until actually, wait, no, they hadn't really been sure the guy wasn't just walking past. Anyway," Ryan redirected himself after his brief digression, trying to get back on point.

"We hadn't thought much of it until the same story had been corroborated by several other of the late night strollers in the park. So, Javi and I decided to check out the bin and we actually managed to get there just in time, a worker was just in the process of switching out the bags.."

Kate sighed a little, Ryan was normally to the point but he had moments like these where he got carried away with some of the unnecessary details. Esposito backhanded him lightly on the arm.

"Right. Sorry. So, looked in the bag, rummaged around a little bit and guess what we find? Gloves. With blood on them." Ryan smiled at Kate, feeling proud he and Espo had nailed down a solid lead of sorts.

"Gloves? Like, what are we talking here? Leather? Work man?" Kate's mind was immediately flashing images of all the types of gloves that had come up in cases in the past- there were so many.

"Latex- like the ones Lanie uses down at the morgue!" Espo informed her.

"Ugh." Kate groaned. She had been hoping they would be something they could trace back to a particular store and then an individual, but of course they've got to be the type widely used by many for a variety of reasons. They would be absolutely no help in tracking down the killer. _Unless..._

"Wait. Prints can be pulled from those, can't they?" She said, her eyes alight with hope. Could it be they were finally catching a break?

"Already ahead of you, boss. Lab is taking a look at them as we speak." Ryan and Espo bumped fists in their little handshake.

Kate sat back in her chair and flashed the boys a smile. "Great work, you two." She told them before they made their way to their own desks.

Kate finally took a second to look over at Castle, who'd been sitting silently in his chair for the past five minutes. She didn't know how to interpret his thoughtful and serious expression. She wondered that he didn't look more pleased at the news, more exuberant that they finally caught something that had the potential to bring them that much closer to nailing this case shut.

"Castle," she said just loud enough to snap him out of his reverie.

"Hm?" He hummed before he dragged his eyes from empty space to look over at Kate.

"Did you hear the boys? It looks like we may have something!" Kate was feeling thrilled with this and she was having trouble understanding Rick's lack of enthusiasm. "What? What is it?" She finally asked.

"It's.. Nothing. It's nothing." Rick shook his head a little and tried to smile as a way of reassuring Kate all was well. Even though it wasn't.

Rick wanted to feel excited like the three detectives. He wanted to feel like they were getting closer. He wanted to partake in their celebration over having found a strong lead that had the potential to very well identify the killer. But somehow he couldn't. There was something about it all that refused to allow him to do any of those things. Rick was reluctant to share his doubts because he didn't want to be the one to damper the mood. Truth was, though, Rick couldn't believe their wild "luck" as of late. The first stroke had been when Lanie had called with the autopsy findings and had revealed discovering trace amounts of synthetic fibers as well as residue from certain chemicals often found in heavy duty cleaning products. Though neither finding could be narrowed down further, the fact there was anything at all was enough to spark a new fire in the hearts of the detectives. And now, the second stroke of good luck- the bloody gloves. Rick couldn't understand how the killer could go from making no mistakes to suddenly making several, and amateur ones at that!

"It isn't nothing. It's something, I can see it." She replied before pointing a finger at him and moving it in a circular motion. "It's written all over your face, clear as day."

Kate paused, waiting for Rick to explain. He just stared at her for a moment with his lips pursed tightly as if to prevent himself from blurting out whatever it was he so badly was trying to keep to himself.

"Rick." She said warningly.

Rick then moved to prop his elbows on the desk and fisted his hands into a ball pressed against his lips. Kate narrowed her eyes and thus commenced an infamous Beckett stare down- Rick never stood a chance. He threw up his hands and clapped them back together.

"It's too easy!" He blurted out, watching Kate for her reaction.

Kate tilted her head slightly to one side as she rolled her eyes yet again. "What do you mean 'too easy?' We've been after him for ages and now we might finally be getting closer."

"Exactly. You guys have been after him for quite some time. He's no beginner, Kate. This guy is a pro. The crime scenes before were immaculate- you guys had absolutely nothing to go on! Now all of a sudden he's leaving trace evidence on the victim and allows himself to be seen dumping something in a trash can and then, as luck would have it, the something turns out to be latex gloves with his prints preserved on the inside? C'mon." Rick scoffed and shook his head. "Too easy."

"It's not like we've caught the guy, Rick. Or like we even have a suspect! Yeah, we found trace evidence on the body, but Lanie couldn't narrow it down past the obvious and unhelpful. And the gloves might not even help much either. They may not be able to pull the prints or the prints aren't in the system or maybe the gloves are completely unrelated. We don't know yet. But even if they turn out to be related and they can't help us narrow it down any further, that's perfectly fine. This all just means he's starting to mess up and sooner or later, it's going to bite him in the ass and we're gonna get him. And, just so you know, I'm banking on sooner."

"But _why_ is he all of a sudden making these mistakes?" Rick refused to simply let it go.

"I don't know, Rick. He stopped for a while there, maybe he's a little sloppy and lost his touch.." She shrugged her shoulders. Kate wasn't getting why Rick was so fixated on the idea that it was suddenly "too easy" and that because the killer had made mistakes it somehow meant something other than the guy just messed up. She watched as Rick leaned back in his chair and studied his hands in his lap, silent again.

"Look, Rick. I think you're over thinking it. His mess ups are precisely that- nothing more and nothing less. Stop thinking like a writer for a second, this isn't one of your novels with some twist at the end you weren't expecting. We are just going to go where the evidence leads, okay? That's how it's done in real life." Kate's tone was soft and patient. She really hoped that at some point, Rick would learn to distinguish between his over active writer's imagination and the investigative thought process of a homicide detective.

Rick gave her a tight lipped smile and said, "okay."

The remainder of the day passed uneventfully to the dismay of the eager detectives. Ever since this morning with their find, they'd all felt newly motivated and hopeful about closing the case. But as the day wore on, the feeling was replaced with impatience and restlessness. Again they found themselves stuck, unable to move forward. Kate had managed to get the gloves rushed but the had received no hits whatsoever. It was a crushing let down.

Even though that outcome had been somewhat anticipated, Kate still felt disappointed. She struggled with the disappointment until she remembered what she'd told Rick. Kate then tried to focus solely on the fact that the killer had made such a careless mistake in the first place and would be likely to make more mistakes later on that could actually lead to his capture.

It was roughly six o'clock when the team called it quits having exhausted all possible follow up avenues and ultimately deciding they were indeed stuck and couldn't do much more unless something new came up. Ryan and Espo invited the two for drinks but Rick turned down the offer.

"I gotta get home and see my kid, make sure my mother hasn't burned the place down. Thanks though, another time!" The boys nodded in agreement before looking back at Kate for her response.

"Oh, no, sorry guys. I've got someone I need to see too."

They shrugged their shoulders. "Suit yourselves." Espo said as the two walked to the elevator.

Rick looked at Kate quizzically. She hadn't said anything earlier about going somewhere after the precinct. He wondered who this someone was and if they had name and why she wasn't sharing.

"So, got a hot date tonight, Beckett?" He tried to ask nonchalantly.

Kate looked at him, quirking her eyebrows before deciding she could have some fun with this.

"Yep." She told him as she slipped her arms in the sleeves of her coat he was holding out.

"Who's the lucky guy? Bet he's not as ruggedly handsome as I am."

Kate rolled her eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time today. "Or as modest, apparently. No, but actually, they're really sweet. And funny. Ah, and the bluest eyes imaginable. And-"

"Bluer than mine? Sweeter than me? Funnier? Really, I have trouble believing that." Rick scoffed, feeling annoyed with how this was playing out, how clearly fond Kate was of the guy.

"Not everything's a competition, Rick. And you didn't even let me finish!" Kate was thoroughly enjoying herself at this point- Rick was getting more worked up than Kate thought and his jealously was remarkably cute.

"Yeah, yeah. Sounds like the whole package." He grumbled starting off towards the elevator, Kate trailing behind.

"And makes me so happy...declared their love for me and-" Rick's stomach dropped when he heard this.

"Sounds serious," he interrupted her as they stepped onto the elevator. He gave a small cough as the doors closed. "You, uh, do you love them too?"

"Of course I do!" She exclaimed. She saw the flash of hurt and disappointment across his face and she suddenly felt indescribably cruel and guilty for toying with him. Rick had his hands shoved in his coat pockets so Kate grabbed his forearm instead and shook him. "It's Alexis, Rick! My date, it's Alexis! Remember when she called me yesterday and asked if I'd come over? And I promised if I didn't make it last night I'd see her tonight?"

Rick turned to glare at Kate.

"That was cruel and unusual punishment, Kate."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get so worked up about it!" Kate laughed and felt herself relax when she caught sight of the beginnings of the smile on his face.

"Can't believe I was jealous of my own daughter." He grumbled just as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. They stepped from the elevator and left the precinct, her arm looped through his and her head resting on his shoulder.

Xx

"Kate! Kate!" Alexis shrieked almost the moment she walked in the door. She came running over, arms outstretched but Rick intercepted the hug meant for Kate and swung his daughter around and began kissing her loudly on the face.

"Hi, sweet, loving, daughter of mine!" He cried, still swinging her around.

"Oof! Daddyyy! You're..squishing..me!" She managed to choke out.

"I'm not done hugging yet." Rick told her as he continued to squeeze her.

"Kaaate! Help me!" Alexis implored, looking at Kate pleadingly.

Kate walked around to his front. "Okay, Rick. My turn." She tried to be very polite about it but he refused to relinquish his hold and even turned away a little, leaving Kate no choice..

She asked once more and when he didn't comply, she threw a carefully aimed jab at the soft spot in his side.

"AHH!" He cried out in surprise more than physical pain. His natural reaction had been to loosen his hold on Alexis which had been precisely what Kate was waiting for as she snatched the girl from his arms.

"HA!" She exclaimed triumphantly. She turned and almost walked right into Martha.

"Oh, Martha! I didn't see you there, I'm sorry!"

Martha laughed and shook her head. "Yeah, a little caught up in the moment, I think." She said warmly.

Martha had watched the entire scene play out and the warmth and affection had been contagious. She'd grinned to herself as she watched the two "fight" over Alexis and hug and squeeze on her. Seeing that overwhelmed Martha to such a degree she felt choked up and teary eyed. Her granddaughter deserved to feel that loved and wanted. Not that she didn't think her son didn't do a stand up job as a father, but there's something to be said about a girl having a mother figure in her life. Though she doubted Kate saw herself as having assumed that mother role, she was sure that that was how both her son and her granddaughter had started to see her.

"Have you guys eaten already, mother?" Rick asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact we just did." She replied. Martha had a feeling that Rick and Kate hadn't eaten though and suddenly an idea began to take form.

"But, you guys probably haven't. I don't mind watching Alexis a little bit longer while you two go grab some dinner."

"Oh, no, that's okay, I'm pretty sure we have stuff here." Rick said as he tried to walk past to the kitchen. Martha blocked his path, foolish boy can't even see she's trying to help him out.

"Nope. You don't. I know; I raided the pantry and fridge earlier." She started pushing Rick towards the front door and once she reached Kate she took her by the hand and gently pulled her along.

Martha took Alexis' hand. "I'm sure we'll find something to do, won't we, kiddo?" Alexis felt confused as she watched her grandmother continue to herd her father and Kate out the door.

"But, they just got here.." She said, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"They won't be too long, right darlings?" Martha beamed at them both before giving them a final shove out the door and shutting the door in their startled faces.

"Did... we just get kicked out?" Kate asked Rick who was still staring blankly at the closed door.

"We did." He said, turning to face Kate.

"Well, I can take a hint." He joked before turned to hold out his arm. "Shall we then, Miss Beckett?"

She grinned back before looping her arm through his once more. "We shall, Mr. Castle, we shall."

Xx

_2:14am _

It's time. He stepped out from the car and gave a furtive glance around him. All was quiet, no one to be seen. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Just as he'd planned. He was careful as he removed the body from the trunk, unfolding the long legs and pulling her up against him.

He managed to arrange her body with great ease. He worked quickly and efficiently. Leaving what needed to be left.

Yes, everything was going perfectly.

Everything until...

* * *

**A/N: hi, guys! didya miss me? ;) **


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate tossed and turned, rolling from one side to the other then flat on her back. She stared at the ceiling, unable to quiet her loud mind, unable to fall asleep. She rolled back over to look at the clock. _3:01am_

Kate groaned and threw her head back down on her pillow. Yet another hour had passed and she still hadn't fallen asleep despite feeling desperately exhausted.

_I'm never going to be able to fall asleep and it is entirely his fault. _

Kate could feel the flush starting on her chest and working all the way up her cheeks as she relived the memories of last night. She was willing to bet if she were to look in a mirror at that moment, her cheeks would be beet red and her eyes would be shiny and alight and there would be a ridiculously goofy grin on her face. All because of Rick. Just thinking about it was enough to set her heart racing and push her even further from sleep.

It had been one of those nights in which everything about it would be engrained in her memory; the fresh smell of the night air, the subtle chill to the wind as they'd walked home that served to naturally push the two even closer, even the meaningless nothing chatter that had filled much of the night.

They'd decided on a diner in Kate's neighborhood and had taken a cab. The dinner itself hadn't been anything out of the ordinary for the two, it had been just like any other dinner they shared- simple and comfortable. They had talked about this and that and everything in between. Much of the beginning of the evening had been spent speculating various aspects of the case but gradually, the tone of the conversation lightened and they moved away from the heavier topics of conversation. Kate could remember at several points throughout the dinner marveling at how natural and easy it felt to be with Rick.

Though she knew he was capable of being serious, Kate found herself appreciating his childish ways as well as his knack for being random. He could go from musing about the karmic justice of the universe and asking her cosmic questions to asking her who'd she'd be if she were a comic book character.

Kate felt the corners of her lips quirk up as she pictured that moment.

They'd been discussing the serial murderer and the injustice of it all- how lives had been cruelly ended, families torn apart, all because of one person. What had the victims ever done to have deserved an ending like the one they'd been dealt? And where was the karmic balance in allowing a killer to continue to get away with murder- why did bad things have to befall innocent people?

Kate remembered how thoughtful Rick had looked before finally asking, "Do you believe people get what they deserve?"

Kate had figured he was speaking about the killer- if she thought that ultimately he would get what was coming to him. She hesitated a moment in her response, debating whether or not she wanted to go for the deep, honest answer. Instead, Kate chose not to; the heaviness of it all was beginning to make her weary. _Time for a change in pace,_ she had thought.

"Well, if they do then I must have done something terrible to be punished with you. One day, I was minding my own business, solving cases, doing my job, ya know? And the next thing I know, I've got some writer playing cop shadowing my every move and I just have to ask myself, 'where did I go wrong?'" Kate said seriously, doing her best to keep a straight face.

Rick gave her a look and tutted, "Funny."

It had worked though, Kate's smart ass answer had worked to break the seriousness of the moment and Rick seemed to understand she no longer wanted to speak of such weighty things. That had been when he'd hit her out of nowhere with the comic book question.

"Soo.." Rick drawled as he tried to think of something lighter to talk about. He ended up voicing the first thing to pop in his head. "If you could be any comic book character in the world, who would you be?"

Kate could remember feeling a little lost at the randomness at first. She blinked several times as her mind tried to catch up to the swift change in gears.

"Mm..Elektra." It hadn't taken her long to respond, once her mind had caught up, she'd found her answer almost immediately- who hasn't at some point or another contemplated which fictional character they would be if they could?

Rick had smiled a knowing smile at her response, as if he'd even suspected it. "Ah, a ruthless assassin who hides from her emotions."

Kate gave a roll of her eyes. "No, maybe it's because she's got badass ninja skills. What about you? Iron Man? Spider-Man? No, wait. I know. Annoying man." Not the best response she's ever come up with, but she had been looking forward to which character he saw himself as being.

Rick had given a little shake of his head and scoffed. "Try billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. the Dark Knight. He's brooding, he's handsome, and he has all the coolest toys." He gave her that smirk of his, automatically prompting a smile of her own.

"Wow. Digging deep on that one."

Kate rolled over again to lie on her side. She fluffed her pillow a little roughly before falling back onto it. She just wanted to go to sleep but the memories just continued to play on.. Not that she minded- they were good memories- she was just exhausted and wanted nothing more than to stop over analyzing every single second of her evening with Rick.

By the time they'd finished dinner it was past 8:30. Kate opted to just head home from the diner since she was close to her apartment anyway. She didn't think it made much sense to go back to the loft for a brief time only to have to backtrack all the way back here anyway.

They'd exited the diner and were standing on the curb when Kate told Rick she was just going to walk home from there since it wasn't far.

"Would you mind if I walked you home?" He'd asked with a hopeful smile.

"If I said I did mind, would it matter?" She replied drily. Kate of course hadn't minded in the slightest, in fact, she'd hoped he would walk her home but that hadn't stopped her from firing off the first smart ass response she could.

"Mm.. Probably not. I've just been told in the past that it's polite to ask."

"C'mon." She'd sighed as she set off towards her apartment. Rick fell into step beside her and the two walked a few minutes in companionable silence before Rick broke it with another question.

"So, do you know what Lanie and Esposito are fighting about?"

Kate remembered feeling shocked yet again and wondering how exactly it was that Rick's brain worked. Half the time it was as though there were just random neurons firing and there was no telling what was bound to come out of his mouth or when.

She shouldn't have been too surprised though. The past few days there'd been a noticeable rift between Esposito and Lanie that would have been impossible not to pick up on. Rick had pestered Lanie for details every chance he got but neither she nor Esposito would share whatever it was they were fighting about. It was only natural that he would think to ask Kate at some point, seeing as she knew Lanie better than anyone and would likely have insider knowledge.

"Everything. They both want to be together but neither of them wants to admit it." The irony of her own answer had been lost on her but maybe it hadn't been on Rick, now that she thought back on it.

"Ugh. Why do people do that to themselves?"

"Maybe they just don't see it." She told him as she glanced up to see him looking slightly frustrated.

"How could they not? It's so obvious!"

"Mmm.." Kate hummed in response, looking down at her feet as they walked on.

By then they had reached her building and Kate felt dismayed the night was drawing to a close; she didn't want it to end. Everything about it had been just right, and their dinner and walk had finally made her realize just how little time they actually spent alone and she wondered why that was.

And then she remembered. That was entirely her doing. She'd been avoiding alone time as much as possible because of the effect it tended to have. It was only when they were by themselves that Kate ever felt she wasn't immune to his boyish charms and felt tempted to give in to her desire to pursue something a little more...serious, a little more...exclusive.

"Well, this is me.." She said lamely. "Thanks for dinner, Rick. And for walking me home." She added softly.

And oh, how he'd smiled at her. "My pleasure, Kate."

They stood there for a few moments, a few awkward moments. Neither quite willing to be the first to turn away.

Kate remembered how his eyes had locked on hers. How all of a sudden the air around them seemed electric. How her body started to hum in anticipation. It had been one of those moments when she'd known precisely what was to happen yet at the same time was wrapped in an air of uncertainty.

She remembered feeling her breath hitch as he'd slowly, so _slowly_ leaned in. She'd stood there, heart hammering painfully in her chest as she awaited the kiss that had been haunting her dreams.

It was electric. From the moment his lips touched hers until the moment they broke away.

Electric.

As soon as she felt the firm press of his lips against hers, Kate's eyes closed and all thinking ceased as she allowed herself to be swept away in the moment. He was slow and agonizingly hesitant, whereas she felt impatient and heady with a sense of hunger. She deepened the kiss, casting aside all reservations. When they broke apart and Kate felt herself inhale sharply, she looked up at him wide eyed.

It had been everything she'd imagined it would be.

It had been nothing like she'd imagined it would be.

It was the paradox of all kisses.

She leaned in again just as he did, unable to resist the overwhelming pull between them. Their lips crashed into one another, this time fighting for dominance. She felt as one hand wrapped tightly around her waist and pulled her closer while the other tangled in her hair.

When they finally broke apart for the second time, Kate struggled to regain her bearings. Her body felt like it was on fire, her mind felt like mush. Her knees were weak and her lips bare.

For the first time in a long while, Kate felt like she no longer had control.

And she liked it.

And that scared her just a bit.

Rick was still standing there as if stricken. She leaned in one last time and kissed him softly.

"Goodnight, Rick."

Rick attempted to clear his throat.

"Until tomorrow, Kate." The words came out little more than a whisper but she heard them all the same.

She turned and let herself in her building, not daring to look back.

And here she was hours later, still awake, still reliving the feel of his lips against hers, her body pressed against his. Once she'd recovered slightly from the initial shock of it all, all her reservations she'd so easily let go came crashing back in and Kate started to worry.

She worried what this meant, what it _would _mean. If it changed anything, how it could not change everything? Where did this now leave them?

Was she reading too much into it? Trying to give it more meaning than it actually had? Probably. It had just been a kiss. Only a kiss. That's it.

Question after question would pop in her head, keeping Kate from even entertaining the idea of sleeping anytime soon. She was starting to feel annoyed with herself that she couldn't just leave it be as it was, that she couldn't help but over analyze every little detail and what it all meant.

_Ugh. Rick is probably at home fast asleep._ Kate thought to herself, feeling a sense irritation with the thought that he probably wasn't being kept awake and had no trouble falling asleep.

Not long after she had finally managed to fall into a fitful sleep, Kate's phone trilled loudly. She immediately awakened at the shrill sound and leaned over to her nightstand to grab it.

"This had better be good, Espo." She said sleepily into the speaker.

His response had Kate's eyes snapping wide open and her leaping from the bed in a hurry. She hung up with the promise of her arrival at the scene in 30. Kate dressed quickly and debated for several minutes whether or not to call Rick. Her finger hovered over the call button but she couldn't bring herself to actually press it. She ultimately decided that she'd just let him sleep and call him at a decent hour even though he'd probably want to know about this latest development.

She tried not to feel guilty as she wrapped a scarf around her neck and shrugged on her coat. She was _going_ to call him in... Just not right this very moment.

Kate hurried out to her car, her heart racing wildly in her chest.

Another body had dropped.

But this time there was a witness.


	24. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate slammed her car door shut, pausing to peer over the top of her car to see what she could. This time the body was found in the empty parking lot of a recently closed shopping center. Kate saw that she was one of the first on the scene, the only others being Esposito and Ryan, a couple other uniforms and Lanie. She noted that Ryan was off to the side and speaking to someone who she was assuming to be the witness. Kate couldn't tell for sure though because Ryan had his back turned to her, effectively blocking the other person. Kate surveyed the scene a moment longer before moving to join in the action.

She strode over purposefully, assuming her commanding and authoritative persona. Gone was the stricken, anxiety ridden woman who'd lost sleep over nothing but a kiss. Any and all traces of the doubt she'd felt-with herself and otherwise- vanished and were replaced again with the self assuredness Kate had always prided herself on. In fact, as she stepped on the scene she was flooded with the familiar sense of control. Crime scenes and murder were what Kate did best, not romance. This was her element, this was what she could make sense of- at least most of the time.

She debated for a fraction of a second whether to go to Lanie first or the witness but decided Ryan looked as though he had a handle on it for the time being.

"Hey, Lanie." She greeted before nodding her head to acknowledge her partner. "Espooo-Am I... Interrupting something?" Kate drew out the o in Espo's name when she realized she'd awkwardly intruded on a personal moment between the two.

"No." They said simultaneously as Lanie turned to glare at Esposito. He did a double take as he caught her look out of the corner of his eye and blew out a breath as he shook his head. _Women, _he thought.

"Ohhh-kay, then.." Kate coughed out, eyes moving between the pair. She couldn't help but think to herself how this was a prime example of how relationships with people you worked with blew up in your face and left everyone feeling uncomfortable.

Esposito stalked off, mumbling something about talking to the uniforms in regards to canvassing the immediate perimeter.

"What was that all about?" Kate asked as she pointed her thumb over her shoulder.

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Don't ask. What I will tell you is that I've already got the body in the bag and am getting ready to head into the morgue. I can't tell you much more than I could with any of these other cases we've worked. Same MO, same details in terms of the victim; everything is pretty much the same. We won't know until I get back to the lab if there was any more trace evidence left on this one."

"Yeah, same everything except for that witness standing right over there." Kate said, jutting her chin towards Ryan and the other guy.

"Mm, so I heard. I hope this is the beginning of the end because, Kate, the thought of this guy slipping away..." Lanie broke off, shaking her head as she was unable to verbalize exactly what she was feeling.

"You don't have to tell me." Kate replied in sympathy. As these murders piled up, it was taking an increasing toll on the team as each murder seemed to instill a fresh sense of defeat. Kate briefly squeezed Lanie's shoulder and gave her a smile. "Well, I'm gonna go over and speak with the witness. You'll let me know as soon as you've got something?"

Lanie simply nodded her head and watched as her friend strode over towards Ryan and the witness, her soft curls bouncing a little with each step she took.

As Kate drew closer and got a good look at the witness, her steps faltered and she nearly stumbled. She knew the guy- or had seen him somewhere at least..

Closing the remaining few steps, Kate joined the two. Ryan broke off when he became aware of Kate's presence.

Kate stuck out her hand. "Hi, I'm Detective-"

"Kate?"

Ryan looked at Kate in surprise. "You two know each other?" He asked, one finger pointing between the two of them.

Kate didn't answer as she slowly dropped her hand and her eyebrows drew together in concentration as she racked her brain trying to think of how they knew each other. He was familiar yet not memorable and she had no luck placing his name.

"Josh.." He finally offered, smiling a little. "We met a while back at-"

"The ski resort!" Kate finished with a small smile of her own. "Yeah, I remember now. Sorry.." She apologized feeling slightly guilty for not immediately recognizing him as he had with her.

"Huh. Small world." He said in wonder, shaking his head slightly.

"Mm." She hummed in agreement as she continued to stare. _Small world, indeed,_ she thought to herself.

"Where's Castle?" Ryan asked, pulling Kate from her thoughts.

Kate looked away from Josh to meet Ryan's eyes. "Oh, uh, thought I'd just wait until a little later. Ya know, see what we had first and everything. I will probably call him when we get back to the precinct."

"Oh, gotcha." Ryan nodded his head, never once thinking to question her further. He looked down at his small notepad in his hands, reminding himself of what details he'd gathered so far.

"Well, Josh here was driving home from his shift around 2 this morning-"

"Shift?" Kate interrupted as she turned to look at Josh.

"Yeah, I work in a hospital." He said before further elaborating and giving the exact name of the hospital.

Kate looked back at Ryan and signaled for him to continue.

"So, driving home around 2 and passed the lot and saw a car parked and a man pulling something from his trunk. He ended up circling back a few times trying to determine what exactly the guy was doing but he said the man spooked after noticing the third or fourth time and hopped in his car and high tailed it out of there. Josh then pulled in to get a better look at what he'd dumped and saw that it was a body at which time he called it in." Ryan said, finally looking up from his notes.

"Pretty brave of you to have investigated suspicious activity on your own in the middle of the night." Kate was mildly impressed by this fact as in her experience most New Yorkers tended to mind their own business and avoid involving themselves in the business of others, _especially _at night. Hear no evil, see no evil or something like that.

Josh shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know about brave. More curiosity than anything."

Kate gave him another small smile. "Yeah, well, whatever the reason, we're grateful- we've been waiting for a break on this guy for quite a while now. You won't mind coming to the precinct with us for further questioning, will you?"

"Anything I can do to help. I guess it's just a bonus it also means spending a little more time with you." He said with a cheeky grin.

Kate felt slightly taken aback by his blatant flirtation but managed to take it in stride. "If only everyone was this keen to go in for questioning." She returned with a small laugh before looking at Ryan who'd been taking it all in with no small amount of interest. It wasn't the first time he'd witnessed Kate being hit on while on the job and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but what he was interested in was what Castle's reaction would be to this new... development. His guess was that he was going to be less than thrilled.

"Well, I'll just go and check in with Javi." He told her as he began looking around for his partner. "We'll see you back at the precinct?"

Kate nodded once. "Sounds good."

Xx

The car ride seemed to last ten times longer than it did in reality and Kate had felt a little uncomfortable at times. It wasn't that he was constantly making advances or was obnoxiously flirtatious, but the undercurrent was always there and it was the little comments that he'd toss in so casually that gave her pause. _Why did it feel like the universe suddenly had this need to make radical changes on her romantic front?! Good lord.. _

When they finally pulled up to the precinct, Kate let out a tiny sigh of relief before killing the ignition. The two exited the car and made their way up to the homicide floor. Kate paused at her desk to grab a few things before she'd take him to the small room they used for these purposes. When she turned she found him sitting in Rick's chair, looking at her expectantly. _Well, I guess this works too.._

Kate ended up taking a seat at her desk and pulling out her cell from her coat pocket.

_Time to call Rick. _

Right before she hit the call button though, Kate wavered. A phone call actually seemed intimidating as she thought of having to hear his voice or him bringing up last night or.. _No, I'll just shoot him a text._

_Xx_

Rick hadn't slept much and when he had he dreamt of Kate. It had taken him hours before exhaustion had finally taken over and he'd fallen asleep and then for some reason he'd woken at the crack of freaking dawn. Rick laid back, staring at the ceiling. He pictured her face right before he'd kissed her. He pictured the moment his lips had captured hers. Then he pictured her face after they'd broken apart. For the first time ever, Kate had been an open book- even if it had only been for a fraction of a second. And everything he had been feeling had been reflected clearly on her face. The shock, the heat, the want. It was all there until it wasn't. He felt stunned that she'd managed to collect herself so soon after; he'd stood there for minutes afterwards, feeling shell shocked.

Rick sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face. _Why must she be so difficult to read? _He didn't know what any of this would mean for them. He knew what he wanted, he was just afraid to find out it wasn't what Kate wanted. He didn't know if that had been a heat of the moment type of thing, or the opening of a door of sorts.

Rick wondered if it would be something they talked about.. _Should we talk about it? Or do I not bring it up?_ He agonized. Rick was at a total loss. He groaned and threw his head back against his pillow several times. _You're over thinking this, Rick. I'm sure Kate took it for what it was and isn't agonizing over it. Stop being a baby. You know what, just take your cues from her.. See how it goes. Maybe she'll bring it up-_

Just then his phone vibrated. He reached a hand over and began patting the bedding around him, he was fairly certain he'd fallen asleep with it because he'd debated texting Kate last night. When he'd found it and saw it was a message from Kate, his heart did a little flip flop, a mixture of anticipation and anxiety.

**Another body dropped this morning. This time we've got a witness.. At the precinct now, getting ready to question him if you're interested in joining? **

Rick was amazed at the range of emotions such a simple text could evoke. At first he was disappointed it wasn't personal and had nothing pertaining to last night. Then he felt overjoyed at the news of the witness, it sounded like they'd finally caught the big break! Only to have that feeling replaced with one of confusion as it all settled in. Why hadn't she called him for the body drop? She always called him when a body dropped..

He quickly responded that he was in fact interested in joining and would be right there. Rick leapt out of bed and threw on some clothes before blowing through his routine in the bathroom. Style the hair- he always had those few unruly pieces in the morning- and brush his teeth. Once he was finished he hurried up the stairs to Alexis' room. He hadn't asked Kate, but he didn't really have any other option but to bring her with him today. His mother was on some retreat and it was much too short of notice to drop her anywhere else.

Rick gently shook his daughter's shoulder.

"Time to wake up, pumpkin.." He said softly as he continued to shake her.

Alexis groaned and shrugged her shoulder before trying to burrow deeper into her bedding.

"Alexis..." Rick said in a sing song voice. "C'mon. Get up, kiddo."

"Mm..time is it?" Came her garbled response. If he hadn't heard it so many times before, Rick probably wouldn't have been able to make sense of it.

"Almost 7:30."

"Too early." She breathed out, her eyes still shut tight.

Rick sighed. "Well, I was going in to see Kate.. I just thought you'd want to come with.." And just like that, Alexis was forcing her eyes open and blinking quickly to try to shake off the sleepiness.

"Really?" She said as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned.

"Really, really. Now, c'mon, let's get a move on!"

It was maybe only another 15 minutes before the two were out the door and heading to the precinct.

Xx

By the time Rick and Alexis were exiting the elevator in the precinct, Kate and Josh had fallen into friendly conversation. There was something charming about him that wore down Kate's resolve to maintain the typical distance as was done with most witnesses or people consulting on cases. Kate was fascinated by some of the stories he shared that had to do with surgeries he'd performed or countries he'd visited to offer his services to those in need.

Josh was shaking his head and staring at Kate in wonder.

"What?"

"It's just.. I can't believe our paths crossed again. Kind of seems like fate, doesn't it?"

Rick and Alexis wandered in in time to catch the end of that. And Kate's smile had faltered as she saw his face harden.

Rick was fuming. He couldn't believe the witness was just going to come in here like some asshole and take _his_ chair and start hitting on _his_ girl. Not that they were.. Together, together... Not yet, at least, but still. He watched as the guy turned in his seat to see what had stolen Kate's attention.

Rick's eyes narrowed. _It couldn't be._ _It was that same guy from Colorado. What are the odds?! Josh was it? _

_"_Kate!" Alexis cried happily as she dropped her father's hand and ran over to her.

Rick extended his now free hand, "John! Good to see ya, man!"

Josh stood to shake his hand, "it's Josh, actually." He corrected.

Rick snapped his fingers. "Josh, right, right.."

"What's he doing here?" Rick asked Kate, looking past Josh and not bothering to ask him directly.

"He's the witness." She said over Alexis' head. The girl had wasted no time climbing into Kate's lap and settling back comfortably.

Rick tilted his head. "You're kidding."

Kate shook her head and stood up, propping Alexis on one hip.

"Josh, if you'll follow me, I will show you into the room where we will be conducting the interview.."

She showed him into the room before turning to Rick.

"Rick, a word, please."

They walked back to Kate's desk and Kate sat Alexis in her chair and set her up with a notebook and some colored pens she'd managed to dig up before grabbing Rick by the hand and pulling him into the break room.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She asked him, her eyes searching his. He glanced down at their still joined hands.

Kate's eyes in turn followed his and once she realized what she'd been doing, she dropped his hand and felt the heat in her cheeks. _So much for that.._

Rick's brain scrambled as he tried to figure out what exactly she was talking about. The only thing that he was capable of thinking of right now was kissing. He cleared his throat.

"Kissing?" He'd intended for it to come out differently, not so much as a question seeking an answer..

Kate's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She shook her head fervently. "No, _Rick, _I meant about bringing Alexis into the precinct."

"Oh.." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, I didn't have anyone to watch her this early but I really wanted to be here for the witness thing.."

Kate sighed. It was too little too late to do much about it at this point anyway. "Just this once. And after this interview you guys should go; this isn't a place for Alexis."

Rick quickly agreed and then it suddenly occurred to him that he basically had Kate all to himself at the moment. And again, all he could think of was kissing.

He took a step forward. She took one back. Another step forward, another step back until she was pressed against the counter holding the coffee machine. She put a hand on his chest but didn't push him away. Kate looked up at him defiantly. Rick felt as though she was daring him on. Just as he leaned in, his lips hovering inches away from hers, a voice rang out causing the two to snap apart instantly.

Rick's eyes narrowed again. It was Josh.

"I was just gonna ask if I might get a cup of coffee.. I haven't slept in over 48 hours and my last shift was killer- no pun intended-so I'm really draggin here.."

Kate cleared her throat. "Yeah, no problem." She replied as she turned away from Rick and began preparing a cup of coffee for Josh. Rick watched Josh watch her and watched as he smiled at Kate and thanked her as she handed him the cup. It made his skin itch. He was feeling possessive over Kate and didn't appreciate the way Josh was looking at her.

He trailed after the two as they made their way to the other room, all the while thinking petulantly, _I'm thankful there was a witness but at what cost?!_

* * *

**A/N: I feel really evil bringing Josh back in... But you didn't honestly think Caskett would be all that easy, did you?! **


	25. Chapter 25

"Daddy, what do you think Kate is doing for Mother's Day tomorrow?"

Rick turned from where he'd been setting the dinner table to look over at his daughter leaning in the doorway.

"Uh, I'm not sure, honey. You can ask her when she gets here though. Why?" Rick replied, turning back to place the silverware.

"Just wondering." She said before darting from the room. Rick heard her race up the stairs and the faint sound of drawers being opened and shut and the occasional thump of something landing on the floor.

Rick paused, tilting his head as he tried to place the sounds.

"Alexis..." He called out loudly. Rick heard the noises stop. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" She immediately shouted back. Rick shook his head, thinking to himself this could be trouble. It wasn't five minutes later that he heard her feet pounding down the stairs.

"Dad, you know where the glue is?"

Rick didn't glance up from the chopping board. "The liquid kind or the stick kind- wait, what do you need glue for?" He asked, setting down the knife to wipe his hands on the nearby dishrag.

"It's a secret." She told him with a wry grin spread across her face. Rick narrowed his eyes and tried to figure out what his daughter could be up to.

"Well... Do you?" Alexis prompted, still waiting to hear where she could find the glue.

"It should be in the same little box as the glitter and puffy pa-"

She cut him off, "thanks, dad!" And raced off again.

"Whoa, wait! You better not be trying to glue glitter all over your body again, young lady!" He called after her, his inner eye conjuring up an image of Alexis a couple years prior when she was supposed to be napping but had instead tried to glitter-fy her body. It had taken him nearly an hour to scrub every last sparkle away, and he definitely didn't want to do that again.

"M'not!"

Her muffled response did little to assuage his concern and he decided to give her five minutes or so before he'd sneak up there to check. Rick looked at the clock. _6:04. Kate should be here in the next half hour or so.._

He hadn't seen her since the day before yesterday and hadn't had luck catching her on the phone. Something new must have popped in the case and had kept her busy. Rick hadn't been able to find anyone to watch Alexis the past couple days so he hadn't been in to the precinct since he and Alexis had left that morning after Josh's interview.

The interview itself had been far less helpful than the team had hoped. Aside from his initial information he'd given at the scene, Josh hadn't had much else to add. They'd hoped he'd be able to sit down with a sketch artist but according to him, it had been too dark to get much of a look at the guy. When Rick had left that morning, the plan had been to run down some of the leads Josh had provided, no matter how seemingly inconsequential as well as looking into his own alibi and the validity of his statement. Rick desperately wanted there to be some inconsistency or flaw, anything that would give Kate cause to write him off the case, that way they wouldn't have to deal with him again.

Rick smiled, thinking back on how he'd felt as he'd watched her conduct the entire interview. It had started with Josh's over friendly, borderline flirtatious approach with Kate- something that had bothered Rick to the point of clenching his jaw to prevent anything from slipping out. Rick had persevered to remain passive, one reason being he knew Josh was looking for a reaction and the other being he doubted Kate would take kindly to a jealous bout that interfered with maintaining professionalism. He allowed Kate to conduct her interview and deal with Josh herself and felt the jealousy gradually ebb as he witnessed Kate disengage Josh coolly at each pass. She'd even winked at Rick one point and the remaining uncertainty had evaporated, leaving Rick with a sense of urgency to discuss _them_ in relation to what had happened the night before.

They hadn't, however, been able to do so and that had a lot to do with why he was so eager for tonight- because he'd now have the chances to actually talk to Kate. His heart felt like it skipped a beat in a brief moment of anxiety as he realized just how soon that would be- he couldn't wait to see her.

Rick reeled in his thoughts, preparing to focus instead on finding out just what exactly his daughter was up to. She'd been awful quiet these past 15 minutes he'd spent lost in his thoughts and fixing their dinner. Rick climbed the stairs quietly and cracked open her door. Finding her hunched over with her back to him, Rick opened the door completely and rapped his knuckles against the door to announce his presence.

Her head whipped around and she grinned up at her dad before waving him over. Rick picked his way across the room strewn with glitter containers and markers and colored paper scraps. He stepped over to see what his daughter was working on.

"Look!" She said proudly as she handed him the card. After he took it, she wiped a hand across her forehead, leaving a faint marker smudge. Rick smiled down at his daughter, amused by her smudged forehead and sticky, glittered fingers- all evidence of a master art project.

The front of the card was decorated with crooked, lopsided hearts she'd cut out from some colored paper.

"Be careful! Some of the glue is still wet I think, and I don't want you to mess them up." She warned, referring to a few of the hearts that had been covered in gold and silver glitter.

Rick opened it to see her shaky attempt at loopy cursive handwriting. He smiled as he read it.

_Happy Mother's Day! I love you. _

His smiled widened as he took in the rest of the page. Alexis had covered the inside with all kinds of colored flowers and a few more hearts and just below her writing she'd drawn a picture of two stick figures. The brown hair gave it away. The card was for Kate.

Rick closed it carefully and handed it back to his daughter.

"Kate is going to love it, Alexis."

She beamed up at her father and just then, they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll bet that's her now." He told her.

Alexis quickly dropped back down to the floor and started shoving things in their respective boxes before she ran from the room, chasing after her father.

He swung open the door and he saw a flash of red streak by him as his daughter nearly tackled Kate.

"Well, I'm not quite sure I can compete with a greeting like that.." Rick laughed.

"Hey, guys!" She greeted, walking in with Alexis' feet standing on her own. "Good to see you both."

Kate brushed away a tendril of hair that had escaped from her bun and struggled out of her jacket.

"Something smells good!"

Rick took her coat and turned to hang it in the closet. "Yeah, I hope you like stuffed peppers.." He felt a little nervous, he hadn't been sure when he'd started whipping things together but he'd hoped it would be something she liked.

"Love em." She responded lightly.

"Well, they're just in the oven, warming.. So whenever you're ready!"

"I'm starved, are you starved?!" She asked Alexis dramatically.

Alexis shook her head vigorously and the three made their way to the dinner table.

Half an hour and two helpings later, Kate finally pushed her plate away, completely stuffed.

"That was really good, Rick. I didn't know you could cook like that.. If you aren't careful, I will be having you cook me dinner all the time!" She teased.

Rick just gave her a crooked smile. "I will cook for you anytime, Kate Beckett."

Kate looked away as she picked up the stem of her wineglass and took a slow sip.

"Alexis, didn't you have something you wanted to ask Kate?"

Apparently she'd forgotten all about her question because she'd gone the entire dinner without bringing it up which was somewhat surprising so Rick took it upon himself to bring it up.

"Oh, yeah..Kate, I was wondering.. What are you doing tomorrow for Mother's Day?"

Kate could feel herself flinch and tried to think of an appropriate response. "I, uh, I don't usually do anything on Mother's Day." She said, clearing her throat a little at the end.

Rick cringed internally, wanting to kick himself for not having actually thought about it. _God, I feel like such an ass._ He felt guilty that it hadn't clicked earlier so he could have prevented what was surely a sore subject being brought up by his daughter's curiosity.

"Well, good. That means you can spend it with us!" Alexis said brightly, head turning to look from Kate back to her father.

Again Rick wanted to kick himself, he'd thought it'd just been child's curiosity and not an opportunity to arrange a get together.

"Alexis, I think you're forgetting something.." Her eyebrows drew together, she was utterly baffled. "Your mom will be here tomorrow." Rick reminded her gently, noting her crestfallen face.

Kate watched as Alexis' bottom lip stuck out in a pout.

"I'm sure you guys are going to have lots of fun, Alexis!" She said happily, hoping to reassure the girl.

"But I don't want to." Her eyes began to water.

Rick scrambled in an effort to bring back her previously cheerful mood. He hated to see her get worked up over it. He could understand why she didn't want to- the few Mother's Days Meredith _hadn't _bailed on in the past, had resulted in Alexis being carted all over the city to luxury spas and various engagements that Alexis loathed. Rick got that it was Mother's Day, but his idea of how it should be spent differed from Alexis' mom's idea. He believed it was a day that should be spent doing things that they could enjoy together...

"Hey!" He said as he snapped his fingers. "Remember that _thing_ you just made.. Don't you want to show that to Kate?!"

And just like he'd hoped, his daughter's mood shifted back and her eyes were alight again.

"Be right back!" Alexis scooted her chair back and took off, leaving Rick and Kate alone.

"Sorry about.." He began awkwardly.

"It's fine, really. It does make me sad though that she isn't excited to spend the day with her mom. All girls should love mother-daughter time.."

"Yeah, well.. It is Meredith we're talking about."

Kate went to say something but was interrupted by the sound of knocking at the door.

Rick gave her a puzzled look before excusing himself to answer it.

Alexis looked down at the card in her hands and opened it one last time, casting critical eyes over her work. She closed it and smiled to herself. _It turned out good. I hope she likes it. _

She walked slowly down the stairs, running appreciative fingers over the glittered hearts, now completely dry. Alexis heard her father at the front door, whispering harshly to someone she couldn't see. She didn't pay him too much mind and skipped into the kitchen to find Kate carrying the last of the dishes to the sink.

Alexis looked up at her shyly, holding the card behind her back.

"Oh, c'mon! Show me!" Kate pleaded.

Alexis grinned and presented it to Kate with a flourish. She watched Kate's face, eager to know what she thought of it.

"Wow, it's beautiful!" Kate said softly as she lightly touched one of the glittery hearts.

"Open it, open it!" Alexis cried, unable to contain her excitement.

Kate opened it and read the scrawled message inside. She looked over the card to Alexis' beaming face.

"Your mother is going to _love _this, Alexis."

Alexis felt her heart sink. "What- no-" she started to say.

"What am I going to love?"

Alexis and Kate simultaneously turned at the sound of her voice and the clack of her heels on the hardwood floor.

Alexis quickly snatched the card and held it behind her back again. "Nothing."

Kate felt confused for a moment, wondering if she'd said that because she had wanted it to be a surprise for tomorrow or if... _I am so stupid. The card was for me, not Meredith. Brown hair, not red. Duh, Kate._

Kate hadn't put it together at first simply because it hadn't been expected. It made her feel slightly uncomfortable knowing this little girl had taken the time to make her a Mother's Day card and not her actual mom. But mostly, Kate felt proud and happy to have been bestowed such a gift.

She looked up from where her eyes had wandered to look down at the card Alexis hid behind her back and over to the woman standing in front of a harried looking Rick.

"Well, are you going to come say hello to your mother or are you just going to stand there? It _is_ Mother's Day tomorrow, you know!" Her tone was light and playful yet it managed to annoy Kate.

Kate realized the girl's hesitancy and plucked _her_ card from the tiny hands and held it behind her own back. She smiled and shook her head a little when she noticed Rick's knowing look.

"It's nice to see you again, Meredith." Kate said politely.

"Yeah, you too, though I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion you're taking over my little family here."

Kate's jaw dropped in surprise.

"I'm just kidding." Meredith said with a small laugh and wave of her bangle clad wrist. Meredith could say she was kidding five times over and Kate would still get the impression that there was some truth in her "teasing" accusation.

Kate bristled slightly at the tone. "Rick didn't say you'd be dropping by tonight."

Rick waved a finger as he stepped forward to enter the fray. "Uh, that's because I didn't know."

"Oh, I'm staying in the guest room- not dropping by." Meredith corrected with a smirk.

Rick did a double take before interjecting, "uh, again, this is news to me.."

Kate took this as an ideal moment to look at the watch on her wrist. "I should be going."

She didn't necessarily want to leave but she definitely didn't want to stay here and get caught up in a power struggle with Rick's ex wife and the mother of his daughter. She watched as Rick's face fell.

"Bye, Rick. Bye, ." She said as she brushed past.

She felt as Rick caught on her hands and stopped her. She looked up to see him looking at Alexis.

"Why don't you go walk Kate out while I talk to your mother about coordinating schedules for tomorrow?"

Alexis shrugged of the hand her mother had placed on her shoulder and reached out to take The hand her father had been holding a moment ago.

"Coordinating schedules? What do you mean, Rick?" She asked sharply.

Rick looked over at Kate who was watching the exchange with great interest. He wavered a moment. They hadn't actually gotten around to planning anything so he hoped she would be game for what he'd had in mind.

"Kate and I were going to go to this concert thing they have in the park. They're doing some Mother's Day event deal there tomorrow and it's supposed to be pretty fun. I just wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to meet up later because I know it was something Alexis wanted to do.."

He cast an inquisitive look Kate's way, hoping she wanted to in fact be part of it. He was relieved to find her smiling and shaking her head almost imperceptibly before turning to leave.

Alexis hadn't said a word by the time they had reached the front door and Kate had gathered her things. She bent down and shook Alexis' shoulders back and forth playfully in an attempt to elicit a smile. She grinned when she'd succeeded and then hugged Alexis tightly.

"Have fun with your mom tomorrow, okay? I hope I will see you but if not I'll be thinkin about ya." Kate hugged her once more for good measure. "And thanks for my card. I _love _it." She whispered in her ear.

"Bye, Kate." Alexis said softly as she watched Kate leave, seemingly taking all good cheer with her. She turned and climbed the stairs to her room. She flopped on the bed wishing her mother hadn't come at all this year.

Xx

Meredith woke her up super early, chirping about keeping to some schedule or another. She dressed her in a frilly skirt and matching top, an outfit that coordinated with her own.

"Look, Alexis! We match!" Meredith squealed in delight while Alexis fidgeted uncomfortably. If her mother was around enough, she'd know that she hated the material the skirt was made out of because it made her itchy.

Meredith had dragged her to breakfast first and then they'd been running ever since. Shopping, manicures and pedicures, more shopping, meeting with Meredith's friends. It was painfully boring for Alexis and she couldn't help but find herself thinking it wouldn't be so bad if it were Kate instead- not that Alexis could imagine Kate dragging her all these places, but just that she wouldn't mind as much..

"Alexis, are you not enjoying yourself?" Meredith asked in a clipped tone.

"No, I am, mommy." She said as she picked at an unraveling string in her skirt.

"Well, act like it then. You've been all mopey and you know what that tells me? You're being ungrateful."

Alexis could see her vision start to blur as tears welled up. Meredith immediately stopped walking and tugged her off to the side. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't mean to sound so angry, or make you cry. I don't see you very often and I just wanted to have a fun day with you, but I can see you're not having any fun at all, are you?"

Though it was the truth, Alexis feared upsetting her mom. "I'm just tired, mommy." That was partially the truth. She really was tired; she'd been kept awake by the sounds of her parents arguing late into the night and although she couldn't hear what exactly they were arguing about, the angry hiss of their voices was enough.

Meredith sighed again as she squeezed her daughter's shoulder before looking at her watch.

"Why don't we grab an early dinner and then by the time we're done and we drive through all the traffic, it should be about time to be your dad. How's that sound?"

Alexis looked up at her mom and smiled her first genuine smile of the day.

"That sounds good."

Xx

Kate looked around the crowded field, trying to find Rick. She was startled when she felt a hand close around her arm and she barely stopped herself from responding with the self defense training that had become instinctual.

"I was calling you but you couldn't hear me over all the noise.." He said as he waved a hand, gesturing to the running, screaming children on the nearby jungle gym and the obnoxious, slightly buzzed adults and then in the background of all that was the actual music they'd come to listen to.

She followed him over to the large blanket he'd laid out.

"Is Alexis here?" She asked, her eyes searching the kids on the playground.

"Uh, not yet I don't think.. But I just talked to Meredith and they should be here any min-"

Before he'd even gotten the word out he heard his daughter yell for him and the force of her running full speed as she bowled into him.

He was still rubbing his leg where her knee had crashed into him, undoubtedly leaving a mark, when she was already up and moving towards Kate.

"Hi, sweet girl!" Kate said happily as she wrapped her up in a big hug.

"Happy Mother's Day!"

Kate smiled and held Alexis chin in between her thumb and index finger. "Thank you, Alexis."

Meredith watched the interaction with a tight lipped smile.

"Do you mind if I talk to Rick for a moment?"

Kate frowned slightly, looking at Rick and silently asking what it was about. From the look in his eyes though, he apparently didn't know either.

"Sure." She felt Alexis' tiny hand slip into hers and the two walked towards the playground. After some persuading, Kate managed to get Alexis to go play. She continually alternated between keeping an eye on Alexis and looking back to where Meredith and Rick were talking. It was when she had been turned away that she heard someone start to cry. It immediately caught Kate's attention and she searched frantically for Alexis.

She hurriedly made her way over to where the three or four kids stood circling around someone on the ground. Kate's eyes narrowed._ If they were picking on Alexis, so help her... _

Once she got a little closer though she saw an adult already crouched next to a sobbing Alexis.

"Oh, good. Are you her mother?" The woman asked in relief.

Kate crouched down. "I, well... What happened?" Kate reached for Alexis. "Come on, love." She whispered softly, eyes flicking back to look at the woman for a response.

"There was just a group of them playing something similar to tag I think.. A few of them tried to climb up the same place and my son accidentally slipped and knocked her off." She explained.

With Alexis gathered in her arms, Kate stood and looked at the woman's solemn face.

"It was an accident, I swear! I said I was sorry, I really didn't mean to, Miss." The poor kid was so upset by it, he had trouble getting the words out.

Kate gave him a little smile. "I'm sure it was an accident. Thank you apologizing." She turned back to his mother to thank her as well.

"It wasn't too bad of a fall. I don't think she could have broken anything.."

Kate gave a small shake of her head. "I'm sure she's fine. It's been a long day, too. I think she's just tired."

With that, Kate turned and started walking away. She noticed that Rick and Meredith still seemed to be talking so she started to make her way over to the empty swing set off to the side. Kate shifted Alexis from her hip so that she was wrapped around her front instead that way she could sit on the swing comfortably.

Her feet never leaving the ground, Kate alternated between extending and bending her knees just enough to swing them gently. She didn't say anything until Alexis' little hiccup cries ceased all together.

"Did you have fun with your mom today?"

"No." Alexis bit out.

Kate stopped swinging. "Are you saying that because you mean it or because you're cranky right now?"

"I'm not cranky." Alexis still hadn't bothered to lift her head from where it was tucked against Kate's neck.

"Mm, coulda had me fooled." Kate said with a smile, swinging them gently again.

They swung on in silence for a minute or so before Kate broke it.

"So... I got something for you today."

Alexis rolled her head out just enough to look at Kate.

"Really?"

"Really, really. Should I give it to you now? Or do you want to wait until later?"

"Now!" Alexis said excitedly. "I mean, please, if that's okay with you?" She amended.

Kate shifted Alexis so that she now sat on her lap, facing the same direction. She patted her coat pockets, trying to remember which one she'd put it in. Kate dug her hand within the confines of one of the pockets and pulled out a closed fist. With her other hand she took one of Alexis hands and held it so it lay open.

Alexis couldn't see what it was until Kate had pulled her hand away. When she did see it, she gasped and looked up at Kate, eyes sparkling.

"It's a charm bracelet." Kate told her as she wrapped her arms around the girl to pick up the ends of the chain so she could see better. Dangling in the center of the tiny silver links was the letter A. It was small and simple. Kate had chosen the bracelet carefully and thought the understated, most simplistic one because she thought all the bigger ones were too big and ostentatious.

She put it on the girl's left wrist. It fit perfectly and when she saw it on, she couldn't have been more pleased that she'd gone with the one she had. It suited Alexis nicely.

"I got you the A just to start out with. They have more charms that you can think of and we can keep adding them as we go, okay?"

Alexis managed to shift herself so that she was kneeling on Kate's lap and her arms wrapped around Kate's neck.

"Thank you, Kate."

Kate turned her head a little bit to plant a kiss on Alexis' cheek. "You don't have to thank me. Now, should we go see what your mom and dad are up to?" Kate asked as she stood. She immediately felt Alexis' legs wrap around her securely, her arms still not having loosened from the hug.

"I love you." Alexis said quietly.

"And I love you."

Xx

When they reached Rick, Meredith was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Meredith?"

Rick looked up and smiled when he saw his two girls.

"Gone." He said simply. "Alexis, she wanted me to tell you she says bye and that she loves you and will see you soon."

Alexis shrugged a shoulder while humming noncommittally. It wasn't anything new to her.

For the next hour or so as the sun set and the sky darkened, Kate, Rick and Alexis all sat on the blanket, laughing and having a good time. Kate couldn't remember having spent such a happy Mother's Day since her mother had passed, but here she was- happier than she'd been in a while. There'd been moments when she'd catch Rick's unguarded look and it would set her heart racing faster for a few beats and each time, Kate would look away. They still hadn't talked about that kiss. She wondered if they ever would.

The concert was drawing to a close and the band was playing their last couple songs. As the first few chords rung out, there were various whoops and cheers from the waning crowd.

It was a slow song.

Rick stood up and gave Kate a lopsided grin as he held out a hand. "Kate, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?"

Kate shook her head and laughed. "Oh, no. I don't like to dance. In public. When I don't have to."

"Oh, come on! Please?" He whined.

"Nope. Besides- I can't. I've got a sleeping child in my arms."

"M'not asleep." Came the nearly inaudible response.

"Ha, ha!" He gloated. _Point for Alexis. _Rick mentally tallied. "That's my girl."

Kate grumbled. "Traitor."

Rick dramatically extended his hand again. "C'mon, now. You're wasting time! Dance with me, please!"

"I don't want to dance!" Kate said firmly, refusing to move at all.

"You know you do, Kate. Don't lie! I bet if Alexis asked you, you'd agree in a heartbeat."

Kate pretended to think about it. "Mm.. Yeah, you're probably right, Rick."

Rick stamped a foot. "Please, Kate?" He implored.

She laughed. "What are you, five? Stomping your foot like that.."

"Okay, you know what. I asked nicely. But now..." He said as he leaned over to pick up Alexis. When he'd set her down he looked back at Kate. "I _will_ carry you out there, Kate. Don't make me do that."

Her eyes narrowed as she tried to assess the threat. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, yeah?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. "Try me."

Alexis sighed heavily. "You should just dance with him, Kate. He will drag you out there. He's done it to me. It was embarrassing. I didn't want to dance but he made me. He'll make you too." She warned her.

Kate rolled her eyes and threw her hand out. Rick snatched it up, grinning in triumph. They drifted a little further from the blanket and closer towards the music. It felt like high school all over again as she felt him loop his arms around the small of her back and she in turn wrapped hers loosely around his neck. Surprisingly, there was nothing awkward about it. Their bodies fit perfectly.

Kate cleared her throat. "So, what was it that Meredith wanted to talk to you about?" She then sighed and pressed her eyes tight. "Nevermind. That really isn't any of my business."

"I don't mind. We had a very frank discussion about you and your role in Alexis' life. Long story short, Meredith feels displaced and resentful."

Kate pulled her head back in alarm, her eyes snapping to meet his. "It was never my intention to make her- "

"I know." He said softly. "You asked, so I'm telling you. Alexis needs you in her life. She needed that steady mother role model, warm and supportive and you're it, Kate. I've never seen her as attached to anyone as she is to you"

Rick felt her still momentarily at the word mother and he was quick to smooth it over. "Don't freak out, just for lack of better term."

They swayed in silence. Kate was consumed in her own thoughts, replaying everything Rick had just said. Though it worried her, Kate could acknowledge that somewhere along the line, Alexis began to see her as someone more. That depth of responsibility gave her pause and filled her with anxiety. Yet, the anxiety was easily quelled the next moment when she remembered all the little things like when she'd first told Kate she'd loved her or the card she'd made for her. There had always been a sense of rightness to it, and Kate had to be willing to see that too. Though the weight of it sometimes felt daunting, Kate knew she wouldn't be willing to forfeit the relationship she'd built with Alexis.

"Thank you." The whispered words were so quiet, he almost missed them.

"For what?" He asked uncertainly,

"For tonight. This is the first Mother's Day I haven't spent completely alone and wallowed in my mother's absence. I needed this. But mostly, thank you for everything you've done for me. You know, you keep thanking me for being part of Alexis' life and taking part in your guys' lives but really, I think it was you guys who took me in. I feel like I've gotten a lot more out of this than I've given." Her last few words trailed off thoughtfully. And Kate felt surprised at how honest she was being. She felt completely open and vulnerable and that scared the hell out of her.

A few more moments passed and Rick had finally scrounged up the courage.

"The other night...we kissed...and I...well...I guess what I've been wondering and wanting to ask was what does it mean?"

He searched her eyes intently, every moment that passed without a response made his heart pound a little harder in anxious anticipation.

"What do you want it to mean?"

Rick didn't know how to answer with words so he decided to show her instead. His head dipped down as one of his hands moved from her waist to tilt her chin up. He kissed her soundly, his other hand moving to cradle the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. It was nothing like their last kiss had been. This one wasn't frenzied. It was slow and patient and filled with a deep longing.

Rick felt her sigh softly as he slowly pulled his lips from hers and watched as her eyes blinked open. She smiled up at him, not knowing what to say. What did one say when it had all been expressed?

"I think that was the longest song in the history of all songs."

He gave a throaty laugh and pulled her closer for a moment before the two pulled apart to look over towards the band.

Their platform was empty; the band had already packed up and gone.

So consumed in each other, they both had failed to notice they were the only ones left.

* * *

**A/N: if I can find the time to write it, you can find the time to review it. ;)**


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle (or Grey's Anatomy- I snagged some dialogue from a Grey's episode in this chapter, I just couldn't resist..)**

He stood in the shadows, watching the happy couple as he plotted. The witness had been unexpected, but he'd managed to use it to his advantage. He knew it had just been a minor bump in the road, but it was a loose end that needed tying up and he knew just how to do it.

_Enjoy it while it lasts, _he thought as he watched the small family leave the park, _because I, I am going to take it all away._

Xx

As with most things in her life, the dance and kiss in the park became yet another reflection of her customary emotional one step forward, two steps back. The next few days were spent keeping busy and practicing her already finely tuned art of avoidance. That's not to say she was completely heartless and didn't think of how that would make Rick feel, because she did; she did consider how her crafted excuses and avoidance of talking about _it_ would appear to him. And it was important to her because she now found that what he thought or how he felt mattered, or should matter, anyway. Whatever they had, or didn't have, was difficult to tell. There was the promise of something spectacular and extraordinary but with it came the potential for devastating heartbreak.

The problem, Kate determined, the problem lied within the very complexities that drew them together in the first place. Alexis had been the common denominator, time and time again. If it hadn't been for her mishap that day on the ski lift, Kate surely wouldn't be dealing with the mess of emotions that currently afflicted her. The thought of that alone, of their serendipitous meeting was enough to give Kate pause. What if she'd been on a different lift that morning? What if Alexis hadn't slipped? Had it been fate that had caused it to unfold as it had? Or just pure chance? The thought that it had been by chance seemed frightening, given that had it happened any other way, Kate's path might have continued alongside without ever once crossing, and then she'd never have fallen in love with Alexis or Rick either, for that matter. How scary it was to think that missing certain chances meant missing out entirely on something that you couldn't imagine your life without.

Kate's mind continued to fathom the enigmatic ways of the universe. Fate or happenstance? Wasn't that always the million dollar question? And Kate wasn't sure which she'd rather it be. Fate seemed to hint at something great, something that was far bigger than either her or Rick had control over. And happenstance, well, happenstance seemed small and insubstantial in comparison. She wanted to believe that what she felt for Rick, what they shared, wasn't ephemeral, that it was destined to be enduring. Maybe this made her naive; Kate didn't know.

What she did know was that it all somehow came full circle back to Alexis and what it would mean for her if it didn't work out. Kate wanted to say that her and Rick would be capable of handling it, should it come to that, but they actually had no idea whether or not that would be possible. If they crashed and burned, it might be too painful or end too bitterly to allow a continued presence in each other's lives, _even _for the sake of Alexis. The truth of the matter was, she knew what she wanted, she just wasn't sure it was worth all the risk. She liked where they were at now, and yeah, sure, she'd always wonder what it would have turned out like, Kate thought she'd be able to handle maintaining the current status quo.

After she had finished trying to put all those doubts and jumbled up thoughts into words, she looked up to find Lanie giving her her trademark look, completely maxed out on the attitude.

"Guurl," she drawled out with a shake of her head. "You do realize that you contradicted yourself about 15 times over and I can honestly say I have not the _slightest_ idea which point you were trying to make."

Kate sighed loudly and put her head down on the table, pounding her forehead against it a few times to adequately convey her frustration.

"Weren't you listening?" Kate asked her, with just a hint of a whine.

"Was I listening?" Lanie scoffed. "Yeah, listening to you argue with your damn self. I don't even know what you needed me here for.."

Lanie didn't know what to tell her friend. She was in one of those moods where there wasn't anything anyone could say to reason with her or help in her befuddlement. Every time Lanie had gone to make a point of saying, "you won't know unless you give it a shot," or, "what is it you really want?" Or, "you're over thinking it, you need to see where it takes you," Kate seemed to beat her to the punch.

Kate would see Lanie open her mouth and start to say something only to cut her off with, "Yeah, I know I won't know unless I try, but how can I be sure it's even something _worth _trying?" And then, "I don't know what I really want. I want something more but not if that means giving up what we already have.. Does that make sense?" She had asked without waiting to hear her response. Then it had been, "I'm totally thinking too hard about this, aren't I?" She had asked, stopping mid pace and then resuming a moment later, "but don't you think there's a lot to consider? There's Alexis and what if Rick realizes.." It had gone on and on, and Lanie had sat there patiently waiting for the words to run dry.

Kate finally stopped pacing and dropped down in the seat next to Lanie's, propping her chin on her hands and looking up at her friend. "I need you to tell me what to do."

Lanie started shaking her head and laughing, "oh, no, no, no..uh-uh. So you can blame me if its the wrong choice? I don't think so. This is a choice you and you alone should make. Besides, it seems pretty clear to me that you already know what you want to do."

"Well, yeah.." Kate grumbled, head still on the table, "I know what I _want _to do; but it's about what I _should _do."

Lanie looked at her friend, "Aren't they one and the same?" She asked, gently.

"I don't know," Kate whispered, looking back up at her friend.

Lanie held her gaze for a few long moments and began shaking her head again. "Girl, you've got it bad. I've never seen you so..." She trailed off, unable to find the right word.

"Lost? Confused? Anxious? Pathetic?" Kate offered, her voice now muffled by the arms that covered her mouth.

"Lovesick was the word I was looking for," Lanie said wryly.

"Oh. Yeah, that too."

"I bet you have Rick pretty worried.." Lanie said, prompting a shift in direction.

Kate looked at her friend quizzically, not understanding where her friend was going with it. "Why would he be worried?"

"Knowing you, you've probably gone AWOL trying to deal with all of," Lanie waved a hand in Kate's direction, "this you got goin on here."

Kate tutted. "I have _not _gone AWOL," she said with a roll of her eyes.

Lanie raised her eyebrows. "You, Queen of Avoidance, haven't left Writer Boy hanging while you sorted yourself out?" She asked in a tone laced with disbelief.

"Yeah, why's that such a surprise?" Kate said with a frown.

"You just normally put up all these walls and withdraw into yourself while you make sense of whatever it is that's bothering you..so, you're telling me you've seen Rick since your oh, so lovely Mother's Day in the park?"

Lanie was pleasantly surprised to hear how her friend had broken one of her habits.

Kate rolled her eyes at Lanie's sass. "I've been avoiding talking about it, not him. I'm not that cruel."

Lanie opened her mouth to say otherwise but Kate spoke up before she could say anything. "Shut it, Lanie."

"Hey! I was just gonna say I was proud of you for not avoiding him like the plague, which is what I had assumed you'd done with your past tendencies to cut out when the going got a little tough."

"Thank you?" Kate said hesitantly, not sure how to take the slight back handed compliment.

"You're welcome. Now, do you feel better after our little chat?" Lanie asked.

The smile that had worked its way on her face vanished and she became sullen again, as if remembering why she'd been upset in the first place.

"No. You still haven't helped me decide. Do I tell him I'm ready for something more? Or would that be a mistake?"

Lanie felt sorry for how lost her friend looked, but she couldn't understand for the life of her why Kate was being so difficult. It was clear as day what she should do, she just couldn't seem to see it herself.

"Whatever you've decided- and I know you already have, Katharine Beckett- whatever you've decided, just promise me it's what you truly want and not because you're afraid of the alternative."

Kate hummed back noncommittally and watched as her friend drained the little wine she had left.

"Where you off to in such a hurry?" Kate asked.

Lanie slung her bag over her shoulder as she said, "Javi made dinner reservations tonight and I still have to go home and get ready."

Kate perked up, sitting straight in her chair. "So, you guys are back on again?" She asked with one eyebrow quirked upwards in question.

"Mm.. We'll see," Lanie replied as Kate stood up from her chair.

Kate hugged her friend tightly, "Thanks for coming, Lanie."

Lanie pulled back giving her a wide smile, "Of course! Now, I'll be off and you can invite Writer Boy over to discuss this thing you got goin on." She said with a wink as they walked towards the front door.

Kate rolled her eyes as she opened the door. "Good_bye, _Lanie," Kate said before shutting the door.

She sighed, walking over to pick up the now empty wine glasses and place them in the kitchen sink. She glanced at the clock, _5:37. _

_Perfect, I have time to shower and I'll invite him over,_ Kate thought, feeling her stomach do somersaults at the thought of having to finally talk it out. But, she couldn't put it off forever. And he'd been patient with her the past few days. Kate had gone over to their loft to hang out for a little bit the other night and then they'd grabbed lunch together the next day.. Both times, Rick hadn't once brought up their relationship or defining the relationship or specifying where they now stood. He seemed to sense her need for a little time to process and adjust and he'd given her just that. They still laughed and joked, and he'd stolen the occasional kiss when she hadn't been expecting it; all in all, they were very much the same, they simply skirted around talking about the undeniable push-pull factor between them or what either of them wanted next.

Kate picked up her phone and pressed his speed dial.

"Hey, you!" He greeted. She could hear the smile in his voice.

Kate focused hard on keeping her voice steady. _God, these nerves are _killing_ me! _She thought.

"Hey," she returned, clearing her throat a little. "Is your mom still at the loft?" She asked. When she had last talked to Rick, his mom had been planning on dropping by and staying for a few days to "catch up." Kate wasn't sure what the real reason was behind that, but Martha did have a tendency to drop in and out on a whim.

"Yeahhh.." He said slowly. "Why?"

"I was thinking you could come over for a bit and we can..talk..about...things.." Kate for some reason was struggling with her words, which wasn't a good sign. It would make tonight so much more difficult.

"Uhm.. Yeah, sure." The line went quiet for a few long seconds before he spoke up again. "What time?"

"7 okay?" She asked tentatively.

"Yeah, 7 sounds good! See you then, Kate!" And he clicked off.

Kate released a breath, glad the phone call was out of the way. Now for a shower... She spent the entire time, trying to figure out what to say, reciting things over and over so she wouldn't be reduced to a complete bumbling mess. She was nervous but anxious for the relief that would come after she let it all out. Whatever happened, however he took it, Kate had faith things would work out. They had to.

She was just pulling a shirt over her head when she heard someone knocking at the door. Kate turned to look at the clock, thinking it couldn't possibly be seven yet. It wasn't; the LED lights read 6:28. She walked to the door and opened it with a smile, "You just couldn't wait coul- Josh?!"

The smile dropped from her lips as she rushed over the threshold. "What happened?" She demanded as she threw an arm over his shoulders and helped him hobble inside. His lip was cut and his eye was swollen and blood stained his gray tee shirt. She immediately figured out that the killer must have tried to tie up the one loose end there was..

"He-he came after me. I barely got away.." Josh said, wincing every few words.

Kate had grabbed rags from the closet and was pressing them to the wound in his side.

"We need to get you to the hospital- we need to call an ambulance." Kate dug her phone out of her back pocket only for Josh to grab it.

"No! You can't! He will kill me, he will-"

Kate cut him off, "no, no! You won't find anywhere safer than the hospital. Josh, you're a doctor, you must know you need medical attention!"

Josh continued to shake his head as Kate fretted over the stab wound.

"No, you don't understand. He's a doctor there. He could make it look like an accident."

Kate's movements stilled. "You ID'd him?!" Her heart leapt at what this would mean.

"Yeah, he's the chief of surgery." He said, his eyes fixed on hers.

"You're sure?" She demanded.

Josh grimaced as he nodded his head, "positive."

She took back her phone, "I'm gonna call it in, have someone go pick him up. You hold the pressure- well, what am I saying, you're the doctor you probably know better than- you know what I'm just gonna go make this call."

The phone call lasted less than two minutes and she returned to find him standing by the table.

"I've got a team going to pick him up now," she said as she leaned over to look at the wound again. She stood up saying, "I'm gonna call dispatch and have them send over a squad car to escort you to the hospital."

"You can't take me?" He asked.

Kate raised the phone to her ear as she said, "I need to do something first."

Xx

Rick knocked on the door at 7:01, holding a small bouquet of tulips.

"I thought roses might be a little cliche- Kate, what's wrong?" He asked voice filled with concern.

Kate's heart fluttered a little and then fell at the sight of the flowers and his worried expression. He reached out to pull her into a hug, but she sidestepped it. She closed the door behind him and motioned towards her couch.

"We should sit down."

Her voice was tight and she had trouble looking him in the eye. She noticed how his face fell, as did the hand that held the flowers. She gently took them from him and set them on the counter before leading him towards the couch. Kate sat down and Rick took his place next to her.

"Rick, this isn't going to be easy for me to say." Kate said, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Kate, don't.. I know where you're going to go with this." He said, his eyes wild as they searched hers. His hand grasped for Kate's but hers remained curled up in a ball.

"I can't.. I've been giving this a lot of thought," her voice shook and she paused for just a second before continuing, "and this isn't.. This isn't going to work."

She looked up for the first time and it pained her to see how upset he was, the hurt that was written so clearly in his eyes.

"Kate, you're scared. I can understand that. Kind of," he started saying, scrambling to hang on to what was slipping through his fingers. "But, what we have.. You can't deny..." Each thought he began to speak was quickly interrupted by another thought, all vying to be spoken. "What we have.. It's special.. It's.. Think back all those days ago when we happened to meet in an entirely different state. You just so happened to be at the same ski resort, the same lift, the same _ride. _And then Alexis slipped and there you were. You saved her and we went our separate ways only to meet again the next day. That's not chance, Kate. And even when we came back to New York, it was.. You and Alexis. Us. It all came so naturally. Just like it was..." He stopped himself. He'd been about to say 'meant to be,' but he couldn't bring himself to finish it.

"Meant to be?" She offered, her tone empty and her eyes wet. "There's no such thing. I get it, though. It's a great story. I save your daughter's life. Unconsciously step in as a surrogate mother. Unknowingly become part of the family. We fall in love. How romantic is that? And I would be lying to say it's never crossed my mind. But, I don't feel it. It's not real. It's just a good story."

Kate felt her throat constrict with the overwhelming emotion but she managed to retain control. This was much harder than she could have ever imagined it would be and looking at Rick's broken and uncomprehending face made it even worse.

"What's so wrong with a good story?" He asked.

The question hung heavy between them, going unanswered. He tried again.

"What about Alexis?"

Kate flinched at the question and she felt sick. "Please don't make this any more difficult than it needs to be."

Her voice was nothing but a broken whisper and he watched as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Me? How can I be the one that's making this more difficult? _You _are the one that blindsided _me, _Kate. I don't understand where any of this is coming from! We- we were fine up until now. Explain to me what changed!"

Kate felt relief as the anger replaced the heaviness in his voice. Anger she could deal with. She could practically feel it radiating off of him.

"It isn't something that can be explained, Rick. It just is." Kate rose from the couch and made her way to the front door. Rick appeared not much later. "It's something I've been thinking a lot about and didn't know how to tell you. But, I know now. This is.. It's over." She opened the door and looked at Rick who still stood a few feet a way, his hands balled into fists and his face contorted in a mixture between anger and sadness.

"I'm not leaving, Kate. This is just you being afraid and trying to push me away. But I won't have it."

Kate closed the distance between them, "This isn't about me being insecure or me being afraid or whatever else you _think_ it may be. This is my decision, now respect it," she growled at him.

"Nope, I don't think so. You look me in the eye and tell me it's what you want and then I might believe you."

Rick was startled to see her eyes flash with a wild desperation he hadn't seen before before her eyes became guarded and her gaze was cool.

Her eyes met his and he felt his heart break.

"We are over," she emphasized each word, her eyes burning into his. "Please leave."

He felt angrier than he'd ever felt before and, at the same time, he felt irreparably broken. He brushed past her without saying another word. He was halfway down the hallway when he heard her voice and stopped.

"Tell Alexis I love her and that I'm sorry," she said as a few tears trailed down her face.

Rick refused to be moved by her tears.

"Tell her yourself," he bit out.

Kate closed her door, trapping herself inside. She would give anything to be able to tell her that, to be able to fix things with Rick.

Kate hoped that after tonight that would still be possible.


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Ryan and Esposito entered the interrogation room, jaws set and shoulders squared. Finally, after all this time, they'd gotten the guy. Now all that was left was to get his confession.

Esposito dropped the folder on the table, sounding a heavy _thump. _Ryan took a seat in one of the chairs opposite the doctor while Esposito remained standing, arms crossed over his chest.

"You mind telling us whose blood is all over your clothes, _Dr_. Cooper?" Esposito asked, not bothering to ease into it and diving right in.

The man looked between the two detectives, immediately sizing up the more open of the two. He appealed to Ryan, "I am a _doctor_, more specifically I am the chief of _surgery. _That means that a little blood is in the job description. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me what it is you dragged me in here for.."

Ryan frowned at him, taking in his appearance before turning to Esposito.

"Hey, don't you think it's a little weird for him to be operating in business attire? I mean, that's a pretty expensive looking dress shirt, not to mention the tie... Ya know, I thought there was a dress code or something," Ryan snapped his fingers, "oh, that's right, scrubs!"

Esposito took what Ryan was feeding him and continued to run with it. "Yeah, it is a little strange, I-"

Dr. Cooper bristled and cut Esposito off. "I never said I was operating; I said that blood was part of the job description. I got paged in for an emergency and when I arrived there'd been an incoming trauma and it was all hands on deck. Forgive me for not putting on a trauma gown while I kept someone from bleeding out!"

Esposito's eyes narrowed. "Huh, that's a convenient little story you've spun."

Dr. Cooper released a loud sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't spin anything! That's what happened!" he cried indignantly.

"Huh," Esposito said, "well, do you mind telling us who this mystery patient was or what the prognosis is?"

The doctor sighed before saying, "I wouldn't be able to tell you."

"No? And why's that?" Ryan demanded.

"Because another doctor took over and I was called over to another consult before I learned any of what you're asking. The chief of surgery isn't just some shiny title. It's.. Busy and demanding. I'm needed everywhere all the time and am expected to be doing fifty things at once. All I can tell you is, it was a young woman, early 20s, maybe, open wound to the chest and bleeding heavily. You can ask Dr. Litvine, though. He's the doctor that took over.. Actually you could ask any of the hospital staff present at that time and they'll be able to corroborate everything I just told you!"

Dr. Cooper's composure was starting to fray and Esposito could practically smell the breakdown coming. It wouldn't take much longer. They were going to catch him in a lie and his goose was as good as cooked.

Esposito dropped into the chair besides his partner. The two remained silent as they stared down the doctor. It was a technique used to sometimes unsettle and thus prompt the suspect into talking, filling the silence with their declarations of innocence or explanations both of which, more often than not, led to uncovering some hidden discrepancy. And, just as they anticipated, he broke the silence.

"You guys still haven't told me why I am here. Isn't that an infringement on my basic rights?" He questioned haughtily.

In response, Esposito reached over to the middle of the table where the large folder had remained closed, until now. He flipped it open and spread its contents, laying the photographs of the victims out in front of the doctor. Esposito and Ryan watched his eyes glance from photo to photo, eyes growing a little wider with each one. He looked up to the two detectives.

"You don't- you don't think _I _did this? Do you?" The doctor looked back and forth between the two detectives, garnering the answer from their silence. "I took an oath to _save _lives, not take them!"

Ryan glanced at Esposito, waiting for him to take point. "Well, would you mind telling us where you were on the dates they were murdered?"

"You're asking for my alibis?" He asked, his voice incredulous. He appeared to be affronted that the detectives had questioned the integrity of the Hippocratic oath he'd taken.

Esposito and Ryan began listing the dates of each murder and asking where he was during specific time frames.

"I was probably at the hospital. I-"

Esposito interrupted. "_Probably?_ You're going to have to better than that, I'm afraid."

Dr. Cooper threw his hands in the air. "I can't tell you off the top of my head where I was.. Some of these dates were months ago! I would need to check with my secretary or consult my calendar. The hospital _owns_ me. I practically live there. And if I'm not there, it's because I'm attending some medical conference or board meetings or.. My point is, I can't tell you off the top of my head. I will give you my alibis as soon as I can, but I can assure you, I didn't do this."

The door to the observation room clicked shut behind them. Ryan and Esposito stood side by side, watching the man though the two way mirror.

"What do you think?" Esposito asked Ryan.

"I don't know. I think what he says about not knowing where he was all those times was a pretty good reason. I mean, I know I don't remember what I did at a specific time last week, let alone two months ago.. And I don't run a hospital."

"Or.." Esposito countered, "he's just saying that to give himself more time to make up his alibis."

Ryan gave a half shrug. "That, too. What do you think of his body language? Or how upset he'd been when he'd seen the pictures? I mean... Either he is a really good actor or.."

"He's telling the truth," Esposito finished. The two stood silent for a minute longer, watching the doctor pace back and forth in the interrogation room. The door to the observation room opened and one of the lab techs walked in holding a paper.

"We ran his prints against the one found in that latex glove. It was a match." The tech handed Esposito the paper before departing. Esposito's eyes scanned the paper. "Science doesn't lie," he said as he handed the paper over for Ryan to see.

Esposito threw the door open to the interrogation room, stalking up to the table to slam the piece of paper down in front of the doctor.

Dr. Cooper looked from the paper to Esposito's face. "What's this?" He asked.

Ryan jumped in. "That would be the results of your prints that we ran through the system. It was a match for prints we pulled from some latex gloves found at one of the crime scenes."

Esposito spoke up again. "You know, it was a pretty good performance. You nearly had us. But, science isn't like people; it can't lie. This ties you to at least one of the murders and you can bet you ass we will tear each and every alibi to shreds. We got you, you son of a bitch."

Ryan and Esposito watched as the doctor leaned back heavily in his chair.

The muscles in his jaw tightened and relaxed again as he spoke.

"I want a lawyer."

Xx

"She's still not answering," Ryan said to Esposito as the call went to voicemail for the second time.

"Huh, that's not like her. Especially because she said she would be in.. Oh," he said, snapping his fingers as he remembered something. "You know what, Lanie mentioned something about Kate having plans with Castle tonight. You should try calling him; she'll definitely want to know about all of this."

Esposito did a double take at Ryan when he noticed the raised eyebrows and smug expression.

"_Lanie_ mentioned?" He asked, his tone teasing. "So, does this mean you two are-"

Esposito's eyes narrowed at him and he punched him lightly on the arm. "Shut it. Just call him."

Ryan's smile and light humor faded with each passing ring. Voicemail.

"He didn't answer either," he said, causing Esposito to look up.

"Sooo... They're busy, no big deal.. Did you leave a message?"

Ryan shook his head, and Esposito rolled his eyes. "How's he going to know to call you back because it's important?"

Ryan gave a little half shrug of his shoulders. "Just shoot him a text then. See if she's with him or he knows where she is," Esposito instructed.

Ryan sent off the text before he pulled up a chair next to Esposito's and they began going over the interrogation and corroborating it with eye witness accounts from the hospital and combing through his life these past few months with a fine toothed comb.

So far, much of what they had was circumstantial and might not hold up in court, so they were doing their best to piece things together and find more evidence that would support the case.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up. Check this out," Esposito said as he rolled his chair away from the computer so Ryan could move in. Ryan scanned the online obituary that had popped up in their search when it had registered key words. Ryan sped read the article, murmuring some of the words as he read along. "Loving mother survived by two sons, Mason and Dr. Terrance Cooper..." Ryan looked up, "His mom died... meaning..." He prompted, not following why Esposito would find this helpful.

"Look at the date it was published." Esposito said. Ryan's eyes darted to find the date at the top.

"The week the killings began.." He said, looking back over to his partner.

"That must have been the trigger. It's all starting to fit. Like Beckett always says, go where the evidence leads.."

Xx

Rick was now several blocks away from Kate's apartment, brooding with his hands shoved in his pockets and an angry scowl on his face. He kept reliving it over and over again in his head.

_What the hell is wrong with her?! _

He said he'd felt blind sided but that had been an inaccurate description. The word was simply inadequate. He futilely searched his extensive vocabulary to find a word that captured how he felt, only to find he couldn't. Rick didn't think there was a single word in the English language that described what he was feeling at that moment.

Sucker punched.

Confused.

Hurt.

Betrayed.

Heartache.

And a wild woe unlike any he'd ever felt before.

But all of those emotions were interwoven so closely together, and were eclipsed by something much greater, so much so they were almost looked over all together. The anguish he felt overpowered every other emotion to the extent it all but minimized them to nothing more than inconsequential.

He felt how he yielded control to his anger, allowing it to consume everything.

He was angry at Kate.

He was angry at the situation.

He was angry with how she had handled it.

He was angry with himself.

He was angry at how _he'd_ handled it.

He was angry at how he'd allowed her to treat him so horribly.

He was angry that he'd given up without so much as a fight.

He was angry that he felt like he lost something he desperately wanted.

He was angry that he was affected as strongly as he was by this.

Rick was just _angry._

He continued to walk on, continued to rethink everything, continued being angry. He walked with the intention of stopping when the fire inside him had died down, burned out. But it didn't. The flames grew and the anger morphed into something he didn't like. The anger had sharpened, it's edges were jagged and it had darkened in color. It was no longer red that he felt, but black. And that's where he stopped. He could never bring himself to hate Kate.

Rick passed a bench on the sidewalk near a bus stop. He sat down and thought. And thought. He picked past the anger to find the confusion and the hurt, the betrayal and heartache. Rick began to realize that these were the real reasons he was so angry; he was angry _because _he felt sucker punched, _because _he was hurting, _because_ he felt betrayed, _because _his heart ached. The anger was simply a by product of the underlying emotions. It was easy and manageable and could be directed at anything; all those other things couldn't. Those were his and his alone to own.

As the anger fell away and the fire within was reduced to nothing more than smoldering ash, Rick began to think clearly for the first time since he'd walked out of her apartment. The anger had been blinding and had prevented him from approaching it objectively. Once he moved past it, he found that it all came back to being blindsided. Rick sat and thought over every interaction they'd had since that first kiss. There was nothing to even remotely indicate it had been leading up to this. Everything about it was all wrong. It didn't make any sense.

He sat there, minutes ticking away, the words bouncing in around in his head, _didn't make any sense, didn't make any sense_.. The not knowing ate away at him and he could feel his nerves start to unravel until he stopped contemplating what he didn't know and went over what he did.

He _knew _Kate.

He knew she was rational, not emotional. Everything she did made sense, at least in her own mind. Tonight might seem without reason to him, but to her, he was sure there was something left unsaid.

He knew she loved Alexis. Enough so that she wouldn't just walk away from her.

He knew she cared for him. He recalled her anger when he'd started shadowing her and how she shut him out then. _That_ had been about her caring, much like how it was for him tonight, her anger had overshadowed the underlying, driving emotion.

_What else, what else, what else.._

He knew how he felt for her.

In his heart of hearts, he knew he loved her.

But, even in spite of that love, Rick knew he deserved better.

He knew he _was _better.

He'd allowed her to just push him away, toss him out like what had been at stake had been nothing, worthless. Rick felt disappointed that he'd walked away so easily when he deserved to at least know why. He had skulked away like a puppy with its tail between its legs. He was made of stronger stuff than that. Rick felt his resolve harden as he made up his mind. He was going to march right back to Kate Beckett and demand the explanation he deserved.

And then, as soon as she gave him an explanation, he'd make her watch as he tore it apart bit by bit. He wanted her. He wanted them. And it was something he would fight for until he was absolutely convinced it was no longer worth it.

Rick stood and began to make his way back to her. His strides were long and purposeful and he felt more confident with each step that brought him closer. As he retraced his steps, Rick found it almost ironic that it wasn't more than half an hour later and he was already breaking the promises he had made to himself when he'd first stormed from her apartment.

When he had thrown open that door and started to walk down the sidewalk, he had started thinking all kinds of things. He had been so determined to find a way to get back at Kate, to make her hurt the way she had hurt him. First thing he was going to do was freeze her out. He didn't want to see her face, or hear her voice; he wanted nothing to do with her, ever again. Then, he would get a girlfriend. A blonde bombshell. He'd make it so public that everywhere she turned, she'd see him "happy" with someone else. He would throw it back in her face and relish the thought that it brought her pain and that that somehow made them even.

Anger has a way of manipulating people. People act on their anguish to feel better, but what people oftentimes fail to realize is that it is like treating a symptom and not the underlying problem. Rick had very nearly done the same himself but once he'd been able to see past the anger, he realized just how crippling and self destructive it truly was. Doing those things wouldn't have solved his problem. It might have made him feel better initially, but what would that matter once that short lived gratification had worn off? He still wouldn't have closure and he most certainly would not have Kate. Cutting her out of her life or pretending to be happy with someone else- that was a decision made on anger. It was the immature, coward's way out.

Rick pushed forward, empowered knowing- even if Kate didn't- that there was something inherently _right_ about them being together and he would do his best to prove it.

Xx

Kate shut the door behind her and waited. Waited for him to appear.

Josh stepped from the shadows, smiling a wicked smile, and pointed directly at her was her very own gun. Kate hated for not having seen it sooner. She hated what she'd just put Rick through. She hated to think his last memory of her would be nothing but lies. Most of all, Kate hated how she already felt resigned to defeat; Kate did not feel like she'd be making it out of this alive. It was a sick knowing that she felt in her gut, that had settled in her bones.

_Why couldn't I have seen it sooner?_

Kate thought back to the exact moment she had seen it.. Er, rather, figured it out. She had been about to call dispatch to send someone over to escort him to the hospital when it suddenly occurred to her that Josh had shown up on her _front doorstep._ She'd never told him where she'd lived, yet, there he was. As things had begun clicking inside her head, he must have realized she now knew. He'd lunged towards her, wrenching the phone from her grasp and hurling it against the wall.

He had sneered at her, "finally figured it out, huh? The detective has finally put the pieces of the puzzle together. It took you long enough. Pretty clever though, you gotta admit- showing up at your doorstep looking like I'd just narrowly escaped death, it threw you, didn't it? And, good thing about being a doctor?" He asked, pointing to the blood soaked tee shirt. "You know the body pretty well- inside and out, I would say. And this right here, well, it's nothing but a flesh wound. Hardly even hurts, but man, it sure bled a lot, didn't it?"

Kate had edged away from him, trying to put distance between them. Once she had, she had sprinted to where she had her service weapon hidden. She jerked open the drawer only to find it empty. She had spun around to find him gloating, the weapon in one raised hand.

"Looking for something?" His voice had made her skin crawl and her stomach sick.

As he continued to step towards her, Kate kept backing away, navigating through the room, trying to keep furniture between them.

At that time, Kate had still felt hopeful. She knew that Rick would be there soon and he could call for help. When she had said as much to Josh though, his response had made her blood run cold.

"Oh, I don't think so, Kate. You know why? I can promise you he will be dead long before help arrives." Josh had held up the gun. "Not my first choice, I'll admit, but I can be flexible. You so much as breathe a word in an attempt to warn him, and I will put a bullet through his skull. But," he had said, his tone lightening until it could only be described as upbeat,"If you do what I say, Ricky boy will walk out of here alive, none wiser!"

Kate's heart had sunk and she felt the hope dissipate. She didn't know how good of a shot he really was, but she didn't doubt he would do everything in his power to kill Rick if he felt the slightest provocation. And Rick's life was a gamble she wasn't willing to risk, something that Josh clearly knew.

"So, this is how it's gonna work. When he gets here, you are going to end things with him. Tell him you guys are through, finished, donezo. You say whatever, you do whatever to make him believe it. You understand? Otherwise," he had said, with a glint in his eye as he mimicked holding a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. "Bullet. Through his brain."

Rick had knocked on the door then, as if on cue. Josh had smiled wickedly at her and began backing towards the darkened hallway that lead to her bedroom. She had known he would position himself there in the hallway where he could see and hear them. He was positioned in such a way that he had a clear shot if he just so chose to take it. Again, Kate had wondered if he could actually make the shot, if she shouldn't just chance it and warn Rick but something stopped her. It was fear. Never before had Kate been paralyzed by fear until tonight, until she had something she was afraid to lose.

When she had opened the door and seen him smiling with the bouquet of tulips, she wanted to yell, warn him away. But the fear held her in check. She had done her best to keep herself in between him and Josh, to make him a harder target to hit. Every word she had said, every lie she told Rick had torn her up inside. It killed her to see the hurt in his eyes, watch him battle with the confusion. It had made her feel wretched and she had tried to console herself knowing it was for the best. But even though she understood that there was a good reason for it and she was doing it because she loved him, it hadn't made it any easier to knowingly cause Rick pain.

Kate thought back to the brief standoff in the front entry when he had refused to leave. Her heart had lifted for just a moment before the panic regained control and all she could think was how badly she wanted him out of this situation. Home safe with Alexis. When Kate had spoken those final words to get him to leave, she had emphasized each word.

We.

Are.

Over.

Even as she spoke those words, her entire being had screamed in protest. They were so far from over; they had only just begun! But that no longer mattered anymore, Rick's life did.

After those final words had been uttered, Kate had watched the light go out in his eyes only to be replaced a moment later with the first spark of anger. She had felt hurt that he'd believed her so easily. And, even though it was what she'd wanted, Kate felt disappointed that he'd left without putting up any real fight. Kate had tried to shake those feelings, and was instead attempting to revel in the fact that he'd walked out _alive. _

She stared at Josh, her eyes cold and hard. Josh kept the gun trained on her, "Now, why don't we move this little party back to the living room, shall we?"

Kate walked past him, feeling the barrel of the gun press against her back for just a split second before the pressure was gone. He instructed her to sit on the couch which she refused, glaring defiantly. Josh tutted and cocked the gun.

"Please, don't make me pull it, Kate. It's much too soon and I have far too much planned for you. I really would prefer not to make a mess of things with a gun, not when I have this to use instead."

Josh pulled out one of the knives he must have gotten from her kitchen- most likely when she'd stepped out of his sight to make the first call to Ryan and Esposito. He now held the knife in one hand and the gun in the other. Kate eyed the gun for a moment before sitting stiffly. She tried desperately to think of something that would get her out of this. Her mind instantly went to Ryan and Esposito; they would know when she didn't come in..

"It shouldn't take long until my partners figure out something's up and they'll come to investigate for themselves. And I'm guessing it'll be pretty soon because by now they'll have picked up the suspect and have found that it doesn't add up," Kate said confidently to Josh.

Josh laughed at her and begun pacing, "but, that's the brilliance of it all! It _will _add up- I _made _it add up. Did you think those gloves or that trace evidence had been left behind accidentally?! No! That was planted! Your detectives are going to run his prints and find that he's a match."

He barked out another laugh, amused by his own dastardly planning.

"You set him up." Kate hated how weak her voice sounded but she couldn't help it. Her last hope now seemed like a one in a million odds. That glove _tied _him specifically to one of the murders- Esposito and Ryan wouldn't question the evidence. Kate's motto had always been "go where the evidence leads," and the evidence clearly lead to the wrong guy.

Josh continued to pace back and forth, excited to finally share his genius plans with someone, sick of having to keep it to himself for so long. He waved his hands while he spoke, and the sight of him doing so with a gun in one hand and a knife in the other made him appear all the more crazy.

"It's genius, really.. I mean, the guy was perfect for the set up! Down to the backstory and everything!"

Josh glanced at Kate to see she didn't know what he had meant by that.

"The guy's mom died the _week _the killings started which makes it look like-

"A trigger," Kate finished emptily. Josh had really thought through everything.

"Exactly. No one will be looking for me because in their eyes they've already caught the guy! It's a text book case!" He trilled proudly.

Kate noticed how his guard had seemed to drop the more he spoke. She began to think maybe she could use it as a distraction and wait until an opportunity presented itself.. All she had to do was keep him talking.

"You really did think of everything, didn't you? There is one thing that I don't understand though."

Josh stopped pacing and stood a mere couple feet from her, waiting to hear what she said.

"Why? I don't understand why you, especially being a doctor, would murder people? And why me?" Those were all questions she was genuinely interested to hear the answer to, but right now they served as her means of distraction.

She watched as Josh smiled at her, eyes shining wildly.

"Isn't that the million dollar question? Why does the killer kill?" He shrugged his shoulders. "And why you? Well, that's actually kind of an interesting story, you see"

They were both startled by the loud knocking on her door and the sound of Rick's voice. Kate recovered quickly and seized the unexpected opportunity. Kate sprung towards Josh and wrestled for control of the gun. She had the advantage of surprise on her side, but he was much stronger, not to mention there was also the knife to consider. When she had leapt towards him, he had had his back turned to her which made it difficult for him to aim both gun and knife and gave Kate a little bit of an edge. She grappled for the gun and tried to wrench it from his grasp while he did his best to get her off his back.

Kate felt a little dizzier and discombobulated each time he slammed her into the wall. The force of one in particular was painful enough that her hold on him loosened and he was able to spin around to face her. He came at her with a vengeance, lunging at her with the weapon he was most comfortable with- the knife. The gun hung from his other hand, forgotten in Josh's instinctual attack with the knife. Kate saw her second opportunity and went for the gun. The force of her momentum sent them tumbling down with Kate's hand coming to find its familiar hold.

The gun went off in those few split seconds it took to hit the floor.

The dead weight of his body pinned her in place and she struggled to get out from under it. Kate felt dizzy and a sudden tiredness threatened to overtake her. She could feel her body pulsating, hear her own heartbeat in her ears. _That can't be right, _Kate thought to herself, her eyes fluttering shut.

Suddenly, she felt the weight lift and she opened her eyes and felt her heart soar. _Rick! _

His face was etched with worry as he knelt over her. Kate lifted her head off the ground enough to see what he was looking at.

"Oh," Kate said softly upon seeing the handle of the knife that now protruded from her abdomen.

And as if seeing it made it real, Kate could now feel the pain that blossomed in her belly. It washed over her, engulfing her completely. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, feeling her breathing start to become labored.

She felt a hand on her face and her eyes fluttered open. Rick was hovering over her, his phone pressed to one ear. She listened to him rattle of the address, begging them to hurry.

When he'd hung up, he'd tossed the phone to the side and continued to stroke her face.

Kate struggled to keep her eyes open. "I- I'm so sorry, Rick. I didn't mean it. What I said," she croaked out, "I didn't mean any of it. I'm so sorry."

Kate could feel herself starting to lose consciousness, her body unable to cope with the injury she'd sustained. Kate began to panic. She began to worry that this was it for her. And she didn't want to go before she said those three words.

"I just.. Want you to know.." She whispered, "I love you, Rick. Tell...Alexis-"

And Kate's world went black.

* * *

**A/N: yeah, so, uhm... **

**Kate and I will now be accepting apologies from all of those who doubted us. **


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Rick's perception of time was distorted. He long since lost track of the minutes gone by, waiting for the paramedics. He had not the faintest idea how much time had elapsed or how much longer it would still be. Seconds ticked by and felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours. It was as though he could see the great hourglass of life stood before him, the sand particulates falling painstakingly slow yet appearing to empty all the quicker.

Kate's head was pillowed in his lap. His hands stroked her face gently as he pleaded with her, with God. She hadn't stirred since she'd lost consciousness and her breathing was shallow. Her pulse, although weak, reassured Rick she was still alive. The cheek under his hand had grown cold and clammy and her skin had taken on a ghostly paleness. Rick fought the urge to shake her, to force her awake somehow. He just wanted to see those hazel eyes of hers, he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to know that she wasn't lost forever.

He never should have stormed out. Maybe if he hadn't, she wouldn't be lying on the floor, a knife sticking out of her, dying. Rick shook his head. Not dying. Not dying. Kate was not dying. It was just shock was all. Help would be here soon, they'd get her to a hospital, doctors could stitch her up. Kate was going to be fine.

His eyes trailed down to the hilt of the blade and he felt his insides clench and his heart thudded loudly in his ears. That was a lot of blood. Rick hadn't removed it, afraid to do more harm than good, afraid if he did that she'd bleed out. So, he'd left it in, but still, the blood seeped around the edges, soaking her shirt an unsightly red.

Rick swallowed hard. He dragged his eyes away from the knife and back to Kate's face. Was she even paler than before? God damn it, where are the paramedics?!

He thought he might have heard voices so he began yelling.

"Here! Here! In here, I need help! Somebody help me!"

Three medics rushed in, their heavy footfalls crunching the broken glass beneath their boots. One of them rushed over to Kate while the other knelt over Josh's body, leaving the third one to attend to Rick. Rick awkwardly clambered to his feet once a medic had shifted Kate's body onto a stretcher, knees buckling slightly as he swayed on his feet. His gaze flicked over to where Josh's body laid in a heap, in the exact same place Rick had tossed his body from off of Kate. There was the smallest flicker of satisfaction in watching the paramedic's grim face as he shook his head slightly with two fingers pressed to Josh's neck. His eyes darted back to Kate, watching the medics try to stabilize her enough for transport.

The third medic's face appeared before Rick's, bobbing to mirror his motions and remain directly in front of him while Rick did his best to sidestep him, never wanting Kate to leave his sight.

"Hey! Hey, focus!"

The words sounded miles and miles away and hardly registered in Rick's brain. Had the guy not stuck his face inches from his own or gripped Rick's forearm so tightly, Rick mightn't have realized his presence at all.

"Listen, you wanna help her, I get that, okay? But, I need you to focus. Tell me what I need to know. What happened? How long has she been down? What are-"

The words and the questions all ran together until Rick was entirely sure that it was another language being spoken. He struggled to get his brain to process and answer the medic's questions instead of pursuing each wild tangent that crossed his mind. Perhaps the biggest distraction of all was how the entire night seemed to play in his head on one big loop. He watched the medic's lips move but only heard the voices in his head. His argument with Kate was like a broken record that carried a little more regret with each and every play. The way he had stormed out. God, why had he done that?

Rick shook himself of those thoughts. He couldn't change anything and the sooner he accepted that, the better. Rick pulled it together long enough to answer all the questions and explain the situation. He argued his way onto the ambulance and looked on helplessly as the medics worked together, swapping gauze and tape, rattling off stats and preparing their chart to hand off to the doctors on site.

Though his gaze had remained fixed on Kate's ashen face, he didn't miss the looks exchanged between the two medics amidst the chaos of beeping machines and deafening sound of the ambulance's sirens. He tried not to read into their morose expressions, either reluctant or unable to accept the unspoken weight they carried.

She's going to be okay. She's going to be okay. She is going to be okay.

The mantra kept him from losing it completely. He believed if he thought it enough, if he _felt _it enough, he could manifest it into reality.

The ambulance lurched to a stop and the doors were swung open. The exchange between the medics and the doctors was quick and efficient. Everyone was well versed in the essence of time and an established routine had developed that allowed them all to work together seamlessly.

The assembled team helped unload the gurney as one of the medics listed off the patient history they had gathered in the ride over. The moment all four wheels had touched the pavement, she was being wheeled away. Rick jogged to keep up, firing off question after question.

"Where are you taking her? Is she going to be okay? Why hasn't she woken up yet?"

One of the doctors, the one in charge most likely as she had been barking out instructions to her fellow doctors, glanced back at him and released her hold on the side of the gurney and stopped to address Rick.

Rick reluctantly stopped as well, though his eyes tracked the retreating forms of the doctors until they disappeared behind a set of swinging doors.

"We are taking her to surgery. We will do everything we can to make sure she's okay. I couldn't tell you why because I myself am not entirely sure yet. Time is key here and I can't risk losing anymore to sit here and hold your hand."

Rick recoiled slightly at her cool and condescending tone and she seemed to notice because her face softened as she said, "I apologize for being so blunt. I really need to get going so I can scrub in and save her life. I will have one of my interns come out to give you updates throughout the surgery."

Rick nodded mutely, watching as she too disappeared behind those swinging doors, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the hallway.

He found his way to the waiting room and slumped in one of the chairs. He leaned forward, burying his head in his hands. Though his eyes were closed, he continued to see as his brain projected images on his eyelids like they were a movie screen. It was like he was watching a film, seeing everything unfold in a third person perspective.

He watched himself sulk down the street, hands shoved in his pockets with a dark brooding expression painted across his face. He wanted to yell at himself, tell him to go back, that Kate was in danger. But it was just as pointless and every bit as frustrating as it was in the movie theaters.

He relived his long walk back, his even longer elevator ride up. If only he had known, if only he had known those were precious seconds that had potentially costed Kate her life..

No, not her life. She wouldn't die.

She couldn't.

Rick could practically feel the hard wood of her door as he'd rapped his knuckles against it and called her name. At first it had been so silent, he'd strained to listen for the sounds of her footsteps walking to open the door, but there had been nothing. Then he'd heard a muffled thump and the sound of glass shattering.

His heart began to race again, remembering the rush of adrenaline that had coursed through his body as his mind leapt to the conclusion that Kate was in trouble. He had pounded on the door until his hand stung, yelling for her once then twice before he backed up and ran towards the door, throwing his shoulder into it. The solid door had been unforgiving and his shoulder had throbbed painfully, protesting the violent impact. Ignoring the sharp twinge of his shoulder, he stepped back again, this time kicking the door in. The wood had splintered spectacularly, he might have even been impressed had it not been for the circumstances.

Rick tried to block out the next images, having lived through it once had been enough. The little internal projector refused to be turned off and so he pressed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes until he felt like he was seeing the white noise on a television screen. The images were hardly repressed and his inner eye conjured them up anyway, unmoved by his desire to shut it all out.

He'd crossed the threshold at about the same time the gun had gone off. The glass crunched underfoot as he raced to the living room to find a heap of tangled limbs on the floor. The smell of gunfire was sickeningly pungent. Every footfall that brought him closer fell heavy with dread.

His brain had somehow identified the body even before he'd wrenched it off of Kate.

Josh.

He'd never liked him. Had it been just because he was so clearly into Kate that one day at the precinct? Or had he known, in some way, that he was truly bad? Had he missed something along the way? Had Kate? How had no one known he was the type of monster they hunted for a living?

Rick had never in his life wanted to hurt another being, never felt he had it in him to be malicious or cruel. But, for the first time ever, he realized he could quite easily be capable of such a thing. Rick could recall the sound of Josh's head cracking against the floor when he'd tossed him off, and the stirrings of something hard and vengeful, unforgiving and malevolent. He'd imagined, then, doing cruel and unspeakable things, wanting to see him suffer for all he'd done.

Rick thought maybe he might have, had he not already been dead or had Kate not had the hilt of a knife sticking out of her stomach. He'd never forget how tight her voice had been, or the tremor of fear it carried. He could still hear her apologizing, over and over again, see her eyes wild with a desperation he'd never seen before. Rick had been so confused at first, nor understanding why she kept repeating how sorry she was; the fight had been forgotten, overtaken by everything else that had since transpired.

Funny how inconsequential one argument was in the grand scheme of life.

Her last words were what bothered him most. Her profession of love had felt a lot like a goodbye.

Before he could think any more on those three small words, he felt a hand gently prod his shoulder. He looked up, blinking several times as his eyes readjusted to the harsh fluorescent lights. A young man stood before him, donning the light blue scrubs of an intern. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking at Rick with uncertainty.

He cleared his throat before saying, "My name is Dr. James. I'm one of the interns assigned to Ms. Beckett's case. Dr. Grey- she's the attending in charge- sent me out here to give you an update.."

Rick quickly stood up, looking at him intently. His heart beat painfully against his rib cage as the young intern explained the damage the knife had inflicted and the surgery that was being performed. He was patient as he methodically described the procedure, putting it in layman's terms so that Rick would understand better.

Once he'd done so, he turned to leave, eager to get back to the OR, but thought better of it and turned to face Rick again. The poor guy looked like his whole world had just been torn away and he seemed to be dealing with it all on his own.

"She's in good hands, you know. Dr. Grey is one of the best surgeons in the country. If anyone can do it, it's her. But you're in for a long night. Surgery will take hours. Is there anyone else you can call to wait with you? I know you said you two aren't married or together, you're just friends, but do you know of any family that should be notified maybe?"

It pained Rick to say he didn't know. They'd never talked much about her family, apart from her brief admission of her mother's death and father's subsequent bout of alcoholism. She brought him up only on occasion but he didn't have the slightest clue how to get ahold of him. But then he remembered he knew someone who would.

Rick thanked the intern as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He flipped it open to see he had several missed calls and one new voicemail. He dismissed all notifications before dialing Esposito's number.

"Castle! Where you been, bro? We been tryin' to get hold of you for hours. Have you talked to Kate? We got a bit of a situation on our hands and I think Kate might be in trouble."

Rick ran a hand through his hair as he cleared his throat and told Esposito everything.

"I'll kill that son of a bitch-"

"He's already dead," Rick said patiently. He'd already reiterated that fact several times.

"I hope he suffered. Look, Ryan and I are on our way, okay? We'll be there in ten minutes- fifteen, tops."

"Hey, wait!" Rick said before Esposito could hang up. "I don't- someone should tell her father but I don't know how to get ahold of him, do you?"

"Yeah, I'll take care of it, don't worry about it. And, Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't beat yourself up about it. You did everything you could. No one'll blame you if.."

He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence but Rick understood what he was trying to say. Esposito was wrong though because he'd always blame himself if Kate didn't make it.

Xx

A little more than ten minutes later, Esposito and Ryan strode into the waiting room, immediately zeroing in on Rick. Rick rose to his feet and moved to shake their hands. Instead, Ryan and Esposito each stepped in for a hug, clapping a hand on his back in a fraternal show of support.

Rick instantly felt better with their presence, relieved to have someone to share in the worry. Ryan and Esposito filled Rick in on everything that had happened on their end, ending it with, "The asshole had it planned from the very beginning. He had us all fooled. There was just no way to see it coming until it was too late."

Rick no longer knew if they said that for his benefit or their own. _No way to see it coming... _Regardless, the words did nothing to dispel the guilt they each felt. They sat in silence, no doubt mulling over every last detail, wondering if they had failed to catch something that could have prevented this from ever having happened. Ryan finally spoke up, another thought occurring to him.

"Where's Alexis?"

"At home with my mother."

"You should go home and see them." Ryan read Rick's expression, quickly adding, "After a nightmare like this, you've gotta want to see that girl of yours. You've been dealing with this all night, Rick. You were the first one there. Go home, rest. The intern said it'd be a while, right? We'll call you when we hear something."

Rick shook his head. "I'm not leaving. Not until Kate's out of surgery and I know she's alright. Alexis is probably fast asleep anyway, it's late."

"I just think you're going to run yourself into the ground-"

"Kev, leave him be." Esposito chimed in.

Ryan held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, just trying to help. Rick looks like he's about to pass out from exhaustion, just thought he might want to go home for a few hours."

"'Precciate it, thanks, Ryan," Rick mumbled.

Time passed slowly. Rick shifted restlessly in his seat while he struggled to keep his mind occupied so he wouldn't have to think about the fact that it had been over an hour since the last update.

He reasoned it was good; everything was going as it should so there was no need to update them.

He reasoned it was going bad; something had gone wrong and they needed all the help they could get and couldn't even be spared one intern to give an update.

Rick's eyes scanned the room, observing each person. His mind immediately began to make up a story based on their facial expression or body posture. It was a game he had always played with Alexis when they were out to eat or waiting for an airplane or trying to kill time. He was grateful for the new distraction and delved into the little game.

A few minutes later, Rick gave up when he realized that all the people here were just like him. They were sitting in the waiting room of a hospital in the middle of the night. Something had happened to someone they knew, someone they cared about, someone they loved.

The stories their faces and bodies told weren't like the ones at the airport or mall or restaurant. He couldn't make up any fun or outrageous stories for their lives. Their stories were the same as his.

Waiting.

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He wanted to fall asleep and wake up and for it all to have been a bad dream.. What he wouldn't give..

"Mr. Castle?"

His eyes shot open and he immediately sat up in his seat. He looked up at the intern and glanced over at Ryan and Esposito who'd also straightened in their chairs and anxiously awaited to hear the news.

"Is it over?" Rick asked, voice almost hopeful. "Is the surgery finally done? When can we see her?"

The intern stared back at him. He reached up and slowly pulled off his scrub cap.

"The damage was extensive and there were some complications-"

"But you fixed it, right?"

"The damage was extensive," he repeated, "we hadn't known the full extent until we'd removed the knife and opened her up. The knife had perforated some vital-"

"Yeah, it was complicated! I get it, Dr. Grey is a God with a scalpel. Just tell me, when can we see her?"

The intern's gaze shifted from Rick to Ryan and then Esposito, both of whom wore pale faces of understanding but neither made any move to share with Rick.

"We did everything we could. I'm sorry, Mr. Castle."

"Sorry? What're you-" Rick scoffed a little as he looked over to Ryan and Esposito only to find their somber expressions. His eyes snapped back to the intern.

"No. You can't mean.."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Castle. Ms. Beckett's body couldn't cope with the trauma; her heart arrested during surgery and we couldn't-" he broke off as Rick slumped in his seat, eyes going vacant.

"We couldn't revive her." The intern finished.

"She's dead."

The words tasted bitter and physically pained him to say.

"I'm sorry."

"She died."

Disbelief.

"I'm so sorry for your-"

"Quit saying sorry like it means something. It doesn't mean a god damn thing."

He felt Ryan place a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off. Esposito stood from his chair and strode from the room, his arm lashed out as he turned the corner and he punched the wall. The intern slunk away, not wanting to bear the weight of their failure any longer than he had to.

Rick closed his eyes tightly, unshed tears burning his eyes. It felt surreal, it felt _un_real. How could it be over, just like that? The thought that she was gone-forever- it was unfathomable. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. He'd been terrified she would die, but he never really thought... He'd always just assumed she'd make it because, well, because she _should_ make it, because she _deserved _to live.

He'd forgotten the world wasn't always fair, and it hardly played by the rules people liked to believe it did. The truth was, the universe couldn't give two shits about who lived and who died. Because regardless of who it was, leader of the free world or a slave in a third world country, the world spun on.

It made him feel angry and unbearably small that the universe looked on in such indifference, barely offering a shrug of its shoulder in response to your suffering.

Rick thought about having to go home. Home. To Alexis. God, he was going to have to break the news to Alexis. He wondered what would be worse, to tell her the truth or to tell her a lie. Which would she take harder? Her death or a belief that she'd abandoned her?

God, she was going to be...she was going to be _devastated_.

Hell, he was devastated. Kate had died and now he felt empty. And lost. He couldn't imagine a life without her, couldn't imagine moving on. He felt as though he'd be stuck in this moment forever, yet, everyone around him continued onwards, untouched and unmoved by the cataclysmic event that had caused his entire world to stop on its axis.

It didn't matter that the person death had claimed was irreplaceable to you because, to the universe, everyone was replaceable. There were a seemingly infinite number of people lined up, waiting to step into the space that had just been vacated. Because what was one life, really, when humanity as a whole was a mere microcosm in an incomprehensibly vast universe?

He could vaguely hear his name being called, tugging him away from his thoughts and contention with the cosmos. It was Dr. Grey, he realized. He retreated even further into the sanctity of his own mind. He didn't want to hear her condolences or apologies, her assurances that she had done everything she possibly could. It didn't change anything.

Kate was dead.

* * *

**A/N: I would be remiss if I didn't apologize for my lengthy absence. Suffice it to say that I suffered a bout of self doubt and insecurity that caused me to question why I was even bothering to write these little stories in the first place. **

**The moment passed, I think.. So, to those of you who sent messages of support and encouragement... Thank you!**


	29. Chapter 29

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HE WOKE UP.

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good grief, people


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

The fear that had fed the nightmare had been so real, and his exhaustion so great that Rick hadn't known it had all been a dream until he was shaken awake. Even then, Rick struggled to accept it had all just been in his head. He was afraid to believe it was nothing but a nightmare, wary of the relief and the return of hope. Maybe _this_ was a dream. Maybe _this_ what what his subconscious had conjured up because he hadn't been able to cope with losing Kate..

He looked at the person responsible for shaking him awake. Ryan still sat in the chair next to his, his eyes were searching Rick's in concern. Rick wondered how long he'd been asleep. He wondered what-if anything- in his dream had been real, aside from the overwhelming despair, the vestiges of which Rick could still feel.

"What? What happened?" Rick asked anxiously. "Kate- is she..is she dead?" His voice broke on the word just as his heart had.

"Mr. Castle-"

Rick turned from Ryan to find Dr. Grey standing a few feet away. Rick stood and closed the distance, one hand reached out and gripped her bicep. "Tell me. Kate- is she dead?"

His eyes frantically searched hers and his heart thudded as he waited for her response.

"No, Mr. Castle. Kate is not-"

Rick enveloped her in an unexpected hug, squeezing her tightly.

"Oh, thank God. Thank God."

He released her, stepping back as he ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up a little. "I had a dream- I had a.." He murmured, breaking off for a moment before saying, "It felt so real. God, it felt so-"

His words grew thick with emotion and his eyes teared slightly as he recalled everything he had felt in his dream. It had all felt so damn real.

Dr. Grey gave him a tight smile, understanding, and undoubtedly accustomed, to dealing with loved ones like Rick. "She is alive, Mr. Castle. But, there were some complications that arose in surgery that we should discu-"

"Where is she? Where is my Katie?!" A man demanded loudly as he jogged up to the nurses' station.

Both Dr. Grey and Rick turned to watch the man while Ryan stood from his seat where he'd been listening into Dr. Grey's update.

Esposito's voice rang out. "Jim!"

The man turned his head sharply at the sound of his name and once he'd spotted Esposito and Ryan, he strode towards them.

"What happened? What the hell happened to my little girl? Where is she now?"

Esposito and Ryan ignored all three of those questions, instead saying, "That's her surgeon right there. She just came out with an update and we-"

Jim then turned his back on the, focusing now on Dr. Grey.

"Where is my daughter, doctor? How is she? Is she-"

"She's alive, Mr. Beckett," Rick reassured, recognizing and empathizing with his panic.

Jim looked at Rick for the first time. "Who the hell are you?"

Rick coughed a little, averting his eyes. "Richard Castle, sir. Friend of Kate's.."

Jim nodded his head, no less flustered than he had been. "Right, right.." He looked back at Dr. Grey. "Please, can you tell me how my daughter is?"

"She's stable, for now. As I was telling Mr. Castle just a moment ago, there were some complications that arose during the surgery and it is unclear, as of now, to determine what the effects will be. The extent of the knife wound was far greater than what we had initially thought and she lost quite a bit of blood. Unfortunately, the knife perforated the abdominal wall and hit several vitals. We managed to get control of the bleeding but as we began attending to the other internal injuries towards the end, her heart gave out. Her body had a hard time coping with the stress of both the injuries and then the surgery. She was down for a few minutes before we were able to revive her. We won't know until she wakes up what the extent of the damage is, but there is a chance that she will have suffered some mental deficits."

"What- what are you saying, exactly? She's alive but she's not.._okay?" _Esposito asked, causing both Rick and Jim's eyes to shift from the doctor to where he and Ryan had edged in.

"When someone experiences cardiac arrest, the blood flow to the brain is cut off which means it isn't getting oxygen. If a brain suffers too long with too little oxygen, the likelihood of the person's being mentally impaired is much higher." She explained patiently.

"My daughter might end up a vegetable."

Jim's statement hit not only Rick hard, but Ryan and Esposito as well. The hollow note in his voice struck similar chords of hopelessness and despair in each of their hearts.

"Now, I didn't say that, Mr. Beckett. There's a chance, yes, but I am hopeful that the extent of the damage is minimal. Her vitals have remained steady and she is still breathing on her own. Your daughter's a real fighter, Mr. Beckett. Let's not think about the worse case scenario unless we have to, okay?"

Jim Beckett nodded resolutely. "When can I go back and see her?"

Rick and the boys exchanged looks, noticing the 'I' and not a 'we.'

Dr. Grey gave him a smile, "Right now, if you'd like. She hasn't woken up yet, but I can show you back to her room."

Jim moved to follow her, glancing over his shoulder to see the 3 guys hadn't moved.

"Coming?" He asked.

Dr. Grey looked over her own shoulder, stopping when Ryan, Esposito and Rick all followed expectantly.

"I'm sorry, guys. You're going to have to wait until visiting hours tomorrow..family only." She told them apologetically.

Jim frowned and before the boys could even protest, he'd said, "They are her family. They're every bit as much her family as I am."

Rick, Ryan and Esposito all held their breaths as they watched Dr. Grey's resolution waver before she finally relented.

"Alright," she said, sighing,"follow me."

Xx

The first conscious thought Kate had was the staggering weight of her eyelids. She wanted to open her eyes, but she couldn't. They felt leaden. With eyes forced closed, Kate felt trapped. The feeling only worsened when Kate tried to move her foot and then her finger but found she could do neither of those things. It was like her body wasn't her own. Her brain sent commands which the body ignored.

Her heart began to race as the panic mounted. Kate couldn't imagine anything worse than being held prisoner in her own body, unable to speak or see or move. Kate wondered if she wasn't dead. If this wasn't some sort of limbo, caught between one life and the next. She fought the panic that threatened to overwhelm her, and tried to relax. Everything was going to be fine.

She lay there, trying to quiet the persistent buzzing of the thoughts in her head. Gradually, she became aware of the sensations prickling at her awareness. She felt a weight near her shift and gave a little twitch against something. Encouraged by even this minimal movement, Kate tried again to open her heavy lids.

Her heart sped up as she finally managed to open her eyes. Everything was blurry for the few moments it took her eyes to adjust. She blinked them open and closed several times, each time a little easier than the last. Her eyes fell on the sleeping form slumped over her legs. A rough, uneven stubble shadowed his face. There was a crease in his brow, as though he were troubled by something, even in sleep. Kate's eyes trailed down the length of her arm to find her hand disappeared beneath Rick's, cushioning the side of his face.

Her hand twitched in the confines of his tight grasp. He stirred a little and his eyes squeezed shut tighter and he shifted his head slightly and Kate could feel the press of his weight against the side of her leg. The grip on her hand tightened momentarily before it relaxed again as sleep nearly pulled him away.

"You look.. like hell."

Kate's voice was rough and gravelly from disuse. It sounded unfamiliar to her own ears. She watched as Rick's eyes shot open while he simultaneously bolted upright in his chair.

"Kate!" He cried out in a mixture of disbelief and happiness as he moved to stand over her.

She smiled up at him before saying, "Really, Rick. Have you looked at yourse-"

She was silenced by his lips on hers.

"Don't you ever-"

Kiss.

"Scare me-"

Kiss.

"Like that-"

Kiss.

"Again."

Kiss.

His lips hovered over hers as his eyes burned into hers.

She released a shaky breath, closing her eyes for a few seconds, overwhelmed with emotion. She could still feel the phantoms of his quick, gentle kisses. One of his hands came up to caress the side of her face as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. When she opened her eyes, she found he'd pulled away and was now looking at her as though he were beholding a miracle. His eyes were glassy and his voice held a quaver.

"I thought I lost you, Kate. Forever. I thought you were gone forever."

"Rick," she murmured softly. "I'm right here."

He sighed heavily. "You were..." He started to say.

"It's been _days_, Kate."

The way he emphasized the word portrayed it as being an agonizing and horrific thing. Kate couldn't fathom the length of time that had passed. To her, it felt like it'd been only hours since she'd blacked out. It had been dreamless and empty. There had just been nothing, like she was asleep until she wasn't.

"Days?" She asked, her voice faint.

Kate watched as he paced by the side of her bed. She could never remember him appearing so anxious.

"Days, Kate. This is going on the fifth since you were rushed into surgery. Five days, Kate, five! None of us knew what to do. Not me, not Ryan or Esposito, not your father, not even the doctors. Every day that passed... We lost- we lost a little more hope..." His eyes locked on hers and she could easily read the pain he felt.

"Rick, I-"

"The doctors said it could be permanent. Said you might never wake up. Because your brain hadn't gotten enough oxygen when your heart had stopped. Initially, they thought..."

Kate's eyes continued to track him as he paced, now lost in his head.

"They thought that it was just taking you longer to wake up because your body was just trying to heal, but then the second day passed...and then the third...and the fourth."

His voice wasn't more than a whisper and he was no longer looking at Kate. He'd gotten so wrapped up in what he was saying that it felt as though he were reliving each of those days he'd mentioned. Feeling again the fear and hopelessness, even though Kate was right there.

Kate felt her face pale. Had she really have been that close to death and not even have known it? After she had blacked out, there had been nothing. No pain, no fear, no feeling. Nothing. There had been no awareness with which she could have determined the gravity of her situation or felt the panic and fear as she had toed the line between life and death while everything and everyone she'd ever cared about slipped away. There had been nothing, she had been nothing. She could have passed on and never have known the difference. Meanwhile, Rick had agonized over her each and every day, wanting to believe in the best only to have his hope beaten down with the passage of time and little change.

"Rick," she pleaded for him to stop. "Rick, come here."

He immediately stopped pacing and instead took up his spot beside her bed, finding her hand and interlocking their fingers.

"I was so _worried,_ Kate."

"I know, I know," she soothed.

The worry was so clearly etched in his face. It was in the bags under his eyes, the crease of his brow, the corners of his lips turned downwards. It made her ache to know she was the cause of his pain.

"I'm sorry." Kate murmured.

Sorry for causing him such pain. Sorry all the hurtful things she'd said before, even if she hadn't meant them. Those words couldn't be unsaid. The damage they had inflicted couldn't be undone, just as none of the worry or agony she'd put him through in nearly dying could ever be forgotten. She'd brought him nothing but heartbreak and trouble and he'd given her so much.

Those two words were the only ones she could think of, and they did nothing to assuage her own self reproach but maybe Rick could see the earnestness with which she spoke.

Rick said nothing, but his eyes continued to hold hers, drinking her in.

"I don't know what I would have done if you'd died, Kate. I felt so lost-_we_-felt so lost. All of us, Ryan, Esposito...Lanie! You're father..."

Rick suddenly jumped back. "God, you're father! I have to go find him, tell him you're-you're awake, Kate! And I have to call the boys, let them know.." Rick had already started walking towards the door, his eyes shining brightly, so excited to share the joy in having Kate.

"Rick," Kate called.

He stopped just before the door. "Yeah?"

She didn't want to be alone but she didn't know how to say so.

"My dad-is he..is he here?"

"Probably at the coffee shop down the street. He usually walks there for a cup in the morning, just to, you know, stretch his legs, get some air, take a break from the confines of this hospital. We'll be back ten minutes, tops!"

Kate nodded her head.

"Okay," she whispered, but Rick was already gone.

Xx

Kate was deliberating whether or not to up the morphine dosage to at least take the edge off when her father burst into the room.

"Katie!" He cried as he crossed the room and knelt over her, awkwardly hugging her while he did his best to avoid her injuries.

Her cheek pressed against his, and arms wrapped tightly around his back, Kate felt tears prick her eyes.

"Hi, dad."

He broke down then, his shaking shoulders gave him away. Even once she'd released him, he hugged her tighter for a few seconds more. Her shift in position proved to be too much too soon and she hissed as her stomach flared in angry pain.

Her father immediately released her upon her small cry and he stepped back, a panicked expression on his face.

"It's okay," she smiled as she reassured him.

"Katharine Houghton Beckett, you are in so much trouble."

His stern, teasing attempt of a reprimand fell short but she chuckled anyway. Making light of the situation was how he was choosing to cope and it was all Kate could do to go along with it.

"As much trouble as the time I came home with that fake tattoo and a biker boyfriend and told you I was pregnant?" Kate asked sweetly.

For the first time since he'd met the man, Rick saw him smile. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he laughed. Rick felt a smile break across his own face as he watched Kate grin up at her father.

"No, I suppose you're right. I nearly died of a heart attack that night." Jim turned, remembering Rick.

"Just wait until your daughter hits her rebel without a cause phase, Rick. She'll be coming home with piercings and tattoos and boyfriends you despise, telling you lies just to get a rise out of you."

Rick gulped as his inner eye conjured up images of Alexis at 17, body piercings and tats and boys- no longer a sweet innocent child but a teenager hellbent on growing up.

"Stop it, dad. You're scaring him. Besides, Alexis is nothing like I was. Rick," she said, looking over at him now. "You've got nothing to worry about. I don't see her pulling half the stunts I did."

"You better hope Kate's right, Rick. Otherwise you're in for a helluva ride," Jim chuckled.

Rick stayed a few minutes more, selfishly not wanting to leave Kate's presence, but ultimately-if not reluctantly- realized Jim was entitled to some time with his daughter. He stood from the chair in the corner, hoping to slip out while Kate was focused on the conversation she was having with her father. He'd reached the door when her voice rang out.

"Rick.."

He turned, hand still on the door handle, opening it slowly.

"I'll be back. Just gonna run home, make sure my daughter hasn't suddenly aged 12 years and isn't sporting an eyebrow piercing or a tramp stamp," he joked.

"Suuuure," she said, rolling her eyes.

Rick smiled at her before moving to leave the room.

"Hey, wait!" She called.

He poked his head back in he room.

"Yeah?"

"Tell her I love her for me?" She asked, her brow knitted in hesitancy.

"I'll let you tell her yourself," he said with a small smile.

The door clicked shut behind him. He pulled out his phone to dial Ryan and Esposito, he couldn't wait to tell them the good news.

Rick left the hospital feeling lighter and more hopeful than he'd felt in days. The world seemed to be righting itself, all Rick needed to do was keep the faith.

* * *

**A/N: Catching a flight out of the country tomorrow (africaaa)..so I can't promise any updates in the next few weeks.. **

**xx**


	31. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Rick let himself into the loft, still lost in his thoughts as the ecstasy of Kate's awakening had yet to wear off. He found his mother in the kitchen, helping herself to some leftovers in the fridge.

"Good morning, mother." His voice was cheery and the words tumbled out in an almost sing song.

She spun around at the sound of his voice, evidently surprised to see him home so early.

"Richard! What a lovely surprise-what are you- Kate..is she.." she started to say before he interrupted.

"She woke up!" He informed her, beaming.

"Ah, Richard! That's wonderful news!" She cried in delight as she wrapped him up in a hug.

"What's wonderful news? Who's awake?" A voice chirped brightly.

Rick stepped from his mother's hug to turn and look at his daughter. He hadn't told her the truth about Kate. Rick wanted to keep it from her for as long as possible, didn't want her to have to share in the exhausting, never-ending worry. He chose instead to make up an excuse for Kate's absence, only putting off the inevitable. He'd have to tell her now.

But maybe not quite yet..

"It's a surprise." He said, whispering in a conspiratorial tone.

Her eyes lit up as she bounced up a down.

"Oh, I love surprises!"

"I know you do! Now why don't you go change into some clothes and we'll get going."

"_Now_?" She asked in astonishment. She'd only just woken up and she was confused, if not a little curious, as to what a surprise this early could mean.

"Yep, right now! Now, go change out of those pjs-"

By this time, Alexis was already up the stairs.

"And don't forget to brush your hair and your teeth!" He called after her.

He turned back to see his mom frowning slightly at him, a look of worry written across her face.

"What?"

She gave a little shrug of her shoulders before saying, "well, I don't know, Richard.. Do you really think.. Kate just woke up, didn't she? Don't you think she'll want.._need.._ some time? She might not be quite up to having company, even Alexis."

Martha watched him digest her words, albeit rather reluctantly.

"Have you even given any thought as to how you're going to tell Alexis yet? It isn't the sort of thing you should just spring on her.."

"Kate will want to see her." He said, though now his confidence wavered slightly. "And Alexis will be happy to see Kate."

Martha bobbed her head, saying "of course, of course.. But that doesn't mean it's the best idea."

Rick now frowned at his mother, unable to understand.

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean that it's-"

"Okay, daddy! I'm ready!" Alexis broke in as she came running into the kitchen, clothes a little rumpled and hair still slightly wet in some places where she'd tried to mat it down.

Rick glanced between his mother and daughter. Indecision now nagging at him.

He looked at his mother for guidance, Alexis practically jumping up and down at his side. She gave him a little smile.

"What do I know? You two go. Call me, Richard, if you need anything."

Rick flashed her a grin, taking his daughter's hand in his and pulling her along. Martha watched as they all but skipped out of the loft, worrying about how it would all play out. She couldn't imagine Kate wanting, or even being able to for that matter, have company. She'd had a rough go of it and surely she was going to want some time to pull herself back together...

And Alexis.. Spending the last few days with her had never made it clearer that Kate played a rather vital role in her life now. The way Alexis spoke of her or showed off her charm bracelet in pride or even the stuffed rabbit she'd continued to carry around since Easter.. All boasted the idea that Kate held a special place in the child's heart and Martha worried what it might do to her to see her as she was...

Martha put the box of leftovers back in the fridge, no longer hungry. She went and sat at the kitchen table, chin in one hand as stared at her phone.

Xx

"Where are we going, daddy?" Alexis asked, staring out the window, trying to piece together from where they were what the surprise was.

Rick could hardly keep it up any longer, and his response slipped out before he could stop himself.

"To see Kate!" He said, glancing in the rear view mirror to watch her face.

A huge smile broke across it and her eyes were big.

"Really?!"

"Really, really." He said, eyes moving back to the road as he felt a little of the worry his mother had incited melted away., reassured by the look on his daughter's face.

When they pulled up to the hospital and Rick killed the ignition, he unbuckled his seatbelt, turning to look at Alexis. Alexis looked back at him in bafflement.

"Why are we at the hospital? I thought we were going to see Kate?"

Her tone carried a hint of a whine and her lips were on the verge of a pout.

"We are. Kate's here, honey."

"But I thought you said she went on a trip? Why's Kate here?"

Rick winced slightly, recalling the tiny lie he'd told his daughter. He sidestepped around the questions, instead saying, "c'mon, Alexis. You wanna see Kate, don't you?"

Questions temporarily forgotten, Alexis snapped off her belt in excitement and was out of the car nearly before Rick had made it around to help.

She took his hand, swinging them as they walked through the doors of the hospital, talking about how excited she was to see Kate.

As they rode the elevator up and began approaching the right door, Rick carefully began to reveal more of the truth to his daughter, leaving out whatever he could and wording it in such a way to downplay it all.

"Honey, you know how daddy told you Kate went on a trip?"

Alexis nodded solemnly.

"Well, daddy lied. Kate didn't go on a trip. She has been here, at the hospital."

Alexis stared up at him, the beginnings of confusion working its way on her face.

"Do you remember how Kate is a police officer?"

Her head slowly nodded.

"Well, police officers' jobs are to get the bad guys, right? And sometimes, well, sometimes the bad guys try to hurt to the police officers because they're the good guys."

Alexis' face stared back at him, still devoid of any understanding. Rick sighed as he realized speaking so vaguely would never do any good.

"Alexis, Kate is in the hospital because she got hurt-a bad guy hurt her. She wasn't on a trip. I only told you that because I was scared," he admitted softly.

Alexis' eyes began filling with tears and Rick was quick reassure her by saying, "no, no! It's okay, sweetie! Kate is fine now! The doctors just want to be sure she's okay. Don't cry! Kate's okay!"

Alexis sniffled, looking up at her dad with wide eyes. He extended a hand before giving her a smile.

"You better wipe away those tears, you know Kate doesn't like to see you cry."

Alexis gave him a watery smile as she did her best to stop the tears.

Xx

They stopped just before her door.

"You ready?" Rick asked.

And just as his daughter was about to answer, the door was thrown open and Jim bursted from the room, crying for help.

Rick watched in horror as a code blue was called and the hospital staff leapt into action. Alexis clung to him as he drifted slowly towards the door, unable to stay away, he had to see.

The door was still open, the nurses and doctors having been too preoccupied to have thought of closing it. He stood rooted to the spot, unable to drag his eyes away from the scene. He watched as the nurse wheeled around the cart and the doctor grabbed the two paddles, squeezing some gel onto one and rubbing them together as they charged.

He watched as they placed one on her chest and one on the side, watched as Kate's body convulsed from the shock. Nurses and doctors were speaking rapidly at each other, calling out directions, commands, stats. The unwelcome sound of the monitor flatlining seemed to blare obnoxiously.

By the time a nurse had noticed Rick's presence and began ushering him from the room,

the steady sound of her heartbeat stabilizing had replaced the ugly, hopeless tone of flatlining. Alexis began to wail, distraught with all that was going on. He scooped her up, suddenly filled with guilt and remorse over inadvertently allowing her to be subject to something as traumatic as what she'd just witnessed. He allowed the nurse to escort him out, now focusing solely on his daughter who was screaming in his ear.

He paced the hallway, rubbing her back in circles, repeatedly reassuring her everything was okay.

"It's okay, Alexis. Everything is okay. Kate is fine, I promise you, okay? I know that was really scary but everything is okay, Alexis. It's going to be okay."

He'd repeated it so many times that the word okay stopped sounding like a word and he'd robbed it of any meaning it had ever carried. It took nearly ten minutes of consoling before her sobs had resided into small hiccups and she'd all but cried herself out.

Once again, Rick found himself stopped before her room. He took a cautious step forward and opened the door slowly. Alexis' hold on his neck tightened and she burrowed her face closer to his neck. A few nurses were gathered around her bed still and the doctor was talking to Jim over in the corner.

He made his way over, his eyes glancing from where they stood over to where Kate was. She was still so pale and she looked even tinier, even more fragile than she had before. The doctor broke off as Rick took his spot beside Jim.

Jim looked over at him weakly.

"We were just...talking. And her heart-it just gave out. It.." His voice trailed off and Rick's own heart twisted as he thought of how it must have felt to see the light go out of her eyes, but then he realized he already had. It still gave him nightmares.

Dr. Grey chimed in saying, "We'll keep a close watch on her tonight, see that we do what we can to ensure it doesn't happen again. In the meantime, I think it might be best to limit the company, at least until we've got a better handle and understanding of how Kate is doing."

"Was there any indication or a..reason as to why this might have happened?" Rick asked, still slowly rocking Alexis from side to side.

Dr. Grey shook her head. "We can't be sure. It could just be that her body is still straining as it tries to cope and heal itself. Every trauma is different, every patient is different. They respond differently, their bodies react differently.. Sometimes it's just the way it goes. But I promise you both that I- and everyone here- are doing our best. I will have my colleague, Dr. Yang, come in shortly to take a look at Kate's heart and see about any tests that may need to be run."

Jim nodded, extending a hand, "thank you, we appreciate it, doctor."

Alexis hugged Rick tighter, tears still dampening his neck.

"I want to go home, daddy," she whispered.

Dr. Grey flashed him a sympathetic look before saying, "that might not be a bad idea, Mr. Castle."

She exchanged a few more words with Mr. Beckett before leaving the room to give them a little privacy. Jim wandered over towards Kate's bed and dropped heavily into the seat next to it. Rick watched for a moment before his own legs carried him over.

He shifted Alexis in his arms, eyes tracking the steady rise and fall of Kate's chest. He turned towards Jim.

"She'll pull through this."

Jim sighed and looked up at Rick with melancholy eyes. "She had better. I can't lose her too."

"You won't, dad. I'm right...here...I'm not going anywhere."

Both heads simultaneously swiveled around to find Kate had awoken and was very much cognizant of what was going on.

Rick felt the small body in his arms shift as Alexis' head rose from the crook of his neck and her entire body pivoted at once at the sound of Kate's voice. Fresh tears began to fall and the small smile on Kate's froze then fell.

"Alexis, honey, don't cry. Please don't cry," Kate implored. She hated to see her cry.

The arms around her father's neck loosened and she lunged towards Kate, arms outstretched, wanting to be held and comforted as only Kate could do. Rick nearly dropped her, he was caught totally unaware by her sudden change in direction. He shifted her again, holding her a little more securely.

"Alexis, Kate can't hold you right now, she's hurt," he tried to explain.

"I want Ka-aate," she cried, tears continuing to run down her face.

Rick had never regretted not listening to his mother more than in that given moment. He wished he'd just waited to bring Alexis. He thought that by doing so, he could make them both happy, but now he saw it'd only brought pain.

"Rick," Kate called softly, asking without actually saying anything at all. He knew immediately what she wanted, but he was reluctant to give it to her.

He finally moved towards the bed with Alexis still squirming in his arms.

"It's okay, Rick," Kate encouraged, patting the bed, inviting them both. "Alexis will be good, won't you sweetheart?"

Alexis said nothing but continued to reach out for Kate.

"Katie-"

Kate looked up at the warning tone in her father's voice. She knew he was only worried she was going to overdo it, that any tiny little thing could prompt her body into giving out for maybe the final time. Kate looked away from her father and back up at Rick.

"Please?" She asked, and she knew he wouldn't-or couldn't- refuse.

He gently set Alexis on the bed, though his hands carefully remained around her sides. His eyes remained locked on Kate the entire time, but hers were locked on Alexis.

Again, she patted the space next to her and gave her a reassuring smile. Alexis' hands rose up to brush away her father's.

"Careful, Alexis. Go real slow," he warned.

Alexis inched up the bed, mindful of not jostling the bed or hurting Kate in any way. All the wires and tubes ran along the opposite end of the bed, so there was no risk of her messing with any of those. When she'd reached about Kate's stomach, she stopped and sat back on her knees. Her eyes were fixed at the extensive gauze wrapping around Kate's abdomen. Her eyes darted to Kate's, panicked and on the verge of more tears.

"It's okay," Kate whispered softly. "I'm alright."

Alexis instinctively leaned towards her, wrapping her arms around Kate's neck. Kate caught the small hiss of pain and fought the urge to cry out. She saw that both her father and Rick had immediately stepped in to scoop up Alexis but she waved them off, mouthing, "it's okay."

Kate rubbed her back, wanting desperately to calm her down. Nothing she said, however, managed to soothe her. Eventually, Kate was able to push her away gently. Her abdomen was throbbing something fierce and she felt herself flagging. She was so tired of sleeping, yet that's all her body seemed to want to do.

Alexis seemed to understand without being told and she carefully moved to lie down next to Kate. Her body molded to the side of Kate's and her head rested in the space just above her armpit. Kate smoothed Alexis' hair away from her forehead and rubbed it gently. Alexis' eyelids fluttered shut and the exhaustion from the emotional upheaval finally hit her. Her breathing evened out and she fell asleep tucked against Kate.

Xx

There was a knock at the door and Kate, her father and Rick all looked up as a doctor they had not yet met entered the room.

"I'm Dr. Yang," she began, reaching a hand out to shake the one extended by Jim Beckett. "I'm the head cardio thoracic surgeon here and Dr. Grey has asked that I take a look at-" she looked down at the chart in her hands before finishing, "Katharine Beckett."

She looked over and smiled at Kate who corrected her by saying, "You can call me Kate."

Dr. Yang approached the bed, just now seeing the tiny body curled next to Kate's which had been obscured by Jim and Rick's bodies.

"Oh, she can't-" she said, shaking her head as she looked back at Rick. "Would you move her, please? She really shouldn't-"

"She's fine," Kate said. "I don't mind."

Dr. Yang gave her a look before saying, "Yeah, but I do."

She looked again at Rick, raising her eyebrows a little. He quickly realized this doctor, unlike Dr. Grey, seemed to be far more observant of the rules and had a less than warm bed side manner.

He reached down, weaseling a hand down under his daughter to allow him a more secure hold. Kate placed a hand on his arm.

"Rick."

It was the first time since she'd been in the hospital that Rick caught a glimpse of the hardheaded, steely Kate Beckett and though he still found her intimidating, he was more afraid to cross this new doctor.

"Yeeeah.. I'm going to have to side with the doctor on this one," he said before whispering, "she scares me."

Dr. Yang cracked a smile.

"Wise man, wise man."

Alexis stirred as Rick pulled her up and off the bed. She fought the sleepiness that tried to coax her back. As she woke up a little more and realized she was no longer lying next to Kate, she began to cry.

Kate glared at Dr. Yang who seemed oblivious to the crying child as she stepped towards Kate, pulling the stethoscope from around her neck. Kate begrudgingly followed the commands Dr. Yang gave, all the while glowering. She wasn't accustomed to not having her way and regardless of whether it was for the best or the worst, Kate didn't like yielding to the whims of others.

Alexis continued to cry, whimpering for Kate. Kate reached out a hand and took hold of Alexis' squeezing at random intervals while she answered the questions Dr. Yang fired off. The entire exchange lasted not even five minutes before Dr. Yang had left the room with the ever ambiguous, "I can't be sure yet, we'll have to keep a close eye and see how things develop." The only real reassurance they had was the fact that Dr. Yang appeared unruffled and held no sense of urgency which seemed to tell them all that nothing from her exam had stood out and there was, at this moment, no cause for alarm.

The door clicked shut and Jim looked over at his daughter. "Well, she certainly was no nonsense."

Kate scoffed, grumbling something under her breath haughtily.

Jim chuckled as he turned to where Rick stood bouncing his daughter from side to side in an effort to soothe her.

"Katie never did take kindly to being bossed around, always preferred being the one who did the bossing."

A smile tugged at the corners of Rick's mouth as he looked over at her in amusement.

"Who woulda thought?"

* * *

**A/N: it's gonna seem a little dark and heavy the next few chapters, but I believe there is too much growth to be had for each character to gloss over anything. I ****_promise_**** it'll get better!**


	32. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

The cafeteria was starting to get busy and people, visitors and doctors alike, began queuing. A tray of food slid across the table and she looked up as a body dropped into the chair directly across from hers, emitting an exaggerated sigh.

"You didn't tell me she was one of those patients who think they know best and wanna argue everything you say." Yang complained as she ripped off the top of her yogurt. "God, those ones are the absolute worst. I mean, did _they_ go to med school? Do _they_ wear white coats with their names scrawled across in fancy letters? I mean really, Mer, you could've warned me."

Meredith Grey laughed and shook her head. "I kinda like her," she said before taking a bite of her salad.

"_Like_ her?" Cristina asked incredulously, shaking her head. "I don't see how. And she wasn't even surgical. Next time, if you're going to have me consult on a patient like her, can you at least make sure I get a surgery out of it?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm glad she doesn't need another surgery, with all the crap she's been through.. Did you hear what happened to her?"

Cristina waved her hand through the air as she scoffed derisively. "Not that big of a deal, we've seen worse."

Meredith stopped chewing the bite in her mouth and frowned at her friend. People who didn't know her better said she was a robot with no feelings but even this was a little too unfeeling for Cristina.

"Getting stabbed by a crazy knife wielding psycho in your own home?" Meredith asked, eyebrows raised. As surgeons, they'd seen it all, experienced it all. They've had plenty of cases, sure, but some stuck out more than others, like this one for Meredith.

A look of understanding crossed Cristina's face. "Ohh, you're talking about room 147, Katharine- er-Kate," she said, correcting herself.

Meredith frowned. "Who were you talking about?"

"That other consult you called me in for. The one who was in a car accident and now is trying to tell me she needs heart surgery because her chest hurts and I keep telling her the chest pains are just a result of the accident that have nothing to do with her heart and will go away in a couple-"

"Oh, yeah, no, I don't like her much either..Annoying. I was talking about Kate," Meredith said.

"She's fiery," Cristina remarked, remembering the defiant look in Kate's eyes when she had insisted the young girl be moved. She didn't come across many patients who weren't at least somewhat intimidated by her. "I definitely like her."

Meredith smiled. Now, _that _was the response she'd been expecting.

"Did you hear the guy who tried to kill her was a surgeon?"

"Shut up," Cristina said, putting down the sandwich she'd been about to take a bite of. "No way. That wasn't in the patient background or anything, was it?" She asked, wondering how she could have missed it.

Meredith shook her head. "They're keeping it all under wraps for now because she's a homicide detective which makes it somewhat sensitive, so they're handling it quietly. He was a surgeon over at-crap, what's that hospital's name? I always forget it."

Cristina listed off a couple names, to all of which Meredith shook her head. "Whatever, it'll probably come to me in a few minutes. His name was Josh Daniel or Davids or something like that. A friggin doctor by day and a killer by night. She had been investigating the murders and he ultimately went after her. Crazy, right?"

"How do you know all this?" Cristina asked as she tried to digest the influx of information.

"I was talking to her.. Well, I don't really know what he is to her.. But, I was talking to him a night or two ago when she was still in the coma and he told me what had happened."

"That's wild." Cristina said as she shook her head. "Homicide detective, huh? That's pretty badass. Not as badass as a surgeon, but.. Definitely got my respect."

The two surgeons discussed the case a little more as they finished their lunches. No sooner had they finished had Meredith's pager gone off.

"Ah, crap," she said as she read the page.

"Kate?" Cristina asked, nearly sounding concerned.

"No, the other one."

Cristina sniggered. "Have fun with her. Don't call me in for another consult unless she is legitimately in the throes of a heart attack."

Meredith scowled as she tossed the rubbish in the bin.

"I just hope she's discharged soon, otherwise I might Kevorkian her with my bare hands."

Cristina laughed and Meredith went left and she went right. She thought about following up with Kate in the next few days. She wondered if they'd be butting heads every time their paths crossed. Probably. But, she looked forward to it, if anything. It was one of those rare cases in which she found herself genuinely curious about a patient and their story.

Xx

While Meredith and Cristina's day only got busier and more hectic with patients and complications, the same could not be said for Kate. The remainder of her morning, and much of the afternoon, passed with little excitement. Kate dozed here and there, leaving her father and Rick to chat amongst themselves. In a relatively short amount of time, the two had developed a quick rapport. Jim was surprised by the level of respect he found he held for Rick. He didn't miss how he unconsciously gravitated towards his daughter or the frequent glances he'd cast her way to reassure himself she was okay. It made his heart warm to see his daughter had found someone like Rick and he couldn't help but find the similarities in the dynamic they shared with the one he'd shared with her mother. He even said so much to Rick.

"I can't help but think of me and Jo."

Rick gave him a puzzled look, not sure if the soft spoken words had been intended to be heard.

"You and Katie," Jim explained, his voice gaining strength. "Can't help but be reminded of me and my wife. I see so much of us in you two, its uncanny, really."

Rick was silent, still watching Kate while he waited for Jim to continue.

"Katie is every bit as pigheaded as her mother was. And I was every bit as crazy about her as you are my daughter."

Rick opened his mouth, but he wasn't sure if it was to deny or affirm Jim's words. Jim cut him off before he could decide one or the other.

"Don't try to deny it, I can see it, Rick. Kate's probably given you a hell of time chasing after her, I know her mother sure did."

Jim was rewarded with a laugh.

"That's quite the understatement. You know, if it weren't for Alexis, I don't think she would have given me the time of day."

Jim looked over at Rick, shaking his head slightly.

"That's what surprises me. Katie has always had such a big heart but I don't think having kids was high on her list-especially after her mother died. To be honest, I worried she would ever be open enough to have a real relationship, let alone children. I think after her mom died, she walled herself off from anything that could break her heart the way losing her mother did. And she saw what it did to me."

Jim looked at Rick ruefully.

"I don't know what all Katie's told you, but I took my wife's death hard. It nearly killed me. I tried to find solace in the bottom of whiskey bottles, but let me tell you, the only solace I ever found was in Kate. She's a rock, Rick. A steady, unwavering rock. She's used to being strong, and part of that is maintaining the image she's built up. She won't want your help in these days to come. She'll be difficult. She'll test your patience. But, I know Katie. She just wants to see how hard she has to push before you walk away. She doesn't want to need anyone. She's just like her mother that way. But, I'll let you in on a little secret. The Beckett women, they're worth it. All the effort, all the chasing, the fighting, the loving, everything. They're worth it all."

Rick dragged his eyes away from Jim, letting his gaze fall on Kate's sleeping face. He'd never believed in anything more than in the words Jim had spoken. He didn't have to be told she was worth it. He'd known all along.

Xx

When Kate next awoke, it was to the hushed tones of her father and Rick. She strained to hear what was being said, but gave up, opening her eyes to find two sets focused on her.

"Hey, honey," Jim said warmly.

"Hey, dad," she replied with a small smile.

"Time is it?" She asked, yawning a little at the end.

Rick shifted Alexis, freeing one of the arms holding his daughter so he could look at his watch.

"Nearly three."

"Mm.." She hummed, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the pillow.

"You thirsty? Hungry?"

She opened her eyes to look at Rick.

"I am a little hungry," she admitted.

Rick nodded his head as he said, "I'll go find your doctor or a nurse maybe, see what they say about your having something to eat."

"I'll go with you," Jim offered.

Kate's eyes narrowed as she looked between the two. She wasn't sure she liked how chummy they'd gotten in the few hours she'd been asleep. She didn't trust her father hadn't attempted to give Rick any insight into her human psyche. It would be just like him to try to play matchmaker while she lie unconscious a few feet away.

"Fine. But I get to keep Alexis then." Kate countered.

Rick deliberated for a few short seconds before he decided he had to pick and choose his fights wisely.

"Okay, but she's sitting in the chair next to your bed. You can't go crossing your doctor, Kate."

Kate rolled her eyes while Rick pulled the chair closer to the bed and set his daughter in it. Her eyes blinked awake at the feel of the cool, uncomfortable plastic of the chair.

"I'm going to go find some food for Kate and you can stay here and keep her company, okay?"

She quickly shook herself of the sleepiness and nodded her head happily, already moving to slide off the chair.

"Uh-uh, you have to stay right here. Kate's doctor said you can't be up on the bed, and we have to listen to Kate's doctor, right?"

Alexis frowned but nodded her head once in agreement.

"Kay, good girl. We'll be right back, pumpkin," he said before planting a kiss on her forehead.

"And, you," he said, turning to face Kate. "You listen to your doctor. No trying to finagle Alexis up there."

Kate fought the urge to roll her eyes again and instead said, "I'm so hungry I doubt I have the energy to argue."

His gaze remained fixed on hers a moment or two longer before he turned and left the room, Jim close behind.

Kate immediately turned to Alexis, a mischievous gleam in her eye as she patted the space next to her.

Alexis' gaze was wary as she contemplated the invitation up. Her tiny head shook as she said, "the doctor said-"

"Alexis, it's perfectly okay. You weren't hurting me before. I promise it is okay."

Alexis stared at her uncertainly. It was difficult for her to disobey her father, but, at the moment, she was having a harder time not listening to Kate.

After a minute or two of internal struggle, Alexis scooted the chair back and moved to pull herself up on the bed. Just like earlier, she carefully crawled up the bed before settling next to Kate.

She looked up at her now, trying to read her features. Kate smiled broadly at Alexis as she said, "There. Much better, don't you think?"

Alexis couldn't help but catch Kate's contagious grin. Kate's arm wrapped around the girl, holding her loosely to her. Alexis' hands played with Kate's, toying with the medical bracelets that adorned her wrist.

"Kate, can we go home soon?" Alexis asked softly.

Alexis hated the hospital and wished to go home. But not if it meant leaving Kate here. She wanted them all to go home together. Her, her dad and Kate.

"I probably can't go home for another few days. The doctors want to make sure I'm well enough to leave the hospital first."

"But I want to go home now," Alexis said, her eyes beginning to well with tears.

Kate squeezed her hand and tried to imagine how scary this all probably was to a girl of only five.

"When your daddy gets back, we'll tell him, okay?"

Alexis shook her head, "No. I want _you_ to come home with us."

"Alexis, honey, it doesn't work like that. I can't leave the hospital yet-"

"But, but.. When you can, then you'll come home with us?"

"Well, I'm going to go home to my home, Alexis. And then, when I'm all better I can come visit you guys again, okay?"

Alexis was about to argue the point when the door swung open and they were met with rowdy laughter and Rick came in exclaiming, "Look who I found!"

Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie came pushing through. The boys each held a vase of flowers and Lanie carried a stuffed bear with balloons tied to its sash.

Lanie dropped the bear and balloons on the counter before leaning over and kissing Kate lightly on the cheek.

"That's for pulling through, and this," she broke off as she smacked Kate lightly upside the head. "Is for nearly giving me a heart attack, makin me worry so damn much."

Kate rubbed the side of her head. "It's not like I did it on purpose," she grumbled.

"Okay, okay, Lanie, move. My turn."

Esposito shoved her out of the way and stepped near the bed, offering her the flowers.

"Glad you're okay, Beckett." His tone was gruff but just beneath the gruffness, she could make out the emotion in his voice.

She smiled up at him, preparing to fire off a sarcastic remark but Esposito beat her to it, saying, "I can tell you're trying to come back with some smart ass remark. Don't ruin the moment." He warned.

She laughed before turning to the other side of the bed where Ryan stood.

"We've all been so worried, Kate. I'm so happy you're okay."

Tears pricked Kate's eyes as she looked around, feeling the warm gazes of everyone in the room. She felt so loved.

Her throat constricted in emotion, making it difficult to get the words out but she finally managed.

"Thanks, you guys. I'm lucky to have you all in my life."

The tears nearly won out, but she succeeded in blinking them away.

The room fell silent for a moment as they basked in each other's company. Rick finally spoke up.

"Well, I see my word against Kate's means absolutely nothing." He said lightly. He had noticed his daughter apparently had no qualms disregarding his instructions, but he couldn't say he minded all that much in this instance.

Kate smirked.

"I don't like being told no."

Everyone in the room laughed at this. It wasn't news to anyone present that Kate Beckett never took no for an answer.

Xx

As the day drew to a close, one by one, Kate's friends departed, each with the promise to visit tomorrow.

When it was just Rick, Alexis and her father left, Kate finally admitted to how exhausted she felt. Neither Rick nor her father made any move to leave and Kate realized she'd have to spell it out clearly for them.

"You guys should head home. You especially, Rick. Alexis doesn't like it here and was ready to leave hours ago."

Rick looked at his daughter who was shaking her head vehemently. "I wanna stay with Kate."

Rick may not agree that he should go home, but he agreed that it was time Alexis did. He'd spoken to his mother a few hours ago and she had decided to stick close to the loft for the next few days or however long Kate remained in the hospital, just to help Rick juggle responsibilities between Kate and his daughter.

"C'mon, Lex. Grams is waiting at home for us. And we've gotta get you showered and ready for bed, it's getting late."

Alexis clung to Kate as her father stepped nearer to scoop her up.

"Please, Kate! I want to stay!" She cried.

"You can come see me tomorrow, Alexis, and we can hang out all day tomorrow, too."

Alexis sagged in her father's arms, heartbroken Kate hadn't fought for her to stay.

Rick leaned over, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, mindful her father was still in the room.

"See you in a bit," he said.

"Rick, you don't have to come back and spend another night in the hospital. Stay home with Alexis, get a good night's sleep on an actual bed and not one of these hospital chairs."

Rick began to protest but was silenced when Kate simply asked, "please?"

He sighed, acquiescing.

"See you tomorrow then, Kate."

He said his goodbyes to Jim and then he and Alexis were gone.

Jim smiled down at his daughter, shaking his head softly.

"What?" She demanded, feeling defensive.

"I'm just proud of you is all, Katie. He's a good man."

"You hardly know him, dad, but yes, Rick's a good man." She smiled as she admitted this, happy to voice it aloud.

"I know him better than you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, puzzled.

"Nothing, Katie." He said with a smile.

No matter how hard Kate tried, she couldn't persuade her father to go home for the night. Eventually, she gave up, succumbing to her own tiredness and falling into a dreamless sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Rick wasn't so lucky. His dreams were plagued with blood and knives and death and dying and Kate. Each nightmare was as real as the first had been but he'd told no one of his troubles sleeping. He figured they were likely to fade on their own, given time. But, in the meantime, he was resigned to fitful nights in which he faced his mind's darkest fears.

He awoke just before two, his heart racing and a light sheen of sweat covering his body. His heart beat slowed as he remembered Kate wasn't dead, it was all a dream. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He occasionally looked at the clock on his bedside table, keeping track of the minutes as they ticked by. After nearly an hour, Rick gave up on falling back asleep. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. The loft was silent and his footfalls on the hardwood seemed much louder than they actually were. He turned on the light above the stove and it cast a soft glow over the kitchen. He helped himself to a glass of water, gulping it down thirstily.

He set the glass in the sink and looked around the kitchen, wondering what to do with himself. He had hours yet to wait and nothing with which to occupy his mind.

Rick found himself climbing the stairs to his daughter's room. He turned the knob slowly and eased the door open as quietly as he could. The bedding moved as his daughter shifted restlessly, rolling from one side to the other.

Thinking she might still be awake and just unable to fall asleep, Rick called her name softly. "Alexis."

The tossing and turning didn't stop and he walked towards her. When he was near enough, he could make out her tiny features contorted in a look of upset. He knew this face, though it'd been some time since he'd seen it. She was having a nightmare.

She kicked at the bedding, thrashing a little as she whimpered, "Mommy, mommy."

He reached out to shake her shoulder. She recoiled from his touch, saying. "Please, I just want my mommy."

He frowned as he watched her struggle with the demons in her dreams. Alexis continued to call for her mom and Rick's heart dropped a little, remembering the last time Alexis had done this.

It was shortly after he and Meredith had split and she'd moved out. Alexis had been too young to understand or grasp any concept other than she wanted her mom. Meredith may have never been mother of the year material, but Alexis yearned for what little maternal comfort Meredith had taken with her.

She'd had nightmares, much like the one she was having now, in which she would call out for her mom and it broke Rick's heart to think she had regressed. He may not be able to understand why or how Alexis could continue to love a mother as absent as Meredith or why she still sometimes sought her comfort and not his own, but regardless, he decided he would phone Meredith in the morning.

Unable to watch her struggle any longer, he shook her more forcefully.

"Alexis, honey, you're having a bad dream. Wake up!"

Her eyes finally snapped open and she began to cry. Rick sat on her bed and rubbed her back. She clambered into his lap, burrowing her face into his chest. She cried herself out relatively quickly and a silence had fallen over the room. He rocked her gently from side to side, just like he had done when she was little and offered whatever comfort he could.

After some time, he asked, "Do you wanna talk about your bad dream?"

"No," she whispered back, one of her hands fisting the material of his shirt.

"It might help," he suggested with a light tone, hoping to coax her into sharing.

"I don't wanna."

"Okay," he said, allowing them to fall into silence once more.

More minutes passed and then he had another idea.

"I had a bad dream tonight, too."

"You did?" Alexis asked, unable to ignore her curiosity.

"Mhm."

"Was it about Kate?" She asked, repositioning herself in his lap so she could look at his face.

"It was about Kate, yes," he said honestly.

"Mine too."

Her admission made his heart twist in sympathy and he hugged her tightly.

"Kate's okay though, you know that, right?"

"I want her to come home. With us, daddy."

"I know you do, honey, but it's going to take some time for her to get better."

Alexis sat quietly, thinking about what her father said. Rick eventually fell asleep, the exhaustion of the past few days having caught up to him once more. Alexis lay awake in her father's arms, too scared to give into sleep.

She just wanted her Kate.

Alexis squirmed out of her father's arms, carefully slipping from her own bed. She walked down the hall, the sound of her father's snores growing fainter. She stopped before the door of the guest bedroom and, for a second, felt as she had that first night Kate had stayed over.

There was a flutter of anticipation in her stomach, almost convincing herself when she opened the door Kate would be there. When she'd opened the door only to find an empty bed, her heart gave a drop of disappointment and she felt cross with herself.

Kate is in the hospital. Not here.

Alexis wandered in and floated towards the bed. She couldn't say what propelled her to do so, but she found herself climbing onto the bed and under the covers. She imagined Kate was there, too. She closed her eyes and she could hear her voice.

_"So, you couldn't sleep either, huh?"_

Alexis shook her head. She imagined herself telling Kate about her bad dream. Nearly identical to the one she had that night. She'd been unable to find Kate, she was just gone forever.

But this time, there was no Kate to kiss Alexis' face or make her giggle or reassure her that she was, in fact, right there. Alexis opened her eyes, blinking away the tears as she burrowed into the pillows. Whether it was because the sheets hadn't been washed, or Alexis tricked her mind into believing it, she thought she could smell Kate's sweet perfume and it was enough to soothe her to sleep.

Xx

The proceeding days came and went quickly and with relatively little change. The doctors ran numerous tests, had examined Kate countless times and had finally deemed her in a fit state to be discharged. All that was left was a little paperwork and some instructions pertaining to her still healing wound and the physical therapy that was to follow.

Kate sat up in her bed, a dull tapping noise echoed as she drummed her fingers against the table in impatience.

"Katie- would you cut that out?"

Her fingers immediately froze and she looked over at her father.

"Sorry. Guess I'm just impatient to get going. I've been going stir crazy and I can't wait to get out of here."

Jim flashed his daughter an understanding look. She'd been impatient her whole life; nothing's changed there. He looked down at his watch and then at the door.

"Where's Rick?"

Kate gave a small shrug of her shoulders, "should be here anytime now, I think."

Jim nodded before saying, "And you're sure Lanie is okay with the arrangements you've made? You haven't forced anyone into anything, have you, Katie? I can always stay with you for a while."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Of course not, dad. Besides, Lanie was the one who suggested she stay with me for the first few days, or at least until I'm feeling up to being on my own again."

"As long as someone's there to help you.. Just remember you don't need to do it all on your own. It's gonna take some time to get better."

"Da-ad-"

"Don't 'dad' me. Don't think just cause you're an adult now you don't need any of my lecturing.. 'Cause you do."

Kate sighed. She couldn't get discharged soon enough. Another day in the hospital with her father and she actually might be at risk of hurting someone. She loved her father, but there came a point when a parent's love mixed with a heavy dose of worry became nothing but suffocating. Kate felt like she was drowning in his worry, he watched her like a hawk and was pestering the doctors incessantly with all his questions.

Kate thought it was time they both had a break. Him, from the role of concerned, over protective father, and her, from dealing with a helicopter dad.

Before she could say anything, the door opened and Rick walked in, Alexis in tow.

"Rick!" Kate greeted happily. "Impeccable timing."

Rick gave her a knowing smile, he knew Kate's nerves had been fraying and she was finding it more and more tiresome to put up with Jim's constant concern and reassuring him every five minutes she was perfectly okay.

"So, today's the day, huh?"

Kate blew out a breath. "Finally."

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting discharged sooner?"

"I wanted to wait and tell you in person." Kate glanced at the clock on the wall. "The doctor should be by soon to sign the papers and then I'm good to go!"

"So, you've decided what you wanna do then?" Rick asked, apprehensive.

The subject had been broached a couple times already, but nothing had ever been settled. He'd been quick to make it clear his loft was available and he'd be more than happy to have her stay with them but Kate hadn't seemed to take it into much consideration.

"Yeah, Lanie's gonna come stay with me until I get settled in."

"And there's no chance I can talk you into staying with us at the loft?"

"I just want to go home, Rick." Kate said quietly.

But, Rick couldn't help but picture her home as the place she'd nearly died.

"Even after..."

"Especially after."

They stared at each other for a few long moments. He knew there'd be not much use in arguing, once Kate made up her mind, that was it.

"Don't you wanna stay with us, Kate?"

The question caused their gaze to break and both turned to look at Alexis.

"I do.." Kate began carefully,"but when I'm feeling better. I won't be any fun right now, Alexis, I'm probably going to be tired and grumpy all the time. You don't want to put up with that, do you?"

Though her tone was light and teasing, there were some truth in her words. Kate imagined she was going to be quite prone to grumpiness and was likely to have a short temper and didn't want to expose Rick or Alexis to that side, at least not before she had to.

She thought Alexis might crack a smile or agree with the sentiment, but she was dismayed to see the delicate features tied down in a frown. Kate was grateful when her father jumped in.

"Oh, trust me, Alexis. Kate is no fun when she is sick. She's crabby and she complains about _everything_ and she likes to take it all out on-"

"Okay, dad-" Kate said, interrupting. "I think they get the idea. I'm no fun to be around when I'm recovering."

She turned back to Alexis. "But you can come over and visit me, okay?"

A blank expression of indifference came over her face and she gave a half hearted shrug of her shoulders. Rick frowned as he watched his daughter. For the past few days, she seemed to be on an emotional roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. She alternated between her normal, happy self and being withdrawn and subdued.

For the first time, Rick was actually struggling to understand his own daughter. He didn't know what to do with her other than give her a little time to sort out how she was feeling. So far, she hadn't wanted to talk to him about it, and he had been hoping maybe Kate could get through where he couldn't, but now he worried Alexis was pulling away from her as well. He made a mental note to say something about it to Kate later on.

"Alexis," Kate said, "don't be like that."

Then again, maybe Kate has already picked up on it, Rick found himself thinking.

Alexis said nothing, but continued to stare steadily at Kate. Before Kate could try again, there was a knock at the door and it swung open. Dr. Grey walked in, smiling.

"You ready to get out of here, Kate?"

"You have no idea."

It took Dr. Grey about 10 minutes to go over all the instructions for dressing the wound and properly caring for it as well as the physical therapy plan which was to begin fairly soon. It took her nearly another 10 minutes just to answer all of Jim's questions before Kate was finally slipping from the bed and into a wheelchair.

As Dr. Grey was signing off on paperwork, she asked, "did Dr. Yang drop by?"

Kate shook her head, "No. Why, was she supposed to?"

Dr. Grey scribbled a few more notes on some of the papers before saying, "I just know she meant to, but she must have gotten pulled into surgery."

"Did she..wanna talk? Or..need to discuss something ab-"

"No, nothing medically related," Dr. Grey interrupted as she looked up from the clipboard and smiled. "Only to wish you well."

"Oh," Kate said dumbly.

Dr. Yang had dropped in once or twice the past few days and their dominant natures clashed each time. Kate realized now that maybe they'd been intentional on Dr. Yang's part, her way of being friendly. Kate smiled, actually, now that she thought about it and pictured that smug, self satisfied smile, she was certain Dr. Yang may even like her.

Dr. Grey handed her a thick stack of papers and pointed to the scribbled notes at the bottom.

"That's my number there if you think of any questions. I will want to see you back in about a week's time just to check the incision site and make sure everything's healing the way it should."

Roughly 5 minutes later, Rick was wheeling her out of the hospital doors. Kate didn't think she'd ever been happier to see the towering buildings of New York or smell the polluted city air. Gone were the harsh fluorescent lights. Gone was the sterile smell of the hospital.

"You gonna ride with me or Rick?"

Kate looked over at her father as she said, "we're all going to the same place, aren't we?"

Jim nodded, saying, "Right. So, I guess I'll just see you guys at your place, Katie."

He bent over and kissed her cheek and gave a wave to Rick and Alexis.

Kate released a sigh once her father's figure had disappeared into the parking lot.

"It'll be nice to have some space, huh?" Rick asked, watching Kate's expressive face.

"He just _worries _so much and then he has to hover. It's exhausting. _I'm_ exhausted."

"He's your father, Kate. He loves you. And he's going to worry.. it's what we do, us fathers."

Kate sighed again, "Yeah, I guess. I just wish he didn't have to hover so damn close. I feel like I can't breathe, you know?"

It made perfect sense to him why Jim hovered, he felt the need to do the same but instead he said, "Yeah.." As he pushed the wheelchair towards his car.

Alexis had stayed quiet throughout the whole transition from hospital to car. She walked alongside the wheelchair, one hand resting on the arm. Once they'd reached the car, she climbed in and watched as her father helped Kate.

It was a slow, arduous process and Alexis' gaze remained fixed on Kate's face, gauging how much pain she was in by the way her brow furrowed or the downwards pull of her lips.

Once Kate managed to get situated in the back, Alexis moved nearer to occupy the middle seat. Kate felt her small hand slip into hers and she gave it a reassuring squeeze. Alexis looked up at her, silently asking if everything was okay.

Kate gave her a small smile. Everything may not necessarily be okay now, but it sure was well on its way.

Xx

"You lose again, Kate!"

Kate tossed in her cards.

"It's a dumb game anyway. All about the luck of the cards. There's no strategy or thought involved. It's a dumb game." She repeated.

Rick smirked at her, laying his own cards down, "What's this? Kate's being a sore loser?"

"Keep running your mouth, Rick, and we'll see who's the sore one." She said testily.

Rick turned to her father who was watching on with an amused expression.

"Has she always been so..."

"Competitive?" He offered. "Yeah, always."

A smile played at his lips and his eyes gave a little twinkle as he told his daughter, "Honey, I think you may have finally met your match."

Rick's gaze locked onto Kate's and his eyes burned into hers as he said, "A perfect match, I'd say."

No one was talking about cards anymore.

Kate cleared her throat before pushing her chair away from the table. She awkwardly rose to her feet, still unused to the uncomfortable twinge in her belly that came with certain movements.

"You guys going to keep playing or is the game over now that you have your loser?"

Rick looked at his daughter and then Jim.

"I dunno, it's up to you guys. Lex, you still wanna play?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Eh, I'm tired. I don't wanna keep playing."

Both Rick and Jim pushed their cards into the middle, no sense in playing with only two people.

Kate left the dining room and headed for her own. She needed to lay down for a while. Her head had begun to pound and and her abdomen ached. Kate first went to her bathroom where an assortment of prescription bottles lay waiting. She popped the tops of several and took the recommended dosage of each.

When she caught her reflection in the mirror, she was surprised to find her features were sharper, more angular. She'd lost some weight while she was in the hospital. Her eyes were glassy and were much darker than they normally were and there were bags under her eyes. Kate sighed a little before turning the faucet on and dampening a washcloth.

She felt like shell of her former self. On the outside, she was still recognizable but inside, she felt like a stranger, even to herself. That's what Josh had done.

She hadn't really been able to tell until she'd left the safe bubble of the hospital. But, when she had stood in front of her door, she felt the beginnings of something unsettled that tossed and churned within her.

Kate scrubbed her face as the memory from only hours ago replayed in her head.

"It's a new door." Rick had said. "I kinda broke down your other one," His eyes had searched hers in concern, no doubt looking for any cracks or fissures in her mental state.

"We can always get you a new one if you don't like this one." He'd said after several long moments of silence.

Kate had tried then to shake herself of the ill feeling and focus on Rick.

"No," she said, smiling, "I like this door just fine."

When they'd entered, she was surprised to find it looked exactly as it always had. She didn't know why she had imagined it with broken glass or blood, staining the the floor. Kate realized it was ridiculous to think that someone wouldn't have thought to clean up the crime scene while she was in the hospital. Of course it would have been scrubbed clean of all the blood and glass and disarray. No one would have let her return to a home that still looked like it had when she'd nearly died.

As she wandered through the entry and then the living room, she felt like she was seeing shadows. Shadows of her, there, on the couch. Of Josh, pacing in front of the coffee table. Of her and Josh tangled as they fought. Kate had closed her eyes only to find that these shadows didn't need light in order to be cast down. She saw them everywhere.

If it hadn't been for Rick and Alexis there to ground her, Kate wasn't sure how she would have managed. But, in the span of the afternoon, their company had managed to push away the darkness and their smiles and laughter were like a soothing balm on a smarting wound.

Kate hung the washcloth on its rung and pulled down the plush hand towel and patted her face dry. When she next looked up she was surprised to find Rick's reflection in the mirror. She turned and found him leaning in the doorway, watching her carefully.

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough," he said as he pushed off the doorframe and stepped towards her.

"Everything alright?" Rick asked, one hand coming up the push away some of the damp tendrils that clung to her face.

"Yeah," she said to which he raised a brow.

"How're you doing, really?"

Kate looked down at her bare feet. Her red polish was chipping and her nail beds had certainly seen better days. She needed a pedicure.

"Better. And it'll get better." She said softly, still looking down.

After several moments, Kate looked up at Rick as she asked, "Won't it?"

He leaned in closer and his lips hovered for just a split second before pressing against hers. She gave a soft sigh as she melted into him. And just like times before, they used their lips, tongues, and bodies to communicate where words had failed.

They broke apart only when their need for air surpassed their need for each other. They stayed close, noses touching, lips hovering. Kate moved first, stepping in as her arms wrapped around him and her head settled against his chest.

Though he wished to hug her tighter to him, he resisted knowing she was still in some pain. He rested his chin on her head as they stood still for a few seconds longer. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and said, "I imagine you're pretty tired, it's been a long day.

Kate still stood with her arms wrapped loosely around his middle and her eyes closed, feeling fully how exhausted she truly was.

"I'm going to take your silence for a 'yes,'" he said as he chuckled.

Kate smiled as the gentle rumble of his laughter shook her head. She then stepped back, the smile still tugging at her lips.

There was a lot she and Rick had to talk about, but she was happy knowing there was plenty of time to do so. She no longer felt there was really any question as to where they stood, only where they would be going.

Rick held out a hand,"Stop. I can see you thinking. Just focus on getting better first. There's time enough for everything else."

Kate took the hand he offered and her fingers slipped between his as he tugged her towards her bed.

"You know," he said as he helped her get into bed. "This isn't quite how I had imagined the first time taking you to bed."

Kate's cheeks flushed at his words and she felt a flicker of warmth in her belly that had nothing to do with a wound inflicted by a knife.

"Well, I'd hope not," she teased lightly. "But, tell me..How exactly did you imagine it, Rick?"

Rick smiled as he pulled up the covers. "All good things to those who wait."

He kissed her lightly once then twice on the lips before straightening.

She frowned. He left her wanting more.

"Didn't you ever learn it's not nice to tease?" She asked.

"No," he said with a smirk. "Did you?"

They stared at each other, challenging the other.

"All joking aside though," he said a few moments later, his tone sobering. "When will Lanie be getting here?"

Kate craned her head to look at the clock on her nightstand.

"Her shift ended at five and it's almost five thirty, so, relatively soon, I'd imagine. She probably had to run home first to grab some things. You guys don't have to hang around until she gets here, though. I can manage on my own for just a little bit, I'll probably pass out from all these medications anyway."

Rick gave her a look. "Who says I don't want to stick around for some quality time with Lanie?" He asked. "I'm sure she's got countless stories to share."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "She'll never tell."

Rick shrugged his shoulders. "We'll see about that," he said before he disappeared out the door.

"Riiiick!" Kate called in exasperation. She could hear his slightly muffled reply from the other room, "We'll see about that," he practically sang.

He came back only a few minutes later. Kate's eyes were closed and he couldn't tell if she'd already fallen asleep.

"What is it now? Come to pester me some more?" She asked sarcastically, cracking one eye open as she sensed his presence.

"Pester you? Kate, I'd never," he said, pretending to be affronted.

He walked over towards the bed and sat on the edge of it.

Kate watched him carefully, feeling his shift in mood.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Uh, it's Alexis. She wants to come see you but she think she'll just be bothering you. I told her I didn't think you'd mind, so long as she let you rest, but... Something's up with her, Kate. She won't talk to me about it, but I know that something's wrong. She hasn't been sleeping through the night and she wakes up from nightmares crying for her mom. She hasn't done either of those things in years.."

Kate immediately felt the guilt wash over her. She couldn't help but feel responsible. "I'm sorry, Rick. I-"

"Don't be sorry," he said, cutting her off. "it's not your fault. I'm not telling you to make you feel guilty. I'm telling you because I'm worried about her and I just wanted you to be aware."

Her hand found his and he gave a small smile when he felt her squeeze it lightly. After a few moments, he said, "Your dad's challenged me to some card game. I'm gonna go see if I can't add another tally to my wins today."

Kate rolled her eyes. "You best be careful. My dad's got a knack for finding your weakness and using it to his advantage."

Rick nodded as he rose to his feet, "must be a Beckett thing."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" She called after him as he walked out of the room.

His head popped back into view and he gave her a knowing wink and disappeared again.

Kate sat for a few minutes, pondering what he could have meant before remembering what he'd come back in for in the first place.

"Alexis!" She yelled, waiting only a few seconds before a small figure appeared in the doorway.

She patted the space next to her as she said, "I could use some company."

Alexis stood for some time before she finally moved towards the bed. She slowly climbed up and settled on the edge of the bed.

Kate waved her closer. "You don't have to sit so far away, Lex."

Alexis scooted closer and Kate watched her with a frown. Alexis seemed uncomfortable and Kate was getting the impression she didn't really want to be there. Now that Kate gave it some thought, she realized this is how she'd been all day and even a bit the past few days. She ran hot and cold, alternating between needing to be near Kate and not even looking at her.

Kate held out a hand, laying it palm upwards in the space between them. Alexis set hers on top, but it lacked any feeling, any warmth. It was a gesture lacking conviction.

She watched her closely, but Alexis sat facing forward, only occasionally looking over at Kate and even then, only for a second.

"Alexis, what's wrong?" She finally asked, her voice quiet.

"Nothing."

"Something's wrong," Kate said. "Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"What is it then?"

Alexis shrugged a shoulder and met Kate's eyes.

Kate felt helpless. For the first time ever, Alexis was the one to take a giant, emotional step backwards.

"You're making me sad, Alexis. I want to help you, honey. Tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing's wrong," Alexis answered. Her eyes flickered in defiance and Kate reluctantly let her be.

Kate had been tired, but now she was feeling drowsy as a result of some of the pain killers. When sleep finally overtook her, Alexis crawled a little closer. Just close enough to see the rise and fall of Kate's chest, just close enough to see she was still breathing.

She crawled under the covers and laid down next to Kate. Alexis covered Kate's hand with both of hers. She felt confused and sad and angry with herself. She didn't understand why she was acting the way she was. It didn't make sense, even to her. She missed Kate and craved her warm affections and reassurances, but for some reason, she felt walled off. There was a barrier there, separating them, keeping Kate on the outside and locking Alexis in with too many overwhelming emotions.

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**A/N: there are several people who are anxious to move past the heavier stuff, which is understandable, but I am not willing to promise anything because in all honesty, I can't imagine something as traumatic as what they've experienced to be quickly dealt with and everyone moves along like all is fine and dandy. **

**I was/am one of those people that doesn't like when the heavy stuff is glossed over like it's nothing. So, please, bear with the dark and heavy for a bit, I think it'll ultimately add to the development of each character and their relationships with one another. I will do my best to add in some lighter moments so you all aren't overloaded with dark and twisty, but give it all a little time. **


	34. Chapter 34

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle **

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**twitter? mcgladiatorfic**

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Kate was pulled from sleep by the shaking of the bed. The room was dark but light filtered in from the hall. She could hear laughter and friendly conversation. Lanie was here, and so were the boys. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she looked down to make out Alexis' sleeping form. Her body shifted constantly, tossing and turning. Kate's heart constricted as she heard the small whimpers and cries for mommy.

She struggled to sit up before reaching out. Kate shook Alexis' shoulder gently and her eyes shot open and she bolted upright in the bed.

"It's okay, Alexis. You're okay. You're at my house, remember?" Kate asked, rubbing Alexis' arm up and down. "It was just a dream."

Alexis' small body heaved, her heart still racing. Gradually, her breathing slowed and she relaxed back into the bed. She didn't say anything to Kate, she only laid there quietly.

"I think Lanie and the boys are here. It sounds like they're having a pretty good time out there. Should we go see what they're up to?" Kate asked.

Alexis shook her head. Kate pulled back the covers and moved to stand up. She stopped when she felt the tiny hand close around her wrist.

"I'll come right back. Just gonna go check on things."

The hand on her wrist withdrew and Kate rose to her feet. She padded down the hallway and stopped just before the dining room. She didn't feel up to all the company, though she didn't mind they were all here. She did, however, want Rick and after a few minutes, managed to catch his eye.

He immediately understood she just wanted to talk to him so he excused himself from the lively table.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." He said with a smile.

Kate skipped over the banter, instead saying, "Alexis was having one of her nightmares. I think you should go in and check on her."

The smile dropped from his face and Rick grimaced. "God, I wish I knew how to help her."

"Me too," Kate murmured.

"Did she say anything to you earlier?"

"Nothing. It's like she's closed herself off from me."

Rick's stomach knotted. He didn't know what he should do.

He followed Kate into the room where he found Alexis sitting up. He walked to her side of the bed and sat on the edge.

"Hey, pumpkin. Did you have another bad dream?"

Her tiny head nodded and he reached out an arm to pull her closer. He rubbed her back, and Kate watched him comfort her and whisper things in her ear.

Kate felt a pang, wishing she'd been able to do what he was doing now.

Rick stood up with Alexis in his arms.

"We should probably head home."

Kate began to nod as Alexis' body stiffened in Rick's arms and she squirmed to be set down.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to."

Rick found her slipping from his arms as she wriggled wildly.

"Alexis, stop it." He commanded, shifting her body upwards and holding her firmly again.

She started to cry and her tiny hands pushed against his chest.

Kate looked on, stricken.

She wasn't sure what to do or what to say, how she could help. Rick finally seemed to give up fighting with his daughter and set her on the bed. He walked past Kate and she followed him into the hallway.

Kate started to pull the door closed, leaving it cracked and she stared up at Rick. They could hear Alexis' quiet crying through the door.

Rick raked his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know what to do. She's never been like this before. Not even her terrible twos were this bad."

Kate frowned. She had no words of advice to offer.

"I don't know what to say, Rick."

"I just want my happy, bubbly daughter back."

Kate stood quietly, waiting to see if he'd go on.

"I think I'll call Meredith again. Maybe she'll have an idea."

"You think?" Kate asked doubtfully. The thought of Meredith being the one to make it all better bothered her.

Rick shrugged. "I'm not sure what else to do. If Alexis is crying out for her in her dreams, maybe she needs her mom right now. As ridiculous as it seems.. I really just can't understand why though, Meredith's hardly been the comforting, attentive mom."

Kate's brow furrowed as she contemplated this. She almost felt like she was losing Alexis to Meredith and boy, did it bother her. She knew it shouldn't affect her like it was, after all, Meredith was the girl's mother.

"Well, what are you going to do for right now?"

"Probably let her cry herself out and take her home when she's passed out or too tired to put up a fuss."

Kate nodded, it was probably the best they could manage. "I'll go back in and see if I can help. Why don't you go back out there with everyone. Sounded like you guys were having a good time."

Rick cringed. "Were we too loud?"

Kate laughed. "Not at all, I just meant you should carry on. Sorry I had to put a damper on the mood."

"I'm just sorry Alexis is in such a bad place right now.."

Rick's concern for his daughter was one of the things Kate liked best about him. He always put her first.

"We can figure it out later, Rick. Right now you just go rack up those win tallies. I don't fraternize with losers, you know."

"It's a good thing I'm a winner then, isn't it?"

He smiled down at her before stealing a kiss. Just as the kiss deepened, he pulled away.

"Stop. Doing. That," Kate growled.

Rick only chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before turning his back, leaving her to stare after him.

When Kate entered the room, she found it was silent, Alexis was no longer crying.

She painstakingly climbed into the tall bed and settled back into her spot. Alexis lay in a ball, with her back to her. Kate couldn't tell if she was awake or sleeping. She smoothed the girl's hair gently.

"Alexis?"

There was a small sniffle in response, and Kate now knew she was awake.

"Feel like talking about it?"

"No."

"Alexis, we can't help you if you don't let us. I don't know what to do. Your father doesn't know what to do. He's gonna call your mom tomorrow."

Alexis surprised Kate by rolling over to face her.

"Why?"

"Because he's worried and he doesn't know what else to do, but you keep asking for your mom."

"No, I don't." Alexis replied, unable to remember ever having done so.

"In your sleep you do," Kate said softly, watching the confusion play out on Alexis' face. Kate couldn't blame her though, Alexis had a confusing relationship with her mom and it must be difficult for her to understand.

Alexis was quiet. The only person she ever called out for in her sleep was Kate. Her mother was never even in her dreams.

Xx

"Ow!" Kate cried as she smacked away her friend's hand. "Would you stop that, Lanie?"

"You think this is painful. Just wait until physical therapy, honey."

Kate scowled at Lanie as she prodded the incision and applied the ointment before rewrapping it with gauze.

"Now, I know you're not lookin at me with the evil eye, Kate Beckett. I could just make you do it yourself."

Kate pursed her lips and glared as she grumbled.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you." Lanie said with a sweet smile.

"I said, 'thank you, Lanie. You're the best. I'm so lucky to have you.'"

"That's much better." Lanie said as she gently pressed the end piece of gauze down on itself and smoothed out the bandage.

Kate pulled her shirt back down over her stomach and sat up in her unmade, untidy bed. Lanie wadded up the used gauze and the scraps of the wrappings and disappeared into the bathroom. When Lanie reappeared, she was putting in earrings, getting ready for work.

"You sure you can't call in sick today, Lane? Doesn't having a best friend nearly die count for anything these days? I'm going crazy sitting here by myself day after day."

Lanie rolled her eyes at Kate's melodramatic flair. "Wish it did, girl, I wish it did." She crossed the room and sat on the corner of the bed to put on her shoes.

"And don't be acting like you've been wasting away all by your lonesome for days and days. It's been two, Kate. Two days! I think you'll be okay. Besides, isn't Rick coming over today?"

Kate opened her mouth to reply as a knock sounded at the door.

Lanie's eyebrows rose. "Speak of the devil-"

She stood up and left to open the door, stopping to look back at her friend.

Kate felt Lanie give her the once over.

"You better do somethin about that bed-head.."

Kate's hands instantly moved to smooth down her hair. It was wild and unruly, the waves had tangled in some places and her fingers caught in the knots as she tried to brush through it. She gave up and reached over to her nightstand, feeling around for the hair tie she knew she'd seen there earlier.

Once she'd found it, she twisted her hair into a bun and combed her fingers through it to smooth out any funny loops or bumps. When she felt she had tackled the tangled mess that was her hair, she swung her legs from the bed and moved to join Rick and Lanie.

"Hi, Rick," she said brightly.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him good morning before wrapping her arms around him and giving him a hug.

Over his shoulder, Kate could see Lanie halfway out the door, giving her a smug grin.

"You kids behave now, you hear?"

Kate and Rick pulled apart.

_"Goodbye, _Lanie," they said in perfect unison.

Lanie scrunched her nose.

"It's so cute the way you two do that. See you after work, Kate. Castle, you take good care of my girl here."

Rick's arm around pulled her closer for a beat as he said, "I'll be sure to take great care of my girl."

His twinkling eyes met Lanie's as they narrowed. "She was my girl long before you came along."

"Guys-" Kate said as Rick retorted, "That was then, this is now."

Lanie scoffed. "I don't have time to argue with you. We can discuss all about how Kate is my girl _after_ I get home from work, Castle. Bye, Kate."

And she shut the door before Rick could say another word.

Rick couldn't let her have the last word, so he lunged forward and pulled the door open.

"Possession is nine-tenths the law, you know! Way I see it now, you're leaving her with me, therefore she is now mine!" He yelled down the hall as the elevator doors began closing.

He saw Lanie's head crane around the shutting doors and faintly heard her say, "_goodbye, Castle_."

Rick shut the door, a smug smile in place. He turned and found Kate's unimpressed expression, "always gotta have the last word, don't ya, Rick?"

"Well, you usually don't let me, so I gotta take what opportunities I get." He said with a crooked smile.

Kate did her best not to smile back but it broke free anyway.

"You're ridiculous, you know that, Rick?"

"Only for you, Kate, only for you."

Xx

They passed the morning playing card games and talking. When Kate's meds started wearing off and the dull pain returned, they migrated to the couch. Kate lay with her head pillowed on the arm rest and her legs stretching out over Rick's lap. They channel surfed for a bit before settling on some cheesy rom-com.

Rick sat, absentmindedly rubbing Kate's feet as he watched the movie. He didn't mind that it was cheesy or cliche, he just enjoyed how intimate it felt to do such a simple thing with Kate. She snickered, causing Rick to look over at her.

"What?" He asked, not seeing the humor.

"It's just funny is all. Romantic comedies are the same these days. And still unrealistic, I mean, come on! The way they met, the fact they've known each other for hardly any time at all and he's already proposing, not even a year later? It's silly, _I _think. I'd probably have a heart attack if-"

She winced at his tight expression. "Too soon?"

"Maybe just a little."

Rick doubted that nagging fear would ever disappear completely. Knowing her heart had already failed her twice ate away at him. He felt that at the slightest provocation, her heart would quit beating. Saying she was going to have a heart attack aloud felt like she was tempting the universe.

"Sorry," she said, wondering how to get back the light mood.

A few minutes passed in silence before Rick spoke up.

"I still fail to see your point though."

Kate glanced over at Rick, her eyebrows furrowing as she waited for him to continue.

"Who's to say it's any more or less unrealistic than other love stories, real and fictional? Isn't that kind of the beauty of it? No two love stories are ever the same. The elements, maybe, but not its entirety. Just look at us."

Kate shifted, no longer watching the movie. "What about us?"

"How we met. Our story. Two strangers who meet at a ski lift in another state. Mysterious-and beautiful- woman saves a man-who just so happens to be her favorite author-'s daughter. Part ways only to meet again on the slopes the following day, _in spite_ of the fact that there were hundreds and hundreds of people. Pretty slim odds, wouldn't you think? Part ways yet again, reunited in New York. The woman's crazy about the daughter, the man's crazy about the woman. Slowly but surely, the man wins the girl over with his ruggedly handsome looks, his wit and charm."

Rick gave her a smirk and his eyes danced while he continued.

"Crazy stalker/serial killer is thrown into the mix to add suspense and excitement, escalates the urgency of their coming together... C'mon, tell me if it weren't a movie, there wouldn't be people who are all skeptical and rag on our outlandish-but true- love story, like you're doing to this one now. Doesn't it sound like some crazy Hollywood rom-com plot line?"

Kate was silent as his words shaped a movie picture in her head. She was damned if she wasn't inclined to agree. Their story was...probably every bit as astronomically improbable as the one they were now watching.

"Well, when you put it that way...it does sound like it could be some romantic novel turned motion picture. It'd probably even be a blockbuster hit.."

A thoughtful expression came over Rick. "I feel the inspiration for another bestseller, I do believe."

"Mystery author turning to conquer the romance genre?" Kate said in mock wonder. "Poor Nicholas Sparks will feel so displaced, he doesn't stand a chance."

Rick narrowed his eyes at Kate as he tried to figure her out. "You know... I can't tell if you're being serious...or sarcastic..."

Kate said nothing but she turned back to watch the movie, smiling to herself.

"Sooo.." Rick said after a few minutes. "Just to be clear... It's too soon for me to propose?"

Kate's eyes shot to his and he held up his hands.

"Kidding! Kidding!"

Xx

The credits were rolling when Rick's phone rang. Kate's eyes blinked open and she yawned widely while she listened to Rick's end of the conversation.

"Hey, Meredith. How're you two doin?"

Rick looked at her and mouthed, 'Alexis.'

Kate nodded her head, continuing to listen.

"Whatever she wants to do..."

A hand came up and he rubbed his face tiredly and gave a heavy sigh.

"I don't know what else to try. I thought maybe you might manage to figure it out but-"

"No, Meredith that's not what I meant. I don't blame you for not being able to, she hasn't even told me."

Rick was silent for a few minutes and Kate strained to hear what Meredith was saying but she could make out nothing from the garbled voice. She stared at Rick questioningly but he frowned at Kate as he shook his head a little.

"Yeah, we might have to do that if something doesn't change in the next few days. I'll make some calls."

"Yeah, of course I'll let you know. And thanks, Meredith, for trying, I mean."

Kate frowned, it didn't sound like it had gone all that well.

Rick gently moved Kate's feet and stood up.

"Yeah, if she's ready to come home... No, I can just come pick her up. Where are you guys now? Okay, I should be fifteen minutes, maybe. Yeah, you too. I'll see you soon."

"So, didn't go well, I take it?" Kate asked.

Rick shook his head. "Meredith said she was fine all day yesterday and most of today but whenever she's tried to bring it up, Alexis just shuts down. She suggested maybe finding a counselor or a psychologist if we can't get it figured out soon."

Kate nodded her head thoughtfully, "that's not a bad idea."

"Yeah, I was just hoping to avoid that but I may not have a choice."

He checked the time on his phone. "Will you be okay for another half hour? Anything I can get you before I leave?"

"Actually, could I come with you?" Kate asked.

"You sure you feel up to it? You shouldn't push things, Kate.."

"Yeah, I'll just pop another painkiller or two and I should be alright for a while. Just let me change out of these pajama shorts real quick."

Rick helped her to her feet.

"I don't know.. I rather like the view."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do, but I think I'll change anyway." She said.

"Need any help changing?" He asked with a wolffish grin.

"I think I can manage," she said with a smile before she turned and headed towards her room, throwing a little extra sway in her step for good measure.

Xx

Kate's arm was looped through Rick's and she leaned into him a little as they entered the hotel. It'd been a much farther walk from the parking lot than she anticipated, and Kate wondered if she hadn't overestimated her body's limits.

They stepped into the elevator and Rick looked over her pale face in concern.

"You're sure you're alright?"

"You mean from the last time you asked which was five seconds ago? Yeah, I'm alright, Rick."

She sagged into him a little more with each passing floor. Meredith would be on one of the top floors, she thought crossly.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Kate let Rick pull her along at a relatively easy pace. When they reached the door, it was opened almost immediately and Meredith ushered them in.

"Kate," Meredith greeted with a courteous nod of her head. "I was sorry to hear about your accident. You seem to be making a speedy recovery, though."

Kate forced a smile as she thanked her out of politeness though she'd bristled slightly at the word "accident." Accident, she felt, implied falling down some stairs or crashing ones bicycle. But, being stabbed by a deranged psychopath? That was hardly an accident.

"So, where's Alexis?" Rick asked.

"In the other room," Meredith said as she began walking away, expecting them to follow.

They found Alexis sitting in an armchair, thumbing through what looked like a brand new book.

"Hey, pumpkin!" Rick greeted.

Alexis looked up as she closed the book.

"Hi, daddy!"

"Hey, Lex," Kate said with a smile.

"Hi," was all Alexis said before she looked away and focused on packing her things into her bag.

Kate stood with Meredith as they watched Rick help Alexis collect her various items and put them in her polka dotted backpack.

"Huh," Meredith tutted.

Kate gave her a sidelong glance as she asked, "what?"

"Last time I saw the both of you, she was hanging all over you. Now, she can't even be bothered to tell you hello."

Meredith's words were like a slap to the face. She couldn't tell if Meredith was merely making an innocent observation or if it wasn't a vindictive jab at her out of built up resentment.

Kate said nothing and she continued to watch Rick and Alexis, silently urging them to go faster. Meredith's words echoed in her head and nagged and nagged and nagged. She despised the way the doubt spread and the rate at which her insecurity multiplied. Finally, she couldn't remain silent any longer.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, her voice low but urgent.

Meredith glanced at her before looking back at Rick and Alexis. The expression on Kate's face must have taken her by surprise though, because she looked back at Kate, meeting her intense gaze.

"Nothing. I just wonder if this all hasn't maybe got something to do with you."

Kate's eyes flashed as she said, "what are you saying? That I'm the reason Alexis is acting out? The reason she's so up and down?"

Her voice rose a little with each question and Kate's heart raced in her chest as she continued to get worked up.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders and turned away from Kate.

"You said it, not me."

Kate looked away, realizing Rick and Alexis had finished and were now coming to join them. She watched as the smile on Meredith's face grew as Alexis neared and her fingers curled into fists at her sides at the sound of her saccharine voice.

"You promise you'll call mommy if you wanna talk?" She asked as she bent over and hugged Alexis to her.

Alexis shrugged her shoulders and she reached for Rick's hand and they all started drifting towards the door.

"Goodbye, Rick. Goodbye, Kate." Meredith said as they walked out the door. "I love you, Alexis. I promise I'll come visit again real soon, okay?"

Alexis nodded her head and gave a small smile. "Bye. Love you, too."

They rode the elevator down in silence. They walked to the parking lot in silence. They drove in silence.

The silence was broken by Rick while stopped at a red light.

"What's wrong, Kate?"

Kate continued to stare out the window. "Just really tired."

Rick reached a hand over the center console and found one of hers lying in her lap. "Is your stomach hurting? The painkillers aren't wearing off already, are they?" He asked, concern coloring hiss voice.

Kate finally looked at Rick, her eyes an entire shade darker than they'd been this morning. "Yeah, it's hurting a bit." She told him, though her stomach wasn't the source of pain.

This time, it was all in her head.


	35. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

As soon as they stepped inside, Kate made a beeline for her room, shutting and locking the door. Rick frowned as he watched the door close and turned to look down at his daughter who'd also been watching with no small amount of concern.

"I'm just gonna go check on her, pumpkin, and then we can go."

Alexis opened her mouth to say she wanted to stay, but Rick was already halfway down the hall. She trailed behind him, treading quietly.

Her dad knocked on the door. "Kate? Kate, c'mon, open up."

He said a few other things, but his voice was too quiet to hear. Alexis saw the door knob twist and the door opened just enough for him to step through before it closed again.

Alexis heard the murmur of their voices and inched closer as she strained to hear. Before she realized it, Alexis found herself with her ear to the door, her heart beating loudly in her ears, making it difficult to hear over her guilty conscience. She knew she shouldn't be here, listening. Her father had taught her better.

Even with that thought in mind, Alexis was unable to move, her body remained rooted to the spot. The voices were still difficult to make out, and each second that passed made her a little bolder. Alexis twisted the handle as slowly as she possibly could before she cracked the door ever so slightly.

She peeked through the crack and could just make out Kate, leaning against her bed and the back of her father standing just a few feet inside the doorway.

"You're not telling me something, Kate," her father said.

Kate's voice came out low and her agitation showed. "I _am_ telling you, you're just not listening. I overdid it today. I shouldn't have gone out. I'm tired, my body hurts and I'm cranky, okay?"

Alexis watched her father shake his head as he said, "that may be part of it, but there's something else, isn't there?"

"What else would there be?" Kate asked in exasperation.

The two were silent a moment before her father spoke again, seemingly reading her mind.

"What'd she say?"

"Who?" Kate asked, playing dumb.

"Meredith. She must have said something. What was it?"

Alexis' breath caught in her chest at the mention of her mother.

Kate groaned before she snapped at him.

"Why do you have to do that, Rick?"

"Do what?" He asked, confused.

"You just can't let things be, there's always gotta be something you've gotta dig a little deeper to find."

"Well, if it's bothering you then yes, of course I'm going to push until I figure out what it is. You didn't really answer my question, but I'm assuming by your heated response, I was at least somewhat, if not all, right."

Kate said nothing and Alexis watched them stare at each other. Kate looked different to her somehow. Her posture was slightly hunched and her eyes were dark. She looked upset.

"Are you going to tell me what she said?" He finally asked.

"Will you leave me alone then?"

"Mm," Rick said, pretending to think. "Probably not."

The corners of Kate's mouth twitched and she nearly smiled.

She gave a sigh before saying, "she thinks it's my fault Alexis is having all these problems."

"Did she say that?"

"Not in so many words, but, yeah.. It was implied."

"Kate," her father said with a little sigh. "I doubt she meant it like that-"

"Doubt she-" Kate began repeating, scoffing as she did so. "Really, Rick? Because it certainly sounded like she was placing the blame on me."

"Kate, stop. You're getting too worked up over this. Calm down," he said patiently. "No one is to blame for whatever Alexis is going through. I think it definitely has to do with your situation of having nearly died in front of her, yes, but to say that you're the one to blame is ridiculous."

Kate had stopped listening halfway through.

"'_My situation...' _So, you think it's my fault too."

Rick crossed the few feet separating them and took her by the shoulders.

"No one is saying that except for you, Kate."

He hugged her to him and Alexis saw the glassy look in Kate's eyes before they squeezed shut.

"Maybe you're being overly defensive because _you're _the one who's blaming you," Rick said before pulling away to look at her.

Kate was quiet as she looked away.

"How could I not?" She asked softly. "She'll hardly even look at me, Rick."

It was quiet for a few moments and then Kate continued, her voice even softer. "You know I'd claim her as my own, don't you? The love that I feel for that child... It's what I'd always imagined feeling for my own... Now...now it's like she doesn't want me. I'd have given anything not to have put her through what I did. Anything. You know that, right?"

"Oh, Kate," he said, hugging her again. "Alexis still loves you. I know she does. And she doesn't blame you. Stop beating yourself up for something you had no control over. Alexis just needs some time, and a little help maybe. She'll move past this."

Kate allowed herself the comfort of his hug and fell silent as she thought over his words. A few moments later, eyes closed and arms still looped around his waist, Kate finally said, "there is just one more thing I don't understand.."

Rick pulled back and looked at her, brow furrowed, ready to allay any other doubts Kate was having.

"And what's that?"

"How you can go from being childish and immature to..." She trailed off, unsure of the right words she wished to use.

"A wise, wise man who doles out better advice than a self help book? Yeah, I ask myself that every day."

Rick smiled when she laughed and the mood lightened considerably. This was yet another instance in which Rick proved to balance and ground Kate, allowing himself to be serious when the time called for it, but adding just that little bit of humor to shine light in the dark.

Alexis slunk away from the door, unable to listen anymore after her father had reassured Kate everything would work out. She felt sick.

She'd had no idea her behavior was affecting Kate as much as it was. Yeah, she'd thought she'd seen flickers of hurt expressions cross Kate's face lately, but they'd always been gone too quickly and replaced with a smile for her to ever really tell.

Alexis sank into the couch, the guilt and tumult wrapping snugly around her like a blanket. She wanted to fix things, wanted to explain herself. Or at least try to.

But, she couldn't.

She was stuck.

Still unable to decipher the emotions that warred within her.

Her father found her on the couch a few minutes later. He looked at her with something like disappointment, though that wasn't it. His eyes were sad, even when he gave her a smile.

"Ready to go, pumpkin?"

Her head felt heavy as she nodded.

She slipped from the couch, taking his hand.

"Should I say bye to Kate first?" She asked.

"No," he answered, giving his head a shake. "Kate's sleeping, we'll come see her tomorrow."

Alexis nodded her head again. Her father didn't know she knew Kate wasn't asleep, didn't know she'd heard everything, didn't know she was struggling to understand it all, the situation, how she felt, why she felt the way she did.

Her father didn't know much of anything these days, not when it came to her. But she resolved to try extra hard to be happy, try to be the good girl she'd always been.

Xx

Kate stared at the same spot on the wall she'd been staring at for the past hour. She wasn't sure she liked the color anymore. The thought of repainting her room flitted across her mind.

A soft grey, maybe. Or a blue-grey.

A warm earthy tone could be nice, too though..

Something that was subdued, she didn't want anything too bright or in your face.

Neutral. Neutral was always good.

Kate sighed and turned her head to the side. Who was she kidding? She hated painting. She hardly finished painting the first time.. And Lanie had done most it.

The fact that she was even entertaining the idea of getting paint swatches was sign enough that Kate had spent too much time in her room with nothing to do but think.

God, she was so tired. She felt like she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in days. And she hadn't, really.

The nights had been long and lonely. They were no longer a time of welcome solitude, but of paranoia and desolation. To Kate, the hours of the night were twice that of the day. Time reveled in its glacial pace, and the sun never wanted to rise.

Night would come and Kate was engulfed in all of which she held at bay in the light of day.

It hadn't started this way. The first few nights when she was home from the hospital, she'd slept through the night, undisturbed by night terrors or a tightness in her chest that kept her short of breath. Kate wasn't sure if it was because in those first few nights she'd been too exhausted or if it was because she'd lowered the amount of pain medication she took, or if maybe it was just because her mind was finally trying to deal with the reality of her trauma.

But, each time, the darkness would descend and Kate would resolutely settle in for her own personal hell. Of course she'd try to find things to do to pass the time. Reading, writing, those mindless games Rick had downloaded for her on her iPad. But none could hold her for very long. The silence in the apartment was deafening and would eat at her until she was unable to focus on anything other than the loudness of the silence.

Her headphones would eventually go in, the volume of her iPod louder than it probably needed to be. But again, the restlessness refused to be quieted and song after song would play, falling on deaf ears.

She could read, she could write, she could play games and listen to music, but she couldn't block out the emotions that threatened to overwhelm, or the fears that leered at her menacingly.

Kate sometimes thought of waking Lanie, thought maybe the night would feel less lonely in the company of a friend, but she never did. It wasn't that she didn't trust Lanie or didn't think she wouldn't help in whatever way she could.. but she just couldn't bring herself to twist open the knob and wake her friend and, for some incomprehensible reason, knowing that Lanie was there in the other room somehow made it worse, more unbearable. She didn't understand why knowing help lay sleeping just in the next room and her inability to ask for it made her feel even more alone, but it did.

Yes, Kate hated the night.

But the nights always came to an end and then the sun would rise, and she'd wait for the cycle to repeat. It was a cruel cycle she didn't see ending anytime soon.

Kate pulled back the covers and slid from the bed, grimacing at the painful twinge in her stomach. First thing in the morning, when she got out of bed was always the worst. Her body was stiff and most all the pain meds had worn off. She gently massaged her stomach, her fingers dancing across the tight skin with minimal pressure.

She looked at the clock on her nightstand to see it read 6:02am

Lanie was sure to be up.

She shuffled to the kitchen and sure enough, Lanie was there fiddling with the coffee machine.

She turned at the sound of Kate's shuffling, "Oh, morning, Kate. Didn't think you'd be up yet."

Kate smiled a little at the irony. She'd been up long before Lanie.

"Did you sleep well?" Lanie asked as she poured two mugs of steaming coffee.

"Could've been better," Kate said, taking the mug Lanie held out for her.

"Your stomach givin you problems? Maybe it was a bit too soon to lower some of those dosages, Kate. You know, the doctors prescribe them for a reason."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," Kate said softly as she stared down at her hands wrapped around the mug.

They shook slightly, but the heat of the mug felt good and Kate felt as though it was warming her through and through.

"What are you so serious thinking about so early in the morning?"

Kate looked up at Lanie who was busy going through the stacks of paperwork she'd brought home with her and organizing them to put in her bag.

Lanie stopped and looked up when Kate didn't answer.

Kate saw the concern in her eyes and she shook her head once, before telling her a half truth "Nothing much, just.. You know.. Starting physical therapy today. Guess I'm kind of nervous."

Lanie gave her a smile, "Girl, you'll be just fine. No need to be nervous. I just want you to keep in mind that these things are slow though, Kate. Don't be expecting results today."

"I know."

"No," Lanie said, "_I_ know _you!_ You're like this-" Lanie snapped her fingers one, two, three times as she said, "go, go, go, all the time. You're impatient and you want things to have happened _yesterday. _Physical therapy ain't like that, Kate, I just want you to remember that."

Kate rolled her eyes, raising the mug to her mouth.

She took a sip before saying, "Yeah, yeah, Lanie. Physical therapy, patience, time, got it. Now, no more lectures please, at least not until I have some drugs in my system."

Lanie laughed. "Fine, no more lectures," she agreed. "I'm gonna head in early this morning so I can get a head start on the day."

"You're still picking me up for my physical therapy appointment, right?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I'll be here at 1 to pick you up."

Lanie swung her bag over her shoulder and drained the last of her coffee.

"Call me if you need anything!"

"I will."

Lanie grabbed her keys off the table and was out the door, calling one last goodbye over her shoulder.

The door slammed a little on her way out and Kate took another sip of her coffee as the silence of the apartment descended and settled over everything like dust.

Xx

"Can we call grams?"

Rick looked up from the crossword he had been struggling through all morning to see his daughter smiling.

He set down the paper. "Sure, honey, I don't see why not. Do you just want to talk to her or should I see if she can come over?"

"Um, I wanna see her."

Rick dug the phone out of his pocket, "you wanna do it, or do you want me to?"

"I will," she said before snatching the phone and darting up the stairs.

His eyebrows drew together, one raising slightly more than the other. Ever since they'd left Kate's yesterday afternoon, she'd been different. It was as though someone had flicked a switch. There was a smile on her face and a skip in her step. He was skeptical of the radical change and had tiptoed on eggshells, anticipating an all new low after such a high high.

Alexis paced in her room as she held the phone to her ear and listened to it ring.

When her grandma finally answered, she said, "Grams!"

There was a warm laugh and then, "hey there, kiddo! How's my babycakes doing?"

Alexis grinned at the term of endearment. Only her grams..

"Good. Are you busy today?" She asked before continuing without waiting for the response. "Because I want you to come over. Because I need to... I wanna ask you something."

There was the slight static as Martha paused for a second. "About what?"

Alexis bit her lip. "Stuff."

"Ah, yes. Stuff." Martha said lightly. "Well, then.. I can be there in half an hour. Now, would you mind putting your dad on the phone for a second?"

Alexis raced down the stairs and dropped the phone in her father's hand.

"Grams wants to talk to you real quick."

And then she darted off again.

"Hello, mother dearest," he greeted distractedly as he tapped his pen on the table and agonized over 5 down, a seven letter word.

"Hello, darling," she returned. "So, who was it to make the breakthrough? You? Kate?" And after a short pause.."Meredith?"

"Are you talking about Alexis? She say anything to you?" He asked, sitting up straighter and pushing the paper away.

"No, but she told me she wanted to talk and it sounded like it wasn't just about a movie she'd just seen or a stuffed toy she wanted. So, who was it?" She asked again.

"I think it was her," he said in wonder, delighted by this promising change, "she... I don't know... It's like a switch has been flipped, mom."

"Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad she seems to be doing better. I'll be by in about thirty minutes. Love you, Richard."

"Love you, too," he said before she'd disconnected the call.

She showed up nearly an hour later, bearing donuts.

"Sorry I'm late, stopped to get some donuts on the way."

Rick took the box from her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks," he said as he opened the box to peek inside. "Ah! You even remembered to get my favorite!"

Martha smiled at his childish excitement.

"Now, where's my favorite granddaughter?"

Alexis appeared, giggling. "I'm your _only _granddaughter,"

"Still my favorite," Martha said with a wink.

The three ate their breakfast together, just like old times when Martha had lived with them.

"How's Kate doing?" Martha asked, right as Rick took a huge bite of his jelly filled donut.

He wiped the dribble of cherry flavored jelly from his chin before saying, "She's doing well. Even lightened up on some of the pain meds, which is good."

"Oh, that's so good to hear! How about in terms of how she's coping with it all? Any issues there?"

Rick's gaze flicked to his daughter who was listening. Martha caught his look and realized she needed to better filter which questions she asked.

"It's difficult to tell sometimes but I think she's handling it okay."

Martha shook her head as she said, "tough as nails, that girl is."

Rick smiled, "Yeah, she is pretty impressive, isn't she?"

Martha smirked at the dreamy lilt in his voice and resisted the urge to interrogate him on the status of their relationship. That was something for another time.

The conversation moved to lighter things, like what Martha had been up to these days, the plays, the actors' gossip, once they had strayed from the topic of Kate, they left it well enough alone.

It got to the point, after all the donuts had been eaten and the topics of conversation were exhausted, when Martha gave her son a few pointed looks.

He finally caught the message and scooted his chair back.

"I should go check my email, get caught up on some work stuff. I've gotten pretty far behind with all that's happened.."

"Sounds like a good idea, Richard," Martha said as she turned to look at Alexis. "I'm sure the two of us can manage without you for a bit."

Rick disappeared into his study, shutting the door a little louder than necessary, just to emphasize the fact the two were now alone. He resisted the urge to sneak back out and listen in. He trusted his mother to handle it.

"So, what is it, my girl?"

Alexis looked at her grandmother, her heart jackhammering in her chest. The words she wanted to say, the words she _knew _were there, got stuck in the back of her throat, thick and sticky like molasses.

Martha was patient and didn't press, but she guided the conversation where she felt Alexis needed it to go.

"It's been a crazy couple of weeks, hasn't it, Alexis?"

Alexis nodded her head as she felt her chest loosen, relieved her grandmother was taking the lead.

"It's probably been pretty scary for you, I imagine. We were all pretty scared." Martha admitted.

"How come no one told me?" Alexis asked, her voice quiet.

"Told you what?"

"That Kate was in the hospital. Daddy lied. He told me she was just on a trip."

"He didn't want to scare you or make you worry, honey. That's what parents do. He was just trying to protect you."

Alexis nodded her head, allowing it to sink in.

"I was really scared," she found herself whispering.

Martha's mouth was pulled downwards into a frown. It made her heart ache to hear her granddaughter talk like this, but the fact that she was now working through it was something.

"Are you still scared?" She asked, her eyes searching Alexis'.

Alexis nodded her head yes.

"Why?"

"I don't want Kate to die."

"She's not going to die, Alexis. She's home, recovering. We're past that now, okay?"

Alexis nodded her head again, but said nothing. Just because they were past that, didn't mean she wasn't frightened or that she didn't worry about it happening again sometime in the future.

Martha allowed the silence to fall over them for a few minutes, waiting to see if Alexis said anything else. When she didn't, Martha nudged the reluctant conversation onwards.

"Have you talked to Kate about any of this?"

Alexis shook her head glumly, looking down at her hands in her lap, her feet swinging beneath her.

"Maybe you should," Martha said gently.

She knew Kate was most likely the best person for Alexis to have this conversation with, as no one but she could adamantly reinforce the fact that she was well and truly okay.

"I can't."

"And why's that?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders. How could she put into words what she didn't understand?

"Have you tried?" Martha asked.

Alexis shook her head no.

"Well, how do you know if you haven't tried?"

"I _can't_," Alexis said again, emphasizing the word more forcefully.

"You know, there's a saying I used to tell your father, growing up. Let me see if I can remember it..'whether you say you can or you can't, you are always right.'"

Martha looked at her granddaughter who scrunched her nose and furrowed her eyebrows.

"I don't get it."

"Alexis, darling, you can do anything you set your mind to- anything at all. Tell yourself you can do something, and you can. Tell yourself you can't do something, and you can't. It's all in the power of your mind," she said as she tapped her head.

Alexis gave a big sigh and placed her head on the table, covering it with her arms. Her grandmother wasn't getting it. The frustration was building and Alexis could feel herself shutting down.

"You don't get it," she mumbled from under her arms.

"Then explain it to me." Martha said patiently.

"I don't know how."

Martha could hear the edge in her voice and she felt like she was floundering. Alexis was making about as much sense as some of her senile friends did these days.

She took a breath and started again.

"So, you haven't talked to Kate yet. Why? Because you don't want to talk to her?"

Alexis picked her head up from the table and looked at her grandma.

"No," she said, shaking her head once.

"Because you're scared to talk to her?"

Alexis hesitated, then shook her head. No, that wasn't it either.

"Because you're mad at her?" Martha guessed again.

Alexis' brows knitted together and she frowned as she thought.

"I'm not mad at her.. But, sometimes I do feel really angry."

"Okay, good. Anger." Martha said as she nodded her head. Finally, somewhere to start. "When do you feel angry? What makes you angry?"

Alexis frowned, trying to pinpoint when the anger came.

"I dunno, grams. I'm just angry sometimes. But other times..." She trailed off, concentrating on naming all the emotions that overwhelmed her.

"Other times I'm really sad. And, and.. I just feel really confused. And then I guess that makes me angry again. I don't- ugh," Alexis put her head on the table.

The fact that she couldn't articulate how she felt made this conversation painful and frustrating.

"So, you get upset because you're confused. That's understandable, sweetheart. It's hard to deal with emotions that don't make sense, isn't it?"

Alexis nodded her head as she thought of how quickly the emotions came and went, and how, like the sea, changed from calm to ill with no warning.

"Do you feel like this all the time? Or only sometimes?"

"Only sometimes."

"When?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders.

"When you're home? When you're alone? When you think about what happened to Kate? When you're with Kate? When?"

"Yeah."

Martha smiled a little before saying, "yeah to which one?"

"When I'm with Kate."

"Honey, you really ought to tell her all this. She'll want to know you're feeling this way."

"I don't know what to tell her," Alexis mumbled.

"Tell her everything you just told me! Alexis, sweetheart, Kate loves you very much. You do know that, right?"

Alexis nodded her head. Kate's words came drifting back to her. _'You know I'd claim her as my own, don't you? The love that I feel for that child... It's what I'd always imagined feeling for my own.'_

She knew Kate loved her.

"So, you'll talk to Kate?" Martha asked, lifting her eyebrows a little as she did.

"I'll try," Alexis said.

Martha stood up and kissed her granddaughter on the forehead.

"Good girl. Thank you, Alexis, for talking to me. The next time you feel like this, you talk to someone-it can be me but it doesn't have to be. It can be your father or Kate-whoever! You don't need to struggle on your own when you've got so many people who love you, okay?"

Alexis hugged her grandma tightly.

When Martha pulled away, she gave Alexis' hand a squeeze before saying, "Now..I've gotta go find that father of yours.."

"Are you going to tell him what I told you?" Alexis asked.

"Do you want me to?"

Her head shook no.

"Then I won't," Martha said easily.

She kissed her again on the forehead before turning to head for Rick's study.

She knocked once and entered the room to find Rick leaning back in his chair, tossing a ball up in the air and catching it. Her presence distracted him and the ball hit the corner of the table and bounced across the floor.

"Glad to see you really took advantage of your time," Martha said with a bemused expression.

"I got stuff done!" He said defensively. "Sorta..."

"Yeah, I'm sure.."

"Well, how'd it go? What did she say? Do you think that she's moving past it or-"

Martha held up a staying hand. "Before you bombard me with questions, let me just say that I've been asked to keep what was said between us."

Rick frowned. His daughter never kept things from him.

"Well, what _can _you tell me then?"

"I can tell you that you've got a precocious, wise beyond her years child, Richard. She's what? 5? 6 in a month?"

"20 days, actually.." Rick said, doing the math in his head.

"You meet another five-almost six year old- with the same emotional level as Alexis? I wanna hear about it." Martha shook her head a little, thinking of her granddaughter and how special she really was.

Rick smiled at the pride in his mother's voice. "I sure lucked out, didn't I?"

"Don't sell yourself short, kiddo. It's not all about luck. You raised her, didn't you? You've got a hand in it, too. Pfft. Luck," Martha tutted, waving a hand.

"Is there anything else you can tell me other than how great my daughter is-which I already knew, by the way."

"Right, right," Martha said, reminded again of the point. "She's struggling, Rick. With some pretty big things. I think it was a huge step in the right direction today, for her to have even _want _to open up. But, I don't think this is one of those things that will be fixed overnight. I'd still look into a counselor."

She paused when she saw her son's face.

"I'm no psychologist, Richard. I'm just grandma. I can listen and give advice, but at the end of the day, there's probably someone better qualified for that job."

Rick closed his eyes and rubbed them tiredly with one hand.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, mother. I'll see about scheduling an appointment with the counselor sometime this week."

"You've already found one?" Martha asked in surprise.

"Yeah, friend of a friend recommended him. Dr. Burke... Supposed to be pretty good.."

"Let me know how it goes, will you?" She asked as she reached for the door.

"Yeah, of course, mother," Rick said, standing up to properly see her out.

The two walked out and Martha found her granddaughter in the living room.

"Alexis, dear-"

Alexis looked up from the book in her lap.

"Yeah, grams?"

"Remember what we talked about, okay? Whether you say you can or you can't.."

"You're always right," Alexis finished.

Martha snapped her fingers, "that's absolutely right, my darling girl."

She leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Call whenever you need me."

And then Martha was off, leaving Rick and Alexis staring at each other.

"So..." Rick said.

Alexis watching him carefully, waiting for the questions.

Instead, a goofy grin settled on her father's face. "Laser tag?"

Alexis leapt of the couch, grinning. As she ran past Rick, she shoved him playfully, calling over her shoulder, "dibs on blue!"

* * *

**A/N: they're getting there, guys...slowly but surely.. **

**if you wouldn't mind taking the time to review, that'd be great. I don't tend to get feedback on stuff like how slow/fast the story is paced or if the dialogue is fluid or feels forced or if the dynamics between characters- Lainie/Kate, Rick/Kate, Kate/Alexis, etc- is alright, if the plot hasn't gotten too "eh," if people are liking (the few) lighter moments... Things like that are really helpful to know as the writer and I would very much appreciate it!**


	36. Chapter 36

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Kate pulled the earphones out and wrapped them around her iPod when she saw Lanie pull into the parking lot. She lugged her sore body from the chair and pushed the door open, her body protesting at even the minimal effort.

"Have a good day!"

"You too," Kate returned to the friendly receptionist.

She climbed into the car and sunk into the seat.

"Thanks for picking me up, Lanie."

"You're welcome.. I'm sorry for being a bit late, there was an accident a couple streets back, held everything up. Hope you weren't waiting long."

Kate shook her head. "Five minutes, maybe."

"So," Lanie said, glancing at Kate for a second before pulling into traffic. "How'd it go?"

Kate stared ahead at the heavy traffic, red tail lights beaming for a long stretch.

"Fine."

"You like your therapist?"

"He was okay."

"Was he cute?"

"_Lanie," _Kate said as she gave her friend a look.

Lanie smiled back at Kate innocently, "what? Just cause you and Writer Boy are...together? Kinda together? Doesn't mean you're not suddenly impervious to the good looks of other men."

She paused.

"Are you?"

Kate laughed and Lanie smiled. She'd sensed Kate's foul mood the second she'd stalked out of the PT office. Lanie had been somewhat prepared for one of Kate's moods following her first session and made it her personal goal to see how long it took to lighten her up.

"Well?" Lanie prompted.

"He was pretty cute," Kate admitted. "Want me to set you two up? I think he's single.."

Kate actually knew for a fact he was- he'd made it a point at several times to tell her so..

"Eh, don't think Javi would like that too much, especially now that we're back together," Lanie said casually.

"Well, why'd you bother to ask?"

Lanie shrugged her shoulders. "I've always heard physical therapists are attractive..Was curious to know whether or not the stereotype holds true."

"I've always heard medical examiners are creepy and have no friends," Kate said straight faced as she looked out the window. "Think maybe there's some truth in every stereotype.."

"Why, Katharine Beckett! Did you just make a joke?"

Kate rolled her eyes and went back to staring out the window and found herself thinking she might just be tired enough to actually fall asleep.

The session had gone well- as well as any first physical therapy session could be expected to go, she supposed. The main portion had been spent assessing where Kate was and then coming up with a rehab plan. Kate had made it clear that she was hoping for an accelerated pace, as fast as was possible. The physical therapist had been only mildly impressed by this as it was the same thing most patients came in saying until the real work actually began.

He quickly realized Kate differed from most others in that where most faltered and eased up at the first sign of difficulty, Kate rose to the challenge. The more demanding and intense, the harder she worked. That wasn't to say she didn't find the few exercises they'd done today challenging or that she hadn't wanted to ease the workload. It was more on account of the fact that she was too stubborn to admit to those things.

Now her entire body ached. She was annoyed by how quickly her body had tired and how weak she had become in just a week's time and even though everyone had reminded her time and time again that this would be a slow, arduous process, Kate couldn't help the irritation she felt at the end of today's session.

She felt exactly the same as when she'd walked through the clinic's doors a couple hours previous, just less hopeful and a whole lot bitchier.

Kate's moody train of thought was interrupted when her phone rang.

She glanced down at the center console to see a picture of Rick and Alexis flashing across the screen. Kate reached for the phone and silenced the ringer before returning to gazing out the window.

"You aren't gonna get that?"

"No."

Lanie frowned. Leave the girl alone for five minutes and she sinks back into her grumpy mood.

"Why are you so determined to be in a bad mood, Kate?"

Kate looked over at this.

"I'm not in a bad mood, Lanie."

"Tell that to your face. You been scowlin' for the past five minutes. C'mon, Kate. I told you not to get your hopes up about physical therapy."

"It is not about physical therapy," Kate snapped.

"Then what is it?"

"Ugh," Kate groaned, throwing a hand up in the air as if to say, 'here we go again.'

"What is with everyone? You, Rick, my dad, the freaking physical therapist. All wanting to pick apart my moods, dissect how I'm feeling."

"Is that why you're avoiding talking to him? At least pick up and let him know you're okay, he's going to worry you hurt yourself while I've left you alone or something." Lanie said as the phone rang again and Kate promptly silenced it.

"I'll call him back later."

"Kate-"

"Lanie, I'm sore, I've got a headache, I'm exhausted, and I haven't eaten since this morning. I will call him back when I don't feel like biting off someone's head for the sheer thrill of it."

Lanie couldn't help it. She laughed out loud.

Kate glared at her. "It's not funny."

"I never said it was," Lanie said, the laughter subsiding, leaving a hint of a smile in its wake.

"You're amused by my state of distress," Kate said, her voice tinged with disbelief.

Lanie shook her head a little. "No, not at all."

"Well, then what?" Kate growled.

"Kate Beckett can handle being roughed up by low lives. A little headache? Sure, no problem. Some pain? She can manage. Running on little sleep? Eh, okay. But, throw some hunger pains into the mix and all hell breaks loose."

Kate pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. "Not true."

"_So _true."

"Okay, so I get a little moody when I'm hungry," Kate relented with a shrug.

Lanie raised her eyebrows. "A little?"

Kate pointed to the light coming up and said, "Turn off here. There's a little cafe we can stop at so you can quit bitchin' about my hunger issues. Traffic's horrible anyway."

Lanie smiled at Kate's teasing tone, once again pleased to have coaxed Kate from her bad mood. She flipped on her turn signal and crossed over two lanes of traffic and turned at the light.

"Let's hope it doesn't take too long to find parking," she said, "don't want you turning on me and biting _my _head off."

Kate shook her head.

"Sometimes, Lanie, I just don't know what to do with you."

"No, you don't know what you would do _without _me."

Xx

A couple hours later, after Kate had gotten some food in her belly, taken some meds and showered, she called Rick back.

"Kate!"

The warmth in his voice made her smile.

"Hey, sorry I missed your calls earlier, I was-"

"Feeling sorry for myself and taking it out on my friend." Lanie shouted from the kitchen, loud enough to be heard on the other end of the line.

Rick laughed, "was that..."

"Lanie?" Kate asked. "Yeah."

"What I was _going _to say was that I was just leaving physical therapy."

"Yeah, I realized after that that's where you probably were.. How'd that go, by the way?"

"Fine," she immediately responded.

"Meaning it didn't go all that well?"

Kate was quiet for a few seconds.

"It was just frustrating is all. It's not that I thought I'd be instantly better or anything, I just thought.." She trailed off, not sure exactly what she thought.

"That you'd feel more accomplished?" He offered.

"Yeah, something like that. It's gonna be a hellish recovery. I wish I could just skip over it."

"It'll be over before you know it," he said confidently.

She picked at a loose thread on one of the throw pillows as she murmured, "hope so."

"_Know _so."

Kate envied his steadfast optimism while simultaneously feeling grateful that while she may not possess such a trait, she had someone there to remind her anyway. There were a few seconds of silence before Rick said, "well, aside from that, how are things?"

"Good, everything's good." She pushed the pillow away from her so that she couldn't pick at the thread.

"What about with you guys? How's Alexis doing?"

"Actually, that's what I was calling about earlier. Think we can stop by for a bit and I can tell you about it, or are you pretty wiped out from physical therapy?"

"You guys are more than welcome to come over. Lanie and I aren't doing much, just hanging out."

"Well, then...we shall see you soon!"

When the call was disconnected Kate tossed her phone to the side and leaned back, closing her eyes. She almost felt like she could fall asleep.

"Is Rick coming over?" Lanie shouted again.

Kate sighed and got up from the couch and walked in the kitchen, preferring not to yell an entire conversation.

Lanie started to yell, "Ka-"

"Lanie, I'm right here-"

Lanie turned from the stove, "oh, sorry, didn't realize you were standin right there. Is he?" She asked again, turning back to stir something on the stove.

"Yeah, he and Alexis will be here in maybe 20 minutes."

"Perfect, because I cooked too much for just us two to eat."

"I'm still stuffed from the cafe earlier, I'm not sure I will even have room for dinner."

"Katharine Beckett, I cooked this damn dinner and you're going to eat it and you're going to like it," Lanie said, waving a sauce covered spoon in her direction.

"Okay, okay," Kate said as she held up her hands in mock defense..

She watched Lanie cook for a few minutes before retreating back to the sofa to rest until Rick and Alexis came. Her eyelids became increasingly heavy and Kate nodded off.

She awoke to the feel of a tiny finger prodding her shoulder as a voice whispered her name. Her eyes blinked open.

"Hey, Alexis," she croaked, her voice rough from sleeping.

"Dinner's ready," Alexis informed her before retreating back to the kitchen.

Kate joined the three at the already set table, sitting down across from Rick and next to Lanie.

"How long was I out?" She asked, spooning some mashed potatoes on her plate and then handing it off.

"About an hour," Lanie said.

"And how long have you guys been here?" She asked Rick.

"A little less than that," he said with a shrug. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Why didn't you guys wake me when you got here?" Kate asked, completely ignoring his question.

"Lanie said we couldn't on the threat of bodily harm.."

Kate rolled her eyes and reached for the veggies. "Oh, she's all bark and no bite."

"Oh, she is?" Rick asked, looking towards Lanie with a smile. "That's good to know."

"Try me, Castle, I dare you. You'll find out my bite is much nastier than my bark."

"Why is it that I feel as though you are always threatening me? Can't we team up instead? Be friends?"

"I can if you can."

Rick grinned.

"Done."

The bickering stopped, and dinner was spent in easy conversation, cycling through each of their days. When they'd all finished, Kate volunteered to do dishes, arguing that Lanie had cooked which meant she was on dish duty.

She wasn't halfway through the first plate when Rick materialized at her side, dish towel in hand. No words were spoken as she handed the plate off to him to be dried. It was a comfortable, easy silence that surrounded them and neither felt inclined to break it. The simple domestic chore felt habitual, like it was something they did together after every meal.

When the stack of clean dishes outnumbered the dirty, Kate spoke up.

"So, no change with Alexis?"

To Kate, there didn't appear to be a difference. For most of the meal, Alexis had been silent, only occasionally interjecting something into the conversation. If there was a change, Kate couldn't tell.

"Well, there was-is," Rick amended, unsure of which verb tense was most accurate.

"Ever since yesterday when we left here, she was smiling and more upbeat. More like the Alexis we know. And then this morning, she asked to call my mom and she came over and Alexis opened up and told her a little of what was going on.."

Kate's hands froze on a pot soaking in dirty water.

"What did she say?"

"I don't have the slightest idea. She made my mom promise not to say anything. My mom just said that it was a definite step forward but she thought Alexis was struggling with things that my mom didn't feel like she could handle and she recommended counseling still."

Kate resumed scrubbing the pot, silent as she thought. She rinsed it and handed it off to Rick before grabbing the last pan.

"Well, that's good at least. I'm glad she's finally talked to someone."

"Me too. I just hope she doesn't get freaked out with the counseling thing. I'm not sure how she'll handle that." Rick admitted as he placed the dry pot on the counter.

"She'll be fine, Rick. It'll be good for her."

Kate reached in and pulled the plug, draining the dirty water.

"You guys gonna stick around for a bit or head off?"

"Eat and run?" Rick asked, "that'd just be rude. Nah, I think we'll stick around a bit, if that's alright."

"Yeah, sure, as long as you don't mind me passing out soon- I can't believe how tired I am."

Rick followed her out of the kitchen and they wandered into the living room where they found Lanie and Alexis.

"We were just debating which movie to watch.. Princess Bride sound good to everyone?" Lanie asked.

"Sounds good to me," Kate said with a smile. It was one of her favorites.

Not even half an hour in and Kate felt herself nodding off. Rather than crashing where she was, she stood from the couch and wished everyone goodnight.

"I'm sorry, guys, I can't. I'm gonna pass out."

She bent over and kissed Rick quickly on the lips before turning to Lanie and Alexis, both of whom were too engrossed in the movie to pay much attention.

"Night, Lanie. Night, Alexis."

"Night," they automatically responded, eyes barely leaving the screen.

She looked a Rick again, "Call me tomorrow."

"As you wish," he responded with a courteous nod of his head.

Finding his boyish charm irresistible, Kate leaned in and kissed him one last time before retreating to her room. In the bathroom, Kate tiredly went through her nightly routine. By the time she was pulling back her covers, she was nearly sleeping on her feet. Her last thought before falling asleep was one of relief. She was finally going to get some sleep.

Xx

Kate's eyes flew open as panic squeezed her heart. Her heartbeat raced, hammering loudly in her chest. She sunk back into the pillows as the vestiges of the night terror passed. She may have felt tired enough to sleep for days when she'd first fallen asleep, but she was wide awake now.

Kate sighed as she read the clock. 1:42am

Yep, it was going to be another sleepless night.

She rolled to her side, adjusting so she was more comfortable. She squinted in the dark, thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her. There was a faint outline of a body next to her. She reached out expecting her hand to feel nothing but air and for it to have been a trick of light. Her hand was firmly met and the little body stirred.

"Alexis?" Kate whispered.

The body stirred again but said nothing, rolling over under the heavy comforter.

Kate slipped from the bed and padded quietly out of the room. As she was walking through the hallway, she caught her pinky toe on a corner.

Fire erupted from the little appendage and Kate squeezed her eyes shut as she spat out obscenities, hopping on one foot. Once most of the pain had faded and it only throbbed, Kate continued on, wary of any more corners or furniture looking to wage war on her toes.

In the living room, Kate found Rick passed out on the couch, snoring lightly. A smile crept across her face and she watched him sleep until it felt slightly creepy. She fetched a throw blanket from off the sitting chair and draped it over him. The muscles in his face twitched and Kate thought he might wake up but the moment passed and his features relaxed again.

Figuring they too crashed during the movie, Kate wandered back to her room, closing the door behind her. Not wanting to wake Alexis, Kate forewent turning on any lights. She climbed back between the covers and felt the familiar embrace of lonely silence.

Outside, every so often there was the sound of a car alarm blaring or the metal crash of bins being knocked over, most likely by the alley cat that Kate saw every now and again.

Her stream of thoughts ebbed and flowed and Kate teetered between thinking too much and hardly thinking at all. At moments she worried herself with existentialist thoughts and others what she needed to buy at the grocery store. Thus was the way her mind had learn to work on nights like these. She let it wander where it would, all the while hoping for a better way to pass the time.

It had only been about twenty minutes when Kate was disturbed by the involuntary jerks of the small body next to hers. Kate waited to see if the restless tosses and turns would pass, but they didn't.

Her soft voice cut through the silent room, sounding decibels louder than it actually was. She called her name, repeating it every few seconds, a little louder, a little firmer. It took a forceful shaking of the girl's shoulder before she was freed from the unseen monsters of her dreams. The whites of her eyes shone brightly in the dark room, glassy with tears.

Kate expected her to cry, like she'd been so prone to do as of late but instead, there was just the sound of her shaky breathing, steadily evening out as she managed the intense emotions the dream had incited.

Kate said nothing. She refrained from reaching out or whispering words of comfort. Whereas maybe only a week ago she'd have known exactly how to deal with this, she was now confronted by doubt. She no longer trusted she knew Alexis well enough to know what she needed in this moment. The walls she'd so carefully put between them since Kate's attack had made her into a stranger who didn't appear to want the help she tried to offer. Kate was stuck in a holding pattern of sorts, caught between forcing her way in and giving Alexis the time and space to work through it without her.

The room grew quiet again as Alexis' breathing evened out completely. Entire minutes passed and Kate was sure Alexis had fallen back asleep. Then she felt the mattress dip a little as Alexis moved closer and then the feel of her small hand as it found hers.

"I had a bad dream."

Kate squeezed the hand in hers as she slowly rolled on her side, cautiously testing out how painful it was for her stomach. There was nothing but a tight, pulling feeling that wasn't all together too uncomfortable. She found the position that offered the least amount of discomfort before focusing fully on the wide eyes focused on her.

"You did?" Kate asked softly, waiting to take her cues from Alexis.

Until she was confident Alexis wanted her to do otherwise, she would allow the girl to do most of the talking.

There was nothing for a moment and then there was movement as Alexis nodded her head.

"I'm sorry." Kate whispered sincerely. She paused for several seconds and then tentatively asked, "do you want to tell me about it? It might help."

There was silence and full minutes ticked past and then, "I miss you, Kate."

Confused and feeling like she missed something, Kate responded, "In your dream? You missed me? Was I gone again?" She asked, thinking back to the night at the loft when Alexis had crawled in her bed because of a dream in which she'd been unable to find her.

"No, now," she answered, only adding to Kate's confusion.

Kate's mouth open and closed as she tried to catch up. She gave a little cough, clearing her throat.

"But I'm right here. How can you miss me?"

Alexis wished she knew. Maybe if she was older, more self aware or capable of putting how she felt into words, she may have been able to explain it was because she'd felt cut off from Kate emotionally, that she was missing the comfort she usually felt, the closeness, the security. If she were older, more aware, more capable, perhaps she would have realized she'd done that on her own. Closing herself off had been her own doing and she was responsible for feeling disconnected from Kate. But, she wasn't any of those things. She wasn't older. She wasn't any more self aware than a five-almost six-year old could possibly be, nor was she any more capable of putting how she felt into words. Alexis only knew that she missed Kate, regardless of whether it made sense or not.

Having no answer to give, Alexis remained silent. Kate's heart dropped in disappointment when she felt the small hand in hers pull away. For a moment, she'd felt hopeful Alexis' walls were coming down and she would be let back in but she already felt her slipping from her reach.

Alexis could hear her grandmother's words echoing in her head telling her to open up but once again, the words that she so badly wanted to say, stubbornly remained unspoken. Finally giving up on words, Alexis withdrew her hand from Kate's warm hold. She lay still for several minutes, deliberating with herself. Do it, don't. Yes, no. Alexis turned so she wasn't facing Kate and inched backwards just a little and waited to be met in the middle.

The bed shifted as Alexis rolled to her other side and Kate felt the tiny body inch closer until she was sure she was just within reach. Without giving much thought, Kate wrapped an arm around and tugged her towards her, feeling Alexis release a great sigh. In spite of the dull pain of her stomach, Kate held her tightly, relishing the first real connection she'd felt to her little one since before Josh.

Xx

Rick awoke with a start, his unfamiliar surroundings temporarily adding to the disorientation. A blanket that had not been there when he'd fallen asleep now lay tangled around his legs. He tugged the blanket free and swung his legs off the couch, sitting up. He tiredly rubbed a hand over his face and back up to muss his hair.

His eyes glanced around the dimly lit room as his mind slowed its race. It was always a struggle to shake off the nightmares, even when he'd woken up. They had a tendency to stay with him for a while, mercilessly taunting him. He thought being here, knowing Kate was only in the other room might make it easier, but in fact it made it harder.

As he looked around the living room, he imagined the night she had told him they were over, to leave. His stomach rolled as he pictured Kate's body pinned beneath Josh's. The wood a few feet away looked a few shades darker. Was it because of her blood? Or the shadow casted by a piece of furniture?

Rick dragged his eyes away from the spot. It was funny how the past few days he'd spent here, he'd never given it much thought, never had to focus so hard on blocking out images of that night. But here he was, unable to think of anything else.

He suddenly felt overwhelmingly weary. It wasn't just tiredness from lack of sleep. It was more than that. He wondered if every night of the rest of his life would be like this. Terrorized by dreams, paralyzed by worry.

He sighed as he stood up. He needed to get up, to move, to do something. The apartment was silent save for his footsteps upon the hardwood floors. He paused outside Kate's door, his hand hovering over the handle. The metal was cool to the touch as his fingers curled around it and slowly turned it, pushing it open.

Rick was surprised when he saw her head lift from the pillow and heard her voice.

"Rick?"

He cleared his dry throat before saying, "didn't mean to wake you, I was just checking on you two."

Satisfied she was okay, he started to pull the door closed.

"Rick-"

The door stopped just before shutting completely and it was pushed open again as Rick stuck his head in.

Kate didn't say another word but she pulled back the covers.

"Plenty of room," she enticed, the whites of her teeth flashing in the dark as she smiled.

"That's okay, the couch is surprisingly comfortable," Rick found himself saying even though he longed to slip under the covers and hold her close.

"Never thought I'd actually have to beg to get you into bed with me."

"Is this you begging? Because if so, it needs some serious work," he joked, opening the door a little wider and stepping just inside.

Kate felt the laughter bubble within her and just like that, she was warm and at peace. The night was no longer lonely or empty. The night was just night.

"I won't ask twice," she warned.

"Nah," Rick said as he gave a little shake of his head. "Too proud for that."

Kate pulled the covers back even further, keeping her eyes on his the entire time.

Rick didn't know why he bothered to fight it in the first place. Why fight against what's pulling you towards what you want most? The sheets were warm as he slid between them. The mattress dipped under his weight and Kate's body naturally shifted closer. Her body curled into his and they fit perfectly. Her hair splayed across the pillow and he nestled even closer, inhaling deeply.

"Mm.. Smells like cherries," he murmured, causing Kate to smile.

She reached for his hand and pulled it around so it reached over Alexis and placed her hand on top of his, her fingers curling between his. Kate felt his broad chest expand against her back and his soft exhalations were warm against her ear. They were soft, steady, constant. She was lulled by the comfort of his presence.

Kate reached for the words she'd been carrying within her, finding them where they'd waited patiently to be shared once more.

"I love you, Rick," she whispered, uttering the words for the first time since that night.

She was met only by sound of Rick's even breathing. He'd already fallen asleep.

Kate closed her own eyes and felt an inner peace wash over her and she finally welcomed sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

Lanie was in a rush. Her alarm hadn't gone off this morning and she was running late. Very late. She tore through the apartment, looking for her misplaced phone. She must have checked each room three times over and when she'd given up on finding it on her own, she reluctantly decided to wake Kate.

She rapped a knuckle lightly on the door before she went ahead and swung it open.

"Kate, have you seen my-"

Her mouth clamped shut, swallowing the rest of the words. She quickly backed out of the room and shut the door as quietly as she could behind her. Lanie's hand rested on the door as she continued to face the dark wood in front of her, her mind still trying to process what she'd barged in on.

Finally, a slow smile crept across her face and she shook her head softly. Rick and Alexis hadn't gone home in the middle of the night like she'd assumed. No, for there they were, in bed with her best friend. It had looked so intimate, so right with Kate cocooned protectively in Rick's arms and Alexis tucked against her front. The panic of being late was long forgotten, replaced by a warmth that had blossomed within her.

Kate was home.

Xx

By late morning, the sunlight had found its way through the blinds to coax Kate from the arms of sleep. Consciousness came floating back to her lazily and she savored those few long moments it took to completely wake up, to allow the peace that had come with a sound sleep to evanesce.

She nestled her body closer to Rick's smiling softly to herself as she turned her head to look up at Rick's still sleeping face. Kate pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw, teasing a smile from those lips of his. The arms around her tightened, pulling her snug against him. Her body stiffened in response and Rick, realizing what he'd done, immediately released her, apologizing quickly.

"Sorry!"

"s'okay," Kate said softly. Her fingertips trailed lightly up and down the length of one arm. "Always a bit stiff in the mornings. It's not as bad as it's been."

Rick frowned and said nothing. Her pain, however better it may now be, still made him feel helpless. It was as though she was too fragile to handle, like the slightest upset would be her undoing. He couldn't help but be reminded of how close he came to losing it all. His heart clenched and he fought back the unwelcome thoughts. Rick nuzzled her hair, dropping a kiss of his own on the crown of her head.

"Sleep okay?"

Her fingers on his arm stilled for a second before resuming their dance.

"I did. How about you? Didn't crowd you out, did I?"

"Crowded out or not, it was the best sleep I've gotten in a while."

Kate turned her head to fix Rick with an assessing stare.

"You're having trouble sleeping?" She asked, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

"Aren't you?"

Kate's lips pressed together and she gave a half hearted shrug. She didn't want to burden Rick anymore than she already had but she knew he wouldn't see it that way. She'd come to realize that with Rick it was better to give him just a little if she was wanting to retain the better part of what she wished to keep private.

"Thought so."

Kate chose not to respond and reluctantly acknowledged that the blissful feeling upon her waking up was fading fast. The brief span of time in the morning upon awakening in which the bounds of reality had not quite set in yet had just about closed and Kate wished she could delay it indefinitely but she knew it was inevitable.

"I should probably get up. I've got a doctor's appointment today. What time is it?"

Rick rolled over to look at the clock on the nightstand before rolling back to face Kate.

"Nearly 9:30."

Kate's face paled.

"You're kidding."

"No, guess we all really needed the sleep.. What time did you think it was?"

"Shit," she muttered as she reached to pull the covers off. "Shit, shit, shit. I'm gonna be late."

As she continued to move off-wards off the bed, she was firmly blocked by Rick's still prone body. Kate could feel the body heat radiating under her hand on his chest. Suddenly, she was all to aware of the definite muscles of his chest, hidden by a shirt but unveiled by imagination. His amused, crooked grin that she found so charming didn't help matters any and made the close proximity that much more overwhelming.

She wondered if Rick had seen the flash of heat in her eyes because he moved in quick, capturing her lips in his. Her eyes fluttered shut and nearly all thoughts of time trickled away. As the kiss deepened, Kate had slowly sunk back down against the pillows and Rick leaned over her, one arm keeping his weight propped off of her.

One hand moved to cup the back of his neck as the other snaked around his side, tugging him closer. Then, as if finally remembering she was in a rush, her eyes flew open and she turned her head to the side, her breathing falling a little heavy in his ears.

"I'm going to be _very_ late."

Rick smiled down at her before pecking her quickly once more on the lips.

"I'll go start the coffee," he said, rolling away from her and off the bed.

Kate's eyes followed him as he left the room, a small smile still on her face. The hand that had only moments ago been fingering through his hair now ghosted across her lips, tingling with the electric memory of his lips on hers. Her hand fell from her lips, hitting the mass of comforter next to her with probably more force than necessary.

She released a sigh and finally worked herself up enough to get up, easing herself out of bed gently and stretching out the stiffness. Kate grimaced at the twinge and felt relieved that Rick was in the other room making coffee and not in here to witness her morning struggle. Her eyes glanced at the still sleeping mound on the opposite end of the bed and she felt the heat consume her cheeks. It was nothing in comparison to the embarrassment she would have felt if Alexis had actually woken up in the midst of it.

Kate tugged at her shirt which had bunched awkwardly and padded towards the bathroom, stopping to look down at Alexis. She reached out a hand a delicately swept the hair from the girl's face and smiled at her as her eyes blearily blinked open. They shut again and the small body huddled deeper in the cocoon she'd hollowed out as Kate turned to the bathroom.

She made to pull the door shut but it didn't quite make it and it inched open while Kate twisted the shower knobs. She shed the clothes quickly, dropping each article of clothing in an ever growing misshapen pile in the corner. The shower routine was sped up several notches in her hurry to make her appointment and she was in the middle of rinsing out the conditioner when she heard a knock at the door.

Rivets of water cascaded down her face and she stepped out from under the shower-head, one hand wiping down the length of her face as she stuck her head out of the shower to find Alexis' reflection in the mirror. She was leaning against the door, her head poking through the crack with her eyes comically squeezed shut.

"Kate?"

"What do you need, Lex?"

The door swung open a little wider, sending a draft of cold air in.

"I gotta go to the bathroom. Can I come in? My eyes are closed and I promise I won't peek."

Kate stifled a laugh as she released the shower curtain and stepped back under hot water.

"Sure thing."

Kate had rinsed the last of the conditioner out when she heard something clatter to the floor.

"Alexis-"

"Yeah?"

"You don't actually have to keep your eyes closed."

Kate wasn't sure if Alexis was trying to respect Kate's privacy or if it was the girl's own self consciousness, but she found it amusing that the girl had been so intent upon keeping her eyes closed that it resulted in her knocking stuff over.

Satisfied that no product lingered, Kate shut off the water. She stopped herself from getting out when she realized Alexis was still in the room, washing her hands.

"Alexis?"

The sound of the running faucet shut off.

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind handing me my towel? It should be on the counter."

Kate wrung her hair of excess water as she waited. The curtain was suddenly shoved aside and a towel appeared.

"This one?" Alexis asked, holding the towel out with one hand and clapping her eyes shut with the other.

Kate smiled at the over exaggeration and she took the proffered towel.

"Yes, thank you, sweet honey-child."

She quickly dried off and wrapped it around her before stepping out. Kate was standing in front of the sink, brushing her teeth when Alexis next spoke. Kate jumped at her voice. She thought Alexis had already left the bathroom; she hadn't seen her sitting against the side of the tub.

"God, I didn't see you there-you startled me," Kate said, a nervous hitch in her voice barely present.

"Sorry," Alexis apologized before repeating her earlier question. "I said, 'why do you call me that?'"

Kate spit into the sink and rinsed her toothbrush as she watched Alexis' reflection in the mirror.

"Call you what?"

"Honey child."

Kate turned. She adjusted the towel while she tried to gauge Alexis. Their relationship still felt so tentative and unsure, and she felt the need to question every little thing now, especially when it came to anticipating Alexis' feelings.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Slips out, I guess. Why, do you not like when I call you that?"

Alexis stared up at Kate, whose face was drawn in concern. She didn't understand why it meant something to her, that endearment in particular. Maybe it was because it was something she only heard from Kate on occasion and, for some reason, its rarity made her feel special. But, it no longer meant enough that it _felt_ special. She wanted to hear, to _know_ that it was special.

"Does it mean anything?"

Kate frowned slightly at the question, not understanding the heavy importance that was being placed on her response. She shook her head.

"No-"

Alexis' stomach dropped a little, disappointed to learn it was just one more insignificant thing to which she tried to attach meaning.

"It was just something my mom used to call me when I was little."

Alexis looked up as her heart simultaneously warmed to the sentiment. As Kate watched the emotions dance across Alexis' face, she felt relieved that she had managed to say the right thing.

"Oh," Alexis said, nodding slowly as she rose to her feet. "I like it."

There was another knock on the door and Kate turned to see Rick's hand sticking through the door, holding a coffee mug.

She stepped towards him and pulled the door open with one hand as she reached for the coffee with the other.

"Thanks, Rick," she said as she breathed in the heavenly aroma.

She chanced a sip and was pleased to find it had cooled just enough to be a degree or two below scalding. Coffee cup in hand, she brushed past Rick and set the mug on her vanity before starting to pull open drawers.

Kate selected a pair of jeans from a drawer and took a blouse from its hanger in her closet. She yanked open another drawer and scooped out some undergarments and started towards the bathroom. Rick hadn't moved from the doorway, watching on in amusement as Kate frantically rushed to avoid being late. Kate brushed past him, muttering something about time to herself.

Rick turned to say something only to have the door shut in his face. He glanced over at the vanity and saw the steaming mug sitting there. He gingerly picked it up, careful not to spill the still nearly full coffee. He knocked lightly on the door.

"You forgot your-"

The door opened mid sentence and a hand appeared, plucking the mug from Rick's grasp and the door was shut yet again.

"Coffee," Rick uttered, finishing the already forgotten sentence.

He looked at Alexis. Alexis looked at him. They shrugged their shoulders in unison.

Kate's muffled voice drifted through the door a few moments later.

"Rick, you guys don't have to wait on me. I'll call you after the appointment and let you know how it goes."

"We can just take you-" Rick started to say as the door was pulled open.

Kate swept her wet hair out from where it was tucked into her shirt.

"What? No, don't be ridiculous. You don't want to spend your morning at a hospital. _I _don't want to spend my morning at a hospital. You'll be bored, Alexis will be bored."

She turned away and back towards the mirror. Rick began to disagree but his argument was drowned out by the sudden noise of the blowdryer. He stepped inside the bathroom and raised his voice to be heard over the noise. Kate glanced over from where she'd been staring at her reflection, concentrated on drying her hair to where Rick now stood. She saw his mouth moving but couldn't hear a single word.

Her thumb slid the button to off and she stared at his reflection.

"What?"

Rick rolled his eyes. It was impossible to keep up with Kate on a mission and she was injured. He didn't know how he would attempt to keep up with her when she was back 100%.

"It's just a check up. It won't take long. Besides, we would like nothing more to spend the morning with you, hospital or no- right, Alexis?"

"Right," she said, affirming her response with a resolute nod of the head.

Kate shook her head but said nothing, turning the hair dryer back on. A few minutes later, Kate decided that was all she had left to spare. She hastily wrapped the cord around the dryer before tossing it back under the sink. She strode from the room, Alexis and Rick's heads simultaneously moving left and right as they tracked her walk back and forth across the room. Shoes. Phone. Jacket. Coffee.

She stood by the door with her hand over the light switch.

"Well, are you coming, or what?"

* * *

**A/N: been a while, I guess.. Things are beginning to look up for everyone.. Next chapter there'll be a bit of a time jump and we shall get things moving enough to get some closure and I will wrap this story up!**


	38. Chapter 38

**DISCLAIMER: I most definitely do not own Castle**

_**Penultimate chapter-**_

* * *

Kate checked in and was promptly directed to a room. She, Alexis and Rick were nearly there when they were stopped by a voice.

"There she is. I was beginning to think you were going to skip my appointment, Kate."

Kate, Rick and Alexis all looked over to see Dr. Grey scribbling something on a chart and snapping it shut before leaving it at the nurses' station. She smacked another doctor lightly on the arm and she started towards them, hands in her coat pockets.

Dr. Grey reached out and shook her hand and then Rick's.

"Nice to see you again. You're certainly looking better."

Kate smiled as she said, "Yeah, well I'm definitely feeling better, too."

Her eyes darted from her to the attractive doctor standing at her side.

"Oh, right!" Dr. Grey said, "this is-"

"Dr. Shepherd," he finished, holding out his hand. "Meredith's told me all about you, it's nice to put a face to the name, Kate."

He smiled widely before turning to shake Rick's hand.

"Richard Castle."

"Good to meet ya."

Rick had initially wanted to dislike him, even before he'd strolled over. He was a good looking guy with great hair- he hadn't missed the split second in which Kate had sized him up. But, he already found it difficult to hate the man with the easy going, friendly manner.

"So, were you a doctor on Kate's case or.. I don't remember seeing you.."

"Oh. No, I wasn't; Meredith was. I'm just.. Meredith is my.." He began to explain. "She's.. We're together."

Derek was looking at Dr. Grey as he said this, his eyes alight with mirth like there was some unspoken longstanding joke. Meredith rolled her eyes and Rick imagined that that's how it often was between them. He couldn't resist smiling as his eyes bounced between the two. The moment, whatever it was, didn't last long. Dr. Grey dropped the casual air of friends and assumed her professional mode.

"Well, Kate.. Should we get you checked out so you can get out of here?"

Dr. Grey stepped across the little circle they'd created and opened the door to the room, Kate following behind. Kate went to close the door but caught Alexis' eyes.

"You stayin' or comin'?"

Alexis dropped her father's hand and followed Kate without a second glance back.

Rick and Dr. Shepherd slipped into easy conversation and talked about this and that and everything in between. They stood nearly side by side, arms crossed against their chests as they watched their women through the window. Rick broke off mid sentence, distracted by Alexis whose face was lit up with laughter. He could hear her sweet laughter as if he were in the same room as her and his mouth curved upwards. Alexis hadn't been laughing enough this past week. It was good to see her happy.

"She's a cute kid."

Rick's train of thought derailed and he turned, remembering Dr. Shepherd.

"She is, isn't she. You got any kids?"

Dr. Shepherd gave a rueful shake of his head.

"Not yet. Someday, I hope."

"You and Meredith would make good parents."

Dr. Shepherd gave a warm laugh.

"Now, if only I could convince Meredith of that."

"She not want kids?" Rick asked, not able to get ahold of his bounding curiosity.

"Uhh.. It's complicated."

Rick nodded his head in understanding. "Isn't it always?"

"We'll get there, one day. I've got plans. House, marriage, kids," Dr. Shepherd told Rick matter of factly. "Just got to take those baby steps so she won't spook."

Rick met Dr. Shepherd's easy grin and was about to relay his similar sentiment when someone knocked into him from behind and pushed between the two men. Rick was surprised when he recognized her. It was Dr. Yang.

"Ah, how sweet. Mcdreamy's found a friend," she said with a sarcasm. "Mer in there?" she asked, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

"Yeah, but she's-"

Cristina spun on the first word and pulled the door open. The two men turned back to the window and watch as the blinds were pulled shut. They were open quickly after, barely long enough for Cristina to make a face and close them again.

"That would be Dr. Yang, our cardiothoracic surgeon here," Dr. Shepherd explained, thinking Rick hadn't yet made her acquaintance.

"I remember her quite well, actually. She butted heads with Kate a few times."

"Mm.. Must mean she likes her," Dr. Shepherd with a small smile. "Might even want to be careful- they might be trying to recruit her into the Twisted Sisters club as we speak.. I'd always wondered if it was exclusive..maybe not.."

"The, uh..Twisted Sisters?"

15 minutes later, Rick felt he had more than an adequate picture that extended far past the Twisted Sisters alone. Stress, sex, surgery. The life of a doctor.

Well, a doctor at this hospital, anyway.

"I had no idea hospitals were so scandalous," Rick said in a sort of shell shocked surprise.

Dr. Shepherd flashed a sardonic grin. "Not all hospitals; just this one."

The door opened and Rick and Dr. Shepherd both looked over to see Meredith and Cristina laughing as they filed out, Kate and Alexis trailing behind. Kate thanked each one again and looked to Rick, waiting to see if he was also ready to go.

When Rick caught her eye and realized she was waiting on him, he gave a slight jump and extended his right hand. "Right, well, it was really nice chatting with you, Dr. Shepherd. And thanks again for everything you've done," he said, turning to address Dr. Grey.

He placed a hand in the small of Kate's back, nearly turning to go when Dr. Shepherd crouched down so he was eye level with Alexis.

"I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful birthday, Alexis. You've got a great year ahead of you, I can just tell."

His contagious grin spread until Alexis' own mouth was turned upwards in a toothy smile. She placed her small hand in his outstretched palm and thanked him politely. She turned to face her father who wore a small smile of his own. He was impressed Dr. Shepherd had remembered her birthday from an offhanded comment he'd made earlier and that he'd even thought to personally wish his daughter a happy one.

"You guys should stop by, there'll be food and drinks.. It's in about four weeks- we're shooting for August 21st at my place-"

"Wish I could, but I cant," Cristina said distractedly, reading her flashing pager clipped on her waistband. She turned and started striding through the hallway, calling over her shoulder. "Hope you get all the cake and presents you want, little Red."

Dr. Grey turned back to face Rick and Kate, already explaining. "She eat, breathes and sleeps cardio. But, uh," she glanced at Dr. Shepherd who gave a nearly imperceptible nod of his head. "We'll try and drop by if we can."

"Perfect! I'll forward you the details as soon as everything is set."

"Dr. Shepherd-"

Dr. Shepherd turned to face the intern ambling towards him, quite obviously unsure of himself. Realizing social time was over, Rick and Kate bid final goodbyes and turned to leave.

With Alexis in the middle and Kate and Rick holding a hand on either side, the three exited the hospital, swinging their arms.

"What next?" Alexis chirped.

_What next,_ Kate thoughts echoed, _what next, indeed. _

Xx

Looking down at her wrist watch, Kate noted it was nearly time. She flipped the magazine closed and tossed it on the pile in the middle of the coffee table. She'd unfolded her legs and was in the process of standing up when she heard the door open.

She smiled. Kate's timing was impeccable.

Alexis came running around the corner and Kate bent over to pick her up.

"Did you have a good session, Lex?"

Alexis' eyes were bright as she nodded her head enthusiastically.

Kate beamed. "Good, I'm happy that-"

Kate's sentence went unfinished as she became distracted by the presence of someone else.

"Dr. Burke," she greeted almost stiffly.

"Good to see you again, Kate."

Kate acknowledged him with a nod of her head and busied herself with smoothing out Alexis' dress.

"I'd like to speak with you for a moment, if that's alright."

Again, she nodded her head and set Alexis on her feet, dropping a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"Why don't you go sit on the chair over there? I think there's even a _Highlights_ magazine to look at."

Alexis agreed easily and settled into the plush navy armchair.

Satisfied that Alexis was okay, Kate traipsed into Dr. Burke's office. She stood in front of the armchair and waited as Dr. Burke closed the door and settled comfortably in his chair.

"How've you been?" He asked smoothly.

It'd been a couple weeks since Kate had quit his therapy sessions and she felt like she was stepping back in time. The room hadn't changed, the cadence in which he spoke, unhurried and gentle, hadn't changed, her instantaneous urge to shut down and raise her barriers hadn't changed either. He'd only asked her how she'd been and she was on the defensive.

"Fine."

"Ah, yes. You're always fine," he replied with a smile.

She opened her mouth to argue and he quickly held up a hand to stop her.

"I didn't ask to speak with you to call up old disagreements. I was hoping Rick would be the one to pick her up today, but as he's given me permission to disclose anything I would tell him, I will just have to tell you instead."

Kate's defenses lowered, if only slightly. Dr. Burke has been good for Alexis these past few weeks and Kate wasn't too proud to set aside her own judgements to approach anything he had to say regarding her girl.

"I think, uh.. I think my work here is done."

Kate stared at him, not understanding.

"You mean today was her last session? Do you think she's ready to end counseling completely?"

She stared at him intently, waiting for his answer. Alexis had come a long way, certainly, but was she really ready to finish these sessions with Dr. Burke? A mental image of Alexis three weeks ago, emotionally all over the place- up and down and back around- and she worried there'd be regression if she stopped too soon.

Dr. Burke gave her a knowing look. "She's ready, Kate. The question is, are you?"

Kate's throat was dry and she swallowed hard.

"Of course I am."

She felt his assessing gaze and she bristled under the scrutiny.

"I'm ready."

"Good."

Kate turned towards the door and was turning the knob as he spoke.

"Alexis is sweet, and so damn precocious."

Her hand paused, but she didn't turn around.

"I don't know if I've ever met a child quite as self aware and so concerned with such adult problems. She's a great kid. And Rick- he's a good guy, Kate. They're-"

She looked over her shoulder and fixed her eyes on his. "I'm not going anywhere."

Undeterred by her interruption, Dr. Burke ignored her comment and finished his thought.

"They're lucky to have you."

Tears threatened as he'd cut to the deepest, rawest insecurity she'd been battling.

Was she good enough for those she loved?

"No. I'm the lucky one."

She pulled the door open and stepped out into the hallway, releasing a big sigh and swiping a finger under her eyes.

"Don't do that, Kate."

Kate couldn't help but glance back over her shoulder even though all she wanted was to take the couple steps to safety.

"Don't sell yourself short. You deserve to be happy. They make you happy. Alexis and Rick deserve to be happy. You make them happy. It's a simple as that."

The muscles in Kate's neck rippled as she swallowed the rising emotion.

"Thank you," she said before she took those few beckoning steps and felt the vulnerability dissipate at the sight of Alexis' smiling face.

"Ready to go, honey? We gotta get you back so you're not late for your own party!"

She scooped Alexis up from the chair and her little arms instantly wrapped around her neck and her feet locked around Kate's waist.

"Were you crying? Is something the matter, Kate?" she asked as they walked down the stairwell to the parking lot.

Kate shook her head at Alexis' frowning face.

"Nothing, honey. I'm just happy," she told her with a watery smile.

"Oh. Me too. I'm happy, too."

Kate's smile widened and she kissed the girl's cheek.

"Yeah, you are. It's your birthday and you're probably thinking about all the presents you're going to get aren't you?" she teased, pulling the car keys from her pocket and unlocking the doors.

"Nooo," Alexis giggled. "That's not why I'm happy."

"Oh, no?" Kate questioned as she leaned over and helped buckle her belt into place. "Is it because you don't have to see Dr. Burke anymore?"

"Yes..But, noo!"

"Well, then what is it, little Miss?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders a little and smiled a little wider. "I'm just happy 'cause you're here to pick me up today and not daddy."

Kate laughed. "Ohhoo, wait until I tell your father you said that!"

Alexis' eyes widened and she squealed. "No! I didn't mean it like that! Don't tell him I said that! I just meant you surprised me, daddy was supposed to pick me up but you did. I like surprises!"

Kate grinned and said, "Good, 'cause I've got a little surprise for you."

She shut the door quickly and walked to her side of the car, glancing at her wristwatch.

If she was fast, they would have time to make the quick stop before heading to the loft for Alexis' party.

"Where are we?" Alexis asked, looking out the window as Kate threw the gears into park.

"It's a surprise, isn't it?"

Alexis continued to stare out the window and figure out what store they were parked in front of.

Her door opened and Kate leaned it and released the seat belt.

"C'mon, kiddo. We gotta be quick," she said as she held out a hand and Alexis jumped down to take it.

She shut the car door and locked it before tugging Alexis into a shop. To Alexis' surprise, it wasn't the big store they'd stopped in front of that had a lot of people coming in and out. It was the one next door, a tiny hole in the wall place stuffed with odds and ends, eclectic trinkets and the like.

Alexis' breath caught as her eyes bounced from object to object. There was so much! There were shelves extending awkward and irregularly from the walls, bigger objects piled on the ground, in the corners, all sorts of things spilling out and over the expanse of the tiny shop.

"What is this place?" She asked Kate.

Kate didn't respond but continued to pull her towards the counter where an elderly woman was manning the cash register.

"Hi," Kate greeted warmly. "Is it ready yet?"

"It is," the woman said with a broad smile, reaching a hand under the counter and pulling something out.

She placed it on the counter. It was a tiny box wrapped in pale purple wrapping paper with a tiny ribbon crisscrossing around it and knotted in a tiny bow. Kate took the box in her free hand and thanked the woman who only smiled and looked at Alexis.

"Is this her?"

"Yes it is," Kate replied as she shook Alexis' hand and flashed her a smile.

"Kate has told me all about you. You're every bit as cute as she said you were."

Alexis' pale cheeks flushed and she quietly thanked her.

"Polite, too. My, she is lovely, isn't she?" She asked turning back to Kate.

"That she is. We gotta get going, she's got a party that can't start without her."

The woman nodded her head understandingly and smiled.

"Happy birthday, Alexis. Hope you get everything you wish for!"

As they approached the car, Kate handed her the gift.

"It's just something small, Alexis, but I hope you like it."

Alexis looked at the small box in her hand and back up at Kate.

"It's so pretty."

Kate laughed. "You haven't even opened it yet! How do you know if it's pretty?"

Alexis just continued to stare at the present in her hand, almost as if she were afraid to open it.

"Well, you gonna open it now or you wanna wait to open it with all the others?"

Alexis thought for a few seconds before finally saying, "I wanna wait."

"Okay then," Kate said as she helped Alexis into her car.

On the drive home, Alexis chattered away. She'd been talking about her birthday party for the past 5 days straight and how excited she was and who she was going to invite and what kind of cake she wanted, and the presents she hoped to get. This party had been nearly two weeks in the making- Rick had poured all his effort into making this birthday memorable, something he strived to do with each and every one. Kate had helped when she was able, but she'd been kept busy with physical therapy and getting well enough to be cleared for work again.

So, all the planning, the shopping, the catering, the invitations, the set up had fallen to Rick. Kate apologized frequently and couldn't shake the guilt for not playing a bigger role in Alexis' birthday extravaganza but Rick hadn't complained once. He enjoyed orchestrating everything, planning each detail and ironing out a few surprises in between all of Kate's physical therapy appointments and Alexis' counseling sessions. Picking up Alexis today had been one of the only instances in which Kate felt she'd actually been of any help and as they rode the elevator up to the loft, their was an air of anticipation; today was supposed to be a great day.

It was Alexis' birthday.

Alexis had finished therapy.

And Kate had a surprise of her own.

Xx

Nearly five hours later, the party was finally winding down. Alexis came bounding down the stairs, hair flying, and bowled right into Kate's legs. She laughed as she looked down and rubbed Alexis' back.

"Having fun, kiddo?"

"Yeah!" Alexis answered breathlessly as she let go of Kate's legs and instead raised them to be picked up.

Kate swung her up and Rick tutted his disapproval. She rolled her eyes and wondered when he was going to get over himself.

"Rick, it's fine. Therapist gave me the okay to do heavy lifting last week."

He shook his head and said, "She's too old to be picked up now."

"No I'm not!" Alexis cried, turning in Kate's arms to smack her dad.

"Yeah, you don't say that when she wants you to hold her!" Kate argued.

"Well, she hasn't wanted me to hold her since you've been given the okay!"

"Oh," Kate said, nodding thoughtfully. "So, that's what this is about. You're jealous, aren't you?"

"What, jealous? Me? Never!"

Kate pursed her lips as she gave him a look.

"So, where are all your friends, Lex?" She asked, bouncing Alexis in her arms.

"In my room, playing!"

"Why aren't you up there with them?"

"I'm tired. I don't wanna play anymore," Alexis answered her father as she rested her head on Kate's shoulder.

"Think we should wrap up this party then, pumpkin?"

Alexis nodded her head once.

"Well, then.." Rick's voice trailed off before booming loudly, "Cake and present time!'

Only a few seconds later, there was the sound of kids feet pounding down the stairs as they all raced to be first and even the adults began trickling in from the living room where they'd been socializing.

They sang and Alexis blew out the six candles on her Brave themed cake with her eyes screwed shut as she concentrated on her wish. Everyone clapped and Rick removed the candles and began divvying up the cake. As he leaned over Alexis' shoulder to give her the first slice, his hand "slipped" and icing was smeared across her face.

"Daddy!"

"Rick!"

Their simultaneous reprimands made him smile and he resumed handing out the slices of cake to the rest of the guests.

Once everyone was finished eating cake, they piled into the living room to open presents. Alexis crawled into Kate's lap and a gift from an excited Paige was thrust in her lap.

"Open this one! Open mine first!"

There was a knock at the door as Alexis was unwrapping it and Rick passed the camera to his mom to answer it. When he came walking back in some minutes later, Kate did a double take.

"Meredith! What a surprise. I thought you said you would be in Paris and couldn't make it," Kate said with a frozen smile.

"Yeah, well, plans change!"

Meredith crossed the room, her heels clacking on the hardwood floor. She stopped to greet a few old friends who'd brought their kids.

Though Alexis looked up, she made no move to get off Kate's lap or otherwise acknowledge her mother. She continued to open up the presents from her dad and her grams and her friends and even one that Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd had dropped off earlier until Kate's was the only one left.

"I saved the best one for last!" Alexis told Kate with a big grin.

Kate smiled and kissed her temple.

"Well, go on! Open it!"

Alexis tore off the paper in excitement and under the wrapping paper was an old looking jewelry box. She glanced up at Kate and then over at her dad, not even seeing the look her mother was directing at Kate.

When she popped open the box, there was a delicate charm inside. Alexis carefully removed the delicate charm and held it in the palm of her hand for inspection. It was a tiny bear wrapped around a jar of something. The jar had tiny writing etched across it. Alexis inspected it closely and her friends crowded in circling so tightly around, Kate could no longer see it.

"It's a bear," Alexis finally said, her head poking up from the huddle.

"Yeah," Kate agreed with a bob of her head. "You know what he's got a pot of?"

Alexis shook her head.

"What does Winnie the Pooh always eat in the stories we read? The sticky sweet stuff?"

"Honey!"

"That's right. And you know what the little writing says on it?"

"Uhm.." Alexis said, looking down again to scrutinize further.

A moment later, one of the older siblings of Alexis' friend blurted. "Child! It says child!"

Alexis immediately looked to Kate for confirmation. There was a large smile painted across her face.

"Honey child! That's what you call me, Kate!"

She launched herself at Kate and hugged her tightly.

"This is the best present _EVER!"_

"Hey!" Rick chimed in. "What about all those my little ponies you asked for that I got you?!"

There was a wave of laughter throughout the room amongst the adults.

"Oh, just wait. My gift is going to blow both of yours right out of the water!"

A few heads-including Rick's and Kate's- turned to Meredith who pulled out a envelope from her bag. To Kate's utter irritation, Meredith sank into the couch next to her, crowding out a few kids in the process. She handed Alexis the plain white envelope with her name scribbled across it.

Alexis took it gingerly and slowly opened the envelope.

Two pieces of paper slipped from the envelope and into her lap and Alexis turned them over to see what was printed on them.

She turned to look up at Kate. "What do they say?"

Kate leaned over Alexis' shoulder and her eyes widened and she looked over at Rick.

"They're.. tickets to Paris."

"Tickets to Paris!" Meredith cried simultaneously.

Rick felt his jaw go slack and he looked from Kate to Meredith.

"We didn't discuss this, Meredith!"

"Oh, relax, Rick. I could have just gone ahead and nabbed her for a weekend without asking, but I thought this you'd like better. Besides, I had a feeling you'd get all weird about it so I went ahead and reserved you a ticket, too. How exciting will this be?" She trilled as she turned to her daughter.

There were awkward coughs around the room and the atmosphere noticeably tensed. Within a span of ten minutes, the guests had one by one excused themselves from the "lovely" party until it was only Meredith, Martha, Rick, Alexis and Kate.

Martha took one look at the scene before excusing herself, too.

"Well, uh. I think I hear a bottle of wine in the kitchen calling my name.."

Anticipating a coming argument, Kate nudged Alexis off her lap. "Why don't you go jump in the shower and start getting ready for bed?"

"Will you come with me, Kate?"

Kate ignored the daggers Meredith was flashing her, and focused on Rick who silently told her it'd be better that way.

Kate allowed Alexis to tug her to her feet and she followed her up the stairs. Roughly half an hour later, Kate heard the faint slam of a door and she glanced down at Alexis' face. She was sound asleep. Kate brushed a kiss across her forehead and slowly rose from her bed. She found Rick in the kitchen, talking with Martha.

"Can you believe her?"

Martha got out another wine glass and topped herself off before pouring her son a generous glass of wine. He snatched the stem and nearly sent the liquid over the edge with the momentum. He took a deep gulp and set it back down.

Kate answered his question with a question. "When are they for?"

"It doesn't matter 'cause we're not going."

"I think you should."

Rick lowered the glass of wine he'd just picked up again.

"You do?"

"Yeah, it'll be good for everyone, I think. It's an opportunity. Alexis should get to travel a bit, you guys will have lots of fun. Just think- she starts school that following Monday and then doing anything like that will be a bit more difficult."

"I think she makes a good point, Richard. It wasn't all that bad of a gift, really. Just a bit overdone and unexpected.. Then again, it is Meredith we're talking about. Just be glad she didn't take Alexis for a "day out in the city" and gone ahead and taken her to Paris instead."

Rick sighed.

"It _is_ only 11 days."

Kate wandered over to where Rick stood hunched over the island. She leaned in and rubbed his back.

"It'll be good."

"Yeah..and I'll get online first thing tomorrow to book your ticket as well."

Kate's hand froze on his back.

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm sure as hell not going without you and Alexis is not going without me.."

"Rick.."

He straightened and turned to face Kate. A hand settled on one of her hips and his eyes locked on hers.

"Why not, Kate?"

"I'm, uh.. I'm just gonna take my glass of wine into the other room," Martha said, though no one paid much mind. She took a few steps away from the kitchen but quickly turned around and snatched the bottle, too.

"I go back to work the 30th, Rick. I can't go to Paris."

Rick's hand withdrew. "Work? Since when have you decided you're going back?"

"I was going to tell you tonight, after the party but then this whole thing.. My physical therapist gave me the final okay today, said I can start back in a week."

"I don't understand why you're going back in the first place."

"It's my _job_."

"You don't need a job!"

Kate scoffed. "Of course I do!"

"Kate, I'm Richard Castle! I make more than enough to support us- comfortably!"

"It's not all about the money! It's what I do, it's who I am. I _want_ to go back and you should want that for me too, Rick," she said softly as she placed a hand on his cheek.

"Can you promise you won't get hurt again?"

"Rick-"

He pulled away from her touch.

"Can you?"

Kate sighed and her arm fell to her side. "No."

"Then you're not going back," he said fiercely.

"It isn't your choice to make."

"The hell it isn't! I can't go through any of that again, Kate! It'll kill me. And it will kill _you_."

Kate shook her head. "You're being ridiculous. We can talk about this later."

Kate stepped around him and scooped up her light jacket off the back of a kitchen chair.

"I'm sleeping at mine tonight."

"Kate-"

She looked up from digging her keys out of her purse to see his upset expression. Kate closed the distance and kissed him soundly on the lips.

"It's alright, Rick. We're alright. I think we both just need a bit of space, we've been together nearly 24/7 and maybe some space is what we need, remember who we are on our own, yeah?"

"You're choosing _now_ to listen to Dr. Burke? The advice you scoffed at only a couple weeks ago?"

"Maybe he was right to say what he did. Maybe he had a point. We got so caught up in the aftermath of the incident and relying on each other so much so that we didn't work through it on our own. It was like treating the symptoms but not the problem. I can't remember who I was before Josh, Rick. And all I see now is us, together. Paris will be a good. It's only ten days."

"A lot can change in ten days."

"Not us," Kate said confidently. "Nothing can change how I feel for you, Rick, or how I feel about us. But, I've got some stuff I've got to work through- ten days- that's all I ask- ten days to get my feet on the ground and my head in the game."

Rick didn't look at her.

"Is this because I said I didn't want you going back to work? Is that it?"

"No! Well.. yes, I guess a little," Kate admitted. "Something Dr. Burke said when I picked up Alexis earlier got me thinking though, and the work thing kinda reinforced it."

"What did he say?"

"It's not important," she said quickly. "But everything is fine, Rick. We're good."

He still refused to look at her so Kate took his chin between her fingers and tilted his head down at her. She lifted herself on her toes and press her lips to his. He didn't want to at first, but he eventually gave in and kissed her back-fervently. Rick's kiss was filled with desperation but Kate's was of love and reassurance. She tempered his distress fueled passion and gave him something else instead.

When they broke apart and Kate opened her eyes, she found Rick's blue ones already focused on her. The worry was gone. There was acceptance now. Understanding, maybe. He leaned in and kissed her again. Slower, softer.

His hands looped around her waist and pulled her close. She sighed into the kiss and when he pulled away, the longing tore at her.

"We're good."

He smiled.

She smiled.

They were all good.


End file.
